Respect

[Shu]

Well after watching a movie last night, in which had no contribution to this, I got to thinking to myself (which is often hazardous) how do I judge my level of respect given to folks.

We were all told at one time or another to "respect your elders" but in all reality, why are we even told this? I mean there are some older folks I wouldn't respect in the slightest. Also likewise, there are certain younger folks I respect more than some of my family members. (kind of sad, right?)

The bottom line of this thread comes to two questions..

1) Do you think Respect is something that has to be earned?
2) How do you judge how much respect you give someone? (meaning dragged through the stuff from experience, or just based off of age maybe or based off of nationality/sex/etc..)

If this can be debated, it would be healthy, I'll give my input a bit later.

 

[*Serenity*]

I definitely believe respect must be earned. Not all elders are deserving of respect, in my opinion, it does not necessarily come with age. I do not respect very shallow or judgmental people. I also have a hard time respecting someone who obviously does not respect me. Now..this does not mean I won't be POLITE to elders, or people who "should" (according to cultural standards) be deserving of respect. But you can be polite to someone and not truly respect them.

I believe in order for me to respect someone, they have done something to earn it. Like, giving back to the community or world and sincerely meaning it, helping others before themselves or just being genuinely nice to everyone. Not all people I respect are nice of course, but they have done something to stand out from the crowd and make them a great person in society somehow (doesn't have to be something drastic, I highly respect my parents for the way they raised me).

I'm interested to see differing opinions on this

 

[TheMixedHerb]

Good thread, it'll be interesting to know people's points on this.

1) Do you think Respect is something that has to be earned?

I'm not too sure on this one, I mean, in a way it isn't and a way it is, because if you've just met somebody would you want them to earn the respect from you before you are respectful?
Personally i'll respect somebody unless they do something to lose that respect from me, I like to give people a chance and not just judge them from first impressions. (Although first impressions can play a large part in how you feel about someone)

2) How do you judge how much respect you give someone? (meaning dragged through the stuff from experience, or just based off of age maybe or based off of nationality/sex/etc..)

As I said above, I try not to judge too much depending on each individual person and try and treat everyone as equal, I think one thing that I don't like is when elderly people demand respect from you, and show you no respect in return just because you're a teenager, as all they're doing there is judging and they deserve no more than the same just because they're expecting special treatment due to their age.

I'm not saying you shouldn't respect elders, but this has happened to me a few times and it's highly annoying when people do stuff like that, as if you feel like you deserve (or want) respect yourself then you have to be respectful too. It works both ways, and I won't respect someone if they don't respect me. That may sound somewhat childish but I expect a few people will understand what i'm getting here.

As a child I was always taught to treat others how you want to be treated, so that's the way that I look at it.

 

[*Serenity*]

As a child I was always taught to treat others how you want to be treated, so that's the way that I look at it.

the golden rule

 

[blakstang98]

"respect your elders"

That's right, so by default you all have to respect me. I kid I kid.

I think that by default, there is a small level of respect for those that you don't know. Like when you drive on the road and you let someone change lane into your lane while you're willing to let them in. As opposed to just speeding up to keep them out of the lane. So the small events in life have outcomes that determine if respect was gained or earned, but naturally something like my example holds little to no bearing in the big picture.

As far as respect in places like school or work, respect is most absolutely earned and there's no other way to gain or lose it. Many people make the mistake of thinking it can be bought. Buying for respect might be something that works, but only on a temporary level. When the money runs out, so does the respect.

It sounds cheesy, but it is a Final Fantasy forums afterall, but I'll reference the idea that Lulu had in FFX with the points system for respect. Naturally respect can't be quantified, but the idea of it remains. Everyone starts at a relative 0, then when the person does something to gain respect, you add to it. This number is cumulative over time, and it rise and fall as events happen. Naturally everyone "quantifies" the respect differently as to how important that person deems the specific action to be. Though it is possible that one disrespectful event effectively zero's out the respect. This regard is what makes the idea of how respect works, so tricky. Many good can be completely counteracted with 1 bad thing. This is why the nice guy finishes last.

 

[VinnieJones]

What do people think straight away when they hear the word 'respect'?

There's just so many ways to show respect to someone, not just by doing whatever they tell you and stuff. I believe that whatever action that is not considered ignorant as a form of respect.

For example I view debating as a form of showing respect, if you do it properly (i.e. using facts and not ignorance to back your views); you are listening to what the other person is saying, giving them your view, and just trying to solve the matter in a polite and decent way. That's respectful enough for me.

I respect my friends by talking to them, entertaining them etc.; I respect my parents by being grateful for the food and shelter they provide me with and by asking and giving them help; I respect my work colleagues by not distracting them from their work and providing help whenever possible etc etc etc. If they show me enough respect then it continues on, if not then I just forget about them.

Obviously my view on this whole topic might be completely different to everyone else's, I suppose I don't view 'respect' as highly as others; I think it is something different from looking up to someone; I see it more as appreciating and understanding other people, which is the normal way to think about friends, family, teachers, even strangers that walk past you in the street that don't do anything bad to you. So I can't really understand the concept of respecting someone higher than another. I admire some people higher though.

So answering the original question, I don't think respect is something you earn to start off with, but others continuing to respect you is something you earn. If we don't respect each other from the start, then it'll be stereotypical viewing, right? You don't judge others from first sight.

hmm.. did any of that make sense...

 

[Martel]

1) Do you think respect is something that has to be earned?

Absolutely. In order to get my respect (pitiful, worthless thing that it is) it needs to be earned. I'm a cynic, I don't give people the benefit of the doubt - they need to prove themselves. Arrogant as that probably sounds. I have no respect for people that I don't know - I'm civil and polite to them, yes, but that doesn't equate to respecting them. Its just a way to communicate with them; "treat others how you wish to be treated", as such.

Respect, to me, is more of a feeling that you have for someone, as opposed to the way that you interact with them. Its more of an altruistic (much as I hate that word) thing - its something that you give to people because you want to, not because you have to: because they deserve it, not because you want it in return. Common courtesy and politeness are things that you can expect from people in society: if you approach someone in a friendly, non-hostile way, unless that person is a complete prick, you can expect the same thing of them. Respect is something else entirely: just because you respect someone does not mean they will return the gesture. People might not differentiate between the two things, but I do.

Respect is also something that I don't think you should take for granted: its not a permanent benefit bestowed upon you, or anything of the sort. Just because someone has my respect doesn't mean that they can't lose it again for being a complete idiot.

How do you judge how much you respect someone?

A tricky question, this...I suppose I respect someone based off of the opinion that I've formed of them, simply speaking. I over-analyse things, and I'm constantly evaluating and re-evaluating people. My thought process is horrendously complex (not to mention boring) so I won't try to type it out in painstaking detail but, suffice to say, that is where I "judge" the amount of respect I think someone deserves from me, as such.

Even people that I dislike I can come to respect, because of the way they present themselves, or how they justify their beliefs or whatever it is I don't like about them.

I don't allot respect by "life experience" or whatever you want to call it - age does not beget wisdom. It never has, and it never will. I don't see why I should respect someone, just because they are older than I am. I just can't see the reasoning behind that. It implies respect is something you can expect as you get older, and as I've said, I don't think respect is something you can just expect to be given to you.

 

[JesusVsThePolice]

1) Do you think Respect is something that has to be earned?
2) How do you judge how much respect you give someone? (meaning dragged through the stuff from experience, or just based off of age maybe or based off of nationality/sex/etc..)

If this can be debated, it would be healthy, I'll give my input a bit later.

First off, I want to say to Blakstang that; he better be giving respect to everyone around here. Eventually he's going to need someone to change his diapers in about 2 more years. Tia maybe? I joke I joke, I kid I kid.

Okay, question one. Respect is indeed earned. Also, to get respect, you have to give respect. I'm not going to respect someone that comes up acting like they know me talking shit or demanding respect because they're some self proclaimed bad ass. Treat me like a human being and I'll do the same.

Question two. I really have no idea how to answer this question. The actions, personalities, lifestyles of some people, kind of make it hard not to give them more respect than others.

But there's a fine line between giving respect and kissing ass. Just remember that.

 

[lreal]

1)
You can't strictly live by golden principles in your life; you need to make concessions or you're just not going to get anywhere. Respect needs to be earned? Sure sure. But does it actually happen this way in real life? No. The way society generally works is that you have to give deference to your elders, and I'm not just refering to nations of the Orient. Your boss, your teacher, your parents, etc... to get where you need to go without too much trouble you shoud at least feign respect.

But it is pretty funny when guys who are a couple years older than you just think they're fucking Socrates or something just because they've got some years on you. Without solicitation, they attempt to thrust wisdom and knowledge upon you via dialogue...and all the while I'm just laughing on the inside. For those people, fuck 'em.

2)
This isn't math. Just take the entire set of circumstances into consideration to get a general feel about the person. There is no "I respect you or I don't respect you" mentality. I'll treat the person as I feel is deserving. No need to analyze it much really.

 

[Dionysos]

I tend to respect people anyway, but respect them more if they’ve earned it or done something amazing either for me, for someone else, or in general. I’ve not really thought about how I would define respect before. I guess I would give respect based on actions, and not age or gender, but at the same time I like to separate actions from personality as well. There are many things to respect in a person so I’m not sure how I would define the act of giving respect to a person. As such I probably dish out respect quite a lot, but I don’t think “Oh I’ll give him / her a dose of respect” when I go about it.

I understand that people are people and do what they do with what they know or are capable of at the time, and that we're all different and think / react differently, and most people deserve a bit of respect at least. I don’t like it when people assume that everyone is an asshole and make judgments about people all of the time, the opposite of respecting them. That said I still respect people that do this for I can understand the reasons why they think like this. A lot of people do act like idiots and try to deliberately harm people, and people feel they need to react to that by being cautious with the amount of respect they dish out. For me though, I don't calculate how much respect I am giving out, and I don't keep track on who I respect and do not respect. I don’t create a list or anything like that. It’s just a feeling I guess, but with me it’s also more than a feeling. If I don’t immediately warm towards a person, which sadly is natural with some people (and I’d be interested to know why), I give them the benefit of the doubt and find something to respect about them based on what I do know.

I think I’d rather lose respect for people if they do something bad than to have them start out as bad and then earn their rights to be treated as a human being (meaning both the way we act towards them or the way that we think about them). Then again with people that have done wrong (depending on the degree) I might still respect the person but dislike the action. People tend to have reasons (perceived or real) for doing bad things, and those that don't would need help. With some people I can see why they might have done a certain action, feel sorry for them, and see the whole situation as sad. I wouldn't excuse them, but if there were intentions behind the action which they thought were good, or if the person wasn't thinking straight, I wouldn't lose all of my respect for them just based on that one act alone.

I understand it makes things easier for people to deal with, but I just don’t think like that. I don’t try and value the amount of respect I give to people and place people in order of respect. I know that there are some people that I have a lot of respect for (people I know well, or know to have done good things or to be nice and friendly people – in more than just manners), but I wouldn’t attribute a value to this respect other than saying that it exists. I wouldn’t grade people and say “Fred deserves 5 respect points for that, earning him Grade IV” or “Patrick has just lost 10 respect points, demoting him to Grade II”.

I just thought I’d add in quickly about respecting the polite… While the natural reaction is to respect those that are polite above those who are not, that doesn’t meant that those who are impolite (which might be by no fault of their own; they could just be socially awkward) are terrible human beings worthy of no respect. A lot of decent people can act very impolite but do not mean to offend. So sociable, outgoing, nice and friendly people do not take the place of those that are not, as it could just be that they lack those skills and aren’t deliberately being a git.

Perhaps my unwillingness to regulate the amount of respect I give out has origins in the lack of respect I have for myself though, and that makes everyone else seem much more awesome. That might inevitably mean that all of this post is bullsh*t. That said, at least for now it is the way my mind works.

 

[Ohri-Jin]

1) Do you think Respect is something that has to be earned?
Yes and no, I respect all strangers,elders and my superiors. Polite and being civilized IS a way of respect imo. However people can EARN more respect or lose it from my perspective.

2) How do you judge how much respect you give someone? (meaning dragged through the stuff
from experience, or just based off of age maybe or based off of nationality/sex/etc..)
How they act, honesty, modesty, politeness and down to earth personality and always humor they need to have. They at least need to be honest, polite and have a sense of humour, THEN YOU'LL GET MY RESPECT.

ALso dont be a fake ass and lying all the time, just be yourself or you are pathetic in my eyes. I cant stand fake people.

 

[The Witch]

1) Do you think Respect is something that has to be earned?

I do think it is something that has to be earned. Usually a person is told to respect their elders because the older folk are the people that basically got us to where we are today. If it wasn't for the men and women in their 60s and 70s now we probably wouldn't have computers or have even landed on the moon. So in that instance, I do think they should be respected. But not all.

I'm not going to just respect a family member because their my family. I'll respect them when they do something respectable. Which--I think both my parents have done. They both gave up a lot to take care of such a large family and they continue to give up stuff for the sake of me and my siblings. So, I do respect them. The same for my Grandparents. I respect them because they're intelligent, selfless, caring people. Those four people I respect the most in this world.

I'll get to the other question later.

 

[Dean Winchester]

1) Do you think Respect is something that has to be earned?
Respect is something that should be earned and should never be taken as granted by anyone. To respect someone is much more than just being polite or treating someone nicely. It is feeling some sort of admiration towards that person whether it is for its for his/her hard work, or for his/her dedication and perseverance. With all honesty, you can't respect someone who does not respects him/herself on the first place. If that person acts with no self-care and is disrespectful as way, then I find no reason why you should even look at that person. You don't need to recur to insults or aggression and you can simply ignore them, because there is nothing more hurting than being ignored. This is something I have learnt well through the years of being a member of this forum whilst making mistakes (some bigger than others...).

Of course, even though respect should be earned, that is no excuse to be disrespectful because I believe you need to treat others as you wish to be treated. Again, no one follows this rule...sadly.

Older people and family should be treated politely however; respect should be given to a certain extent depending on how they behave and treat others. For example, if my uncles were pricks, then I would ignore them since I don't need to use insults to show my disapproval.



2) How do you judge how much respect you give someone? (meaning dragged through the stuff from experience, or just based off of age maybe or based off of nationality/sex/etc..)

I respect others based on their actions, their experiences, the way they treat others and how willing they are to fight for what they believe. Going against all odds to achieve your dreams and the perseverance necessary for such tasks is something admirable. Someone who has been sent to the deepest pit of problems and manages to crawl its way back to the surface and emerge from these vicissitudes without giving up is worth admiring and respecting. Because it takes fear to run away, but it takes true courage and effort not giving up on your goals. A mother raising a family alone by working on two jobs is something that deserves respect. Seeing a woman coming out from a terrible experience and managing to rebuilt her life is something worth respecting.

 

[The Witch]

2) How do you judge how much respect you give someone? (meaning dragged through the stuff
from experience, or just based off of age maybe or based off of nationality/sex/etc..)
I give people respect by their actions and morals. Like I said before, if someone sacrifices something for the good of others, they gain my respect. My parents gave up a lot of things for us, so actions is a definite reason for respect. But so is a person's moral code and integrity.

By moral code I mean when someone sticks to their beliefs no matter what, helps others, and tries their hardest to do the right thing. This is going to sound kinda mean, but the moment I see someone honestly regretting what they did a long time ago and they promise themselves they'll do better, and if they actually get passed it--they get my respect.

 

[Saints&Storms]

I respect the elderly but other than that it has to be earned by me, I think the only people on the planet who deserve utter respect IS the elderly. If respect was given away for free I don't think anyone would have life experience.

If they aren't old then I respect them/whoever by what they have gone through in life and whether or not they dealt with it in a good way that didn't make things worse or if they don't just give up. Or if they will say their opinion and thoughts even though it may or may not make people hate them.

Thats what I respect.

 

[Rydia]

Yes respect has to be earned and not demanded. I do respect other's personal space, privacy, property, and beliefs even some are a bit strange. And I do respect people when I first meet them if they come off friendly. However it can be lost when I do get to know them better, and they were either fake, lying, an ass, or a complete pushover. (My mother can not tell anyone no and drives me crazy especially when it affects the rest of the family)

I give respect someone based on their actions. I'd prefer someone that can tell me something that I do not want to hear rather than someone that is just another yes man. ("That shirt doesn't flatter you." rather than "OMG you look great!" when I really don't) And I respect someone more that can stand up for their beliefs especially when it is not the popular opinion (and as long as it's well meaning not some crazy person) and someone who doesn't jump on a popular bandwagon when a crowd is doing something that is clearly wrong. I also give more respect to someone that can be their self instead of following the crowd.

 

[Tmoo]

there is a difference that seems to be overlooked. when you meet someone and are polite and friendly, i wouldn't call that respect - at least, not the kind that you feel for the likes of a mentor or someone you know. what that politeness is, is courtesy. once you get to know them that courtesy fades and you can gradually be more of yourself around them. this is true in all relationships, unless of course you live by the rule 'be yourself and fuck everyone who gets in your way', in which case people are more likely to be turned off because of either strong on-comings or your brashness. people are wary of others they don't know, hence the courtesy. It is not respect though IMO.

Now that i've gotten that out of my system, i can freely say that respect has to be earned on both sides. respect entails trust, which as we all know is easy to break and extremely hard to rebuild. the same goes for respect. I may be polite to the postal service guys, but I would in no way trust them to watch my house while I was away, because I don't respect them.

the 'amount' of respect someone gets is tied to how much they earn from me. If I've only known you for a month, chances are that I haven't come to respect you just yet, at least not as much as, say, a friend of 20 years. It doesn't have to be time known though. It can be any deeds done with good intent, personality (which will take time to know), intellect...etc. It's subjective, but it comes down to my values and how the person fares in them.

For instance, let's say I know two women. One of them is my long-time friend and has slept around many times, loves to party and drink, and smokes. The other I've known for a year but doesn't do any of that and is engaged. You can bet that I respect the latter more than the former, because my beliefs and values gravitate towards family and not partying.*

There is one area that I can respect others whole-heartedly for though, and that is civility in conflict. No matter how much I disagree with anyone's beliefs, if they are civil about expressing it, then I respect that civility.

*this example is hypothetical.

 

[SaShman]

1) Do you think Respect is something that has to be earned?
2) How do you judge how much respect you give someone? (meaning dragged through the stuff from experience, or just based off of age maybe or based off of nationality/sex/etc..)

It depends on how you define respect.

You could say that respect is the expression of common courtesy and consideration. Personally I think that this kind of respect doesn't need to be earned. I think world would be a better place if people just gave each other the benefit of the doubt and showed some common courtesy. But unfortunately this isn't aways the case.

On the other hand you could see respect as a form of admiration. In which case I would say that while it's not something that necessarily needs to be earned, it's not something that should automatically be granted off the bat simply because handing it out to everyone devalues it. Of course I believe it's possible to lose this kind of respect for someone.

 

[der Astronom]

1) Do you think Respect is something that has to be earned?

Yes, indeed. I don't care how old you are, everyone starts with a clean slate. I can't judge people by their appearances, and I don't know anything about them--so the only way to determine how much respect they deserve is to learn more about them. You don't get respect automatically for being a particular person, either in age or authority. Any of these categories don't determine what you're like.

2) How do you judge how much respect you give someone? (meaning dragged through the stuff from experience, or just based off of age maybe or based off of nationality/sex/etc..)

I don't judge how much respect I give someone based off of age or any other physical factor about someone. Because these things may not be things a person chooses; they can't choose how they look, what gender they are, and so on. Their clothing choice may not tell you anything about what their personality is like. You can't base respect off of someone's age because their age doesn't indicate to you what they're like; an older person may be more experienced in life, but it doesn't indicate to you what kind of personality traits they have that you might find respectable. Older people aren't all the same. A man can only earn respect through experience. Their actions and words alone will determine whether or not they are worthy of respect. This may mean that earning respect takes time, but I think it is the only true and honest way of respecting someone.

 

[Warrior of Light]

1) Do you think Respect is something that has to be earned?

Always. People can think that just by existing you deserve respect, but that's not so. Certainly people should treat you with some sort of respect when you meet them, but not such the case as to immediately trust them or anything like that. Like J said, it's about earning said trust, since you never really know what a person's like. And there is no disrespect by not immediately giving all your trust and respect (I know that sounds weird) to a person; you just don't know the character of someone who just crossed your path.

2) How do you judge how much respect you give someone? (meaning dragged through the stuff from experience, or just based off of age maybe or based off of nationality/sex/etc..)

By their actions, not their words. They could say they won't or will do something, but I don't give that any creedance until I know for sure. Once they are good on their word, then I'd respect them. But each time they renge on a promise, break their word, or otherwise do something evil or harmful, they lose some respect. If they kept at it they lose my respect completely, sometimes permanetly