Marriage

[Shu]

Now this is a strong subject that I wanted to bring up, and since I'm going through one in little over a month or so.. I thought I'd ask a few questions.

Let me ask you folks... what do you think of marriage? Do you consider them necessary anymore? What do they mean to you, even if you aren't married? Think about when you were a kid, has your perception changed of them? Do you wish to be married one day?

Reason I ask is because when I had the time I was going to really write a decent article on my Myspace account drumming out a few folks' opinions I've spoken to on the subject.

Some folks tend to see it as unnecessary and that it's purely traditional. Some say marriage is a good thing for lowering insurance as well as getting better rates off tax returns (providiing kids). Some see it as a way to finalize the bond between two people. Others feel it only helps if you plan to have a kid because it gives the kid a family perspective...

My opinion has yet to been spoken on the subject.. but I'll leave it hanging.

 

[Monster]

I think marriage is only needed if you are really in love with somebody. But marriage can be argued in many ways. In some religions you have to get married due to arranged marriages, but you shouldn't get married to evade tax. It should be if you love someone.

 

[The Illusive Man]

Well being a Catholic I do feel marriage is a rather important symbolic bond that has seem somewhat of a decline in popularity in todays society, which is both a good and bad thing.

It's a good thing because there used to be far too much emphasis and pressure on getting married in previous years, which could often lead to people being married far too young or under tenative circumstances, which would often lead to marriages collapsing.

It's a bad thing because its been potrayed badly by the celebrity couples, constantly in and out of realtionships and not settling down with one partner which leads the youth of today that "sleeping around" is acceptable.

Personally at the moment I'm not entirely interested in marriage, but that said with the right person, I would definatley consider marriage, but I would have to give it a lot of thought and be sure we are both on the same page as far as marriage goes, because going into a union when you both have differing views on what marriage really means can often lead to issues further on down the line of your married life together.

 

[Monster]

I agree with Darth Raven, some celebrity couples make marriages look like jokes such as Ashley Cole, John Terry and Tiger Woods. Well, not look like jokes, but they cheat. Marriages should have fidelity and trust. That is what makes a key marriage.

 

[Linnaete]

First of all - congratulations, Tyler! I hope it goes spectacularly and that you both have an amazing day!

I agree that marriage is a traditional aspect of people's lives and has always been. I've always been told while growing up with my family to see marriage as being an important thing. The way I see it, marriage is the first step in forming a family - one of the most important factors that unites and binds a family together. This assumption could be wrong at times, but I generally see families with a married couple being more stable and harmonious than without.

Marriage shouldn't be just a method used to dodge taxes. I too think that marriages should take place when you love your partner. Our countries have moved past the stage where now forced and arranged marriages generally no longer happen. Currently marriage isn't something I've considered yet, but it I do wish to be married. I have always had the idealistic image of forming a family in the future.

EDIT: I want to add as well that with the celebrity culture being rife nowadays - with all the divorces and marriages for publicity and money - many people no longer see the virtues behind marriage.

 

[Shu]

I think marriage is only needed if you are really in love with somebody

I agree with Darth Raven, some celebrity couples make marriages look like jokes such as Ashley Cole, John Terry and Tiger Woods. Well, not look like jokes, but they cheat. Marriages should have fidelity and trust. That is what makes a key marriage.

So what you are saying is, you have to be deep in love for one.. and you also said that you can't be cheating on the person you are with... though I still don't see why you need to married for these two things to occur?

Go on though. I am FOR marriage, I will say that, or else I wouldn't be getting married, but I'll leave the Why until later.

 

[Ewan]

I think marriage is important for many people and fair play to them. I however, don't care for it that much.

Some people like how marriage makes a relationship an official thing, with your own certificate. Some like the tradition. There are probably many others reasons including religious ones and the like.

I don't think I would need anything like that though. If I love someone, and want to be with them, why do I need to stand in front of someone and makes vows in front of others? I don't need a certificate telling me that I'm legally bound to someone I already know I love and want to be with.

Then again, most women I've spoken to dream about their wedding day. I would go through with it to make her happy. And incur the beatdown on my bank account paying for it. And the end of the day, it changes nothing... for me anyway (On the relationship side. Obviously other things like my financial situation will change).


Then again, I'm only 19 and single so my view on this is likely to change.

 

[The Illusive Man]

Well what I mean is it does bear quite a high symbolic meaning, and its more for those that choose to follow this symbolic meaning.

Marriage admittedly is not for everyone, and some couples stay together for years and years without ever getting married, but eventually there does come a time when the man does eventually get on one knee and pop the question even in those situations.

So I guess marriage is what you take it as, face value or deeper meaning, it something different for everyone I guess.

 

[KirstyIX]

I've always seen marriage as a more or less positive thing but sometimes I don't like it because you get gold diggers and such who marry rich old men just so they can have the money. Obviously, marriage is way better when you're actually in love with someone and you want it so that it's like bonding you together forever, after all you usually (if you want to, and if you're female) adopt another last name.
I've always dreamt of a big fairytale wedding so I've always wanted to get married. It's the kind of thing where I think that I would never have children, intentionally, until I was married.
I think marriage is sort of beautiful when for the right reasons.

 

[Martel]

I've never really thought of marriage as anything more than a ritual some couples like to go through to affirm their feelings for one another. In my opinion, marriage lost its significance when the divorce was created. Marriage now is just an expensive ceremony to celebrate a relationship, it doesn't really signify anything. I imagine that, in the future, all benefits associated with marriage, such as tax exemptions and reductions, will be removed and it will become just another traditional ritual with no meaning to the majority of people.

Speaking for myself...I cannot see myself getting married, nor do I have any real desire to. The idea of being attached to someone in that way is...not appealing, to say the least. I don't even have a desire for a relationship, and I doubt I'd be able to keep one going for longer than a few days. Marriage would be a waste of time...an expensive waste of time. I've never really entertained the idea, not even when I was younger.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

I've grown up with the idea that marriage is one of the first things that starts off a family, just like Mandi said.

It just feels more set in stone when you tie the knot.

I'd rather that my kids have parents that were married as well. It's silly but I just think it gives them a bit more stability in their lives.

I also just think it's the right thing to do once you find that person, as does Steve. It's just something that we've both been brought up with and when we're financially ready we'll be able to do it.

I don't agree with people just getting married in order to get benefits from the government or whatever though. =/

 

[Kei]

To be honest, I think marriage is very important, if it wasn't for it you wouldn't be obliged to stick with one woman/man. Kids would have no stable life due to the fact of no known father/mother, marriage however commit the 2 parts to stick together, not 1 night with this and another with that. I know there are divorces but still, kids would still know who are their parents or would live normally for a while.

Some might say kids are not very important to have; Then you're not important in this life and I think you should take yourself and die, how do you think you're here? What if your father thought the same way, then you wouldn't have existed.

I'm strongly against the marriages of Rich old men and what not... I think you should marry someone who you TRULY love and not just because he's rich and what not.

 

[Tmoo]

many people get married for love. love is a good enough reason to get married - it may not be necessary, but who says you need to marry out of necessity?

 

[Dionysos]

I’m fond of the symbolism of marriage, and I like the tradition behind it. I see no harm in marriage. I strongly support marriage for couples who love each other. I was brought up to believe that marriage was something people did, and that the people involved loved each other very much. This isn't quite true in all cases, but I do see it in some couples that they very clearly are in love, and marriage benefits them greatly. Even those that believe that love is short-term and that you should divorce after the first sparks of love fade off, they should look at some of the older couples (not all) who, while they might irritate each other at times, have a massive amount of respect and love for each other still after a lifetime together.


I agree that now that divorces are so common and not frowned upon anymore that marriage isn't seen as such a big thing anymore... Not everyone goes into a marriage with the belief that that is their life partner. In fact I think I heard they started selling "have a good divorce!" cards... I mean a divorce isn't something to celebrate, it's a failure, and those that get a divorce for reasons such as abuse and other serious issues I'd think would want to divorce silently if they were strong enough to do it. Though I agree that people should have free choice and do what they want in this respect, it is just sad to see an increase in divorce rates. With so many divorces it can make marriage look like a short term / semi-long term commitment, and not life-long. It’s a shame that this is how it appears to some people now. I guess it is more realistic, but on the other hand perhaps people just aren’t putting the effort into making a relationship work.

It's up to individual people and their beliefs though. Some people want temporary relationships... Some people want long ones, but not expecting them to last forever. Other people admire the possibility that they can have a partner to share their life with, and to look back at memories with when you reach old age; have tales to share, and have experienced many things together, as opposed to being either alone or with a partner you have only known for three years in your old age.

Marriages should have fidelity and trust. That is what makes a key marriage.

I agree. Infidelity is the unpunishable crime in my opinion. I would be heartbroken if someone cheated on me.


And Shu is right, you don’t need to be married to consider yourself in love, or to be committed to your partner, but marriage perhaps marks your relationship as super-serious to outsiders, especially now in this day and age when it is perhaps harder to tell. It makes a relationship more secure, not so much the feelings involved, but it makes it more official. And also it makes life better for the children if they were to come along soon.



As for me...

I’ve always wanted it in my future. When I was a kid I always had a vision of myself in the future with a wife and children. I was also a part-time superhero in this vision, and my pet budgie had superstrength, so it was all basically a fantasy image for me. Though that doesn't mean that I don't believe in marriage, the feelings behind that awesome image remain, and though I see it as improbable that I will get married in my current state (not to mention being single anyway), I look forward to a future when this might be possible.



I’m only really interested in long term relationships. By this I don’t mean a few months, or a year… But really have a shot and staying with the person as long as I can (as in forever, without sounding too corny and unrealistic). That said, I’ve been single my entire life asides from a 3-4 year relationship during first school, so I'm not sure if my opinions on this can be listened to, as I might just be a fantasist.


I’m not sure if I’d be capable for marriage anymore. I haven’t felt anything like love since I was 16 years old, and I've never had this reciprocated (I don't claim to say I have been in love, but it felt like it at the time, and I haven't felt whatever this was since). I’m now moving past my prime years and the likelihood of anyone being interested, let alone me falling in love like before is decreasing with every year I think.



But.. If the the time was to come, and the right girl fell from heaven into my lap, I'd love to get married.

Personally at the moment I'm not entirely interested in marriage, but that said with the right person, I would definatley consider marriage, but I would have to give it a lot of thought and be sure we are both on the same page as far as marriage goes, because going into a union when you both have differing views on what marriage really means can often lead to issues further on down the line of your married life together.

Yeah… I wouldn’t really be sure when to ask someone to marry me. I’m not sure if I’d be able to take hints that she feels that strongly, or that I'd even be willing to take a risk. I don't understand how people can psyche themselves up to do it.

I think I’d probably have to have a strong nudge and a few winks for it to hit me that she would be ok with me proposing.

 

[Valvalis]

Congratulations Shu! Hope everything goes well for you guys on the big day.

Well, I'm married, and for the two of us, nothing has really changed in our relationship. It's fun to be able to call each other "husband" and "wife", show people our rings, see his last name on my IDs etc, but neither of us ever really felt like we needed it; tbh we were sitting around listening to a Blind Guardian song one night and we said "Hey, wouldn't it be fun to get married in a medieval wedding?" and then we got engaged the next day. We kind of just made it into a really fun event, not so much a huge change in our lives--we did it at the Renaissance Faire (which was surprisingly cheap-way WAY cheaper than most traditional weddings), wrote the whole ceremony ourselves, got to see a whole bunch of family and friends we hadn't seen in a while (all dressed in medieval garb no less ) and then just drove off on our honeymoon and chilled out for a week. Some people treat marriage as a huge life change, and that's fine if that suits you, but it certainly doesn't have to be, and it's certainly not necessary. A lot of times I think marriages fail because there's so much pressure put on it by society to meet certain standards that the people getting married may not even care about personally. I mean, honestly--about 90% of the clientele where I work are middle-aged married women, and all they ever do is bitch about their husbands, and the same thing goes for married men who come in, about their wives. Seeing things like that actually used to make me fear getting married...until I realized that you don't have to behave that way From seeing that as such a common stereotype, I think the truth is that a lot of people get married just because it's the thing to do, or because their friends do, and who they're with doesn't matter quite as much to them as the "status", and that seems to be a huge part of the problem--people wouldn't cheat unless they were unhappy, after all.

As far as kids...well, Kei, everyone's entitled to their opinion I guess, but that's kind of harsh IMO. My husband and I are probably never going to have kids, and the reason is not that we hate them or are ungrateful to our parents, but that we want to be able to spend as much alone time with each other as possible, not to mention that the dedication we already have to certain projects we're working on in our spare time wouldn't allow us to give a child the attention he/she deserved. If we ever did want a child, we would also most likely adopt, because there are so many unwanted children out there that we'd feel kind of guilty for making a new one and ignoring all the thousands of orphans out there. Not to mention that overpopulation is the number one thing killing this planet But that's another story for another time.

I’m not sure if I’d be capable for marriage anymore. I haven’t felt anything like love since I was 16 years old, and I've never had this reciprocated (I don't claim to say I have been in love, but it felt like it at the time, and I haven't felt whatever this was since). I’m now moving past my prime years and the likelihood of anyone being interested, let alone me falling in love like before is decreasing with every year I think.

And hey Argor, don't worry, it'll happen. I didn't meet anyone worthwhile until I was 23, and then it ended up being the perfect person. Sometimes it just takes a while--I don't know about you, but honestly I'd rather have one really good relationship that took a while to find than slog through a whole bunch of meaningless ones early on.

 

[Mitsuki]

I do consider marriage necessary for myself, but for other people? That's up to them. I realize that marriage is not for everyone. There are couples out there who are perfectly happy living together and the last thing on their minds are being married to one another, yet they make the relationship work. It's the relationship with your partner that counts and that's the real deal.

Some people treat marriage as a huge life change, and that's fine if that suits you, but it certainly doesn't have to be, and it's certainly not necessary. A lot of times I think marriages fail because there's so much pressure put on it by society to meet certain standards that the people getting married may not even care about personally.

I agree. Even before my husband and I got married, we were already living together with my parents, with his parents, and then finally with his grandmother and uncle (er, don't ask). It was very difficult for us at the time and mind you this was 5-6 years ago. Living with others was quite the challenge to our relationship for many reasons, but we made it work. And when we finally did get married (more on that soon), everything was pretty much the same. Same feelings and lifestyle.

Now, I do have to say that to this day, even though I am happy to be married to my husband, I felt that I was forced to get married for all the wrong reasons. I was 18 years old and at the time we were living with my husband's extremely strict Christian grandmother and uncle. Especially, the uncle. I mean the guy drove me nuts with all his talk about the world ending and such.

Anyway, they told us that they could not continue to support us living underneath their roof because we both had a baby and were not married. To them, that was frowned upon. Now, my husband had been wanting to propose to me for awhile now and I knew this, but I told him that I did not wanna get married without my mom there. She's still back in my home country and I've been separated with her since I was seven - the least I wanted was to have her there for my wedding and I was hoping to wait.

He understood that, but was also torn in the middle because of the awkward situation his grandma and uncle put us in. As you can guess, he ended up proposing that same week because of the pressure. Even though we both wanted to get married and knew it was going to happen eventually, that was not what I had in mind. I wanted for us to decide on our own. A month later, we were married.

So I was only engaged for a month and even though yes I was happy, I also couldn't help but feel disappointed due to the fact that my mom wasn't there, it felt forced in some ways, the nagging from his side of the family put a lot of pressure on us, and not a single family member of mine attended. That was my fault though. The original plan was to do it quickly with only two witnesses...no ceremony or anything. But after we got our marriage license and were about to be married in the next two days, his side of the family decided they wanted to do a little something at the back of their church, so they ordered cake and brought apple cider, invited his aunts, uncles, our friends. I invited mine too but they could not make it because we didn't give them enough time to request days off and they had work. I know my family had something to say about it but they kept it to themselves, I suppose. I can't blame them - everything happened so fast that I didn't feel like I was actually getting married.

But I mean, everything worked out fine. I love being married to my husband and we're both happy. Just that at the time everything didn't fit in place and the timing was not of our own. But he promised that we'd be married again on our 10th year anniversary, and this time my mom would be there. =] (I'm expecting our permanent reunion hopefully before June of this year).

So as you can see, I do treat marriage as a sentimental value in a relationship. People shouldn't marry for all the wrong reasons, but I know one can say "what's your definition of wrong reasons?" That, comes down to your upbringing and how you view the situation. People marry for many reasons and whatever they are, I just hope that it's something that would actually make them truly happy and not to benefit something out of it or do it for other people's sake.

 

[Sir Kenneth]

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years now, and I have to admit that marriage is only really something we've considered for practical reasons due to us having citizenships in different countries and such.

But as Mitsuki said, people marry for many different reasons and I won't ever claim that my view on marriage is better or more right than anyone else's. It just makes more sense to me.

 

[blakstang98]

I'm a big supporter of marriage. I do tend to be traditional in a lot of ways, but even when I was younger, I always looked forward to finding that special lady and tying the knot.

I think more than anything, its about wanting to be with someone that you see as special, one that you feel makes you happier than you could ever be by yourself or with someone else. I know that when I've been in relationships, I've been a lot happier and I've just been a better person overall, even if those relationships didn't end well. It's all about true love in my opinion. If you really, truely love someone, they will make you happy, why take that away from yourself?

One of the big reasons I always say I'm a bitter old man and such is because of this. I'm 27 and still haven't found my true love. I feel like I'm way behind in this regard, like my life passed me by. But I'm confident I'll still find it, even if it's a little late. Maybe my current relationship will be it, who knows? I'm not saying there is only 1 person in the world for everyone, but the numbers certainly aren't in anyones favor.

With that said, I wish you the best of luck in your marriage Shu! May you have a lifetime full of happiness! I'm so jealous.

 

[Shu]

Okay so I said I was for marriage.. now here's my reasoning.. I'll try to give one of my longer responses so keep up.

I'm not a romantic, I could of been called one in the past .. in maybe high school, thinking about soul mates and this that another but honestly these days I try to live in front of my eyes.

For me marriage is a spiritual union in which in the eyes of the beholder you are legally bound for eternity. Marriage should be a lot stronger than it actually is, and to be honest there should be a set amount of years for living together before one should be able to legally be married. To me I don't support marriages that don't do this, but I am entitled to my own opinion here. I honestly think it's Butt ass backwards if done the other way around. If you never live together and get married.. get ready for some fireworks in my opinion.

For one most people get bored with one another after even a matter of months when living together (depending on the personality.) So Marriage to me has to be something more than what you would call love. It would be something that both of you can be relate to on a common level and even through the depths of hardship still remain friends and even lovers.

Technically marriages should be for those who never wish to talk to others on a relationship level. Meaning let's say you are a wishy washy person.. well marriage isn't for you. If you think marriage is great but don't think past the first few months with the person.. then marriage is not for you.

Marriage in turn should be a more permanent thing than it truly is. I do believe that divorces are abomination, that if the people truly were to get tested or live together for a set amount of years.. that there would be less divorce rates. Divorces in general is my worst fear in life to be honest. That's why I am a bit on the more.. hard to commit kind. Hince why in the past with relationships.. I've had a few break ups when the lady wanted to move to fast =\. But that's personal.. anyways moving on.

Marriage should never be done.. in fear of losing a person either. I've seen my friends do this quite often around here. They are about go their separate ways with work.. and in terms of desperation the dude proposes. Or if the folks are about to have a kid.. they think marriage is the best thing for it. That makes me want to push someone in the face to be quite honest. Why? well when the kid has to explain why their parents divorced, the blame can be largely associated with the kid in general or the fact the parents didn't know they were incompatible with one another.

Furthermore though, if you do get married then this should not limit you from what you do in life. If you're lady or man runs your life.. you are destined for scrapes and bruises. If you lived your life in a way you didn't before in order to be closer to your mate, then well .. good luck trying to fake that the rest of your life. Marriage should be a good-hearted, honest thing in which two people who are truly committed beyond any shape or doubt will devote the rest of their lives trying to be there for one another.

I support marriage... but in a way that it is more permanent.

 

[Bones]

Congrats Shu! Hope you and your wife to be have a perfect day together

After my upbringing, I think marriage is one of those things that you need before having kids, but for entering a marriage both sides have to be 100% commited to each other and have to have been together for a very long time.

Marriage seems to be nothing to people these days, I mean look at Katie Price, she's been through 2 marriages now, like it's some big joke. Makes me sick.

I want to get married someday, because I like the idea of having someone you can start a family with and make it all proper, and my kids will have a Mum and Dad who are happy together. Just because I never had that really.