Serious Advice

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I cant believe im posting this here but i really do feel lost enough to ask advice of you folks here.

Short story. My mums got terminal bone cancer. Its spread throughout her whole body, shes dying and we dont know how long she has left. Im going to the bank 2moro to take out a loan to pay for her funeral. Thing is. My mum is the only person in the world i have. I have a dad who ive seen maybe 7 times in 7 years. A family who values paper money over blood relatives.
Its been on my mind alot and im so jealous of her faith in god and christianity etc. I wish there was some way i could have faith like that, but its just not me. I dont want to turn this into a religious debate. The second it does if theres a mod reading please close the thread. Im being selfish cuz all i can think about it me. After shes gone i have absolutely no one left in the world and it really saddens me. You know when you feel like youv hit a brick wall? That feels like me right now =/
 
Oh, my God, Lew, i'm so sorry to hear that. :sad3:. I've known you a good few years from here now, and i know you've talked very highly of your mom. I can't imagine what you two are going through. I guess all i can say for now is that i'll keep you guys in my thoughts and if you need anyone to talk to, you know where to find me.
 
I can't even imagine what you're going through right now, Lewis. You know me, I'm the same with my mom, so I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I can't offer anything else, but I hope that you know the people you befriended over the internet, are people that care and are worried about you. I just hope you know that if you need anything, or if there's anything I can do, just give me a shout. You know where to find me if you need someone to talk to, or to just listen.

I really wish you the best of luck, and you guys are definitely in my thoughts too.
 
:( I'm am so SO sorry you are going through this. Really. My heart goes out to you. I'm dealing with a sick mother myself but it's not near that stage yet. But it may be coming.

I'm glad your mom does have faith in something. It usually helps when you're in a position like hers. If it's not your thing though, don't try to force it. :/ As for the rest of your family....I really don't know what to say. Maybe it would be best to try and reach out to them? Especially since she's at such a stage where they would want to get closer to both you and your mom. If not, know that you're not alone in the world. You do have friends out there and people who do care. I really wish you all the luck and strength in the world to get through this trying time. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your mother, and your family.
 
That's rough, Lew. I know most of us are hundreds, if not thousands of miles away, but I think I can speak for all of us when I say if there's anything we can do for you, just let us know.

I don't think you're being selfish. Death is a hard thing to cope with, and it's just as hard for those around the ones who are about to pass on. That's why there's such a thing as survivor's guilt. It sounds kind of hokey, but there are a lot of things out there as far as grief counseling. If nothing else, it's just someone to talk to. If it gets to that point, you can look into that.

As far as the religion thing, I think one of the positive things about religion is that it allows some people to settle some of the questions about the unknown that we all have. What happens when we die being one of the major ones. And a lot of times when we're confronted with a situation like this, people start to reach out for answers, and religion sometimes holds them. It's much more comforting than somebody like me, who thinks that basically the lights just get turned off.

As much as we can be, we're here for you Lew.
 
I read this a few hours ago, but sorry just now responding. I must say. I can't say "sorry" but I will say... Damnit Man I really hope you stick in there.

I can't imagine. My mother had breast cancer when I was nine but as a miracle survived. A parent or a child dying is one if not the hardest thing to cope with. I am not a spiritual person, and nor do I believe in afterlife. I can only offer hope bud. This life is shit from time to time, but I don't think anyone on this forum can comprehend what you're going through.

Take care. If you ever have anything man.. just chat it up.
 
Don't know what to say Lewis, thinking of you mate.. what's gunna happen with your sister? Are you two able to stay together? What will you do?
 
My sister lives full time with her dad anyway so shel move in with him. They happen to live next door to my aunt and uncle (mothers sister) Shes a strange one. Im not sure if she understands whats going on and how serious it is. Her attitude has been very...laid back about the whole thing. I think she thinks itl go away or soemthing..i dunno. Im on talking terms with my dad now only because of this. I need to be on talking terms with him so that i can go see my sister. A pity about his fiance though. I cant even pretend to get along with her. Shed melt in the sun, witch she is.

My mum first found out she had breast cancer 4 years ago on her birthday. They said there was a big chance itd come back but we didnt expect it to be so soon. She found out about her bone cancer the day afer her birthday this year. A death sentence isnt a pressie you want. From what my mums doctors said. how far its spread through her liver and chest bones etc this has been going on for a while....yet shes been to the hospital every 2 weeks for the last 4 years..yet they never picked up that her body was riddled with cancer? Speaks wonders for the NHS. Somewhere theres been negligence on the doctors parts. The fact they havent noticed this after multiple MRI scans just isnt right. Suing a hospital isnt my style, i couldnt care about the money. But knowing that treatment could have started long long before now, it wouldn't cure her but it would have given her a longer life. It just doesnt seem fair. Shes had it so rough her whole life though living with my Dad to having cancer, arthritis and severe bowel problems. It just isnt fair on her at all. Yeah i know..thats life. But i aint happy about it.

The idea of carrying the coffin and stuff really scares me. I could see myself whitening out.

Anyway i appreciate all you folks have said. Words can mean alot more than people realise. Thank you =)
 
Lew I'd consider having the hospital investigated, maybe not straight away, you have enough on your plate, but its gotta be worth something worth looking into, if they are that negligent, think of all the countless lives they are fucking up. Last thing you would care about right now I know, but don't let them go quietly with something as precious as your mums life if they HAVE fucked up. It's an absolute joke that it went that long without being picked up, don't go in it for the money, but at least get it investigated.

Dont patronise your self by saying its just life, its not 'just life' its a lot for you to deal with, I cant even begin to imagine, Im horrified just thinking about it. Youve always got a pal in manchester should you feel the need to do one for a couple of days
 
IT makes you wonder. How many people have known the hospital to mess up and have just let it be. I know 2 people who have lost family due to negligence.
 
You already know that I'm here for you whenever you need me!

It's natural to be scared and even though you know how I feel about religion I am so glad your mum has a faith to look to that makes this just that tiny bit easier.
You're not alone though, you have your dad, I know you don't talk to him much but he is there if you need someone, your sister, you have Jim and your other friends and you have me and you obviously have plenty of other mates here on FFF too < 3

We all care about you so much!!

xx
 
Big Casino said:
IT makes you wonder. How many people have known the hospital to mess up and have just let it be. I know 2 people who have lost family due to negligence.
Click to expand...

Hospital negligence caused my mother to become debilitated, and eventually bed ridden like she is now. I also suspect that my grandmother, who was staying in a nursing home, died due to negligence. We don't have concrete proof, but she was complaining of the nurses not giving her the medications that she needed. Prior to going in she was relatively healthy and fine. While she was there she complained a lot about their treatment of her. So who knows.
 
I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart. As many people have said, if you need anything, let any of us know. I don't know how you are feeling about the hospital and her treatments, but I can imagine the frustration and the doubt. My mom died when I was 13 and although she was going to see multiple doctors, they told her nothing was wrong. Then she had an aneurysm, and the hospital hardly did anything to try and save her except do multiple MRI scans to tell us the same thing we already knew. And then to tell us that it has been so long (4 hours) that the blood had already dried up so they aren't going to try and drain it.

It makes you honestly wonder about the medical system in not only your country, but other countries as well. Although you said it isn't you to sue, it may be worth checking in to why the doctors said your mom was fine, yet never caught something like this.

Regardless though, although I haven't talked to you a lot, if you need someone to talk to just let me know. I'm here, and most everyone else here at FFF is here!
 
I am really very sorry to hear this. I am very close to my mum too. There was once a period where she was bedridden due to severe gastritis. The feeling of witnessing your loved one suffer while you cannot really do anything, is really hurtful. I really could not imagine how I will feel if I lose her.

I am sorry I could not do anything to help. But whatever happens, carry on with strength and determination. I wish you all the best.
 
I am terribly sorry to hear that, Lew. =( Losing a parent is very painful; even more so if you aren't close to the other one. I can understand you being completely frustrated with the hospital. How the hell did they not catch on to something like cancer spreading through her body? I agree with what others have said about possibly reporting the hospital to authorities to have it investigated. Something just seems really off there.

And it's certainly not selfish to think about how much you're going to miss her or what you're going to do without her in your life. It's definitely natural. It's such an awful thing to have to go through. At least you're on speaking terms with your father now though it's sad that it had to happen this way. Take care and definitely let us know if you need anything. I'm really sorry that you have to go through something like this. =(
 
Really sorry to hear what you are going through Lew. While I don't know what your family life is like, I'd suggest that you try reaching out to them if you haven't already. There is no easy way to go through this kind of thing, but you don't have to do it alone. Family or friends, online or offline, people are there to provide support for you (myself included).

Take care Lew!
 
The bank refused my loan. 8 weeks ago they were willing to lend me up to 142k and now i cant get 7k off them. I went online to view my credit score to see why id be denied. Ive had finance before and never missed a payment. Im never ever in my overdraft and my bank balance is always healthy. I had no negatives on my score and one positive. I think because i dont have much of a credit history thats working against me. Its all i can think of because my job affords me a really good lifestyle but i cant pay for mums house the council tax (mine and hers) all the bills, gas lekky etc AND save for a funeral. It would take too long to save for that.

Havent had the heart to tell my mum theyve refused the loan. Im gunna have to try other banks and see if they can get me the money. Its just that whenever your declined credit, it lowers your score. I dont wanna have to go to some debt agency where you pay back triple what you borrow. Its not a path i wanna go down but it may be the only way left. 1 option that could work is if my mum transfers the mortgage over to me and when she does il borrow additional money on top of the debt left to pay :hmmm: That will be a secure loan as if i dont pay they can reposess the house. So the bank should see that as safe. My mums always paranoid il get fired though so im not sure if shel be keen for that idea.

But yeah the situation got real shitty yesterday when he told me i couldnt get that loan. Il be getting my diamonds and 7s scratch card today so cross yer fingers for me folks. And thanks again to all of you =)
 
It makes no sense that you'd get refused a loan... you need to go to CA or something to see if there are any other options =/
 
I'm terribly sorry to hear about this Lewis and although I haven't talked to you much, I just want to let you know that your mother is in my thoughts and my prayers. Losing a parent is indeed a difficult and traumatic experience and it's incredibly painful, I can only imagine what you're going through. I'm not familiar with your interpersonal relationships with your family but I do think it's good that you're keeping in touch with your father. You're going to need all the familial support you can get and no matter what your friends and family will be there for you in this trying time. Lew, just know that all of us here at FFF are here for you to support you and if you need anything at all then you can message me, I'm here to listen, even if I'm more than a continent away. I also hope that you get your financial issues sorted out, it's doubly awful that the bank refused your loan if not a bit odd.
 
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