Serious Long Distance Relationships.

[LadyHermes]

Now, I personally, have been in a long distance relationship before and unfortunatly it didn't work out for me.

But the real question is...

Do they actually work? Because the only problem i see with it is trust. Because the two are far away from one another and they have no idea what the other is doing, so paranoia will set in at some point....

 

[Dee]

I think they can work under certain circumstances:

1) If you're already in a relationship and say for instance your significant other/spouse is serving in one of the armed forces,

2) If you're already in a relationship and what is keeping you from seeing one another is business-related,

3) Two people genuinely in love and dedicated to one another and intend on coming together one day.

However, if you meet a person online and they come to visit maybe one or two times and then they go back to their lives wherever, I think that is a more difficult situation to handle. For one, you cannot spend enough time with them in order to build trust; therefore, you do not know if they're going to be faithful.

Long distance relationships are tough. I'm not saying they're impossible to maintain or a dumb idea. Personally, I would never have a long distance relationship unless I was already engaged or married, but I can't even fathom dating someone in person at the moment.

 

[Tmoo]

i've been through one. it depends on the people involved. in my case, we approached the relationship differently and that ultimately caused its deterioration. lack of communication, distance, differing expectations from the relationship...yeah, those are elements of failure. that's not including personality differences and the lingering 'what if' of them not being who you think they are. it's a risky business.

that said, i've seen success stories...so it's not impossible.

 

[Jamesy]

It would take someone really awesome to get me into that again.

Firstly, you'd have to be willing to move country. Not a problem if you live in a city 50 miles away, thats driving distance. When theres a big body of water seperating you and her its harder. In saying that it would give me a good kick to actually get out of where I live and give me new prospects.

 

[Shaissa]

Me personally? Simple answer No.

Now I'm not talking about if someone goes into the military, thats different. I'm assuming you mean that they meet online or something and have a relationship in different states or something...

I just don't think it can work for human flaws personally.

1. You will never actually see them ever
2. You never feel that real connection that you do in person
3. You don't really feel a real relationship towards a person that you never really met face to face.

I mean I gues they Can work... but you have to have like 100% trust with someone you wont really see... who can be hanging out with whoever they want and you won't ever know about it, and at the same time you will never know if there with anyone ever...

 

[Jamesy]

tbh I find you get more of a connection. In real life you come across flaws pretty quickly and its up to you to accept them. People purposely try and hide flaws online, no matter how close, you don't know what they're exactly like.. which is an upside or a downside depending on how you look at it. a downside for me.. flaws are what makes it real.

 

[Channizard]

I don't think I could really do it again. Two of my longest lasting relationships were LD but that also had a lot to do with me having issues with meeting guys face to face without turning into some giggly mess. So when meets were finally established, I learned two things: flaws are more personable and real, and if you do have incredible chemistry, you find it extremely hard to go back to being online.

Mr. James is right though, you learn a lot from a person when you're with them every day (at least for a while) and you see flaws in them that they probably didn't tell you, or may not even be aware of themselves.

That said, a driving distance LDR is possible and could maybe work, but it all depends on:

How commited you two are together and how much trust there is
And how secure you are with yourself

Because if you're all insecure about your relationship and worrying that they're off doing someone else when they're away for a week or something, then you disable the trust system and basically sabotage the relationship.

 

[Bambi]

seeing as my original post got deleted, il put in a bit more effort

im not sure i could do it again, on one hand, you an get to know a person alot better, because you have to communicate more when its over this kind of medium, otherwise youre not gunna have any kind of connection to build on. theres too many distractions IRL and you spend all the time you can with a person, and still not really know them

on the other hand though, its fucking, hard, theres alot of compromise, someone is gunna have to take that step and move - not something i personally have an issue with, as ive moved that much in my time it doesnt really bother me. moving somewhere new is exciting. but you both have to really be on the same page and really want it, and for the most part, i cant see long distance RS working. they tend to fizzle out, or insecurities will pull you apart. A busy personal life style can take over. There's so many odds stacked against it working

I can't say I'd rule it out - but I'd never strike a relationship up with anyone that I realistically couldnt get too regular. I just wouldnt see the point if I was in Manchester and he was in America. I'd certainly be wary of it going tits up. i'D PROBABLY EXPECT IT TO TBH. Caps.

 

[Gingerbread Lesbian]

I don't think it's an impossibility, it's just highly unlikely. Even when my ex and I had been going out for 18 months I knew deep down that if I wasn't able to come to CCCU then it would inevitably end at some point even if it wasn't straight away. Ultimately, the long distance did actually kill the relationship even though I got in anyway.

You just have a mountain of problems to face when you're in a long distance relationship. Trust is a huge issue, even if you didn't have a reason not to trust said person I think part of most people will always have a niggling thought in the back of their mind at some point if you're ridiculously far away from each other. Contact is ESSENTIAL, if you cba to make the effort to contact someone in an LDR then you sure as hell weren't going to make the effort if you could see them daily. Seeing each other may or not become an issue either, if I had got into a different university I know for a fact I would have been unable to see my ex a) because of lack of time and b) lack of money needed, if you know you're going to be extremely limited in seeing them (unless you know it's going to work; and I know people here who have and are continuing to make it work) it'd probably best to end it.

Just from personal perspective; not to say it LDRs can't work - just unlikely.

 

[Toshiya]

I'd say they can work depending on the circumstances. Like some people have said, if you were together and then one of you went away to work somewhere else for long periods of time before coming home again, I think, as long as you trust each other, that can work fine.
It's different if you're both in your teens and you go off to university, though. At that age, let's face it, you're probably not going to stay together for your whole lives and once one of you goes to uni, goes to parties and meets new people... it's gonna go tits up. I'm under no illusions that me and the guy I'm seeing are going to be together forever... I'd say that if we do end up in a relationship it might last until I go to uni and he goes into the RAF regiment; no longer than that. That's only a year and a half.

Anyway, I've done long distance before. Well, sort of. I met the guy through cadets and he lives about 2 hours on the train away from where I do. It was hard, I didn't see him at all during the weekdays and not always at weekends, one of us was usually busy and couldn't go see the other. We didn't see each other enough, he cheated on me, it ended. So, I think it would take a special kind of person to make me want to do long distance again
On the plus side, you don't get crowded. If you're both the kind of people that don't want to see each other all the time then sure, it can work. I can't bear it when somebody is talking or trying to see me 24/7... I like my space.

 

[Six]

They can work, you just gotta have two people that are dedicated to go through the loads of pain of missing someone.

Jeff and I have been together for 5 years, moving hasn't been an option seeing you gotta be 21 for that, and it's not the easiest decision. However we've discussed it, the plan is that he's moving here, whenever we have the amount of money saved up, but I'm also interested in moving there. Through out the years we've visited and just chatted through instant messengers when the other isn't around.

I met him online through a friend of mine from America, so yeah, I'm not being overly positive about this either. A lot of relationships that are LD don't get far because some people don't take it seriously, aren't trustable etc, but sometimes there's those people that are actually loyal to each other, which makes it a lot easier.

I'm still positive on my relationship. I hope that within 2 years, one of us has moved.

However though, yeah, LD relationships can work, mine has been for about 5 years, ups and downs included. Every relationship has that.

 

[Dean Winchester]

Not intending to sound like a broken record, but it really is a matter of trust. A person who is all mess over jealousy can't and will most likely never be able to get into a LDR. It is all a matter about commitment, of course, like in every relationship, communication is a must.

These relationships usually never work (of course there are exceptions to the statement) because one (or both) most likely don't take it seriously, or are maybe too caught in the "-what if".

When it comes to online, I think you get to know some people better while online because they aren't afraid to show who they really are, mainly because they are hiding behind another "persona" or "mask". There's not the social pressure that can be found in RL with a lot of people (family, friends, bosses, co-workers) expecting you to behave one way.

The relationships can work if you both live within a reachable area not in a different continent because it would take a very especial kind of person to make that relationship work.

Personally, I don't like LDR, not saying I wouldn't give it a shot, it all depends whether or not both of us would be fully committed to the relationship.


Anyhow, looking it from a completely pessimistic perspective, it's like they say around my place: "Love from afar... happy trio"

 

[Rapture]

I've had a couple of long distance relationships...and they haven't worked out for me. I missed the other person constantly...then you start wondering what they doing and if they are seeing someone else. Either you are sad because you are missing them or worried because you don't know if they'll ever decide to move on. It takes a lot of dedication, trust, and faith in the relationship itself from both parties to really make it work.

Really though...I don't see myself getting into another one. I'm ready to have a relationship with someone I can see everyday and have in my life everyday. I deserve someone who will make a firm committment to me and our life together. I do understand circumstances may take them away from me from time to time (like for business or their career)...but they'd always come back to me. I just don't see how if you loved someone and felt for them so strongly...how you wouldn't want to be with them and make them your first priority...or at least work to make being with them your first priority anyways.

 

[DeusExLumina]

I've been through one, and it wasn't really trust that messed us up, it was lonliness.

We were going to school in different places and barely communicated. We rarely saw eachother and when we did it was for a few hours at the most.

But yeah, I felt more lonely with her than I did without her so eventually we broke up.

 

[Shu]

If you were to ask the general question, can long distance relationships exist? I would say yes, but if you were personally asking me.. would I ever do a long distance relationship again? I would tell you No.

I've been through quite a few relationships where if for instance we lived closer, then yes of course I assume at that time we would still be together. Often times though love is outside the grasp of a natural relationship, and understanding it defeats the purpose. Long distance relationships are good for a short time, but eventually no matter what.. they dissipate. I have never seen a long distance relationship carry out for 10+ years. Once you have the physical intimacy and the emotional attachment that it bares often times, it's easier to look in proximity to you than to that person who is 100/1000 miles away.

It's hard when sometimes all it takes is the feeling of a hug/kiss to make the day turn around. Even a man like myself can admit that it feels good to hug my wife when shit just be biting at my heels. I can not do that with someone in a long distance, so it's best to remain friends and tell each other tales over time.

 

[Rydrum2112]

Sure they work. I am in my 6th year of one. While I have been in grad school my gf is 5hrs from me. It is not easy but is doable.

 

[Squid]

I have been in a long distance relationship a while ago and am currently in a normal relationship.

I think the reason my long distance relationship didn't work out is for a few reasons:

1. Yes, the trust thing is an issue, you never know what they're really doing, and if you have never met them in real life how do you know anything they are telling you is true? I found myself constantly doubting the guy because I found that I didn't really trust anything he was saying.

2. I think the main reason anyone wants to be in a relationship is for the physical loving too? Like having someone hug you or be able to stroke your hair or give you a real kiss. Long distance just feels like you're talking to someone that you are able to flirt with and say nice things with but you don't have that physical love that all relationships need.

well anyway, thats why I found mine didn't work.

 

[Crystal]

To me it depends on the distance if they will work or not and how people deal with it.
It can work (if you meet someone online) if it is a few hours away (driving) and you are able to see each other from time to time.
I knew two people who had a long distance relationship and it was killing them that they were not able to meet each other soon.
But then again, I know someone from school who is also in a long distance relationship (mexico, netherlands) and he is really happy and in love. So of course there are exceptions, but I do think most long distance relationships don't work.

I had one when I was 14/ 15, I didn't even know the guy, he was from America, we talked a few days, saw a picture, he was cute so I said yes when he asked me *facepalm* , turned out everything was a big lie. The guy on the picture was his brother, I already had doubts a few days later about him, everything he said was so unreal. He said he would buy me stuff, come to the Netherlands and shit, And he didn't stop bothering me when I broke up. So yeah, for me long distance relationships are over. For some it might work, but like it was said before, it depends on trust and dedication

 

[Noize]

Like others have stated before me, they can work. I should know because most of my relationships have been long distance, although i did meet them face to face whenever i could.

It all depends on willpower, determination and Trust. Without those 3 things concreting your relationship with that significant other, the relationship's just going to crumble.