Serious My life's turned into a soap opera ...

[Amizon]

I've been bottling a lot of things up for a while now, but I just felt tonight that I needed to let it all out and relieve some of the stress I'm under at the moment.

So some of you may know that a friend's with me at the moment and we're trying to get him sorted out up north. Well, there was an incident at my flat last month and one of my flatmate's boyfriends threatened him. It caused me to panic and my temper to flare. He promptly locked himself in my room while I was at home during the weekend and made him paranoid. It took another week or so for me to actually talk it over with that flatmate. She apologised for her boyfriend's behaviour, but I've become so goddamn overprotective of my friend and his wellbeing. It's made me tread a lot more carefully, too.

And only a few days later, I became ill. I was losing sleep and all sorts. The stress must've brought it on and it was the worst week of my life. I lost my appetite and just wanted to bang my head against the wall. I felt like shit and I didn't want to put up with anymore.

Then the following Tuesday, I get a text from my sister. My dad's been rushed into hospital with irregular breathing and I'm stressing all over again. Luckily for me, he was only in there for a day or two, but I couldn't help feeling so worried about him. He's been in and out of hospital for years. I was so fucking scared that this time he might not make it, especially since I sent numerous texts and called plenty of times with no news whatsoever.

Sometime later, I heard some horrible things said about me by a good friend of mine. It made me feel paranoid for a while and I was unsure of who my real friends were anymore. I even cried myself to sleep the night I heard these things and felt so fucking useless for once. The person who told me felt horrible, but I told them not to worry. I've had people lie to me over the years about things, so I'd rather hear the harsh truth rather than a few soft lies. Thankfully, we've worked things out and that friend and I have come to a mutual situation. I'll go to them if I'm upset with them from now on.

And then come the arguments.

Last night, I didn't want to speak to my stepmother because I was too tired to even utter a single word. She took it the wrong way and raged on at me about how rude I was being. I said I didn't want to come across as rude, but this didn't work obviously. This made me quite upset and I haven't really spoken to her ever since. Apparently, I have an attitude problem and need to sort it out as well as stop blaming work for everything. I was overworked that day and there was no excuse for her to be the way she was. I practically lost some respect for her. She was acting like a spoilt child who couldn't get her own way.

But the biggest blow came today. So it was Mother's Day and my mum picked up me and my sisters to take us to her house. Because she came early, I couldn't have a shower at my dad's and asked her if I could have one at hers. She says it's fine and we get back to the house. As soon as I ask if anyone needs the bathroom before I get in the shower, her dickhead of a partner who I've loathed (an understatement of a word) starts kicking off how he's not been able to have a shower because he's waited to have one himself. He blames my mum lying in this morning and having my half-brother to look after. So then my mum and him start yet another one of their full blown arguments and she gets upset. Again. He fucking ruins Mother's Day every year and this was no exception. She was so upset with him because he's a prick and when she realises that she can do better, I'll be behind her all the way. They argued ... over ME taking a shower. What the fuck is up with that? I heard them arguing again after she went in her room to cry. I got so pissed off that I kicked some stuff over upstairs in front of my sisters and little brother. For the first time, I wanted to murder that fucking bastard. He's even said to my youngest sister, "I'll haunt you forever" or some shit like that just last Monday. My temper flared when my dad told me the next day. I got really protective of her and wanted to sort him out for good.

I suppose that's all I need to say right now. I wanted to get this all out in the open because I'm fed up of not saying everything. I may tell a few friends to confide in, but this is the full story. My life is a goddamn soap opera now. It's constantly drama after drama and I swear I should've given up ages ago. Thankfully, I've not. I know people have been through much worse than myself, but this is the shit I've had to put up for the past month or so. I only want good news now and not bad news.

There've been so many times my temper's flared up and it hasn't done in six years. You see, I was being bullied those years ago back in school. I couldn't tolerate anymore and I ended up punching the girl that was doing it when I got off the school bus one night. I'm not one for normally getting angry, I'm so good at keeping calm. But just lately, all this crap has been either making me angry or want to burst into tears all the time. It's taken me all those years to keep that temper under control. I'm actually scared of it. I don't want the temper to flare up. I'm scared of what I'll do if I lose control. I lose all sense of reality and feel like hurting whoever's annoying me. And I generally don't like to be perceived as the angry person, but there's only so much toleration in my veins until I turn nasty ...

Wow, I guess it feels a lot better now I've let it out.

Anyway, there's my fucked up life. Maybe I should make my own soap opera if it does continue like this.

 

[Monster]

Ami...I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope he gets well, and you. I'm sure everything will become better and, I'd watch your soap

 

[Saga]

Hey, Ami-sparrow. It's surprising how getting things off your chest can help, even if it's only a little. I'm sorry so much has happened to you this month. I can relate, as we've already briefly discussed earlier today. Neither of us have had the best of months.

But I want you to know that regardless of what has happened between us in the past, I am here for you. If you ever need to vent, I can lend my ear/msn. I don't want you to feel like you can't come talk to me.

Your mom... I feel for her. He's clearly not the best guy for her. He seems like a complete and utter prick to me. It's nice to see that you stand by her. And I'm sure she appreciates that greatly.

I hope it starts looking up for you soon, Ami-sparrow. No-one deserves a load of shit dumped on them all at once. D:

(I hope your dad is okay, too D=)

<333 Love you, Sparrow.

 

[Gaige]

I don't know you that well, Ami, but I'm sorry for your troubles. In particular, your mother's partner sounds like an utter dick. I hope you and your mother rid yourselves of him. If I'm ever in the SB and you need someone to listen, just say.

 

[Kei]

To be quite honest, I think you just have to hold it in, or try to talk about it regularly to one of your REAL friends not ones you can't trust. I've been in dramas over many years since I was like 9, I've been treated like an adult by my parents. =/

Tbh, I just like holding it in, even though I WANT to go for psychopath, my brain just doesn't want to help me do that, <.< so I rather lock things up inside and just endure it, for I know something better might show up and erase all of those bad memories and what not.

I wouldn't lie to you, I thought about murdering my entire family and even going mental in the street. XD I just couldn't because my sense mind is a bitch. and there would penalties for doing that. <_<

Dramas happen, friends come and go, stick to the ones who have no advantage of being with you in any way.. I too think your mom needs a better person than that prick.

Hope you feel better and have good news waiting for you in the near future. ^.^

 

[Linnaete]

I have also gone through similar moments like this in my past when I felt that I simply couldn't cope at all. I remember the last time that my parents argued viciously - that time the magnitude of the row was just horrific - and I simply cried myself to sleep as well. So while I haven't faced these "soap" moments as often, I do sort of understand how you were feeling. I've had fall outs with friends as well - recently one of my friends took something I said the wrong way and all hell broke loose.

Ami, I am sorry to hear what a terrible few weeks you have had. We are here if you want to discuss things. Everyone here is right - your mum's partner is just not the right person. If he constantly rages like that and fucking up special occasions - he doesn't deserve your mum as a partner. I'm glad that your dad is alright. I can imagine how horrible it must have been for all these things to pile up like that on your mind.

I hope you're OK now. It is always easier to get everything off your chest.

 

[Sabriel]

Ami <3 First, for being brave enough to post this. Better, right?

Wow, that guy needs to sort himself out. Blaming you for not being able to take a shower? Seriously. He can take it after you. And why is he even starting an argument over a little thing?

I think the best thing to do is to not see him for a while, clam down and move on from a worthless argument. I'm sure if you do that both your stepmother and your mum's partner would come to their senses.

If you need me I'm here :3

 

[Harlequin]

But the biggest blow came today. So it was Mother's Day and my mum picked up me and my sisters to take us to her house. Because she came early, I couldn't have a shower at my dad's and asked her if I could have one at hers. She says it's fine and we get back to the house. As soon as I ask if anyone needs the bathroom before I get in the shower, her dickhead of a partner who I've loathed (an understatement of a word) starts kicking off how he's not been able to have a shower because he's waited to have one himself. He blames my mum lying in this morning and having my half-brother to look after. So then my mum and him start yet another one of their full blown arguments and she gets upset. Again. He fucking ruins Mother's Day every year and this was no exception. She was so upset with him because he's a prick and when she realises that she can do better, I'll be behind her all the way. They argued ... over ME taking a shower. What the fuck is up with that? I heard them arguing again after she went in her room to cry. I got so pissed off that I kicked some stuff over upstairs in front of my sisters and little brother. For the first time, I wanted to murder that fucking bastard. He's even said to my youngest sister, "I'll haunt you forever" or some shit like that just last Monday. My temper flared when my dad told me the next day. I got really protective of her and wanted to sort him out for good.

A passing glance apart, we don't know eachother at all.

However everytime I read such a situation it bothers me seeing as it reminds me alot of my domestics.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your father. I hope he's made a full recovery.

I have an older half brother who would have fits of violent rage and take it out on both my sister and I. For about five or six years I had recurring thoughts of killing him and doin' the time. But the passive person inside of me kept supressing my anger (thankfully). Having bottled up the feelings I felt towards my brother I began to develop an overbearing bitterness to him. I would get physically heated with him just being in my periphery (it was hard sharing a room with him ).

This made me a cold person. The hate I carried inside was at times emotionally crippling and it began to damage my relationship with others. I learned that my brother didn't need my judgement, bitterness and resentment. He needed help. Thankfully he's calmed down, although there is the odd time But my boxing skills come in handy.

What I'm trying to say is if you keep these feelings bottled up, no matter how docile you feel you are, anger can lead to deep hate and emotional decay.

I hope your mother does find someone deserving of her. And if you're ever in need of someone to talk to and the other ten users or so above me aren't online...

 

[Amizon]

Thanks for the comments of support, everyone. Unfortunately, the bastard is still at large and now I have a new problem.

I got off the phone from my mum a while ago, it's been the first time I've been in touch with her since Sunday. I ask her one simple thing, "Have you had anymore trouble from him?" Then she goes off on a rant saying how much he's done for us, he may have his bad points, why I didn't comfort her on Sunday and a whole load of shit I can't quite remember. It's left me in an impossible situation since she's meant to be picking me up tomorrow at half 1 at the train station.

I spoke to my dad and he suggested it was time to show her that I could stick up for myself through all this. He's said the best thing for me to do is to stay at my flat this weekend, stay away from my mum and prove a point by showing I don't have to run to him every time the shit hits the fan.

I'm unsure of what to do now, though. If I go to my mum's, then it'll all be pretend and I won't be able to stomach it. If I go to my dad's, then it only shows I run to him for every little problem. Or there's my flat I can stay in. Going to work will be a bitch since it's over an hour away, however. What do you think I should do?

 

[Harlequin]

I ask her one simple thing, "Have you had anymore trouble from him?" Then she goes off on a rant saying how much he's done for us, he may have his bad points, why I didn't comfort her on Sunday and a whole load of shit I can't quite remember.

I spoke to my dad and he suggested it was time to show her that I could stick up for myself through all this. He's said the best thing for me to do is to stay at my flat this weekend, stay away from my mum and prove a point by showing I don't have to run to him every time the shit hits the fan.

I might be sticking my neck out here and I'm sorry if me jumping to conclusions has offended you but it sounds to me as if your mother is insecure of the fact that she's in a situation she knows you don't want her to be and realises that through your conversations with your father she could be losing respect from the two of you and is afraid it could cause residual influence on your younger simblings (I'm assuming she's their mother too). It sounds to me that she feels trapped as a product of her pride.

Despite how awkward and fake going would feel to you it might give her great comfort to see her daughter again and have her say with you and the two of you could improve her position.

Chances are she doesn't need to be told how negative you believe her situation to be, sometimes small gestures, being a listener and reassuring her can be all she needs to overcome her difficulties.

Maybe she shouldn't have be roped into an argument while her kids were in earshot, perhaps you could have been more accomodating to her situation at the time. But theres no sense in crying over spilt milk.

My advice would be to apologise for what you feel you did wrong and whether or not she feels compelled to apologise would be up to her. Its imperitive that the discussion doesn't become heated. If you feel it does I'd suggest not pressing her on the subject.

Hope it works out.

 

[Amizon]

I might be sticking my neck out here and I'm sorry if me jumping to conclusions has offended you but it sounds to me as if your mother is insecure of the fact that she's in a situation she knows you don't want her to be and realises that through your conversations with your father she could be losing respect from the two of you and is afraid it could cause residual influence on your younger simblings (I'm assuming she's their mother too). It sounds to me that she feels trapped as a product of her pride.

My dad, asides from my gran, is the only person who even hears me out on anything. My mother just has changed dramatically over the years since she's starting going out with him. She's more moody, bitchy and angry. Don't get me wrong, she's still a great mother. But there's been so much drama over the years and I don't feel it's worth it with her staying with him.

I could care less if she loses respect from me. I've lost respect for her just hearing her have a shouting match with me and not even hearing ME out when I said, "I don't want to fall out over this."

Despite how awkward and fake going would feel to you it might give her great comfort to see her daughter again and have her say with you and the two of you could improve her position.

I do want to go and see her, but not when she goes off and yells at me like that. I'm almost TWENTY-ONE YEARS OLD, not a child.

Chances are she doesn't need to be told how negative you believe her situation to be, sometimes small gestures, being a listener and reassuring her can be all she needs to overcome her difficulties.

My mother always has an excuse for everything. Like I've mentioned, she's bitten our heads off before when she needs comforting. She's stubborn and I thought I'd back off for once to give her space. She stormed into her room and refused to come out. There was no way I was going to invade her personal space.

My advice would be to apologise for what you feel you did wrong and whether or not she feels compelled to apologise would be up to her. Its imperitive that the discussion doesn't become heated. If you feel it does I'd suggest not pressing her on the subject.

I don't see what I've done wrong whatsoever. I've been blamed for practically everything going wrong since my sister walked out on her six years ago (which was also caused by this same prick I'm arguing about. He hit her, I saw it and hardly anyone still believes me. Care to question why I still hate him?). I don't wanna press her on the subject either, but a simple question led to a heated argument. At the end of the day, I'm looking out for her and she's failing to see that. I don't want things to come between us, but at the end of the day, she has to see how immature she is.

I'm not trying to sound like I'm having a go here, I'm merely justifying myself at what's being said. Fact is that my mum needs to stop shouting and start listening. I can't get a word edgeways and it almost always results in me putting the phone down on her because I can't take anymore. I've got university and the next two and a half so years of my life to be getting on with. That prick is the reason why I moved out here and she still fails to understand that. She's blind that he's had a negative impact on her and that's why I'll resent him for as long as I'll live.

 

[Harlequin]

First off, that sounded like a rather impassioned response so I am sorry for any offense I may have caused.

I could care less if she loses respect from me. I've lost respect for her just hearing her have a shouting match with me and not even hearing ME out when I said, "I don't want to fall out over this."

-----

I do want to go and see her, but not when she goes off and yells at me like that. I'm almost TWENTY-ONE YEARS OLD, not a child.

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My mother always has an excuse for everything. Like I've mentioned, she's bitten our heads off before when she needs comforting.

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Fact is that my mum needs to stop shouting and start listening. I can't get a word edgeways and it almost always results in me putting the phone down on her because I can't take anymore.

Sounds like my mum.

My mother often launches into scathing verbal attacks on any one of her children with little to no regard for their personal insecurities or otherwise. A few months ago one of her outbreaks prompted me to say to her that I didn't believe her to be a mother to me, simply a provider.

This was uncalled for, especially considering she raised my siblings and I as a single mother in the most expensive city in the world. As much as I don't believe what I said was wrong I did come to the realisation that regardless of whether or not I felt that way nothing of good would have come from it. I was essentially using it as a weapon to blugeon her with.

My mother is too proud to hear criticism so I can sympathise with you it that respect and I'm often blamed by family friends for her stress and other shortcomings.

But I've learnt that it doesn't matter if she feels that because I don't argue back she's won. The bottom line is I love my mother (cringe, I know) and if thats how she feels validated then its water off a duck's back to me. I'd rather bear her outslaught and shrug it off than let a scathing argument grind us both into the ground.

At the end of the day, I'm looking out for her and she's failing to see that.

Does it matter whether or not she acredits you for looking out for her? Theres more than one way to skin a cat. Telling her to leave this moron, no matter what her opinion is of him, won't work. Hes going to have an influence over her that you won't be able to displace by bludgeoning her with the truth, because she'll refuse to hear it. Try the more subtle approach of hanging out with your mother and slowly enforcing your influence on her.

I don't see what I've done wrong whatsoever. I've been blamed for practically everything going wrong since my sister walked out on her six years ago (which was also caused by this same prick I'm arguing about. He hit her, I saw it and hardly anyone still believes me. Care to question why I still hate him?). I don't wanna press her on the subject either, but a simple question led to a heated argument.

She's blind that he's had a negative impact on her and that's why I'll resent him for as long as I'll live.

Sometimes it isn't the action thats wrong, its the approach.

Somehow, judging by her response to Sunday, she feels you haven't tried to comfort her. I have the same attitude with my mother when she goes off on one.

Sometimes when she cries after having an heated argument with me and instead of resolving it I walk away and think to myself "Shes done this to herself." It eats away at me sometimes that I can't bring myself to turn around and make my mother feel ok even though I believe I'm the one in the right.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I hope the same abhorrent treatment isn't being doled out to your mother. Resentment isn't worth how taxing it can be on you both emotionally and physically. I have no doubt you hate the prick but don't let that resentment overcome your love for your mother.