Serious Is there really such thing as love

[Oblivion_XIII]

I dont care for love, or emotions in that matter.
My future is set in stone, kinda
I cant do a lot of things because i'm considered to have some major mental issues that i dont even have. I know one thing, and that is that i will never fall in love unless i cant resist it. Its just not my thing. My dream is to travel alone, meet people, leave, repeat.
No sense in love if its not forever

 

[der Astronom]

Your what 14? sry if thats not the correct age but I know your a youngun' so juat like chill and enjoy being young even if its miserable. Your intentions for your future arent set in stone and things may change in the years to come things wont always be this way you know?
Just like...lighten up and enjoy the scenery of youth as horrid as it may be.

If I understand correctly, not being in love at the age of 14 isn't a bad thing. Less distraction anyways.

It's nice being free anyways. Bachelor life forever.

Altruistic love isn't uncommon in any given species anyways. The bigger gender in a species protects its mate. They might die doing so. It's not special if it exists.

 

[Bambi]

I wonder if y ou're thinking of the period at the start of a relationship where its all googly eyes and the 'honeymoon period' that wears off, and you either spend your life chasing that 'feeling' thinking its love, or you let the relationship grow into something else

I certainly think some people can be quick to 'fall in love' probably what gives it such a bad name tbh, coz 9 times out of 10, its liekly to just be lust. You hastily use the L word, then a few months down the line, it's wore off and you're thining...ah...well, actually....

Then there's the other kinds of love, the lov between friends and family. The people you'd do shitting well anything for. Even the love you feel toward your pets.

Right, I've gay'd the shit out of myself now, so I'm gunna burp and fart afew times to man myself up

 

[Big Casino]

I refuse to date anyone, because i believe that there is no such thing as love, its just a trick of the mind that makes you think its love. Love is something that lasts forever, something that never goes away. Is it real, or fake?

Then your missing out on the good things in life tbh. Whether or not its a trick of the mind is for you to believe but im assuming you apply that logic to other emotions and not just love?
If you keep up that attitude your just gunna look back one day and realise youv wasted your days.

 

[der Astronom]

Then your missing out on the good things in life tbh. Whether or not its a trick of the mind is for you to believe but im assuming you apply that logic to other emotions and not just love?
If you keep up that attitude your just gunna look back one day and realise youv wasted your days.

Regret is not an uncommon feeling; it happens to everyone. Besides, it's inevitable. There are so many things a man can be trying out in life, but because he is here only for a finite amount of time, he can always afford to regret something he didn't get to try. A man can only choose to do the things he feels he will benefit most from in the NOW. He might regret his choices in the future, but a man should not act on things he does not know. Maybe I might enjoy love in the future, and perhaps not. All I know is that I enjoy learning new languages, math and ice skating NOW. And I'm not giving up something I know I enjoy for something I won't know if I'll enjoy in the future.

A man likes what he likes, and loves who he loves. If he does not love anyone, he cannot pretend to love someone he does not love.

 

[West]

I dont care for love, or emotions in that matter.
My future is set in stone, kinda
I cant do a lot of things because i'm considered to have some major mental issues that i dont even have. I know one thing, and that is that i will never fall in love unless i cant resist it. Its just not my thing. My dream is to travel alone, meet people, leave, repeat.
No sense in love if its not forever

Okay, but seriously, though, you're 14 or something, right? That is way too early to say anything is set in stone for yourself. I know that when you're that age, it's easy to think that the world is against you and you understand so much and whatnot. But the fact of the matter is that you're still young. There's still much for you to learn. And if you think otherwise, then you're being very arrogant.

Likewise, it's very easy to say "love is not for me", but come on. Five years from now, maybe you'll meet someone who totally changes your perspective. You're too young to be making such bold claims for the rest of your life. You have plenty of time to experience so many things, including love. You shouldn't be worrying yourself about this stuff at such a young age.

Just because you don't have a girlfriend in middle school doesn't mean you're going to be alone for the rest of your life. Take it easy.

 

[Big Casino]

Regret is not an uncommon feeling; it happens to everyone. Besides, it's inevitable. There are so many things a man can be trying out in life, but because he is here only for a finite amount of time, he can always afford to regret something he didn't get to try. A man can only choose to do the things he feels he will benefit most from in the NOW. He might regret his choices in the future, but a man should not act on things he does not know. Maybe I might enjoy love in the future, and perhaps not. All I know is that I enjoy learning new languages, math and ice skating NOW. And I'm not giving up something I know I enjoy for something I won't know if I'll enjoy in the future.

A man likes what he likes, and loves who he loves. If he does not love anyone, he cannot pretend to love someone he does not love.

Of course regret is inevitable. But this thread wasnt about him worrying what he would and wouldnt regret and what hes gunna feel in the future. I just find it quite sad that a young person would pass up on things like 'dating' (yeah i hate that word) regardless of whether hes interested or not. And to blow it off for such a reason as 'a trick of the mind' to me sounds quite immature. Wheres the harm in trying something new anyway? If it alll turns out to be shite then forget about it. At least you can say i tried.

 

[der Astronom]

Likewise, it's very easy to say "love is not for me", but come on. Five years from now, maybe you'll meet someone who totally changes your perspective. You're too young to be making such bold claims for the rest of your life. You have plenty of time to experience so many things, including love. You shouldn't be worrying yourself about this stuff at such a young age.

Actually, when I was 14, I had the same thoughts, and believed love wasn't worth my time. 5 years later (and beyond; it's been almost 10 years, actually), I still don't think any differently. So ja, maybe there are people who will change their minds, but there are also people who won't. There is no guarantee either way. And if you don't believe it's okay for people to be shunning love as early as 14, what about the people who think it's a great thing, and don't realize it's possible their current or future boy/girlfriend is a total dick, and they'll end up regretting it? Aren't they also just making bold claims? Don't you mean then that teens shouldn't even be thinking about love at all?

Given the current state of hormones in 14-year olds, I think you'll find it's quite impossible.

Just because you don't have a girlfriend in middle school doesn't mean you're going to be alone for the rest of your life. Take it easy.

Hey, I like being alone. Some people actually do prefer being alone than being with other people.

Of course regret is inevitable. But this thread wasnt about him worrying what he would and wouldnt regret and what hes gunna feel in the future. I just find it quite sad that a young person would pass up on things like 'dating' (yeah i hate that word) regardless of whether hes interested or not. And to blow it off for such a reason as 'a trick of the mind' to me sounds quite immature. Wheres the harm in trying something new anyway? If it alll turns out to be shite then forget about it. At least you can say i tried.

I passed up on it, and don't regret it.

Why dating in particular though? You could pass up many opportunities for just about anything besides dating.

I wouldn't generalize exactly everything new as being worth trying. Because jumping off a cliff is considered new to most people. But I think most people have the common sense to know what would happen if you did. Simply put, you don't have to try something in order to predict the end result. You may be wrong sometimes, but we always are about everything.

 

[Big Casino]

I passed up on it, and don't regret it.

Why dating in particular though? You could pass up many opportunities for just about anything besides dating.

I wouldn't generalize exactly everything new as being worth trying. Because jumping off a cliff is considered new to most people. But I think most people have the common sense to know what would happen if you did. Simply put, you don't have to try something in order to predict the end result. You may be wrong sometimes, but we always are about everything.

I said dating because thats generally the theme of the thread. Love, dating etc etc And jumping off a cliff.....uhhm, aye, obviously not. And its not about predicting the end result. Something you cant predict can be fun to try. Not knowing whats gunna happen can be part of the thrill.
Im not saying thats how i feel but i think it makes sense.

 

[West]

Actually, when I was 14, I had the same thoughts, and believed love wasn't worth my time. 5 years later (and beyond; it's been almost 10 years, actually), I still don't think any differently. So ja, maybe there are people who will change their minds, but there are also people who won't. There is no guarantee either way. And if you don't believe it's okay for people to be shunning love as early as 14, what about the people who think it's a great thing, and don't realize it's possible their current or future boy/girlfriend is a total dick, and they'll end up regretting it? Aren't they also just making bold claims? Don't you mean then that teens shouldn't even be thinking about love at all?

Well, considering that I didn't say that it was sure thing that he'd fall in love five years from now, it's not like I'm trying to suggest that his views WILL change. But I actually DID state that he was "too young to be making such bold claims for the rest of [his] life", and that "[he] shouldn't be worrying [himself] about this stuff at such a young age". Which could very well mean that his views don't change. All the same, 14 is too young to say "this is how I'm going to be forever, for sure". Do you disagree that he should get some time and experience under his belt before he says stuff like that?

You're absolutely right; love isn't for some people. There are people who are perfectly happy being alone. I'm single and content, but that doesn't mean that I don't believe in love. But I'd be legitimately surprised--and maybe impressed--if I met a middle-schooler who said "love isn't for me" and actually stuck to it until the day they died. For Pete's sake, there are too many kids in HIGH school who don't even understand what they're doing in terms of relationships or love.

 

[der Astronom]

Well, I meant to ask what's so special about dating. Like why decide to go to a school dance just to meet some new girls so that you can later ask them out instead of going to some video game party with a bunch of your buddies and finding they (and you) have games they want to share with you?

Well, considering that I didn't say that it was sure thing that he'd fall in love five years from now, it's not like I'm trying to suggest that his views WILL change. But I actually DID state that he was "too young to be making such bold claims for the rest of [his] life", and that "[he] shouldn't be worrying [himself] about this stuff at such a young age". Which could very well mean that his views don't change. All the same, 14 is too young to say "this is how I'm going to be forever, for sure". Do you disagree that he should get some time and experience under his belt before he says stuff like that?

In principle, a man should never say he will be a certain way forever. It's not got anything to do with how much experience he has. A better statement would just be to say that I currently don't think I'll fall in love NOW. If you don't think it will happen in the future either, you can say it's highly unlikely, but that's not an absolute statement. I'm aware that might not happen with some probability.

You're absolutely right; love isn't for some people. There are people who are perfectly happy being alone. I'm single and content, but that doesn't mean that I don't believe in love. But I'd be legitimately surprised--and maybe impressed--if I met a middle-schooler who said "love isn't for me" and actually stuck to it until the day they died. For Pete's sake, there are too many kids in HIGH school who don't even understand what they're doing in terms of relationships or love.

*joke*Oh, just watch me. I think I'll still be a single math nerd by the time I'm 50.*joke*

And you're also referring to the people who think love is for them, and find out later that it isn't quite what they think it is, right?

 

[Big Casino]

Well, I meant to ask what's so special about dating. Like why decide to go to a school dance just to meet some new girls so that you can later ask them out instead of going to some video game party with a bunch of your buddies and finding they (and you) have games they want to share with you?

Nothing. If said person would rather go hang out with their mates down the pub or sit in and play call of duty instead of going out in the town then thats fine, heck who wouldnt wanna do that somtimes? Im not trying to say its something so special that every opportunity should be grabbed by the arm and embraced fully. Just that, its not something that you should just cast aside.

 

[Donald Trump]

Well, I meant to ask what's so special about dating. Like why decide to go to a school dance just to meet some new girls so that you can later ask them out instead of going to some video game party with a bunch of your buddies and finding they (and you) have games they want to share with you?

The two aren't mutually exclusive.

To answer the original question, yes and no.
No, because certain people can't feel certain things, psychopaths for instance cannot be empathetic. Which is not to say that all people who don't feel love are psychopaths.
Yes, because people are in love and do love, or at least claim to.

 

[der Astronom]

Nothing. If said person would rather go hang out with their mates down the pub or sit in and play call of duty instead of going out in the town then thats fine, heck who wouldnt wanna do that somtimes? Im not trying to say its something so special that every opportunity should be grabbed by the arm and embraced fully. Just that, its not something that you should just cast aside.

And why not? Sorry if I fail to see the significance.

The two aren't mutually exclusive.

If there were time constraints, then yes. For example, if the school dance only happens once a year, you only get 5 chances at it. If it coincided with another event (or several others) that happens just about as rarely, then you can only pick one--you can only be at one place at a time. And then you might decide you enjoy being with your gamer buddies more than you enjoy being at a dance. Which makes it less likely for you to bother with going to a dance. Even if it doesn't happen often. Here's another one: you get a choice between going to the dance or finishing your homework and studying because you have a test tomorrow, and if you don't study, you probably won't do well. And what if your test is worth a lot, or what if you're already doing badly in the term, and need to do well on the next test to bring your mark up? Are you going to sacrifice your love life for it? What if it was a core course, and you might risk having to re-take the course?

Decision making scenarios are not always simple.

 

[Big Casino]

And why not? Sorry if I fail to see the significance.
.

Dont worry about it xD Although im sure your not. Although id say dont knock it til youv tried it. Either way, its your life do what ya want.

 

[West]

If there were time constraints, then yes. For example, if the school dance only happens once a year, you only get 5 chances at it. If it coincided with another event (or several others) that happens just about as rarely, then you can only pick one--you can only be at one place at a time. And then you might decide you enjoy being with your gamer buddies more than you enjoy being at a dance. Which makes it less likely for you to bother with going to a dance. Even if it doesn't happen often. Here's another one: you get a choice between going to the dance or finishing your homework and studying because you have a test tomorrow, and if you don't study, you probably won't do well. And what if your test is worth a lot, or what if you're already doing badly in the term, and need to do well on the next test to bring your mark up? Are you going to sacrifice your love life for it? What if it was a core course, and you might risk having to re-take the course?

Decision making scenarios are not always simple.

Likewise, they're not always so complex. It's a matter of prioritizing. Is your educational career more important to you than going out on a date with some random person? Probably, yes. Or at least, I imagine most people would agree it should be.

But, given a choice between your previous example of going to a dance to potentially meet new girls or going to a gaming party to share games with your buds... being realistic, your buds will probably get together to game plenty of times. A dance to meet someone you could be attracted to--especially a school dance--come but few times in a lifetime. I'd probably be willing to sacrifice a LAN to meet a girl, knowing that there will be more LANs in my future that I could go to. Of course, it could be argued that we have just as much time to meet someone to be attracted to. But perhaps not so conveniently (though I'm not going to argue that relationships developed through school functions or school in general [especially before college] tend to have any tendency of success--that's a different discussion entirely).

As I said before, I'm single and perfectly content with that. But I also had a girlfriend with whom I was pretty darn sure I was in love with for the duration of our relationship. Turns out it wasn't meant to be, or whatever else excuse you want to label it with. Anyway, I know from experience that I was happier spending any sort of time with her than I was playing video games with my friends--and I didn't realize such a thing was possible until I started dating her. Now that we aren't together anymore, I'm totally cool with playing games with my buds again; it's awesome. I don't particularly care if I find another girl or not, but I'm not going to go out of my way to avoid it. Why should I? I guess my point is, as has been stated before in this thread, you really shouldn't knock it until you try it (and I mean legitimately try it, not this "lol i liek u lets hold hands" stuff).

Just as easily as you can ask "Why not?" to the statement "...it's not something you should just cast aside," I can ask to you "Why IS it something you should just cast aside?" Even though love may not be for some people, you may as well see if you can experience it. You may discover something new about yourself--for instance, something that makes you happier than you could've imagined before. Dismissing it so quickly, without even trying it, could theoretically be as big of a mistake as it could be no mistake at all.

 

[SaShman]

I know this hasn't been specifically clarified yet but if you (OP) are 14 then I think a few things need to be raised.

I've wanted to love people, but i just cant.

plus ever girl i meet thats actually my age, are just jackasses to me.

From my perspective it looks like you are making excuses for your past bad luck with girls. Your decision to not date seems to me like it is serving as a way for you to cope with the fact that you haven't met a girl who is not a jackass. Trust me these kinds of things are normal.

Then there is the point that high school is by no means a representation of the real world. You will meet plenty of women who aren't jackasses. You said that you've wanted to love people, there is really no reason to entirely give up on love at this age (assuming you actually are 14).

Anyway I guess I should answer your original question while I'm here. I think that love exists but not in the way that it is popularized. People talk about getting swept off their feet and stuff but Romance is not love, I'd say that is more about chemicals than anything.
New relationships are exciting but once the Romance goes away what are you left with? I believe love is the willingness to be with someone without the chemical rush often associated with a new relationship. So in that sense I do believe that love exists.

 

[Dionysos]

I'd say that people should keep their minds open, but not force love upon themselves either. Speaking from no experience of love or relationships whatsoever I know however that waiting for it to happen is often just dreaming, as nothing just hops into place, but going out searching for it and accepting anyone for the sake of love I gather is more likely to lead to shorter-term relationships.

Love requires you to work at it to keep it going, which a lot of people can't be bothered to do now that divorce is both no longer frowned upon and relatively easy to obtain, and people are free to leave their partners for another at the slightest fickle change of heart if they wanted to.

Does it exist though? That can't be answered for you by anyone else as people are different like that. Some people can't form emotional attachments to anyone, not because they would chose not to but because their minds are structured that way. I do believe that it exists for some people. If it doesn't then millions of people have been involved in a mass lie of a global scale. You can try to put it logically and do the maths but that beats the concept of love for me as it is often very irrational and is on the other end of the scale. I've not experienced love itself I don't think, but I've felt very strong feelings that lasted for years and might have lasted longer had I talked to the damn girl. I know this was more than just lust, so therefore I believe that love can exist but it is hard to really know what you feel it or not.

If you don't feel it now, then that is fine. I'm not sure how old you are but I think I read that you are quite young in some of these posts (I only skimmed quickly I'm ashamed to admit but I'll read them all later). It might be that you are looking at love from an outsiders point of view, having never felt any of the feelings that people feel for one another and seeing relationships of mostly short-term nature and depressing stories of messy break-ups, and therefore coming to the conclusion that it doesn't really exist at all. Stories like this always irritate me. Hearing of people breaking up makes me die a little inside as I'd prefer everyone to match up into pairs and stick that way. That's a fantasy and will never happen though.

I guess if you wanted to experience it just open your mind to the possibility that it may be real and then carry on living. If it happens to you it may surprise you and you may enjoy it. If not, then at least you can't blame yourself when you reach old age and start to regret closing your mind against love from such a young age.

 

[Shu]

Well to the OP, I would guess that this is a depressant view you are looking through. Meaning you might have been weathered by those around you or just had enough of seeing people get what they want, and you not be able to understand how you are not able to have the same thing.

Love isn't something you just put a label too, as most would. Love is something most people won't understand until it is tried and tested. For instance, say you do meet a girl who blows you away.. but everything you figured out about her is actually a lie. Well you are less inclined to love a person like this, even if you have been together with her for.. 2 months, 2 years.. etc..

Love is something you feel for your homies as well as your girl.. maybe one day. Bro love comes from a different area of course, but think about it.. like for me example I miss my buds back in Nashville (4 hours away) so in a sense I love them. I have been friends with them for over 9 years and they know me completely.. despite my retarded ways.

Now as for ladies.. this is a harder mold and honestly because I think men and women were never meant to "truly" last. What what what?! That's right folks.. I said it. I give props to those who actually see their way through relationships with each other, but due to the lust within relationships it's hard to keep the boat afloat. Here's why.. one day the lust will die for a short time or for a long time. It's common basis.. and here's why. People domesticate themselves at early ages. Due to seeing the person every single day, the person becomes more of a roomate than a lover. When this occurs, this is when love is truly tested.

I categorize love as a connection at a core level where two people identify with one another in a way a 3rd party can not come in between it. You ever miss a person after seeing them on a daily basis? Do you listen to music you identify and love a certain artist you identify with? Well it's almost the same bond that starts off most relationships.

Now the bond is tested.. and some are not ready for it. You can fancy someone's looks all you want, but looks will indefinitely fade as will the good sex (not all together, just never the same as the first however many times). Hince the real need to connect at a deeper level than lust.

 

[der Astronom]

Likewise, they're not always so complex. It's a matter of prioritizing. Is your educational career more important to you than going out on a date with some random person? Probably, yes. Or at least, I imagine most people would agree it should be.

This decision can be hard to make if you were more concerned about your love life. Remember that some teens don't always make the right decisions. If it were me, I'd obviously choose the homework over the dance, but then that's because i never valued the dance all that much to begin with.

But, given a choice between your previous example of going to a dance to potentially meet new girls or going to a gaming party to share games with your buds... being realistic, your buds will probably get together to game plenty of times. A dance to meet someone you could be attracted to--especially a school dance--come but few times in a lifetime. I'd probably be willing to sacrifice a LAN to meet a girl, knowing that there will be more LANs in my future that I could go to. Of course, it could be argued that we have just as much time to meet someone to be attracted to. But perhaps not so conveniently (though I'm not going to argue that relationships developed through school functions or school in general [especially before college] tend to have any tendency of success--that's a different discussion entirely).

Now what if we're speaking of someone who isn't attracted to other people, or has no interest in it? According to him or her, what reason does he/she have for going to a dance? He/she might consider it a waste of time, and decide to do something else. There are plenty of other things you can be doing. You can do your homework. You can read a book. Play some video games. Go to a restaurant (by yourself or with others). Meet up with a friend who's leaving tomorrow. Attend a different party. Most people are interested in going to a dance because they usually want to meet someone they're going to be attracted to. I don't imagine there are too many people who wanted to go to a dance against their own will, or because they thought it was a waste of time.

As I said before, I'm single and perfectly content with that. But I also had a girlfriend with whom I was pretty darn sure I was in love with for the duration of our relationship. Turns out it wasn't meant to be, or whatever else excuse you want to label it with. Anyway, I know from experience that I was happier spending any sort of time with her than I was playing video games with my friends--and I didn't realize such a thing was possible until I started dating her. Now that we aren't together anymore, I'm totally cool with playing games with my buds again; it's awesome. I don't particularly care if I find another girl or not, but I'm not going to go out of my way to avoid it. Why should I? I guess my point is, as has been stated before in this thread, you really shouldn't knock it until you try it (and I mean legitimately try it, not this "lol i liek u lets hold hands" stuff).

Since I haven't tried dating, I have no opinion of it. And I don't particularly care if I never find out what it's like. There are lots of things in life I'll never find out about. However, there are certain things I am in the interest of finding out--love and dating just don't happen to be among them.

Just as easily as you can ask "Why not?" to the statement "...it's not something you should just cast aside," I can ask to you "Why IS it something you should just cast aside?" Even though love may not be for some people, you may as well see if you can experience it. You may discover something new about yourself--for instance, something that makes you happier than you could've imagined before. Dismissing it so quickly, without even trying it, could theoretically be as big of a mistake as it could be no mistake at all.

Why? Several reasons.

I'm not interested. If I were interested in something, I would eventually like to try it. And because there are several things I am interested in trying, they take priority over things I'm not interested in trying. Remember, there are too many things to try in this world. We'll never get around to everything. There is no particularly good way to pick something you've never experienced before and know for sure that it's going to be worth it, but it's more probable you're going to enjoy it if you're interested in it to begin with.

I've found that love is fake. You have people primping themselves up more than usual and doing a 180 in their personalities just to get a boy or girl to notice them. Then when they're safely married, they revert back to their older habits, and they might be unpleasant. I extremely dislike this kind of dishonesty. If there were a way to test this, I would welcome it, but more often than not, people in love never notice these things because they think they're in love.

I do not enjoy the concept of love because you end up having to sacrifice some of your values for someone else you're not even sure you'll end up with forever. As it has been eluded to in this thread by several people, love is not eternal. I don't want to end up at some point where I'll do anything (or almost anything) for someone else just because I love them.

From my perspective it looks like you are making excuses for your past bad luck with girls. Your decision to not date seems to me like it is serving as a way for you to cope with the fact that you haven't met a girl who is not a jackass. Trust me these kinds of things are normal.

Then there is the point that high school is by no means a representation of the real world. You will meet plenty of women who aren't jackasses. You said that you've wanted to love people, there is really no reason to entirely give up on love at this age (assuming you actually are 14).

That's odd. I got out of high school and met lots of awesome people in university, and never once wanted to date any of them. They were great friends, but I don't think I'd ever have any romantic interest in any of them.

And to everybody else. You may believe that love is a wonderful thing, but remember that there are more wonderful things out there in life besides love, and no one can tell you which of these wonderful things you have to believe is worth trying. Only you can decide for yourself which of these wonderful things in life you have the time to try.