Can't We All Just Get Along?

At what point do you draw a line in flame wars? When does something become offensive? Some people have thicker skins than others, and some people just want a little back up instead of being picked on all the time.

Example of a situation:

Say Pooley called me a slut, in jest. I wouldn't be offended because he's someone I know from another forum for quite some time.

But say a member I didn't know saw this, thought I took it okay, and brought it upon themselves to call me a whore, also in jest, in another thread. However I'm not comfortable with that statement from this unknown person.

At what point do you draw the line? What would one do in a situation like that? Simply report the post or just let it slide? Some of us can't because sometimes words do hurt.

...also this may be a little offtopic but considering the thread I thought I'd ask. >_>
 
blackstang98, I am sorry that you feel that way about this forum, it sounds like quite a heartbreak for you, and unfortunately I can't relate.
I have seen on here a few people say some mean things to eachother, and some people do get a little too serious sometimes, but overall I think this is the happiest and most pleasant forum I've ever been a member of.
There are so many people who are so endlessly humourous and can find the funny in anything, I really admire it. I makes my day. That said, sometimes this hits a speed bump when someone misinterprets something or takes something seriously that wasn't meant to be taken seriously at all, but this usually only ever seems minor and is vastly made up for by people being gracious and apologetic.

Personally I haven't been here that long and usually only make a few posts a day so I haven't really gotten to know anybody else extremely well, but I always enjoy myself when I come here and I really like a lot of the members I've encountered.
Idunno, perhaps I just have a different attitude towards the people here, but maybe you should look on the bright side a bit more. :yay:
 
If they're letting something that a randomer on the internet who was probably only being half serious anyway get to them that much, then they deserve it tbh.
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If they are saying something that is rather awful and is half hearted about it, then thats trolling. Dont go and flame or defame someone unless its a serious matter because its then uncalled for. If the guy deserved it, fine. But if the guy is going to hide behind the excuse that is the internet and that it shouldnt be taken serious, post it in spam or just f@ck off because they're just trolling for a reaction from the guy.

Now, i am not saying that people should take all things seriously on the net, but only that if you're gonna really attack someone, do it with a legit reason. If its just a joke like what Diar always does, do it in the spam area.
 
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lagunas dream said:
Although it sounds like the whole thing bothers you alot. Maybe you should take time off.
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:ohoho:

Channy said:
At what point do you draw a line in flame wars? When does something become offensive? Some people have thicker skins than others, and some people just want a little back up instead of being picked on all the time.

Example of a situation:

Say Pooley called me a slut, in jest. I wouldn't be offended because he's someone I know from another forum for quite some time.

But say a member I didn't know saw this, thought I took it okay, and brought it upon themselves to call me a whore, also in jest, in another thread. However I'm not comfortable with that statement from this unknown person.

At what point do you draw the line? What would one do in a situation like that? Simply report the post or just let it slide? Some of us can't because sometimes words do hurt.

...also this may be a little offtopic but considering the thread I thought I'd ask. >_>
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Thank you very much for your contribution Channy. :ryan: This is a general point I'm trying to make. It seems my language is slightly different from others, and you actually deciphered it correctly. But yes, where is that fine line? And I think people are crossing this line more frequently than even they themself realizes.

But to clarify something else, I myself, am not leaving the forum, nor do I have hurt feelings or have bad blood with anyone. More than anything, I'm concerned for those who are being trolled on. I'm not being trolled on, at least not yet, but there are others that I see taking abuse with some frequency. I understand I shouldn't care, but I put a lot of stock in my FFF friends. The may just be internet friends to you, and even though I won't meet most (if any) of these people, I don't see the point in throwing them, or anyone else under the bus. So I am serious about this issue, but at the end of the day, everyone will continue to be who they are. I just figured I'd shine a light on a trend that I've seen on the forums these days.

Thank you for your cooperation and enjoy foruming. :ryan:
 
I agree with Stang here.

There have been stupid little insults in posts, not just in the spam section (where it is to be expected) but also in serious debate thread. Now, I am aware that people have different opinions, and it's hard to respect someone else's if you feel like they're shoving theirs down your throat, and you feel like you're not allowed to speak up for yourself. Because yes, there are those groups that stick together, and back each other up. It's not because those people are friends or anything like that, it's just that if the majority shares the same opinion, someone else gets bashed.

Terra or whatever her username is, for example. Loads of people disagreed, and I'm not stating I was with her on what she stood for, nor can I say I knew what everyone was on about exactly, but everyone backed each other up, against her. Even in the shoutbox there were pathetic comments like "Oh, I hope she posts again", it's just sad, and unneeded. I mean, sure, if you want to debate something, do it. Be yourself about it, say what you stand for, but if you take it to a level, where you're laughing in a Shout box and taunting with others about how someone else's posts suck, I think that's a level too far. It's pathetic, and it's not really respectful.

I know I could rant about that on and on for days, 'cause it's just weird to see people you respect, (on the internet for crying out loud) say such things. It's like... You know they can handle the situation better, and I'm not saying it should be a no-fun zone, but I think tearing posts apart and opinions is just unneeded. Okay, you disagree, state why, but it's still up to the other person to disagree or not, if they don't, both shut the fuck up, and leave the other for what they're worth, you're not better than them, so why act like it.

A few years back I would've agreed on the whole "It's the internet, it's expected, suck it up, and get a grip." But to be honest, that's what I expect from random sites you go on, and as Stang probably meant, not in a close community forum like this one. Of course there are people that hate each other on this forum, because they clash, but I don't see the point, in lining up threads the person you hate posted in, just to start a fire.

In the shoutbox as well, I've even been told this - it's just polite to say hey, even if you hate the person. You don't have to start a topic? You aren't forced to agree, just a simple acknowledgement of them being there. It isn't that hard, and it's not the end of the world. If it really bothers you that much to see someone post, shut off your computer and get some help.

You get close to people you get to know, even if it's on the internet, and it doesn't have to be best friends closeness, it can just be a development of respect towards others, just because you know how they interact, how they think, even if it's something they make up, of course it could be that. But I just don't think it's as easy as saying it's the internet - people don't care.

'Cause you know... People do care as retarded as it sounds. Maybe not everyone, but there are people floating about that care enough to post in this topic right?

It's just my two cents.

tl;dr. I know.
 
I honestly don't think the hostility has increased over the past few months. It would probably help if you actually gave us examples, named names etc.. talking about it like this isn't actually helping as a lot of people don't specifically know what you are talking about. Also bear in mind that some of the people who you think are being hostile may not actually realize that they are.

If you're referring to the recent string of debate threads, you can't really blame anyone. People had particularly strong views around the whole issue surrounding Islam and the tension was bound to escalate. The whole thing with mlfy and his bro seems to have eased down a bit from my perspective. Plus I havn't seen any childish flame wars in a while either.

People come to the forum for different things, I understand that a lot of people come here to make friends and some have even met each other IRL which is fine. On the other hand others come here just to have a bit of a laugh and chat, that's fine too. IMO this is where the line is drawn between those who say "it's just the internet etc" and those who don't. You need to understand that these different perspectives will make people behave differently and there is no real way to change this.

For anyone who has felt like they have been targeted, look at it this way. Whoever is paying you out is most likely on the other side of the world. At the end of the day, they probably have no idea who you are IRL. So you can't take anything they say too personally.

Also, I don't know about anyone else here. But IRL it is pretty much the same with my mates. We pay each other out all the time and it's not personal, it's really just for laughs. Obviously there are conflicts between us at times, but they always get resolved. To be honest, I'm glad there are conflicts between us, it's better to just get it out there rather than keep it to yourself, otherwise nothing will ever get solved.

Not everyone will get along with each other and IMO it would be kind of boring if they did. You can't take yourself too seriously in life or else you will just feel like shit whenever someone says something bad to you.

EDIT: Ninja'd
 
Didn't realize there was all of this drama on the forum. :hmmm:

I'm mostly with Hal on this one. This is the internet, and as such you have to realize that 95% of the people on this forum are people you'll never meet in real life. Sure, it's great to make friends, but making friends with everyone is flat out fucking impossible. And just like Hal stated, if everyone did get along, this place would get boring rather quickly.

I've made a few friends here, quite a few actually, and when I first joined this forum, I had no intention of making friends. Shit happens. Now I have quite a few. However, I'm not going to lose sleep because one of my internet friends is peeved at me. Like I said, I'll probably never meet these people. Therefore, it's not that important. Luckily, me and my friends typically have the same viewpoints on things, so arguments are rare, and when they happen, they're quickly resolved.

I for one, will not apologize for having an interwebz argument unless I have really, really offended you. (So far, this has only happened twice on these forums in seriousness, and once in jest.)

Just keep in mind that it's the internet, and if you're worried about what complete and total strangers think of you, you probably need to get out more. There is enough drama in the real world without people trying to bring it in on here. Lighten up, have fun, kick back, and fucking relax.

For ways to not start drama you can either see the "common sense" section of your brain, or simply, stop trying to get on someone's bad side. This means no creating threads dedicated to flaming someone (such as the M.Bison or MLFY threads that popped up a while back).

"But it's in spam."

Shut up. It doesn't make it any less hurtful, and it doesn't justify it in the slightest. (Hell, in my honest opinion we should get rid of the spam section. It does nothing but stir up bullshit and drama. It's the Mos Eisley Spaceport of FFF.) People will eventually start to take offense at it. That simple process being stopped alone will lower some of the tensions around here rather quickly. Like I said, it's common fucking sense.

Sure, trolling is fun, but it can get out of hand quickly, and yes, I like some light trolling from time to time, but I always try and make sure it doesn't get serious, and I don't attack anyone on a personal level. Usually I just stick to trolling FFVII fanboys.

In order to reduce trolling efficiency, remember this: A key fucking point in trolling is soliciting a response. It breaks down like this:

1) See a troll.
2) Troll is attempting to troll you.
3) Ignore troll.
4) ?????
5) PROFIT!!!

That simple. Keep in mind that in the SB there is an ignore function, and you can also ignore people on the forums by adding them to your blacklist. It works like a fucking charm. Also, there are a handful of people here that I find rather annoying at time, but I never make a deal about it because it's, in all reality, no big deal. Hell, there is one person in particular that annoys the shit out of me, and he has no fucking clue and we talk all the time. (Despite him being an annoying little shit. :wacky:)

So, I'm not sure what's going on that's got you guys all bent out of shape. I realize that this is the internet, and it doesn't matter. Try not to let things bother you. Mind over matter; if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Also, maybe practice some emotional detachment. I don't have problems with anyone here. Why? Because I don't care, that's why. :griin:

In the meantime, have this image:
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I haven’t noticed an increase lately. Well actually, now that I think about it, it began to increase a month or so ago, just before Survivor. I haven’t seen an increase since then though, but you could argue that it has been consistent. I think some people kept their Survivor attitude, and this has transferred onto other people. I haven’t noticed it much, and nothing has been directed at me, but perhaps that might be it.

In general, this is something that will probably never change as people view internet life in different ways and use forums for different purposes. Some people really care about making friends and belonging in the community, whereas others don’t care as much, have picked their select few friends from the site (if any) and then sit from a distance and make jokes about what they see.

I’m a fan of having a laugh myself, and I think it is fine when people tease one another (so long as they don’t go too far – and that is a line that is hard to draw and perhaps shouldn’t be drawn). I also think that some people who have jokes directed at them need to not react to them so violently and counteract with other insults. The counterattacks almost always fail, and it only leads to the amusement of the initial attacker (and usually several onlookers). However, if a person is known to react to something then I don’t think it is a good idea to continue to make the same jokes over and over again knowing that it will cause drama. Then again, that was likely the intention anyway, and therefore that’s why it’ll probably never stop.

It's easy to tell someone to lighten up and get a grip when your mind is in a state that lets you lighten up and get a grip. With other people that isn't always the case.

Everyone’s minds work differently; we don’t all find the same things funny, some of us don’t find anything funny at all, some people overreact to jokes thinking that they are digs, some people deliberately do dig as they find it entertaining and they don’t see anything wrong with that. People will never get along entirely as people both want different things from this forum, and also because people are different and our minds work differently. What’s hilarious to one person might disgust another, and what is upsetting to one person might make someone else laugh. I’d say that we just have to learn which kind of person each is, and adapt, but others would say “why should I? I am what I am”, which is why this will never change as we don’t all view this place in the same way.

I don’t believe that the forum would be boring if we all got along either. Do you all really hate talking to your mates in real life? Can you not have laughs and jokes with your mates without going too far and hurting their feelings? Do you get your kicks in real life by walking around and insulting people all of the time? It’s the internet but the same could apply, it’s just that people view it differently and to some it is an issue, but to others it isn’t.

It would be nice if those that care could try to lighten up a bit, and it would be nice if those that don’t care as much would be a bit more careful around those who do, and just be accepting, but that’s never going to happen I think.
 
Eh, there's always been some form of bickering amongst members/staffers, always someopne pushing things to far, there always will be and that's just life, on and offline, we're a whole bunch of personalities shoved into one place - mostly bored personalities as well. which certainly doesn't help

I do generally tend to keep my opinions to myself, I usually can't be arsed gettinginvolved in whatevers going on, though I have had my moments, and I'l admit, moreso recently. But IMO, it's nothing too bad. I've held my tongue once or twice over a particular member who shall not be named either.

Every now and then, we rise to whatever is being directed at us whereas on another day it'l just go over your head. Shit happens. We're only human.

Also, on the other hand, some people are just FAR too sensitive and need to learn to take a joke - and some of these same people are the ones that over react, make mountains out of mole hills and make a situation a whole lot worse

I do wish everyone could just get along, it can get fucking irritating sometimes, but it'll never happen, becauise there's just always folk we are not gunna get on with
 
Colours said:
In the shoutbox as well, I've even been told this - it's just polite to say hey, even if you hate the person. You don't have to start a topic? You aren't forced to agree, just a simple acknowledgement of them being there. It isn't that hard, and it's not the end of the world. If it really bothers you that much to see someone post, shut off your computer and get some help.
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That was a good post kira and i agree with a lot in what you said, especially the bit about the shoutbox bitching about terra. ALthough like sashman said that topic/thread was a little differnt from the usual. The thread was closed and re opened and while i agree there was really no need for the shoutbox talk. It was to be expected and i cant say i blame anyone tbh
I cant agree with that above though. If you dont like someone better not to say hello i personally find, its not just better but im not gunna bother greeting somone that i dont like....sorry not happening. I wouldnt say hi to someone in real life i dont like and the same applies here. I just felt the need to point that out.
I agree with sashman. (again) Blackstang how about putting the names of people down here? The people who you think are being trolled and are doing the trolling? This thread seems like the perfect place to get it all out. And itl help clarify the issue at hand.
 
lagunas dream said:
If you dont like someone better not to say hello i personally find, its not just better but im not gunna bother greeting somone that i dont like....sorry not happening. I wouldnt say hi to someone in real life i dont like and the same applies here. I just felt the need to point that out.
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Same, I wouldn't feel the need to say hello to someone I didnt like, I'l just say hello to the SB in general anyway. I'd never go out of my way to greet/make a conversation with someone I disliked though. What's the point? It's not even like you can use the 'it's common courtesy' card either. You don't say hello to everyone you come across IRL. Why should it be any different on here? Tolerence is as good as you're gunna get from me
 
How many members are active on here every day? Sub 200.

From all counties, social upbringings of every kind, experience with bullying and people who are just plain assholes IRL. It translates in to there online demeanour and tolerance for other attitudes.

Take me and Laguna....we had very few interactions, and most of them have not ended in what you may call a friendly outcome......the other day he called me a TWAT!.....that really hurt.....and one time he tried to have me BANNED that SOB, it just based on our different outlooks and agendas.

But it all works out in the end, and if at some time in the future and we are in the same thread or on the SB, we may not get along but we should at least be able to be amicable
towards each other.

Maybe we should assign a group of veteran FFF members to act as mentors to newer/ younger members so they can guide these Newbies in a way that the rest of the forum will be accepting towards them and teach them, lets say, respectful etiquete?

I might be a shite Idea , and members may not want to take rookies under there wing and fair enough, but if this is a problem just waiting to run rampant beneath surface we could save our selves al ot of problems in the future introducing such a poilicie.

If the antagonistic nature of some mebers can manifest in some one to the point whjere they make a thread speaking about Harmony and unity in the thread then it could get worse......what if someone here says the wrong thing at the wrong time and it sets someone of,,,,,suicide?, murder?,massacre?.

Too extreme?
 
GalaxyFlare said:
......what if someone here says the wrong thing at the wrong time and it sets someone of,,,,,suicide?, murder?,massacre?.
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Other people actions aren't my responsibility, and if someones gunna react to that extreme over abit of internet name calling however hurtful, then they clearly have some serious issues to begin with
 
In the end, I just don't think what people say about you over the internet should really be taken to heart by anybody. I value my internet friends as well, but all the same, if one's peeved at me it wouldn't get at me in the same way as it would if one of my close IRL friends were.

About what Channy said about insults from people you don't know - I don't see why you'd be insulted by somebody you didn't know on the internet calling you a whore. I mean, I'd be much more insulted if somebody I knew called me that. To me, insults from people I don't know don't matter because how can they insult you if they don't actually know you?
Then again, everyone reacts differently and that's probably part of the problem. Obviously some people are able to take anything with a pinch of salt and others get offended at the slightest insult. What one person classes as ok can be really insulting to other people, and I guess that's something people just need to get over.
 
Agreed Artemecion.

I was just making an extreme point there people are responsible for there own actions after all......and quite frankly people like that dont seem like the people to hang out here at FFF, my bad for going to far.

The Thin White Line.

This thread reminds of people who cant stand being sworn at.....they are so precious
you call them a !@#$% bitch and they say "Dont talk to me that way".....I think any supposed bullying happens on a more subtle level.....sociopaths can be very cunning.

The best Defence for this is to not expose your self to negative influences, as mention above most of us will never meet and any "bullies active on FFF can only attack you with what you put out there.

If people are afraid of being attacked for being Gay, slower than other people, Too seriouse and other states of being then dont put them out to the online world, its a sad state of affairs if FFF has come to this point which I dont think it has.

As the man says "Name Names" Stang!
 
Sorry, I'm not putting out names. This is more of a generalized thing that I'm seeing, so I can't really put out names without typing out a novel. But considering I'm trying to play peacemaker, wouldn't calling out names be sort of counterproductive? Look, I'm trying to put the past behind us, forgive and forget, and all that happy horse shit.

I'll say it again, can't we all just get along?
 
Not as long as your supposed "bullies" still exist on the forum.

How can things change if those elements that cause the problem remain?

If negative people need to be expunged to make the place better.......
 
There were always be trolls on a forum, and I'm not asking to extinguish them. I just want to see it get toned down a bit. Sadly, I didn't think I was in the minority with this thought. Oh well, I just wanted to reach out to my fellow FFFers to ease the mood a bit, but my efforts were futile. Didn't hurt to try though. :ryan:
 
Stang just ignore the bastards!

If they have to be here of all places to pick on people or just FFFers,to use your words, are just acting like jerks then let them be, pity them and be the bigger man..........and just think if you ever do meet these guys or girls IRL you could probably take them in a fight!

Join a club or make a club based on mutual respect and be a real minority?
 
Naw it's not futile, we're just...human. People en mass will never all get on. It's a shame, but it's jut the way the world works. If someone is exposing a weakness, i.e. in ToTA, there will always be someone that picks up on that and expolits it, likewise, there will always be one that will try their hardest to offer up some help however they can.

I think most of us get on ok anyway - and for the most part, it's just harmless banter. At least, that's how I see it anyway

And there's always the 'Ignore' feature :monster:
 
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