We share blood, but we're not family.

[Squid]

I have a couple of members of my family like that.
Two uncles on my Mum's side, they're greedy, lazy, filthy assholes who use my mum and aunty and stinge off all their money!!

One uncle came to our house all the way from Malaysia, didn't tell us and just decided he was living with us for a while, after about 6 months of him going "I'll move out soon" etc then bagging my mum for not taking care of him better I'd finally had enough. I told him to pack his shit and GTFO of our house!!

He then ventured to my Aunties house and stayed there for another 6 months.

He is someone who has the same blood as me but I wouldn't consider family!

 

[Shu]

I agree as well actually. I do believe in having good family, but one of my cousins went on a crazy route where she started making accusations about family members (myself not included unfortunately, or else would of loved to call her on it).. She distanced quite a few of us, and makes it so it's hard to talk to her. I prefer her and her husband just stay down south.. of Mississippi and just don't come back to the family get togethers. She's always looking for a reason to be dramatic.

Meaning she's a little loaded now thanks to the dude and his family business, and basically slandered a few of us for making any sort of disrespect for him not graduating and going into the family business. He's a bigger fellow and he basically quotes people, rather than interacts with his own personality. To me he could be a good friend, but my cousin puts the divider in between us all, like she's ashamed of us.

 

[Rapture]

I totally don't believe in the whole "because you are family you must love someone" line.

What I've learned is that blood or not, some people are really awful and meaningless for me to have in my life.

I have family down south that I've completely written off. They are mindless, celf-centered..and have proven that they only care primarily about themselves. Why should I have to care about them? I don't. I'm done reaching out to them and I'll never have a thing to do with them for the rest of my life...and I'm done wasting my time on them.

The whole purpose of being in a family is loving and caring for one another and just because you might share blood with them doesn't mean much. I have good friends in my life that I consider more family to me than friends. It doesn't take blood to love or care for someone...just respect and a caring attitude.

 

[Noize]

IMO, You're right. My motto is: Once you're out the cunt, you're your own person. Your parents may have given birth to you, and you may have entered the family, or so to speak, but it doesn't mean you have to show/give love to your relatives.

My family is a perfect example. just about all the relatives that live in Victoria (Australia) pretty much hate my dad and vice versa, except for like.... 2-3 relatives.

 

[Harlequin]

And personally, I'd rather have friends who are logical than friends who are not. Or at least are logical most of the time. Because I think logic is necessary to make a good judgment, and just because most people don't use it isn't a reason why it shouldn't be promoted, or that relationships can't be dealt with logically. I also happen to respect people who think logically than those who do not. Your mileage may vary, but that's my opinion on it.

Well I feel that logic and rationale are both subjective and whilst it's perfectly fine to expect your friends to conform to your idea of logic, you're putting it out there as if you have some sort of irrefutable viewpoint on what's logical and what isn't. You speak of relationships as if they're as discernable as mathematics. They're not.

It does no good to continue living with it and either pretending you agree with it and facing whatever comes your way or to be honest about it and be afraid that people will look badly on her or you.

It's not a question of pretending you agree with it that's not the point I was making. If your wife or girlfriend or whatever is being criticised the last thing she needs is you piling in. Logically, she won't appreciate it, logically, she thinks she's right, logically, going against her publically will make her feel very insecure.

The same goes for criticisms in general. Logically you should always be as harsh as possible - for the sake of improvement right? Wrong.

Some people can't take criticism, they live off patronisation. The second you tell someone what you feel they need to hear it might knock their confidence, they'll feel as if you're being unkind - when in fact you aren't, you're just telling them what you feel they need to hear. Now you could say that it would be best to tell the truth, but some don't have it in them to improve and to expect it from them would, logically, be a very alienating attitude.

As for the topic on a whole, it's easy to lose sight of why you should appreciate the family you have (yes I know some families are genuinely terrible but let's face it most aren't that bad), but as soon as you're in the real world and you realise and experience that everyone is out for themselves you just look back and realise how petulant you were being. So what if they don't care about what you do in your spare time? So what if they don't approve of how you dress? Who you hang out with? Fucking deal with it or be a bitter person for the rest of your life because sadly that's people.

 

[der Astronom]

Well I feel that logic and rationale are both subjective and whilst it's perfectly fine to expect your friends to conform to your idea of logic, you're putting it out there as if you have some sort of irrefutable viewpoint on what's logical and what isn't. You speak of relationships as if they're as discernable as mathematics. They're not.

No, I just happen to think that we can discuss certain aspects of things that are logical (that we are able to love is due to chemicals like hormones; this is based on things we have discovered logically. How you choose to interpret the existence of love is up to discussion). I'm just offering some things that I think are worth considering.

It's not a question of pretending you agree with it that's not the point I was making. If your wife or girlfriend or whatever is being criticised the last thing she needs is you piling in. Logically, she won't appreciate it, logically, she thinks she's right, logically, going against her publically will make her feel very insecure.

It's still dishonest. And if she has such a narrow-minded me-against-her sort of mentality, then frankly, I don't think she's worth being my girlfriend if it was up to me. How do you plan on pointing it out to her anyways? Is she going to always be insecure about people telling her she's wrong, and people are always going to have the same perspective they had about her as before because she couldn't change that part of her that no one could tell her?

The same goes for criticisms in general. Logically you should always be as harsh as possible - for the sake of improvement right? Wrong.

Actually, it works like that in art. If you don't get any constructive criticism, you'll probably never improve. Some people happen to be more receptive towards it than others, so it doesn't really depend on whether or not you can give people advice or be brutally honest; it depends on the person on the receiving end. I've noticed some people are happy to get brutally honest critique on their artwork, and on the other end, I've noticed other people are particularly peeved about receiving any sort of criticism, even if it is constructive.

Some people can't take criticism, they live off patronisation. The second you tell someone what you feel they need to hear it might knock their confidence, they'll feel as if you're being unkind - when in fact you aren't, you're just telling them what you feel they need to hear. Now you could say that it would be best to tell the truth, but some don't have it in them to improve and to expect it from them would, logically, be a very alienating attitude.

But I happen to think it's not going to do some of these people any good to just tell them the things they want to hear. You're just spoiling them, and making it worse for them when someone else actually does spill the beans. Better to practice being receptive to criticism than to shun it completely and hope no one else offers any criticism. And if they've gotten to that point, they're probably hopeless.

As for the topic on a whole, it's easy to lose sight of why you should appreciate the family you have (yes I know some families are genuinely terrible but let's face it most aren't that bad), but as soon as you're in the real world and you realise and experience that everyone is out for themselves you just look back and realise how petulant you were being. So what if they don't care about what you do in your spare time? So what if they don't approve of how you dress? Who you hang out with? Fucking deal with it or be a bitter person for the rest of your life because sadly that's people.

That problem goes away naturally quite simply because most people move out and live on their own. Now that you don't have to share your living space with your parents, they can't complain about how you dress or what you do on your spare time. I tend to think most of this conflict arises from having to share living space, so if you take away this problem, most people just forget about it. I don't know if they ever consider it silly afterwards (perhaps just annoying), but it's not worth hating someone over because it's just a temporary problem.
But I find it more plausible for someone to hate their parents for making them wear skirts or burkas because it might be part of suppression against religious freedom or because it's a statement of their sexist attitudes, in which case, there's probably more going on there than just simply making you wear a skirt. The same could be said about parents preventing children from leaving home or having friends over; any parent who does this would effectively be starving off the child's social development.

 

[Harlequin]

No, I just happen to think that we can discuss certain aspects of things that are logical (that we are able to love is due to chemicals like hormones; this is based on things we have discovered logically. How you choose to interpret the existence of love is up to discussion). I'm just offering some things that I think are worth considering.

And so am I. As I stated earlier I was never imploring anyone to love their family members, but hate and resentment for an individual isn't healthy, it's akin to drinking poison and hoping another will suffer from it.

How do you plan on pointing it out to her anyways? Is she going to always be insecure about people telling her she's wrong, and people are always going to have the same perspective they had about her as before because she couldn't change that part of her that no one could tell her?

Well there's certainly a time and a place for that kind of thing and even if she's wrong calling her up on it while she's facing the scorn is a bad move in my experience, but maybe I'm wrong.

 

[der Astronom]

And so am I. As I stated earlier I was never imploring anyone to love their family members, but hate and resentment for an individual isn't healthy, it's akin to drinking poison and hoping another will suffer from it.

I agree it isn't, but not respecting someone doesn't necessarily mean you hate them; maybe you dislike them, but you can't be bothered to spend more time on your dislike of them. So maybe some people don't like their family members because they didn't enjoy sharing living space with them, and maybe they don't feel they deserve any respect, but since they'll probably move out eventually, they can't hate them forever.

Well there's certainly a time and a place for that kind of thing and even if she's wrong calling her up on it while she's facing the scorn is a bad move in my experience, but maybe I'm wrong.

Well, if you're sure by the time you get around to telling her about it that she'll still be receptive to criticism, I suppose it's alright. But if she's spending all that time being told everything's okay, it might be harder to convince her.

 

[Saints&Storms]

I actually agree, there is and are some pieces of my family that I have no desire to talk to anymore or be in contact with, they have done too much too me and my siblings, and others too -- not that I don't love them but they don't really care about anything but themselves. They would stomp on anyone -- including blood -- to achieve it. That and they believe only they matter. Like OP said -- should someone really be forced to faun after someone who treats them like less than nothing or close to it? No, that's what I say.

However, I'd never turn my cheek to them if they needed me, and I'd love them but I couldn't handle being around a negative, selfish person like that.

 

[Roland_Deschain]

Well the its all about perspective, most of those people who say "you have to love them" are the people who in perfect happy familys who worst problem is an argument over overcooked dinner....and have no idea about drug addicts or violent characters.

You absolutely do not need too love your family on any written grounds or for even any moral reason.

I will say though...I think family deserves more chances than the average "joe" before you begin to hate them. Come on guys, we have to stick together.

 

[L]

despite how much of a loner i am and weak ties i have to my family as a whole, i really do feel like i have a strong sense of family. But my sister, my direct, one and only sister, she really just pushes it.

I am just so tired of her shit, and it's not just some typical sibling rivalry. She's just always being a dumbass and doing shit without even giving thought to who her actions effect.

She just got out of prison for skipping court and got an extra month in because her worthless shit-for-brains attorney couldn't provide her with information she needed and her transfer to another prison was overlooked. While she was in there for a few months, she wrote us all these letters about how she was so sorry about stuff and how she was going to do better, you know the same old same raggedy ass bullshit if you've ever listened to me talk about my sister

as soon as she gets out of prison and we drive halfway across the goddamn state to bring her back into our home, what does she do after being told we want to give her car to her sister (my half sister)?

she turns around and is just pigheaded stubborn about it and refuses to surrender the car to her. she can't make payments on the car because she doesnt have a job, and because she let her fucking retarded ex boyfriend drive her car and fucked it up all to hell, it increased the rates of my moms insurance since the car was in her name.

there was no way we could pay the rate they were asking, and knowing this she still wanted to act like a completely retarded pigheaded cunt. god i could punch her in her fucking face

today she told us she was going out to our half sisters house to get the keys for her car, but as soon as she told us we beat her to the punch and got the keys before she could get there and told her so

then she started bitching about how she was going to take the tags off the car so that it would get towed. I wonder if she realizes that shes killing her own mother by stressing her out so much. My moms been lying in bed when she gets home from work for the past 2 weeks with headaches because she is just so stressed out

she acts like shes so proud of our father and that he was so amazing, but i bet he is turning in his goddamn grave watching her act like such a little shithead. she treats everyone around her like they're dirt; expendable.

knowing how crazy she gets, right now we are sitting at home waiting for a beatdown with her and whoever she decides to bring in through our front door. I don't think that it will come to that, but I do not blame my mom for being afraid as my sister has injured her before in an act of aggression over having her cell phone taken away

its hard to call someone like that your family. but it's not like this is the first time something like this has happened. It's just been disappointment after disappointment, betrayal after betrayal.

It shames me to think of her as my sister when half the time I think of her, I just want to kick her ass. I don't know if there's a word for being unofficially disowned, but this is the end for me

we are done with her shit. every time we try to help her she just wants to shoot herself in the foot and drag us down with her - it's just broken the boundary line of "going through a rough time" and "being a completely retarded jackass" in an incomprehensible way

i think if someone told me i "have to" love my sister because shes the same flesh and blood, id kindly tell them to fuck off

 

[Howl]

You can be raised my foster parents who are in no way related to you and I would consider them more "family" than the real parents who became estranged. You can fool yourself into thinking you care about someone, but you will never be able to force real love or affection.
I do not find myself pretending to get along with family members just because of who they are. On the other hand, because someone is in my family, I will refrain from rudeness. I'll never blatantly tell a family member that I think they're a scorching turd. It would only cause problems.

 

[ElvenAngel]

I know this kinda plight. I like to think I get on well with the majority of my family (and since we're talking about a Greek family, we're talking pretty freakin' huge--it's more of a mob than a family, heh!) but there still are relatives of mine that I cannot bear for one reason or another.

And then there's those who, while I know care a lot about me and I care about them because they're good people just plain PISS. ME. OFF.

One of the more prominent examples of the latter is my half-brother. He's really nice, easy-going guy (to the point where he gets irritating) but he's up to his nose in religion (he follows a different Christian branch than me and my parents) and he will not shut up about it. He's even entered preacher school now. *groan* We don't talk a lot. He lives in the US. We get along okay but I suppose it's because we only see each other every few years or so and talk rarely on the phone (he doesn't call a lot and when he does I'm usually out of the house). I'm pretty sure if we spent more than a month in the constant presence of each other we'd be at each other's throats for a million reasons.

The same goes with my two half-sisters but for other reasons...mostly. The thing is, though we get a long okay, there's a LOT of unspoken apprehension between us that has to do with the family fortune and who'll get what in case dad passes away. And I'm also fairly angry at my sister who is leeching money off my dad even though she's over 40 and should be able to look after her own monetary needs instead of mooching off dad--my problem here is not the money, it's the stress it puts dad through. I'm not a perfect daughter myself but I sure as heck don't go begging for money at the drop of a hat...and I'm the unemployed one!

But yeah, then there's my aunts and uncles from the country. I don't know whether they're just that backwards or they're fuckin' with me for the lulz, but ever since I turned 20 my two aunts have been trying to get me married. They're always suggesting I go meet certain guys (including a priest's son with whom I had an epic fistfight when we were both kids) that I couldn't care less about. And I know for a fact that behind my back they're always talking about how I'm going to end up like an old maid because I'm fat and too focused on being independent.

They've also talked shit about my mom 'for letting me turn out that way' or something... they take issue with who I am, my tastes, my language, my behavior and the fact I'm outspoken. My cousin, ffs, who is only 9 years my senior once saw me playing FF8 (I was summoning Diablo) and commented I was playing 'satanic stuff'.

Fun.

I still don't know what's kept me from getting in their faces and telling them to mind their own bloody business. I don't even know if I'd wanna get married and honestly I'm apprehensive about having kids. When I was younger one of my aunts actually boldly asked me if I was gonna be one of those women who care more about career and society than family and all that domestic felicity hogwash... Seriously?! Yeah I like myself some domestic work because I like living in a tidy, clean place and eating good stuff I've cooked and wearing clean clothes that I've washed but ffs, it doesn't mean I wanna make a career outta housekeeping.

My being fed up with them and their prissiness has come to the point where for the last 5 years I've avoided visiting them in the country as much as I've managed. When I have to visit, I keep them short and try to avoid staying at their place...which is really hard. My parents aren't happy about this and the relatives certainly complain, saying they miss me. Well shit, if you've missed me, just promise you won't get all preachy about whether I'm wearing a unisex T-shirt and not a feminine blouse or whether I choose to be out spoken about stuff...or whether I'm 25 and not bloody married and shooting out kids.

I always had the handicap of being the little one in terms of family, until my cousins and sisters married and had kids (at which point I have been promoted to something of a cool aunt I guess). Everyone's always been patronizing my ass to hell and back. I mean, up till 4 years ago, any time my parents went outta town and I had the house to myself, everyone'd call to check on me! We're talking like a dozen calls within a few hours. I wanted to tell everyone to go to hell...

But alas, I'm a stupidly nice person. I don't cuss my family out just because I can't stand them. I know I can at least count on them for a solid if I ever need one. But at the same time, I know that at least some of them will try to figuratively bury me if it means they gain something. That's just how my lot rolls and we all know it.

So yeah. I LIKE most people from my family because for all their faults, I've known them enough to know that they're good people despite their bad habits and backwards thinking. But the ones I really love are few and they know that I love them because I'm generally a very loving, stupidly clingy little girl when I'm comfortable with people and I'm comfortable with them.

 

[Tyler Breeze]

This may sound mean, but honestly I only keep contact with my parents, Lil Broskis, my aunt on my moms side (me and my aunt are the same age, we grew up together) and my uncle on my moms side. Most others I either don't care about or never even met. Doesn't faze me.