Serious The deal breaker

Rydia

Rydia

Throwing rocks at emo kids
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So you are in a relationship, this person seems perfect for you in almost every way. But then you find out something that would completely prevent you from wanting to spend the rest of your life with this person. What would it be? And don't worry about sounding shallow. Also, obviously no one would want to spend the rest of their life with a nasty person or a serial killer so try to avoid putting things like those down =P

For me:

Not wanting children. I have always wanted to be a mother and I could not marry and be happy with someone who did not want kids. I believe that couples need to have the same goals in life. If it turned out that my husband was infertile, well that's a different story and we could always adopt, foster, or try other fertility methods. And if we still could never raise a child, I'd be ok because it would be devastating for both of us and not just me. My family has a lot of kids too so I need a husband who likes children. John and I have talked about this and we are both on the same page. If either of us have fertility issues, we will look into adoption. We also realize that we will be possibly in for a long wait, need a lot of money, and may exeperience heart break.

Not wanting a dog. This one is so so. I think I could suck it up if my husband didn't want a dog. But it would be hard. I figured that I would work at an animal shelter if this was the case. John is ok getting a dog, though he doesn't want one while we are living in an apartment.
 
Hmmm My relationship deal breakers are:

Spending too much time with friends and not me.
Now i don't mean like "you can't see friends you have to spend every night with me" I just mean like every weekend is with friends, most week nights with friends. My Sam isn't like this anymore (he used to be) but I look at a lot of his friends and how they treat their girlfriends and how little time they spend and it makes me sad. I don't think I could be second best like that.

Ex girlfriends:
this is a big issue for me, I am not a fan of people who hang out with ex's and if my bf started doing this again like he used to (he used to hang with them on his own on weekends) I think I would break it off with him. its not like i want them to shun them when they see an ex at a party or something but no going over to their house or hanging out alone!

Treating me like shit:
I cannot stand being spoken to like I am an idiot or a piece of dirt, I think if my BF did this to me it would prove I meant nothing to him.

Laziness:
Someone who is not willing to share the household chores or help around the house and leaves me to do it all is also someone I am not happy to be with

and for the lulz, obviously if they were a murderer... pedo....or something creepy like that it would be a big no :P
 
Having Children as well. When I first got with my ex, he was a notorious womanizer on the forums. Everybody loved him and he loved everybody. I managed to deter him into a monogamous relationship but our future was dim. He had a very bad outlook on marriage (from what he was surrounded by at home and what he grew up with) and never really interacted with children, they scared him. So with my neices he was just.. "ahhh!!"

So finding somebody who can have those same goals as me, because if someone has to sacrifice their dreams (and marriage and kids are two VERY big dreams) then it's not fair. I realized this in the end despite everything that it was for the best.

Umm.. other than that not much comes to mind. Being a social butterfly is pretty feh for me. I like to stay in with family and friends, so I'd like to have someone with a similar outlook.
 
If they wanted children really badly, it would actually be a deal breaker for me, because I don't want children at all. I don't want the ingratitude, the selfishness or the bother, really because I'm someone who likes... chaos, and spontaneous decisions, and I'd need a partner with that too. Children ground you, bring you down to earth. Force you to mature in a way you've never matured before and become a parent.

Someone who expected me to give up gaming or sports. Obviously there's a certain amount of time you have to spend with a partner, but I couldn't give up these things altogether. They give me enjoyment.

Someone who didn't want a dog or a cat would be a soso like Rydia. I'm an animal lover, and I'd love a dog or a cat when I get my own place.
 
1) Wanting children: To me, children are bad. I don't like the concept of me ever having a kid. I hate kids, I really do. So if they ever want to have children, I'm probably going to pull a NOPE.AVI and 180 the fuck out of there. No problems with marriage, but I'll be damned if I have a kid.

2) Hardcore Christian: No problems with dating Christians at all. However, if they go all loopy on me way day, and try to convince me to "let Jesus in" my heart, I'm done. That shit just sounds annoying when I hear it from other people. Hearing it from my lover would only make it seem worse.

3) Liking Twilight: I'mma laugh and break up on the spot.

4) Too clingy: There is nothing worse than a woman that is far to clingy. "Where are you at?" "What are you doing?" "Why didn't you answer the phone when I called?" I wanted a relationship, not a grilling when I signed up for a relationship.

5) Doesn't like my friends: Bro's before hos. :mokken:

6) Wants to "change" or "fix" me: That, no matter what the woman has planned, is not happening. I'm me, and I fucking love who I am. I'm not changing for anyone.

7) Constantly bitching: Not to imply that all women do this, but from my experience, I've not had much luck finding a woman that isn't always riding my ass. From, "stop playing video games", to "stop hanging out with your friends", or even more insignificant things like, "why do you never do things with me" despite the fact that I would blow whole paychecks spending time on them. Yeah, it's annoying.


Trust me, I've got many more, but I probably look like a huge shallow ass right now. :rofl:
 
Rydia said:
Not wanting children. I have always wanted to be a mother and I could not marry and be happy with someone who did not want kids. I believe that couples need to have the same goals in life. If it turned out that my husband was infertile, well that's a different story and we could always adopt, foster, or try other fertility methods. And if we still could never raise a child, I'd be ok because it would be devastating for both of us and not just me. My family has a lot of kids too so I need a husband who likes children. John and I have talked about this and we are both on the same page. If either of us have fertility issues, we will look into adoption. We also realize that we will be possibly in for a long wait, need a lot of money, and may exeperience heart break.
Click to expand...
This. I don't think it sounds shallow, I think it's a perfectly reasonable reason to not want to stay in a relationship with someone. I'm only 18 now and I have plenty of time to ponder over it but I think the thought of having children and raising a family sounds nice especially if it's someone you really love. It's not too much of a problem for me atm since my ex, who I may end up seeing again when uni starts back up doesn't have a problem with wanting children although I can't say we've ever really had a conversation about it. :wacky:

But not wanting children is probably the single relationship killer for me.
 
I would personally have to look at these deal breakers as each came about, because circumstances might change my mind in a relationship.. Not wanting kids would definitely be one, but there are many alternatives like Rydia explained there.

I do have one deal breaker though that I can state because it happened to me with one of my ex-girlfriends and as soon as I found out, it was over. It was that she had had an abortion. Pretty wretched news to me and I almost instinctively got up and left upon hearing it. Fortunately I was more together about it because it obviously wasn't a picnic for her to go through, but this is one thing I don't have the strength to look past.
 
Wanting children: I think this is a biggie for most folk tbh, my mum was in a RS with someone for a good few years when I was younger, they ended up splitting up because he wanted kids, she didn't. I'm much the same. I don't think I could even see it to the point of, well, if I really really love the guy then maybe I'l consider it. It's a flat out NO for me. I do not ever want any more children, and if I was with someone that wanted a kid or *shudder* a load of them, we wouldn't last.

Dishonesty. There is just no need. Everyone tells the odd white lie, I'm no fucking saint, but some people are just dishonest by nature, it's like they cant help it, and they will lie about anything and everything.

Arrogance: Biggest turn off EVER. I'm looking at you Luke :rage: I don't care who you are, how much money you may or may not have, no one is better than any fuck else, and if you look down your nose at me, well, you can jog the fuck on. I am happy with my life, so go piss on someone elses chips

I don't like men that spend too much time in the mirror, or are overly soppy, clingy, I cant respond well to gushing sentiments. It makes me uncomfortable. We all do it when we are drunk, but please don't do it to me sober I'l be running for the hills. I prefer a beer swilling, burger earting, farting burping swearing man, I know where I stand with those folk, these boys in touch with their feminine and sensitive side just dont do it for me. You might look pretty but christ you wont see me for dust if you start crying at Bambi or reciting poetry and shit
 
1) A person that is too religious for me: My partner could beleive in what she wants, as long as she doesn't involve me in it. And our future children should not be forced to go to church for example or practice her religion. Everybody has the right to choose, even if they are young. I consider myself tolerant when it comes to religions, but i think it could end up being a source of conflict in a relationship.

2)Stubbornness: A girl that is inflexible wouldn't be a good long term partner. I had a girlfriend once that thought she was always right and that never changed her ideas, no mater what I was saying. Let me tell you I ended up that relation pretty quickly.

3)impulsiveness: Like I said in another post the biggest turn off and the thing I consider the worst in a partner.

4) Wanting children too fast: I eventually want children and but I don't thinks it's something that should be decide in what I consider the early stage of the realtion, like the first two year. I could eventually broke up with someone that want children too fast. In a perfect world, I would like to wait at least 3-4 years. That way you are more certain that you will spend the rest of your life with that person and that she would do a good mother. I wouldn't want my children to be raise only by their mother or father.
 
There's a few things I absolutely cannot stand in a relationship. Of course, I want to be with someone who I have common interest in and someone who I get along with. Someone who's on the same page as me. Without that, there's no reason for me to be with that person ya know?


Trust issues- I feel as though if you can't trust me, why be with me? I'm faithful and loyal when i'm in an relationship and, if you don't see that too damn bad for you. Adiós. I guess i'll tie in jealousy with this because, to me it has to do with trust. Just because I talk to another guy doesn't mean I like him or something. Trust issues just causes a lot of problems. Just too much drama for me.


Controlling- I'm not your bitch so, don't treat me like one. I'm your girlfriend not your dog. I'll always listen to what you have to say but, if you're going to try and control me, it's not going to work. You can't tell me how to do things and, how I should run my life.

These are the main things that ruin a relationship to me. My parents had this problem and, I guess that's why it kills the relationship for me. I don't want to go down that road as my parents did.
 
Mine would definitely be if they were hardcore religious. I don't dislike religious people, but if it got to the point where the person I was with wanted me to convert to whatever religion they are part of, it wouldn't work. I would just about be able to stand having to be baptised in order to get married in a church to a Christian guy, but if said guy then expected me to start going to church with him every Sunday... I couldn't do it.

There's all the personality niggles that people have, but tbh I could probably get over most of them, I mean, nobody's perfect and I'm sure everyone has something about their partner that irritates them.
 
Developing feelings too quickly - Of course, if I'm in a relationship with someone, that's going to show that we have interest in each other. However, if it's only been less than a week (hell, for me, less than a year) and the significant other is already claiming that he/she's in love with me, I'm going to be thinking that something's off. Nobody could love someone that quick .

Abusive/Controlling - If that person sees something wrong with me personally in the slightest way, and feels that they have to talk very rudely about it or try to force me or scare me into doing something, that is the time to cut and walk away. I have to deal with enough of that with family members, so the last thing I need is to have to face the same thing with my significant other.

Love for the wrong reasons - I've dated a person like that before. I bought him this very nice birthday present before we started going out, and then all of the sudden he thinks he's in love with me. The simple fact that he was somewhat greedy during the whole 4 month period proved that he liked me for all of the wrong reasons. I want someone to like me for me, not because I gave them a backstage pass to their favorite concert, or because I paid for their first tattoo, name it .

Homophobia - This would clearly apply to guys that don't know my sexuality (and everyone on here should know that I'm pansexual by now.). But if a guy that I'm dating all of the sudden thinks I'm not worth the time spent being with him because I'm open to everyone, then he's not worth the time either. Or maybe its a guy that I plan to marry - he may not care that I'm pansexual, but lets say that we planned on having kids, and he may be someone that couldn't bare the thought of having kids that may be gay. There would most likely be a dispute about that. If there's one thing I absolutely hate the most, it's a homophobe .

Disrespect to friends - I shouldn't have to explain much here. I don't need someone telling me who I should or shouldn't hang out with. My friends aren't going to bother you unless you fuck with me .


Extremely Paranoid - If there's something he/she desperately wants to know, I will honestly tell them. You don't need to bust a ball/tit every time you see me with another guy/girl.

Conservative/Self-Conscious - I don't like it when secrets are kept. I say a LOT of things about myself, whether I'm in a relationship or not. When secrets are being kept, I consider them an obstacle of getting to know someone a lot better. And its not just about secrets I'm talking about; I very much like it when someone is very expressive about their opinions and thoughts. I hate it when someone doesn't tell me things because they're afraid I'll start disrespecting them once I know. I won't. We're all different .

That's all I can think of. . .for now . :hmmm:
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I'd have to say crazy girls. Everyone has crazy moments but some are real bunny boilers. The biggest turn off for me is seeing a girl go skitzo over trivial shit, whenever it happens I'm all like fuck this shit I'm outta here. The most attractive thing for me, even more than looks is a girl who is level headed and considerate, but also not too clingy or needy.

Kids too. I doubt I could go my entire life without experiencing parenthood.
 
Definitely cheating.

Steve and I have both agreed that if either of us cheats on the other it's just over. No figuring it out or any of that crap. I am not going to sit down and think about what I could have done to prevent it or any of that shit, it's just not gonna happen. No more second chances with that particular act.

But that will never happen. Steve's had girls do it to him before and could never understand how someone could do that to the person they're meant to care about. I'm on the same page too.

It's sad how so many stupid girls and sometimes guys always seem to come crawling back for some reason though. I would never want to be with someone who did something so hurtful. =/

Drug/alcohol abuse.

Yeah there may be the odd pipe every now and then, or a drink here and there, but the moment that they start to depend on it just to get through the day is the day I leave.

I won't be having them suck our savings dry just to feed their addictions. It's just not fair and I'd hate to see if it would lead to physical abuse, because more than often it does. =/
 
Hmm...

Wanting Children:
I've always wanted to start a family, i'm pretty good with kids so that's not really an issue for me, I want to grow up into a proper adult, while watching my children grow, i reckon it'd make me the happiest man alive.
If a woman didn't want kids or was too self absorbed in her social life to care about my dreams of having a steady family then since there'd be practically no love left, it just wouldn't work.

Foul Attitude:
I'm a pretty easy going guy. I can take jokes and handle sarcasm. BUT if the woman i was with started upping me because i was worried about her because she came home late, or didn't return my calls (which i rarely make), Then it obviously means she doesn't care about me as much as i thought she did and that it's time to be out on the offensive again.

Compromising:
This one is the biggest one. Like i said before, i'm an easy-going guy, but i DO expect the woman i'm with to compromise part of her life if she expects me to do the same. if a woman tells me to stop doing something, but she doesn't stop something i've asked her to do, then I'm out. I don't like people telling me what i can and can't do.

Gaming and entertainment:
Ask me for sacrifice my games and consoles and that woman is out the door so fast she won't know what happened....I don't mind not playing them as much and spending time with the woman but to give up completely is just too much for me at this current point in mah life.
 
You say it Tony! Gaming is a part of alot of our lives and we get enjoyment from it.
Not giving it up.

I dont go if for shallow relationships, not anymore, I want a family someday and I want to be with with a Girl who wants the same thing, and I dont want to have kids a Girl recklessly I think its un-fair to bring children into to un-prepared.

No self respect is a HUGE turn off, if you let yourself get treated like shit then you deserve what you get, dont be obnoxious about yourself, just set decent boundaries
and enforce them when they are violated.

Ball breaking sense of humor:gonk: If I tell you a joke or make a witty remark(it happens)
and you go "Im sorry what?" and the I go "ugh" and go about telling the entire conversation and how what I said relates.............yeah its time to go lady:lew:

Doesn't like my collecting stuff, I like my figures(they are not dolls:rage:) and my swords and stuff, if you dont like them you dont like me.

:hmph:
 
Being too sensitive: I really don't like people like that. I know when I should keep my language in check and when I'm free to speak my mind. But I don't like the idea of having to constantly watch what I say because "She doesn't find vulgar jokes funny" or if get involved with a white woman and she's one of those white people who get pissy when someone makes a comment about a race, despite the person not being racist, and they get on their little soap box and whine even though they themselves have no biological connection to them. My buddy's got a girlfriend like this and I just want to smack the fuck out of her when she starts up on that. There's nothing wrong about being outspoken about racism. It's not something I personally approve of. But me and my friends make these little comments all the time and none of us are prejudice but when my friends girl shows up, we have to stop because "it bothers her".

Being demanding: I have no problem doing things for a girlfriend. But when she expects me to wait on them hand and foot, I don't dig that. I'm no one's fucking butler. If she asks me to do something, I'll probably do it. If she TELLS me to do something like she owns me, I'll tell her to fuck off. I can be a giving guy, but I do not like people expecting me to give them all I've got.

Expecting me to spend all my time with her and none with my friends: Again, something else my friend's girlfriend does. He doesn't want her to get upset that they don't spend enough time together despite them spending EVERY DAY TOGETHER. One time, we were all hanging out and at his house and she hadn't been there. He was about to take us home and she actually got mad at him because she hadn't seen him all day and she was literally telling him to let us walk home despite it being around 25 degrees outside. So, yeah. It's annoying.

This thread made me realize something. My best friend's girlfriend is pretty much the embodiment of EVERYTHING I would not want in a girlfriend. Heh, I would say sucks for him but he so desperatley doesn't want to be alone that he puts up with it. I'm not jumping to conclusions, he actually told me that. HA! It's sad. :ffs:
 
Wanting Children. I'll be honest about this, I'm far too selfish to ever want a child. I've debated it, and sometimes, I think it might be fun to have a mini-me. However, the more I think about it, the more I remember how much I hate children. I don't mind being around the little kids in my family for an hour or so, but, if I had to live with them 24/7, I'd lose my mind. I'd rather have nice things.

Clingy / Possessive people. I've dated this type before "Where are you?/Who were you with?/Why wasn't I invited?" etc. It's my own personal brand of hell. Someone who is constantly checking up on you and wanting to know where you are and what you're doing every second of the day. I'd go berserk.

Being a diehard Labour supporter. I get into enough trouble when politics comes up around some of my friends because they're left-wing and support Labour, and I don't. I don't want a partner like that. Well. I don't care if they support Labour, but if they're one of those "Labour are for the working class / blech, nasty Tories!" people, I'd get bored and annoyed very quickly. It would be a subject we couldn't discuss, and, with a partner, I think it's important to be able to discuss anything and everything.

Cheating. Probably a no-brainer, but, I know people where the partner has cheated, and they've forgiven them and taken them back and acted like nothing has happened. That wouldn't be the case for me. I don't share my things, if someone cheated on me, I'd never even look at them again.

Smoking / doing drugs. Okay, I could overlook the smoking thing if I really loved them, but generally, I find it to be totally repugnant. If my partner did drugs, I wouldn't want them to do them around me. And if it became a problem, and they became addicted, I'd try and help them get off the stuff. But generally, it would be a huge deal breaker.

Someone who would want to control me or change me. First of all, I don't take orders from anyone. I tried dating someone who tried to boss me around constantly, and it didn't end up working out too well; I don't respond well to it at all. As for them trying to change me; why date me if you want to change me? I love who I am, so, if I'm cool with me, then you should be cool with me, and if you're not, you can jog on, mate.
 

For me my deal breakers in a relationship are:

Marriage- Yes I plan on getting married someday. The whole "I don't need to have a marriage license to be able to have a monogamous relationship" just doesn't work for me. Its more than a license... its a special day, in front of your family and friends, and it shows that you are unified and blessed by God. If you don't think you'll ever want to be married, I'm not the one.

Kids- I plan on having kids someday. If the person I'm with doesn't then we aren't meant to be. I know I will be a great mother someday and I'm not going to not live my dream because someone else doesn't want children.

Religion- If you aren't religious and feel like I'm going to end up dragging you to church, than I'm sorry, things just aren't going to work out between us in the long run. I want to find someone I can go to church with and pray through the hard times with.
 
My deal breakers in a relationship would be:

Flirting with other women: makes me think that I'm not good enough for you and that you will cheat sooner or later. I can't help it, I have trust issues.

Pressuring me into things: Now being a pervert is sometimes fine but please don't pressure me into doing weird stuff that I'm not comfortable with. To me that shows that you get influenced by porn too much. Huge deal breaker.

Serious all the time: I can't stand people who never smile or laugh. I usually feel really uncomfortable around people with no sense of humour. Wanna be with me then you will have to like hearing jokes, mainly perverted and sarcastic ones. Plus it's healthy to laugh. It's like free theraphy.

No empathy: I like guys who will listen to what I have to say and care about me. I usually listen when people talk to me about something so I expect the same back. So if you don't care about anything, anyone or don't listen then that's a deal breaker.
 
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