ALPHA AS FUCK

Abstract Debauchery

Abstract Debauchery

High Mage of Loathing
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So, today I'm out with two friends to go see True Grit at the theater. I've seen it twice when I pirated it, but I liked it so much I wanted to see it again. The movie begins and I notice that the two morons in front of us haven't shut the fuck up yet.

So, there we sit, just waiting for them to quiet down, and for 25 minutes, they keep going.

The dude is on his cell, and the girl just keeps fucking laughing and talking as if no one is around to hear her.

I've had enough at this point. So, I put my feet on the back of her seat, and started kicking it like the fist of the fucking north star.

This goes on for about 2 minutes, and the dude stands up, looks at me directly, and very rudely asks, "Dude, you mind? Stop fucking kicking my girlfriends seat."

I did nothing but smile as I turned to him and replied, "Dude, you mind shutting the fuck up?"

They then got up, and left the movie. I was happy, and we watched the rest of True Grit in peace.

ALPHA AS FUCK.
 
Hate it when people can't turn off their damn cell phones in a movie theater. The world won't end if you can't get that text message for a whole two hours. You'll be aight.
 
Someone's baby kept climbing over the seat in front of me and hitting my knee once during a movie 8( I was like are you serious parent/guardian, what if I was a pedo and just snatched them up while you weren't looking? :ffs:
 
Damn I could use you at the movies XD When that happens to me I just take my shoes off and prop my feet up on the seat in front of me. Your method is highly effective XD /Hasnt seen True Grit in forever.
 
Hey guys, I thought I'd share a story from January with you

My dad was sick, I mean really sick and had to go into hospital again. To take my mind off of it, my girlfriend Alice took me to see True Grit, a film I had wanted to see for ages.

Alice doesn't go out in public too often because she has bad facial scarring from a childhood fire, as well as a nervous twitch that causes her to laugh uncontrollably. That's why her offer to take me to the cinema meant so much to me, what with my whole dad situation.

Anyways when we got to the film these three guys sat in the row behind us, one of them bragging about how 'l33t' he was for pirating the film ages ago. Alice started to laugh as even in the dark she felt self-conscious, so naturally I began to help her calm down.

That's when my phone went off, I normally wouldn't answer it in a cinema but the number was my dad's doctor. I began to get up to leave as I answered, what I heard next knocked me on my ass

My dad had just died, and with his last breath asked for me. My surroundings had faded to a blur, I heard my mouth shouting questions down the phone without the courtesy of first forming in my mind. I later realised that by now Alice had entirely broken down in to fits of panicked uncontrollable laughter.

Then some asshole starts kicking Alice's seat for some reason, probably to show boat in front of his pals I guess. I asked him to stop and he told me to shut the fuck up, by then though I had decided to get to the hospital as quickly as possible

Alice still hasn't left her room since that day, not even to attend my dad's funeral.
 
I am sorry, Licky. However, that is no excuse to be speaking for twenty five minutes straight, and the cinema is no place to answer a phone call like that. You clearly should have went to the lobby. I am sorry for the trauma I caused poor Alice, please give her my regards. If I had simply understood the situation, I would have been much more gentleman like, please believe me.

However, I stand by what I said; the middle of a cinema is no place for casual conversation when the movie has started, and that phone call should have been taken in the lobby.

Good day.

Your pal,



Exocræt
 
Hi guys, I thought I'd tell you all a tale.
I am a seat at a cinema.
On a cool day in January, all days are cold when you are a cinema seat, this chick came and sat on me so she could watch True Grit.
She was incredibly deformed, her face was all cut up, like someone had given her a Glasgow Grin. So she sat down with her boyfriend to watch the movie and for some reason she started laughing. I don't know why, I'm just a seat. Anyway some guy behind me who was sitting on my buddy Steve started kicking me. I was going to beat him to a pulp, but he stopped when the guy next to the chick turned round to talk to the guy who kicked me. I don't know a lot about what followed as I'm just a seat, what I do know is the chick with the cut up face started crying because her tears landed on me.
 
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This is a good idea, Licky. However, I have written one, you have written one, and Hal has written one. Someone else needs to write the view of the projector.
 
The best way to emulate is to be incredibly unfunny but think you being are hilarious.
 
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