[V3] What's Your Mood?

I'm content.

I'm just chillin here eating cereal. I slept in today, which is pretty sweet. Later my boyfriend and I get to make a film. It's a 24 hour challenge thing that's part of the International Film Festival down here. Which should be fun.
 
Mood: Exhausted

Reason: Long day. I wanted to back my laptop up this morning...it only took TEN HOURS, near enough. During that time I had to sort things out, got dragged out to Toys R' Us for what turned out to be a wasted trip because the thing my mother wanted to buy my little brother wasn't there anymore and kid's toys these days are completely SHIT - seriously, even the Megazords are lackluster, and it's all so EXPENSIVE as well - so I couldn't even buy something to amuse myself...mother wouldn't let me get a Hello Kitty plush toy, which I was not happy about, because it had a flame stitched over its eye and everything. Then I got dragged to a bloody garden center - at which point my iPod decided to run out of power - and when I got home my laptop wasn't even half done. I just managed to finish redesigning my Tumblr, and I have to go in early tomorrow to work on my dissertation.

Whine, bitch, moan, complain. But this has not been my idea of a Sunday.
 
Upset. Things aren't going well with me and my boyfriend. I stayed the night with him last night for the first time in 5 days, and he kept asking me when I want him to drive me home, like we were in some sort of rush. Seemed like he had other things to do. Pretty sure I'm an option, rather than a priority. It hurts my feelings a lot.
 
Mood: aghfgjfgjhjghjml;


I dunno why, i'm just in a piss poor mood D: I feel anxious for some odd reason :hmmm: On my day off of work, I should have been relaxing waste time on here but NOO. today just felt wasted :okay: and i have school and work tomorrow. That always makes me a little bit depressed inside. I'm hardcore procastionating my homework too, which is due in the a.m. :rage:.

I think its because i didn't get enough sleep. Sleep hates my guts. it's like: "Oh, you have a day off tomorrow? Let me have your brain think of a way to cure cancer while your body gets ready for a marathon." Fuckin' douche. :mokken:
 
Relieved and fatigued

I just had the worst anxiety attack of my life. It was getting to me so bad, I was screaming at it to go away. Screaming, like a crazy person. It's because of my anxiety that I'm ever suicidal, but I don't want it to control me. My boyfriend helped me gain control by talking me into it. My dad held me, and my grandma bought me a huge bag full of Mr. Noodles in a cup, which are my favourite. I'm okay.
 
Mood: Content

Reason: I managed to get what I needed to do done this morning - although the library is so fucking noisy now, and my train was cancelled so I had spend an hour sitting on the platform in the rain - so I am now free to have the rest of the day to myself. I really need to get started on my analysis this week, and apply for some more jobs, but for the moment at least I'm going to relax and have some me time. Me time equates to watching anime, playing games, and stalking Tumblr. Yay.
 
I'm good.

I like myself, and I'm content with myself, and I'm enjoying myself. I get to see my boyfriend later too, which should be nice. I hope we get to watch Community together or something. Maybe play video games, I dunno. Something fun. I'm not busy at all. Today is my day, I think.
 
Mood: Alright

Reason: Didn't sleep very well last night - I was up half the night worrying about a certain individual who seems to be in quite a dark place at the moment - but I'm not particularly tired, probably because I've taken it easy today thus far, and have no plans to change that. I'm annoyed but not surprised Amazon have proven to be useless fucktards yet again, and I feel the need to be doing things but lack the desire to do them. Average afternoon, in short.
 
Relaxed

I'm in bed with my boyfriend right now. I made him soup and brought him crackers because he's sick. We're watching Community right now, and it's really cozy in here. I feel nice :)
 
I'm pretty good. The PGCE is going very well, although I know things will get even more hectic soon! We've been in Uni so far, learning from lectures and seminars every week day. I'm looking forward to the more hectic weeks though as I'll actually be teaching! It's a bit frightening, and I am probably going to muck up a lot at first, but this is only just the beginning. :) When this course ends, I will be a fantastic teacher!
 
I'm a grumpy bitch.

I came home from my boyfriend's and instead of a "hi" I get a passive-aggressive "why do you look so white?" from my grandma. I don't know what she's pissed off at me about, but I don't care to find out. It's bullshit. Everybody can fuck off today.
 
Mood: Depressed/lost

Reason: Life right now is just really really stressful and depleting. It's like every where I turn I'm faced with another stone wall of crappy things happening to either myself or my family. I'm in a rut (that I've been stuck in for ever) and it's just really sinking in how utterly empty everything around me is. I feel like I'm in quick sand and I'm slowly drowning in it. Without giving my whole sob story, I'm just really overwhelmed right now with all the bad going on. It's gotten so bad I can't do anything. I can't make any graphics, I can't write, I don't even have the will to have some fun on either tumblr or forums anymore. I just don't feel like bothering with... any of it. I try to read a book but when I do, I just drift into thinking about the bad stuff going on and it ends up just doing more harm than good. I just feel like a zombie, and the worse part is... going unnoticed.

I just... I've never been depressed before (I've always been known as the lively, energetic person) but I have a feeling this is what it feels like. :/ I'm on the verge of just giving up, to be frank.
 
I am so fucking pissed off.

I hate that I can't drive because I don't have my license. I hate that I have to rely on other people for a ride. I hate that I was late for volunteering, and now my position as team leader this Saturday has been taken away because of it. This is such crap.


After I calm down I'll just learn from it, move on, and only be motivated to he my license. But for now? I'm fucking pissed off and I'm comfortable feeling this way for a while longer.
 
Mood: Dissatisfied

Reason: Oh, I'm all kinds of indecisive this morning. I SHOULD go to the library to work, but I don't really feel like going out...the library is noisy now, and I'm expecting a package that should have arrived yesterday. But I don't think I'll get much done if I stay home, and I need to get at least 1000 words written of the analysis this week. I also need to apply for more teaching assistant jobs, although hopefully I'll hear something back either today or tomorrow from another vacancy I applied for...I'm all over the place right now. And so very tired to boot.

...and I really want the Star Driver soundtrack, but I can't find it. I have two songs from Tumblr, the four maiden songs, and the OP and ED themes. I need to track these albums down.
 
Okay. Whatever.

Not looking forward to a lot of thing this month. It really disappoints me, since October is my favourite month. Now I have to figure out a way to enjoy it despite all the shit coming up. I'll have to cope.
 
Mood: In over my head. -.-

Omg, I just need to vent. This whole work business is really, really, getting to me. Seeing I lost my job in July I thankfully had the right for receiving social care for 3 to 4 months. While that was great seeing I didn't get fired because of something I did, my income is gonna be ending on November 3rd. I'm absolutely freaking the hell out. I'm going to apply for a continuation thing they offer you, which is like a 28 day probation period where they'll 'breathe down your neck' on if you're applying enough, apparently they also want you to look at schools, so I feel like, since I can't afford to have school right now (due to home circumstances with money) I'm just not gonna qualify for the continuation of the social care money. So, 1. I feel like it's a complete waste of time to sign up for it, and 2. If I sign up for it, I have to sign up at yet ANOTHER damn place, and work along with their appointments. It may seem like nothing, but it's freaking me out.

They're so goddamn rude as well. They make you feel as if it's your fault you got fired, while it wasn't something I could've prevented. :ffs: Like I enjoy sitting at home for weeks on end, receiving money, and feeling like an idiot getting denial after denial for applications. -.- Yeah, I mean, that's great, guys. I could do this everyday. Not. I just wish they'd treat people individually, I'm showing interest to go back to work, they should credit at least that rather than be complete dicks about it. No, I don't want to go back to school at this point, I can't afford it, and the last thing I need is more stress with their ridiculous bullshit. Why can't they just understand that I live with just my mom, and we have bills to pay while she's unable to work so she has a certain income a month as well. I cannot. afford. that. bullshit. Goddamn idiots. >.>

I really just hope I get a job before I get to hear the "rejection to my application to receive the continued social care". The can shove their money, I much rather work and have a steady income, rather than worrying myself absolutely sick everyday about how what I'm doing might not be good enough for social care. Ugh.
 
Kinda pissy after my driving lesson.

My instructor is an idiot. She's constantly putting her hands on the steering wheel, she's snappy, and she's super concerned with the way she looks to the public. If I make a mistake, it's all about her image as an instructor. Fuck you, bitch. I'm a student and you're never going to see these people again.

Sometimes I feel so racist when I'm around her, because she reminds me why I distance myself from brown women. Most all of the ones I've ever come across are superficial nuts. But I do know a couple who are fucking amazing, so, I'm just grumpy.
 
Mood: Meh

Reason: I'm in for another fun-filled morning of painstakingly typing the same information into slightly different application forms over and over again today...really not in the mood for this, so something had better come of it; I don't do this for my health. Getting a job is far too fucking difficult these days; employers are so damn picky, and they always like me, but never enough to hire me. Fat lot of good that does me. Still, I suppose if I don't do this then I don't stand a chance of getting a job (well, a consistent job in which I work a set number of hours each day; I already have a job, it just doesn't pay often enough) so...away we go.
 
At peace.

I'm in bed with my boyfriend right now. He has to get up for work in the morning, so he's asleep, and I enjoy these moments. I've been having really bad anxiety attacks recently at night, because he falls asleep which leaves me alone with my cruel thoughts, so I freak out. It's really nice to not have that right now. To just chill the fuck out and live in the moment. I could keep going, but I reallyyyy want to cuddle him right now, so I'll hit post.

Goodnight, FFF.
 
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