The end of 2018 has snuck up on us all, marking the dawn of another new year. No doubt you are currently transfixed by the fireworks celebrations and the general New Year festivities, but what better way to genuinely celebrate the planet completing another successful solar orbit than by flicking through a particularly festive, winter-themed Issue 2? It will be a hoot, I promise you that. And don't worry, despite the given name of our magazine, no trees were actually harmed in the making of this issue.
In the warm, cosy cottage an exhausted Mr. Pomander finally collapsed into his recliner to watch Mognetflix with a modest helping of kupo nuts. Suddenly, the channel changed to Chocolina’s Hot and Cold. Perplexed, the lounging moogle turned his head to find that Billy Beakface had let himself in again and was pecking at the television remote.
“Get out!” spat Mr. Pomander.
“Kweh-he-he” responded the chocobo, smirking through his beak.
“Kupo! Why did I bother rescuing you, you ungrateful bird?!”
It was fast approaching the first Christmas Mr. Pomander would spend alone since his wife's unhappy end in the jaws of a behemoth. The Pomanders had untangled the playful chocobo from some brambles on that fateful day after discovering the bird within range of a behemoth den… That this charitable act cost Mr. Pomander the love of his life forever tormented him. He felt burdened by grief and regret.
Yet the bird which followed him home that day had been an...
The Final Fantasy XIV Fanfest is back in town - in Las Vegas at least - and naturally it's time for Yoshi-P to face an adoring crowd to announce that Final Fantasy XIV Immortal will be released for mobile devi [checks script] no, that didn't happen. They announced the MMO's third expansion, FFXIV 5.0 Shadowbringers. This expansion will follow the usual two-year rule set by the previous two expansions, so expect an approximate release window of June 2019.
Square Enix held a special livestream dedicated to Final Fantasy XV, now near its second anniversary. Fans of the game in time zones during slightly less antisocial hours of the day tuned in with fervent attention to see how the promised second season pass and the accompanying four DLC episodes of the game were shaping up. Things were looking good going into the event from the public's perspective. Chief antagonist Ardyn was about to take the spotlight with his own DLC episode, followed by an Aranea side story and two extra episodes dedicated to Lunafreya and Noctis. What could possibly go wrong?
We are gathered here today to mourn and celebrate the life of Herman, a gallant and noble feline, whom was cruelly taken from us in his prime. Though we have not been with Herman for long, his infectious, joyous spirit will always linger in the air and remain permanently affixed to our hearts.
sAvaGE gIAnT fEliNe tHrEaTEnS tErriFIeD yOuNg wOmAn
And we're back after a seemingly endless two-month period of absence. Good lord, was it an eventful last two months. We truly copped an earful from the broadcasting studio for that last episode. I in particular was carted in front of the studio head, who spent the next hour or so berating me about the "crass, completely inappropriate content" I was putting out, because an episode all about an obese blue woman sleeping with multiple men and birthing a pair of hellspawn is ostensibly not what they want children to see. Exactly why any child would be watching at all is beyond me, because we all know children are too busy hurling racial abuse while playing multiplayer matches of FIFA or Fortnite.
The Nibelheim Incident is a fan-written Final Fantasy VII novella by Scottish author M.J. Gallagher. Accompanied with captivating illustrations by Crimson Sun and a stunning cover by AJ Hateley, the story of arguably the most important scene in the Final Fantasy franchise is creatively retold. The Nibelheim Incident is a behemoth undertaking (comprised of over 200 pages). Presented in conjunction with KupoCon, attendees at ‘Pomathon’ (Birmingham, 8th September 2018) received digital and limited print copies of the book.
It is almost time to close off the Xehanort saga once and for all. As promised, the full Tokyo Game Show trailer for Kingdom Hearts III is available and grants us an expanded look into the world of Big Hero 6 and the film's protagonists you will be fighting with, from Hiro to Go Go to Baymax. Also revealed is the official boxart for the game, which covers the entire ensemble cast of heroes spanning from across the entirety of the franchise thus far.
Square-Enix want to make it up to Nintendo console fans. For too long they've been starved of Final Fantasy releases and with the exploding popularity of the Nintendo Switch and the very recent success of Octopath Traveler, perhaps now is the time to once again bless Nintendo with a considerable catalogue of ports. These range from core mainline entries to a few lesser known spin-off titles.
Does anyone remember The Last Remnant? It released in 2008 exclusively for the Xbox 360 (and PC shortly after) and was one of the very few HD JRPGs actually released by Square Enix during the previous generation. While the game is now no longer available on Steam, a remastered version for PlayStation 4 was announced and is scheduled to release digitally on the 6th of December this year in western territories.
Fans of the Tales of series may already know that long time series producer, Hideo Baba, left Bandai Namco following Tales of Zestiria to found and lead a new development studio under Square Enix's wing. The new Studio Istolia is currently working on a brand new original fantasy RPG tentatively titled Project Prelude Rune for the PlayStation 4 and as of this year's Tokyo Game Show, finally demonstrated a short sample of what the game and its main protagonist will look like.
For those of you unaware, Left Alive is a survival action shooter worked on by veteran leads such as Toshifumi Nabeshima (of Armored Core fame); Takayuki Yanase, who designed many mechs over the years, such as the ones in Mobile Suit Gundam 00 and Ghost in the Shell: Arise; and Yoji Shinkawa, whose distinctive artwork is recognised by many a fan of the Metal Gear Solid games. It serves as a spiritual successor to the Front Mission games, exchanging tactical RPG gameplay for a tactical shooter affair.
Does anyone remember Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles? It was a primarily multiplayer-based spinoff cult classic for the Nintendo Gamecube. Due to technological limitations at the time that required the need for four wired Game Boy Advances to hook to the console for that 4-player experience, the game was lost to time until now. With the era of ubiquitous online multiplayer gaming, Square Enix are bringing this multiplayer spinoff back with a remastered version, for both PS4 and the Nintendo Switch.
Though we have known for a while that Big Hero 6 will be one of the playable worlds in Kingdom Hearts III along with fellow newcomers such as Tangled, Toy Story, Monsters Inc and Frozen, we've yet to actually see any footage of this world until now. With the Tokyo Game Show just around the corner, Square Enix Japan have released a new short teaser trailer. In it we are introduced to Hiro and Baymax of the film, other characters in the game's other worlds and of course, the overarching villains of the entire franchise.
"My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba."
Readers may remember I read out reprinted an email from a lovely man named Ben Dover last week. He wrote to complain about the conspicuous lack of hugs, kisses and sex on our show. When he accosted me on the street, I calmly explained to Mr Dover this is a family-friendly web programme as we don't want to risk those impressionable kids taking a break from playing Fortnite for just two minutes to watch our content and walk away with the wrong idea. Mr Dover looked furious and I was convinced he was priming to swing a knuckle sandwich in my direction, so I responded by curling into a foetal position and sobbing. Mr Dover just looked understandably baffled.
Believe it or not, we do get emails and social media messages about our Sims show. Ideally feedback and messages of either joy or outrage reach Mitsuki first and foremost, but I've disgracefully also been granted the job of reading and replying to all our fans. What do I look like? A PR representative with actual experience in the field? But we'll worry about that in a moment. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to yet another installment of our virtual circus, where we put ourselves in the world of The Sims 4 and see which of us is first to end up on the Grim Reaper's list.
This fire is out of control, I'm gonna burn this teddy, burn this teddy...
Woo! The weekend beckons and as usual we are back with the third installment of our elaborate social experiment. If you've already experienced the action in the preceding two episodes, you know the drill by now. One adult, with assistance from another adult in designing these death traps you call affluent Californian homes, spends up to an hour of her time streaming a load of inane madness on Twitch while an audience of more adults drop what they're doing and inexplicably decide to watch. Another adult, perhaps the most daftest of them all, decides to closely chronicle the lives of these virtual mental patients housemates and see what we as a society can learn from their trials and tribulations.
Welcome back to another installment of FFF Sims Lifestream, as narrated by yours truly, and streamed & directed by the same anonymous Californian resident from before. If you have just joined us, this is a special site feature where we run a social experiment using hapless virtual guinea pigs to see what happens when you re-enact Love Island or Big Brother or any similar reality TV show but with considerably more intelligent contestants.
If this isn't considered cannibalism, then we have collectively failed as a society.
Welcome to FFF Sims Lifestream, brought to you by a semi-regular Twitch stream and from an inconspicuous Californian home. The FFF Sims Lifestream is an auspicious social experiment using EA's The Sims 4 to see what fresh, fascinating new insights can be gained pertaining to the human condition, though personally I believe it will simply be an ominous confirmation of the fact that the human race is a mistake.
E3 season is upon us. For many, this is a momentous occasion. An annual ritual like no other. A period of sheer glee where we can bask in child-like wonder and speculate on what Santa Claus will bring come his next visit. Few companies inspire this essence of wondrous nirvana like Square Enix, a company with a history of igniting pure, unadulterated excitement while barely saying anything of substance. Square Enix can drive a fan crazy like few other major corporations can, besides maybe Apple. So unsurprisingly, when they announced in the run-up to this year's E3 that they have a press conference for the first time since 2015, auspiciously touting it "the next chapter is about to begin", expectations soared.