Spoiled means rotten

[Catnip]

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Again. Here goes, FFF:


My little brother lives with my father, who I no longer live with due to his decision to move in with his girlfriend and her 3 brats. I went over to their house for the first time this weekend and saw my little brother's room. It looked a lot different than how his old bedroom looked.
He has the walls painted the colour he likes, a transformers bedset and an odd but cool looking bed and some nice curtains.

I never got that. I had a white pillow and a strange patterned blanket that was maybe even ugly and my bed was boring as fuck and my blinds (not curtains) were white and dusty. None of that mattered to me when I was a kid. I had a mattress to sleep on, a pillow to feel comfortable, a blanket to keep me warm at night and blinds to allow me my privacy. That's all that mattered, and I actually realized this.

Anyway, one my my dad's girlfriend's children left her favourite pillow at her father's house, which was her biggest, and she needed an extra pillow. She refused to take any pillow which did not match her bedroom since it simply did not match her bedroom.

Why does this matter? Well, she's taught that materials are important. The fact that she has a pillow means nothing. The fact that it matches her blinds and walls is the important thing.

What are your opinions on this? I think something as small as even a pretty looking room can teach a child some absurd things, even though the parent would like to believe that they're doing their child good.

 

[Marquis of Granby]

I've got a young cousin like this, though it's more that he gets whatever he wants kind of thing. He's a spoilt, ignorant brat though his parents claim he's got all sorts of mental conditions he clearly hasn't. I'm not a doctor but it's one of those things you can just tell...I think that might make sense?

He was essentially a trophy child because they'd tried for so long to have a kid, when he came along they thought good parenting equated to reading (and following to the word) parenting books, buying him designer baby clothes and toys etc. Their good parenting method and parenting books don't seem to have done much good 'cause he's a very ignorant child. I think he's maybe 11 or 12 now maybe older but if you ever see him anywhere with his mum or dad (especially) his mum he'll completely ignore you, even if you say hello.

Annnnnnnyway, how does that relate to this post? Well I think some parents believe that "wellbeing" is "give them everything they want. that's what they need." instead of "give them everything they need and a little bit of what they want." ie they choose to focus on material things because what show's a little kid you love them more than a PS3 or a laptop? They seem to confuse love with spending money if that makes any sense?

I find the whole thing ridiculous, but there's not very much you can do about it, if these parents choose to turn their kids into little material boys and girls then they'd better hope they can afford it 4 or 5 years down the line and if they can't well...there's gonna be a lotta crocodile tears.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Ugh, I could go on and on about how my little brother is a spoiled brat.

I am one of four children and I am the oldest, therefore I was also the guinea pig.

Anyway, I was brought up how most children should be brought up. I was taught how to appreciate things when I got something I wanted and that money doesn't grow on trees etc.

Now when I go back home to visit, I find that my younger brother is given EVERYTHING he wants. It is not fair. <_<

I mean I appreciate that I was brought up the right way and that I'm much more level headed because of it, however it still annoys me that he is given things that I would sometimes have to wait for ages to get. He just gets all these amazing things thrown at him like it's nothing. Like consoles, clothes, money etc.

I told my parents that if they buy him a car and don't make him pay them back, then I will either never speak to them again, or I will ask for the same amount of money that they spend on his car in cash.

I had to pay my parents back when I got my first car and they never helped me pay it off in any way.

It's only fair and I believe in bringing up all your children equally.

It's only going to cause fights between siblings and it's not fair that parents should just get lazy and give up and just let the younger ones do whatever the hell they want and get whatever the hell they want. <_<

The parents are going to pay for it in the future. The kids will never want to leave home because they've got it too good there. They'll never grow up and they'll turn into arrogant little shits. <_< That's not fair on the kids.

 

[Valvalis]

I have never lived with any siblings--I have only half-siblings and they live far away from me--but I've seen this happen with some of my friends, and it's really not fair. If you have children, you should raise them all the same way--make them work for things and don't spoil the crap out of them (i.e. giving them candy and expensive toys when they are 2 years old --that's why we have to listen to little kids shrieking in stores). It really makes sense to do it that way--if you don't spoil the first child, and then you treat the second child the same way, then if you do happen to come into some extra money then you can distribute it evenly between the two children and neither of their feelings will be hurt.

 

[L]

Younger siblings are spoiled because they got things they wanted the same way you did when you were a kid.

by constantly mentioning wanting it and bitching moaning and crying for it.

It's life

I remember back during High School I wanted a lot of stuff, I wanted to do a few things, never could because my sister was being an attention whore that was drama incarnate.

I think my mom pretty much threw money at her and told her to fuck off.

 

[Catnip]

it's not fair that parents should just get lazy and give up and just let the younger ones do whatever the hell they want and get whatever the hell they want. <_<

I concur! And I'm honestly not about what's fair and what isn't, since I'm pretty much used to seeing others get things handed to them on a silver platter right in front of me. I was taught that not everything is fair, so I deal with it. My main concern is my little brother and how he is going to grow up. My older brother and I were raised amazingly, in my opinion, and we understand how real life works and how it treats others. I have told my stepmother (little brother's biological mom) and my father so many times to help him out with simple things such as cleaning. Whenever he makes a mess, he's got his maid of a mother right behind him with a cloth in her hand. He doesn't even know how to use his hands properly because he never had to really use them.
So my brother, I think, is never going to leave home. And in his mind, I'm sure mommy and daddy will live forever.
It's bullshit and if anything is unfair, it's unfair to him.

Younger siblings are spoiled because they got things they wanted the same way you did when you were a kid.

by constantly mentioning wanting it and bitching moaning and crying for it.

It's life

I remember back during High School I wanted a lot of stuff, I wanted to do a few things, never could because my sister was being an attention whore that was drama incarnate.

I think my mom pretty much threw money at her and told her to fuck off.

Bitching, moaning and crying for it? My father taught me better than that. If he had to say no twice, I was in trouble. Even then I understood why he didn't give me everything I wanted, but the small child in me still felt she wanted those things badly. Not needed, but strongly wanted. I would be forced to get over it, since I couldn't ask my dad a second time, and I did indeed get over it.

 

[eye of the divine]

catnip how old is your step brother?

I must admit I got away with murder sometimes with my dad but for along time my perants were really poor and couldn't give me much. However I think now looking back I got a lot materially however I was never given any freedom to do anything so in a way there was a traid off I guess. My dad would give me stuff my mother gave me bairly anything.

I don't think there is a right way to bring up a child since everyone is an individual.

For me personally university was a real learning curve for me because I wasn't given room to learn, to make mistakes when I was at home. so now when I make them I get hurt more than before. I have no financial backing and live on £120 a month so if that doesn't help teach you quick nothing will.

 

[DeadFantasy]

I'm not the oldest out of my siblings but, I get what your saying Catnip. I think when I was wee little I was kind of bitchy and whatnot but as I got older my dad really got onto my ass. he always say that I wouldn't make it in life if kept acting as I did when I was younger saying how as I got older and moved out, i'd have to rely on myself. I was pretty spoiled I'd say but, I wouldn't expect things from my parents. As I got older i learned that appreciation is key. I was taught to say please and thank you and really be respectful to others. My dad was no softy i'll tell you that for sure.


I mean, i go back to my old man's house and my younger brother, Mark still lives there (mind you, hes the youngest in our family) I mean, I understand the fact that since most of us are out on our own and my dad has extra cash that he'd spend more on Mark but, I don't think he's a brat about it because like I said, my dad's no softy xD


I think all kids should be kind and whatnot instead of being brats and always getting their way. Really, it's the parents fault. i personally, believe that discipline is needed if your child is acting up. And to do it when they're still young teach them to be respectful etc.

 

[Catnip]

catnip how old is your step brother?

I must admit I got away with murder sometimes with my dad but for along time my perants were really poor and couldn't give me much. However I think now looking back I got a lot materially however I was never given any freedom to do anything so in a way there was a traid off I guess. My dad would give me stuff my mother gave me bairly anything.

I don't think there is a right way to bring up a child since everyone is an individual.

For me personally university was a real learning curve for me because I wasn't given room to learn, to make mistakes when I was at home. so now when I make them I get hurt more than before. I have no financial backing and live on £120 a month so if that doesn't help teach you quick nothing will.

"Half brother" actually. Technically. He'll be 10 in May.

I think small things that barely anyone would think twice about actually has a big impact on the way kids are brought up. I actually never really got allowance when I was younger, and my father never told me why until years later.
Every other Friday my father would give my older brother and I 50 cents if we were good and called that allowance.
I didn't realize it then, but he was teaching us to save money and how to be wise with it, no matter how small or big the amount was.

It's little things like that.

 

[Catnip]

All right to be perfectly honest with anyone reading this, I think kids who get smacked are the ones who behave better.

I remember in 9th grade, my teacher asked the class who has been smacked and all but 2 raised their hands. The two most spoiled inconsiderate beings in all of 9th grade. Funny how that works.

And even though this thread is more about how simple things can effect a child, I just really wanted to point out that a simple tap on the butt can go a long way.

 

[Rydia]

Ok I am the youngest of 5, by about 7 years, and I'll admit that my parents do spoil me more than my older siblings. I was also lucky though being seven years younger than my next closest sibling. My parents let me do things at a younger age than my older siblings and they are more leinent about things now. They also bought me more things as a child and as a teenager because they had the money to spend. (My older three siblings were out of the house)

I do however think that I was punished more often as a kid because they had less patience with me because they had four other kids to worry about. My older siblings were also successful in college and then later at finding a good job, so they expect the same from me.

In a perfect world, all parents would treat all their children the same. But no one is perfect and some parents may have spoiled one child more than another. As you get older, your patience does decrease and so does your stamina. I don't think that is anything you should hold against your parent though unless your parents were outright abusive to you and spoiled your other sibling. Or if you were in a dysfunctional family and roles were assigned. And your spoiled sibling will pay for it in the future when they are on their own and they do not get what they want or they have no idea how to balance a check book.

 

[Martel]

I'm the eldest of me and my younger brother by six years. He's also autistic, so he requires quite a lot more attention than I did when I was a child, and still does now. I was spoilt as a child by my grandparents, and up until just before I left school and went to College (at least, I hope this is the case; I hope I've changed at least a little from what I used to be) I was an obnoxious little brat.

I still like things to match up, when and where possible. I'm slightly OCD in that I like things to be organized. However, I won't go insane over it...I mean, what is the point? Get it if you can, don't if you can't. If its just too much bother...well, that is just too bad. It used to bother the hell out of me. Now, I find its just a preferable option. Still, if people want to get hung up over it...well, that is their problem. I'll settle with what I can get easily.

Unless you're in an exceptionally wealthy family, being spoiled as a child won't do you any good. As you get older, you'll realize that life won't simply hand you things the way your parents did, and it'll take you a while - I think it took me about six years, give or take - to come to terms with it. Its not really something I'd wish on any child. If your parents suddenly stop spoiling you, it makes you feel like you're being neglected, or discarded. Still, eventually you'll realize that as long as you've got the essentials, that is all you really need. You can work on getting the things you want yourself, and you'll feel much better if you get them yourself, as well.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

I concur! And I'm honestly not about what's fair and what isn't, since I'm pretty much used to seeing others get things handed to them on a silver platter right in front of me. I was taught that not everything is fair, so I deal with it. My main concern is my little brother and how he is going to grow up. My older brother and I were raised amazingly, in my opinion, and we understand how real life works and how it treats others. I have told my stepmother (little brother's biological mom) and my father so many times to help him out with simple things such as cleaning. Whenever he makes a mess, he's got his maid of a mother right behind him with a cloth in her hand. He doesn't even know how to use his hands properly because he never had to really use them.
So my brother, I think, is never going to leave home. And in his mind, I'm sure mommy and daddy will live forever.
It's bullshit and if anything is unfair, it's unfair to him.

In case you didn't notice I did state that I thought it was unfair to the child who was getting spoiled here:

It's only going to cause fights between siblings and it's not fair that parents should just get lazy and give up and just let the younger ones do whatever the hell they want and get whatever the hell they want. <_<

The parents are going to pay for it in the future. The kids will never want to leave home because they've got it too good there. They'll never grow up and they'll turn into arrogant little shits. <_< That's not fair on the kids.