Serious I need some advice

[Sephiroth's Will]

Ok this is me bearing my soul i guess. I need some advice. A while back i cheated on my g/f she knows about it end of story. Shes also told me about a million times that shes over it and it doesnt bother her anymore. But then every chance she gets she throws it back into my face. Ive done everything i can to make it up to her but it never stops. She insists she doesnt want to break up but at the same time she says shell never get over it.......so here in lies my problem. Should i just go and let her find someone else or should i stay and do everything in my power to keep trying to make up for it even though theres little to no chance shes ever gonna let it go?

 

[Misty]

I think you should have a heart to heart chat, show her your concerns, and ask her deep down inside what DOES she want.

 

[SaShman]

I should probably say that if you want this to stay on topic you need to get this thread out of the spam coliseum ASAP!!1!1!

Shes also told me about a million times that shes over it and it doesnt bother her anymore.

Obviously it does still bother her since she keeps bringing it up. I know we all make mistakes dude, but the fact of the matter is you hurt her and by the way you described the situation, it doesn't look like she will be getting over it anytime soon.

Do you really love her? If not, I'd say let her go. The harsh truth is that a relationship such as this is not worth having unless you really love her. However, with all due respect, the fact that you considered letting her go and find someone else suggests that you aren't seriously in love with her. Of course I could be completely wrong, but that's just the way I see it.

I'd suggest letting her go. Find someone else and learn from your mistakes. Sorry if I came off a little harsh.

 

[Shu]

I've been in the exact same seat where you are. The thing about it is.. she will never get over the feeling of insecurity. No matter how much you bend, you can not make it up to her. She can be in denial all she wants but to be honest you need to have one last "talk" with her.

Trust me, you hurt her enough as it is. Chances are no matter how good of a person you might be, your temptation is still there. If you truly loved her in the first place, I'm not sure you would be in this situation.

By being with her, it's almost a smack in the face to her, unless she comes to grip with reality and lets the hurt go. That happens almost never. Women and Men are completely different beings.. women are definitely complex because they beat themselves up 24/7 about their insecurities, while men on the otherhand are simple minded.

This might all be harsh, but when you think of it who wants a "cheating" significant other.

 

[Serah]

*Thread moved to Costa del Sol*

I hope you don't mind me moving your thread. This is a more serious topic, not quite serious enough to be put in the debate section, but to definitely not be in spam. Try and be careful about as our regular spammers have a habit of taking a thread and throwing it seriously off-topic. If you make a thread that isn't really classified as spam, try putting it here next time, okay? ^_~

 

[A20]

Ok man, I'm gonna try and give you some serious advice...

First of all, she's never going to get over it, so theres the answer to that, I lied about going to party one time, and that gets thrown in my face ALL the time, and it wasn't even that serious. Women do this thing, where, whatever the worst thing you've ever done to them, that's what they'll bring up in arguments, no matter how long ago.

You probably shouldn't have cheated on her in the first place if you care about her that much, but sometimes the best thing to do is let her go so she can find someone else. That is probably what needs to happen here as well, but It all depends on how much you want her to be happy.

Sorry you're going through this, it's probably not fun at all, Good Luck Man!

 

[Big Casino]

She will keep throwing that back at you, hell i would. Even if she gets over the fact u cheated on her in an argument that will always come up. If u really like the girl make it work, if not let her go and find someone else.

 

[Dean Winchester]

Dude, the problem is that bad things are the memories that last longers, just like hate lasts longer than love. You can say you can hate as much as you love but never that you can love as much as you hate.

Anyways, all relationships are based on trust. If trust is lost then most of the relationship is off on a train to break-up-land. You should seriously have a conversation with her and expose your concern as well as the pros and cons of your actual situation. Obviously no one loves being thrown things at their face, but hey, that's how life it is.

Using arguments such as the one your gf is using is one of the many ways we have to make the other person fill guilty and manage to obtain some control. So agreeing to Laguna here, if you really love her, then go for it and keep fighting. If not, then cut it short and get away. And avoid the "let's still be friends..." it usually never works. Not saying it never works....but based on what I've seen....you know

Oh and remember:
"Hell has no fury like a woman scorned."

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Okay well if I was in her position I would have never spoken to you again.

Cheaters are the biggest cowards. But anyway moving on.

Seems to me that she is a really insecure girl who thinks that if she breaks up with you then she will never find someone again. Or that she thinks it's something she's done to make you do that in the first place.

In my opinion you should break up because I've seen too many relationships in which the male has always cheated at least once in the beginning, and they just never work out the same as they would have. The happiness and trust is gone. No matter how much you try to forget it she will never be happy with you, knowing that you chose some other chick over her for a quickie for whatever reason.

You should do the honourable thing and break up with her. Because no matter how much it hurts at first she will realise that she is better off. No offense but she deserves better. Every girl deserves a man who treats her like a Queen.

She'll grow stronger from it and learn that there are plenty more fish in the sea.

How long have you two been together anyway?

 

[Sealer]

no matter how much it hurts at first she will realise that she is better off. No offense but she deserves better. Every girl deserves a man who treats her like a Queen.

Welcome to the sexist world of bullshit. This is as bad as to say every man is his womans master, and women can't have a chain that is longer than 'till kitchen and bedroom.


Anyway bud, now you reap what you saw. I doubt anything good will ever come from this kinda relationship. Trust is gone and bleh. But most importantly, I doubt that if you cheated on her, you care for her that much. I say screw her, and go get a new one, or a serie of onenightstands.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kandy-Sugar
no matter how much it hurts at first she will realise that she is better off. No offense but she deserves better. Every girl deserves a man who treats her like a Queen.


Welcome to the sexist world of bullshit. This is as bad as to say every man is his womans master, and women can't have a chain that is longer than 'till kitchen and bedroom.

I pretty much just meant every girl deserves the respect and love that people show a Queen. That the girl is the only person that a 'true' man sees worthy of his affection etc. It was pretty obvious from what I wrote before that. =/

But if you feel the need to take it out of context then great.

 

[Sealer]

I'm sorry, but either way your statement is incorrect. Not every girl deserves respect, although many who do, don't get it. And not every man deserves respect either.

Yeah, I took it out of context, because I think it made a context on its own, and I found it pretentious, sexist, and plainly wrong. Sue me.

 

[whitewings]

basically, i also think, that breaking up is the only thing left to do in your kind of situation.
the more important question is how to do it..
well, in the long run, it'll be the better choice for you both and especially for her. so here's the problem: you don't sound to me, as if you didn't care at all about how she's feeling. if you go and just break up, it will be for her like
"i already made you suffer and now i'll throw you away like a broken doll, that isn't fun anymore!"
it has been said here before, that the fact that she confronts you with your "sin" everytime she can, is a sign for her struggling for the little bit of control she believes she can maintain over your relaitionship.
in my opinion, if you take this away from her, you'll break her altogether.
here's my advice, on how, maybe, you could help yourself and make her feel better, even if you'll be apart from now on:

put your words carefully, so that she has the illusion that it's her decision!
first things first! choose a good moment, when you both have the time to really talk it out and there's no fight going on between you.
then, ask her how she feels about herself in this situation, if she wants to have a future together with you, if she trusts you.
tell her, that your goal is, to make her happy and that she can decide, whether or not you should stay by her side. talk quitely, gently, maybe you sould embrace her while your talking. that way, she'll feel safe and loosen up a bit. you need to prevent an emotional outburs!
you'll see, haow she reacts to your words and then direct the conversation subtly.. this won't be easy, probably, the hardest thing you've ever done.. although i don't know you and maybe you've had it hard in your life.
the thing is: if it does work out, she won't hate you! and furthermore, she'll feel strong and not so much left alone.
after what you've done to her, never mind your reason why, it's the most noble thing to do.
that's my opinion, i would do so myself.
i wish you luck!

 

[Morrigan]

You get what you give,or something like that. I'd suggest you to break up with her since both of you are unhappy as you say.That would be the best you can do for her.Plus I don't see any reason why the relationship needs to continue when trust is gone and you just don't seem to be ready for a serious relationship yet.

 

[Fusilli]

Okay, obviously I don't really know any of this stuff for sure but this is just what I've gathered from what you said.

You're girlfriend is obviously incredibly hurt, I tried putting myself in her position and it seems to me like she is just staying with you because she is afraid of being alone/thinks it would be too difficult to let you go. I may be wrong of course, but I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't. Why else would she stay with you? The way I see it, if you can cheat once you can cheat again. I know there's this whole 'learning from mistakes' thing, but tbh cheating isn't one of those things that you need to learn is bad from experience. And if I were in her position, I would never be able to trust you again, and in my opinion a relationship without trust is sort of pointless. So already there's bound to be tonnes of baggage, in which case I would suggest ending things. Not necessarily to find somebody else, but to stay single for a while and think about what it is that you really want. And if you do eventually get in a new relationship then you would be able to start fresh and try and not repeat previous mistakes.

That's the way I see it anyway, friends of mine have had cheating boyfriends before and I can never understand why they take them back, I know I wouldn't.