Living with family or roommates?

Pandora

Pandora

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Once upon a time, I lived with my grandparents who were very loving, gave me plenty of protection, yet were very strict. Strict in more ways than one, that I had little to no social life, and I was miserable. Then college came around the corner, and like most if not all high school graduates, the first thing they think when planning on living in student housing is FREEDOM. I certainly did. And I thought I had the perfect room mates as well. At least, I thought I did. I forgot that all of us were human, we don't know each other, and we all make mistakes; yet some mistakes can only be small enough to be given the silent treatment for at least a week [ex: You ate one of my honey buns. Fuck you.]. But I try to focus more on the good things rather than the bad ones and move on. I certainly do feel like I've been let out of a cage, yet I've been let into a different mother's nest (if you want to call it that) and I'm not out of control like most parents could expect you to be once you're out of the house :-)wacky:). I just consider the present to be adding on to my experience. In all reality to me, it's not too different than living with family members. We love each other most of the time, and there's no guarantee we won't butt heads from time to time.

But who would you rather live with, if you didn't have the choice to live by yourself and haven't had this kind of experience yet? Seeing as both have their share of pros and cons, but not necessarily the same ones. :grin: Or if you have dealt with this kind of thing, what was your experience like?
 
Living with my family was hell, and like most of you guys know I didn't do it for long. I moved out at an early age and was homeless for a bit. I started couch surfing for a while and had roommates. For the most part, it was okay. Of course, we didn't get along all the time, and there were a few times we just flat out would start digging in to each other. Eventually, I got my own place and it was perfect. I could do what I want when I wanted. At no point was I ever out of control or going crazy. Now I'm living with roommates again and for the most part, they're rather okay.

Yet there are times where they are nothing short of an annoyance. For example, the last few days I've wanted nothing more than to rip their heads off. Last night they screwed me out of an easy grade for school, and today they almost screwed me out of a job interview. I just got back home and the first thing they've tried to do was get me to do more shit I don't want to do because it shouldn't be my job. Plus, they started a fire in the back yard and it's all smokey and they left my door open so the smoke came in here.

They're dumbasses and they annoy me. But they're lovable dumbasses and although right now I want to punch them all in the throat, they're good people. Even if sometimes they can be huge imbeciles.

EDIT: It is also worth mentioning that roommates can be complete hypocrites. I hate how I have to talk things over with them to see if they're okay with it from time to time. Yet they turn around and do the same things we talked about over and over again and speak to no one of them. I understand that in that situation you have to take everyone's wishes and well beings into consideration. This should go both ways. If I can't play loud music past 10pm, fine, I get it. However, I don't want to hear their stupid asses having sex. It can get just as loud.
 
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I'm actually in a situation of both. My college is close by only 2.4 miles away so I kept living with my mum when I started going so I haven't had to pay rent or anything like that. Even still I had a reasonable amount of freedom even then especially since I was on the lower floor of the apartment and I'm in the Dungeon (basement). In recent times though, money's gotten really tight and when one of my friends at college got kicked out of his house for being bi (shitty I know) he came to me and offered to pay rent so he could have a place to live. Mum said yes, so now I've got an adopted brother (it went both ways- he did it first)/roommate and quite frankly, I'm rather enjoying it. I've already ruined his and his biyfriends sex nights multiple times. Though in repayment I did make it epic several times, especially when I played the Team Rocket motto on my speakers.
 
I've moved about...seven or eight different times throughout my life. For the most part I lived with my parents though (my dad, stepmom, and siblings)...it was okay. Stepmom and I had our differences especially when I was a teenager, but we've both mellowed down. But I've always resented living with her because I grew up with this mindset that she tore our family apart, etc etc.

A few years ago when we moved back to California, my husband and I got our own apartment together...however we also had his sister stay with us. I guess you could say we were living with family / roommate. I was cool with it at first but as months went by, I got aggravated really quickly. She was always late for rent (one point she was 3-4 months behind), rarely did her dishes, even when we asked, and she'd keep putting it off for a few days. She had this really annoying habit to crank up the heater to 85-90 degrees. I'd wake up at 2 or 3 a.m feeling suffocated and furious. She slept in our living room and would always forget to turn the t.v off, so we'd wake up in the morning with it still on. I love my sister-in-law, I think she's geat and has a heart of gold, but I would not want to live with her again. So many annoyances that I just don't want to deal with. I know she's back with her dad although they put a time limit on her too, and she doesn't know where she would stay. I think she's been dropping hints that she'd like to move back in (she moved out to live with her friends, which didn't turn out too well), but with my mom living with us now...it's going to drive me insane.

My mom's another story. She comes and goes, really. She works at a home-care so a lot of times, she's usually not around. But when she is...before she'd leave for her work, she'd take some of our seasonings, coffee, oil, creamer, etc. with her. And she'd take huge amounts because I'm able to notice these things. I don't mind if she needs to take things with her, but she has to let us know. I confronted her about it, but she denied it of course, which only fueled my anger. It still goes on even now. Sure it's trivial, but to me it's like a slap in the face. She's staying with us and we're not asking for rent due to that she's new here in the U.S and I was waiting for her to get a stable job...and she's taking some of our things without asking. I don't like being angry at my mom, but at times I can't help that.

In all honesty, despite a lot of annoyances, I'd rather live with a family member though. I think with friends...it's a whole different territory there. At least with family members there's more comfort zones - I think so anyway. With roommates...and I'll still use my sister-in-law as an example even if she's a family member...they tend to bring friends over, people you don't know. One night she brought over her drunk friend (never met yet), who couldn't even stand in her own two feet. My husband and I woke up and told her she needs to get her friend home, she's not staying over for the night. And then she puked all over our carpet and couch...
 
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Mitsuki

That's awful. The whole part where the Sister would adjust temperatures really gets to me. Look, I don't mind if someone is late on rent from time to time... but mess with the temperature, and we've got problems. I keep it rather cold because I hate the heat. So having someone crank it up to 85-90... I would have murdered them. When I have my own place again, I'm keeping it at 60-70 all year round.
 
i lived on my own since i was 19.. until i was 30.. at 19 i rented the third floor of my brothers house. at 23 i moved in with my girlfriend and at 26 we broke up and i moved out an rented a house by myself till last year. in 2010 i got into a bad car accident by an uninsured driver. so i got stuck with a ton of bills. on top of already losing my retirement and nest egg via a stock market drop in 08, i was living in the red for a year, my mom talked me into moving back home. i could have gotten a roommate, but my friends at the time weren't financially responsible. so when i came home from racing grands in louisville, i moved to my moms house.. and been here since,..
 
Technocrat said:
@Mitsuki

That's awful. The whole part where the Sister would adjust temperatures really gets to me. Look, I don't mind if someone is late on rent from time to time... but mess with the temperature, and we've got problems. I keep it rather cold because I hate the heat. So having someone crank it up to 85-90... I would have murdered them. When I have my own place again, I'm keeping it at 60-70 all year round.
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Hah yeah, the temperature was the major thing for me as well. When I woke up those nights, I was cussing like a sailor. The thing is that we told her plenty of times, "Don't touch the temperature." She'd usually whine saying, "But it's so cold" ... Um, there's blankets and sweaters around. No need to make the other people suffer, let's compromise a little here. But she still did it again and again - I actually got to that 'boiling' point when I told my husband straight out, "If that heater is touched again, I'm heading out in the middle of the night to cool off." Lovers quarrel over the stupid temperature. :inlove: When I'm angry, I tend to act a bit irrational. >.> Not all the time though, I'm usually quiet.

But yes. I agree. Temperature must never be touched when one lives with me. It stays at 70.
 
I prefer Living with family.
It sounds weird, most people cannot stand their family but eh, mine's alright. My mum barely nags me, she knows i am old enough to do what I like and she doesn't bother to try and control me and my sister is one of my best friends so it's all good. Currently they are living in my own home with me. I invited mum to stay with me because I could have used the extra money to save for my trip and it's great. She cooks and helps me clean where as when I was just living with my boyfriend and sister a few months ago nothing would ever get done. He'd just sit on his arse and on his PC and do nothing.

Family is much easier to get along with. You have been with them your whole life and know how to act around eachother and things aren't awkward (for me at least) though I am sure I'll have to kick mum out eventually. I don't want to live with her forever :S
 
I'd say family, although I've never had the 'live with friends' experience. I personally say family because like Toni said, it's easier to get along with, you know it's your own blood, and for some reason - thinking that makes it sound a lot easier. It's like... fighting brothers or sisters usually make up over something retarded or don't even remember it, friends, I feel like, more easily hold a grudge. (Shrugs)

Once again, haven't experienced both situations, but I know I wouldn't want to share a house with 5 roommates. :wacky:
 
i definitely prefer being away from home. i didn't move away for uni at first since i was at uni in my hometown. i moved out at the end of my first year, and haven't looked back since, it's definitely the best choice i ever made. for my first year i was living with seven others, and didn't get along with two of them at all. they were both petty and immature, so we used to just stay out of each other's way to keep things relatively civil.

i've now moved to a totally different city and live with my mate and it's great. you're definitely a lot more restricted when you're living with family, i know you can argue that you get on with your family better because you've known them all your life, but you know your mates well enough and get on, hence why you choose to live with them.
 
In my experience, whether or not it's easy to live with friends depends on the friend. :hmmm: I wouldn't dare live with friends who aren't responsible, who don't respect their space and don't contribute to housework. The kitchen in my first year at Uni was horrible because people left their pans on the side for days, didn't take out the bins... I am NOT living like that again. :lew:

Friends can be difficult to live with conflicts arise... The third year at University was incredibly stressful as one of the girls elongated small arguments, making them into big ones. Something as small as whose milk went where in the fridge was a bone of contention for months. What I found most stressful - she accused me of being a bad friend because I wouldn't take her side and because I spent a lot of time working. :hmmm: She was a very sensitive person, though, and had a number of problems which we believe were undiagnosed. :sad3: You don't always know just how strenuous your friends can be until you live with them!

I at least know where I stand with my family.

Living with family has its ups and downs. It can be quite difficult to live with my parents. ;) Even though I can drive, I'm not fully independent. My parents can be pretty judgmental and still have some control over what I do and when. I'm pretty good overall - I appreciate that it's their home - but occasionally we clash. :lew: It doesn't help that my mum finds work stressful and brings her stress home. :sad3: She's petty, controlling and has a very short fuse. >_< She will switch from happy to hissy at the drop of a hat. :hmmm:

Having said that, no one has supported me as much as my family. When I have really needed my parents, they've been there. After a breakup at Uni, in which my ex said I was 'wildly unique,' my mum sent flowers to my house with a small note telling me 'wildly unique things are beautiful too.' :lew: I was feeling alright about the whole thing...but the fact she'd done something to cheer me up really touched me. ^_^ Now that I'm back home, I do love knowing my parents are nearby in the next room. There's something homely about it. I haven't managed to recreate that setting with friends yet, which does make me feel more positive about living with family.


Just a side note: I think you can be more open with family, telling them honestly when they irritate you. I tend not to do this unless it's something really important as it leads to conflict; it's far easier to just sit back and relax.
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However, with friends, I worry about hurting their feelings, which is even more of a barrier. I've always found it hard to admit to friends when I'm not entirely happy with them.
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I'm currently going through a bit of hell right now.

My dad is a goof that forgets things from 20 minutes ago. My mom and me are basically fighting 24/7. My two brothers are brats. Most of all, I have no privacy. This is BS. Just a few more years before I can fly away. I love them all to death, but I feel it's time for me to be on my own. Even if just for a little while. That's why I'm gonna work to buy 4 passes to some Vacation resort. So they can get the hell out. We're a very dysfunctional family. I love that about us. :)

The closest I came to a roommate was when I stayed in my aunts room for 3 days. Pure agony. Boring as all hell she is. She just read books the whole time I visited. Like, she didn't even notice I was there. If that's what it is like having a roommate, then Bleh. It was boring and stupid.

I guess I'll go with family.
 
I like both.

But I PREFER living away from home mostly because of the yelling and nagging... But I enjoy EVERYTHING else.
Living away is also a drag... I don't get to see my friends... I don't get to hang out with my sisters... It's a lonely drag sometimes :/
 
I have lived with with both before. Did a few away things in the summer and got to share a room with a fellow. Was a college setting so got a bit accustomed to being away from home. But at the same time it was a strict kinda setting since it was a college prep course deal. I liked it for the little bit of freedom and getting away from some of the nagging my folks give me. Was a bit of a breather of not hearing them say clean up this or do that, when all of us share the same "rooms" so to say. Shouldn't just have to fall on me to clean it cause they feel like being lazy. At the same time kinda glad to be living at home. Since my job is crap and can't afford to live on my own with what little I do have to pay for bills, I get a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, and meals to eat. So it not all bad living at home.
 
Well I'm currently in my first year of uni so I'm living in uni halls - I have like a shared flat with 4 other people, we've all got our own rooms and bathrooms though.
None of us are the best of friends, far from it, but I still prefer it to living with my family. I can spend as much time in my room as I want if my flatmates are annoying me, I can cook my own food (whenever I want), I can go out whenever I want... etc. And I'm also seeing someone my parents don't know about so living away from them helps :wacky:
But in all seriousness I prefer the freedom living with flatmates gives you. I suppose it'd be different if we hated each other. Sometimes I do get annoyed about the state they leave the kitchen in, or when one of them comes in at 4am and wakes people up. But I'm guilty of occasionally waking my flatmates up, or being noisy and whatever. Nothing beats the freedom of being able to do what you want when you want to do it.
I can't wait until next summer when I move into a shared house with some of my proper friends I've made at uni :ohoho:
 
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