[Halloween '15] Haunted House - Game Thread

[Paddy McGee]

"AWWWW BOLLOCKS AYE! I BITTER GET IN DER CORNER!!!"

Gerry announced again, ignoring this... floating lady, he decides to jump into the north-west corner, and faced the wall. Just like the reporters questions, he would stonewall and pretend his fears weren't there. Gerry then began to sob(his tears are Guinness) about his plight, wondering about Sexy...

"L-LASSIE IS PROBLAY DIED, AYE. I CANT SAVE HER, AYE."

 

[Shaissa]

Bugs looks around the dog house, seeing a dog costume, Bugs puts it on, and also sees a note and decides to read it

 

[Dionysos]

Turn 7

(As usual do click the images a few times and you'll see what is going on).

Ground Floor:


First Floor:


Basement:


Dog's House:


Particulars:

Agi attempts to smash the basement door down with her giant gourd. An action die is rolled, resulting in a roll of 6. The gourd successfully smashes the door out, and it flies down the basement steps towards Terence the Tonberry.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 4, which means a hit on Terence.
A second roll of 4 deals the damage value of 4 to Terence.
Terence now has 6 HP.)

The door hits Terence the Tonberry on the back of the head.

Batman throws the haunted chair at Barry the Behemoth.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 4, which means a hit on Barry.
A second roll of 2 deals the damage value of 2 to Barry.
Barry now has 8 HP.)

The chair hits Barry the Behemoth on the head. The chair breaks and loses its legs.

Sexy just stands there, dripping wet.

After a lovely dream, Hameron rolls off the bed. While Hameron had been dreaming the sentient bed had scanned his mind, learning of his fears and hopes. The shadowy nightmare creature lurking under the bed suddenly changes form into a creature resembling one of the concerns extracted from the back of Hameron's mind: Jeremy Corbyn.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 3, which means a miss on Hameron.
Hameron is unharmed and still has 10 HP.)

Louis Walsh rips off his skirt and jumps onto Terence the Tonberry, doinking his eye with his todger.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 5, which means a hit on Terence.
A second roll of 6 deals the damage value of 6 to Terence.
Terence now has 0 HP.
Terence is now dead!)

Louis Walsh's unusual attack was just too humiliating for the poor Tonberry. Terence collapses and dies, and Louis Walsh stands proud.

Worried about Sexy (we're all worried about Sexy), Gerry Adams walks into the corner of the room and begins to cry Guinness.



Bugs puts the dog costume on and now looks a bit like a dog.

Bugs reads the letter which says the following:

Dear Dr. Stalkman,

I have successfully infiltrated the family as ‘Dog’. For the past 4 years I have been doted upon and loved as part of the family. I’ve had birthday parties and have even been given my own bedroom (which has proved particularly useful for our purposes). As you recommended, I have been leaving the plastic dog poo about the house.
As ‘Dog’ I have been successful in our mission. I shall send the photographs that I took along with this letter when I next pretend to attack the postman (our mutual friend). You’ll like the many shower snaps I was able to take! Nobody suspects a thing.

But here is the problem… I’ve been living as a dog for so long… I’ve caught myself thinking to myself ‘Well, what if I am a dog?’

I can’t cope with this no more. I’m going mad! Can I just pretend to be hit by a car and move on?

Yours faithfully,
… I’ve forgotten my goddamn name! Woof!

(Randomrosso has now pulled out from the event).

Iron Man is attacked by the slobbery rabbit toy in the dog's room. Tony Stark's head is ripped off and eaten by the rabbit toy before it hops back into its usual position, pretending to be innocent.

Iron Man is dead!

The mop and dog poo which Iron Man had in his inventory have been dropped.

Pepe the Frog had fallen asleep standing next to Mortimer the Malboro. Mortimer decides to pick up Pepe and prepare him for lunch while he snoozes.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 6, which means a hit on Pepe.
A second roll of 5 deals the damage value of 5 to Pepe.
Pepe now has 1 HP!)

-

A very eventful round! You may now post your next moves.

I can't believe you guys managed to kill Terence the Tonberry so quickly! Lucky rolls!

 

[Linnaete]

"Oh god, no! You will ruin the economy and probably get rid of our country's nuclear deterrent!"

The sight of that bearded monstrosity as a grey crawler instantly strips the remaining grogginess from Hameron. It is time for him to fight, take flight or freeze. A man as alpha as he is cannot simply freeze in the face of a nemesis as horrifying as this ashen Corbyn with inhumanly long protruding limbs and three-fingered hands that look like they can be car jacks. No, no, no. He cannot be a coward and expect to save Sexy from the terrors that are likely tormenting her at this time.

The beastly claws lunge at him and with a loud pig's cry, Hameron miraculously manages to avoid its deathly swipe. Our porky protagonist soon realises that his back is against the wall facing the foot of the bed. He sees the two scarlet high-heeled shoes and genuinely considers stabbing this veteran socialist in one of his eye sockets with one, but he cannot risk being in full melee range of the Jezza's Slenderman-like arms. He is going to have to fight socialism the old-fashioned way somehow. If only the late Mrs Thatcher were here to lend him her power...

What would Thatcher do? She would pound her enemies into submission with a lethal handbag, that's what! Surely Sexy's room here MUST have something similar he can use. Where would he find one?

Bingo!

Completely forgetting the existence of the heavy axe in the room, Hameron contorts his body into a ball shape and effectively rolls across the carpet, frantic to avoid the swiping motions of the Corbyn Crawler. The dreadful thought of what might happen if he ends up on the receiving end of those swipe attacks. Something horrible may happen. He might suddenly start racking up huge national deficits and do nothing to give this country the crucial benefits reforms it so desperately needs! No way in hell is he about to let something so diabolically evil come into fruition.

In front of him now is the obelisk face of an enormous powder pink wardrobe. His sausage fingers reach out to grab the wardrobe door handles and he tugs the doors wide open, expecting to see a Margaret Thatcher handbag he can wield as a new weapon...

 

[Galadín]

The chair broke apart like dry kindling leaving nothing but a faint red mark upon the irate behemoth.

"Humph, I'll need to find a more effective way of taking this beast down", grunted the bemused crusader. However, the bathroom offered slim pickings and with the cheerleader in an apparent water-soaked catatonic state, Batman knew he had to act quickly and decisively to get her out of harm's way.

Flicking on his detective scanner, he did a quick sweep of the room; sink, toilet, broken chair, enraged monster, sodden cheerleader and a full bin. Lacking any kind of effective gadgets, the bin looked like the best option in which to find something useful. Not wasting another moment, the hero rushed to the bin, startling the rat that was quivering under his cape. The critter ran and hopped on Batman's shoulder as he thrust his hand into the strange smelling bin. The rat's nose twitched uneasily, waiting to see what his new master would find.

 

[Soulcorruptor]

Agi let herself smile as her plan worked, she watched with satisfaction as the door broke off and went flying down to also hit what appeared to be a monster. However her smile quickly lead way to a frown of utter disgust as some naked man appeared to poke it in the eye with his unmentionable anatomy part. Deciding to open the door leading to another room she opened the door and decided not to enter the room. Taking a scan of the room while staying in the dining room, Agi decided to weigh her option there was a frog and a slimey tentacle monster that appeared to be molesting the frog and a old naked man down in the basement. Even though it would mean searing her eyes with such a ghastly image and give her nightmares for countless months her best bet might be with the old naked man, maybe she could even use him as bait making her way back through the kitchen as a sacrifice to this other monster. Yes that would be her best bet, get him to take the lead and either attack the monster when he's in front to take the brunt of the attack or flee for safety. Agi also did a quick inventory of her items on hand again, she had all her gourds and flasks full of drinks "No way am I just throwing these away like that" she thought to herself. She had a rubber ducky, "Maybe this can float on him and humiliate him to death" a almost used toilet roll "Maybe this could dry him up some, but doubt it" and the human skin covered book of the Necronomicon "Still not using this" She said aloud as she brought out all three items. Then deciding that the rubber ducky despite it's innocence appearance might have some sinister power in this weird house. So Agi taking out her new trustful weapon of humiliating possible destruction took aim at the smelly monster that was abusing the other frog creature and threw the duck that was still smiling as it went forth to attack it's target. Then deciding to take evasive actions she backed away around the corner into the dining room to be out of the way of any possible counter attack since it was occupied with the frog.

 

[greenyxi]

Yay! The dreaded tonberry has been killed ironically by a mighty doink! Louis Walsh has never been so happy!

Unfortunately, he smells something fierce. He sees a great green fog wandering down the stairs. It smells of...roses and no one likes the smell of roses. So thinks Mr Walsh. He knows a threat when he smells one!

Louis helicopters on over to Brahnsuki; the time has come! It's time for our favourite ogre-like queen to be free! It's time to see if she is truly friend or foe . Louis smashes open the locks with his forehead (don't worry for our irish pal; he's had years of practice). He also yoinks a couple of hair strands from her to cover up his unmentionables; ever the gentlemint.

Due to their unrequited love (and her incredibly flirty ways), we can only hope that Brahnsuki will help in the great war against the malboro...

 

[Shaissa]

Bugs after reading the note looks around and then decides to find these "plastic poops." His first search is around the dog house, he first decided to look in the dresser to see if there was anything in their.

 

[The Witch]

What with his puppet master being an absolute idiot and forgetting about this event, Pepe supposes he has no choice but to stab the monster in the eye with his spoon. It was his last attempt at anything at all. Just as he lunged the utensil into Malboro's eye Pepe let out a big mighty scream;

Pepe then spat his poisonous spit into the Malboro's eyes.

Could his tentacles be slippery? If so then Pepe slips out of his grasp and runs away like a little girl, into the Dining room.

 

[Dionysos]

For all of our sakes I do hope that @Harlequin makes a move this turn!

Also @Sprout needs to think fast! I promise that it isn't a doomed situation... Just a challenge.




Turn 8:

(As usual do click the images a few times and you'll see what is going on).

Ground Floor:



First Floor:




Basement:



Dog's House:




Particulars:

Hameron opens the wardrobe and finds what appears to be snow engulfing his feet. What magical land could lie beyond this wardrobe?

Batman investigates the bin and picks out some cotton wool. Item obtained: Cotton wool. (I do apologise that I forgot to draw the rat on Batman's shoulder. Might edit that in later!)

Agi throws the rubber duck at Mortimer the Malboro, just as our stinky fiend was about to swallow Pepe the Frog.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 6, which means a hit on Mortimer.
A second roll of 3 deals the damage value of 3 to Mortimer.
Mortimer now has 4 HP.)

The rubber duck quacks loudly as it approaches its target, irritating the malboro. Item lost: Rubber Duck.

Louis Walsh fiddles about as he approaches Brahnsuki. With his 'forehead' he breaks her free and takes some of her hair to fashion some covering for his private parts.

Brahnsuki, now free, immediately storms out of the room, dislodging the hammer from the wall as she leaves. The unstable wall breaks apart and earth begins to pile into the basement! Uh-oh! The stairs cannot be reached!

Louis Walsh will need to think fast to hide (and avoid drowning in muddy earth), or else find a way to dig himself out (or find help!).

Bugs investigates the dresser but finds that most of its contents have been removed in a hurry. The words 'HELP ME!' are scratched into the inside of one of the drawers.

Pepe the Frog wakes up to see himself in quite a predicament. Pepe swings his plastic spoon at Mortimer in an attempt to poke him in the eye.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 3, which means a miss on Mortimer.
Mortimer still has 4 HP.)

The spoon misses. Item lost: Plastic Spoon. Pepe also shouts abuse and poisonous spit at Mortimer, but it was clear that nothing was going to affect the creature. Pepe wriggles himself free and then flees into the dining room.

Annoyed that he has been denied his lunch (and noticing that everyone has fled from him), Mortimer the Malboro closes the freezer door and escapes. He has now left that space and is hiding elsewhere.

Sexy the Cheerleader continues to gawp senselessly.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 5, which means a hit on Sexy.
A second roll of 1 deals the damage value of 1 to Sexy.
Sexy now has 3 HP.)

Barry the Behemoth has now had plentiful time to calm down and appreciate the luck of his situation. Barry pulls Sexy into the bath with him.

Somebody help her if she can't help herself! Or leave her to her fate, if you wish!

Gerry Adams continues to cry Guinness worrying about Sexy... The Guinness begins to pool.


-

You may now post your next moves...

 

[greenyxi]

"Noooo! My wife-to-be has left me! How will I live without her bountiful bosoms!", Louis exclaimed at the top of his lungs! He then forgot who she was and saw the earth tumbling into the room. That's one way to get out of an unwanted relationship I suppose; that darn Brahnsuki .

Louis couldn't see many ways out of this! He COULD get in a casket and wait to suffocate under all the earth. He COULD put himself in a torture chamber with potential spikes. He COULD chain himself to the wall and wait to be crushed.

Wait...he has a thought (one of many, I'll have you know, you non-believers). Louis places the empty treasure chest on the puddle in the corner of the room and takes the biggest risk of his life (even bigger than making eye contact with Wagner or being in the same room as Jedward): he climbs into the empty chest and closes the lid quickly.

He prays to the gods and realises this could be his final moments. He weeps inside the chest as he starts to sink under the water, with the strongest of hopes that he will see the after-effects of her rampage...

 

[Shaissa]

Bugs having seen enough of the dog room leaves and hops around in the dog outfit all the way downstairs

 

[Soulcorruptor]

Agi decided to enter the kitchen now, since she heard a strange noise maybe indicating that the monster has left the area. Seeing that the area was quite a mess from what seemed to have happened earlier Agi is curious as to why no one picked up that gold laying on the floor, but given what she saw that midget do earlier she feels as if it's something weird left behind by it and best left untouched. Now taking a look at all the windows her curiosity is drawn to the window with the moon shining in it. Climbing ontop of what seems to be a dryer Agi now opens the window, who knows what lies in store for her?

 

[Linnaete]

"This is more bizarre than that time when people preferred to have Boris Johnson as Prime Minister than me!" snorts our lardy leading man as the sight of a small pile of accumulated snow cascades out from the confines of the closet, quickly burying his ankles. Hameron winces as the sudden chill charges at him and his nervous system takes full leave of its senses below the knees level. There he is shivering more intensely than the time someone informed him before the last general election that Ed Miliband may win. He cannot seem to easily move and he has no idea how to process this chain of oddities.

The low, strained moan of the Corbyn Crawler can be heard behind him. He can almost hear it cry out against our glorious British national anthem, the traitorous Britain-hating psychopath! No doubt that dreaded dinosaur will soon catch up and...well, Hameron is not about to entertain any further the horrors of what would happen. The country needs him! Sexy needs him! He's the hero of the night after all!

The inside of the wardrobe looks...ethereal. At first he believes it's an intense trick of the light mixed with the little avalanche of snow that has somehow managed to stay contained within its small confines, but there is something mystically bizarre about this piece of IKEA furniture. It's beckoning to him somehow. It wants him to come on in and be safe under its snowy embrace. Where might this ethereal wardrobe take him? Is it worth contemplating? Is it worth taking such a risk? Who knows where he will go? Hameron is not up-to-date with the fantasy fiction of late (nor has ever!), so he cannot think of any piece of popular literature that involves wardrobes transporting ordinary people to realms far away...

Oh god! He can definitely hear the Corbyn Crawler prepare its next devastating attack now. He'd rather plump his half-naked body completely in snow than to be an unfortunate casualty of this dangerous demagogue!

Without any hesitation now, he musters the strength of will to physically pull his numb feet out of slumber before launching himself into an awkward dive straight into the wardrobe...

 

[The Witch]

Pepe had absolutely no time for fuckin' around, so he dragged his half-lifeless body through the dining room and headed for the main hall. He saw whatever-the-fuck that thing was and made a run for the stairs. He felt guilty leaving Agi behind (because he technically saved him from the tentacle beast) but, a frog's gotta do what a frog's gotta do.


(this counts as two moves, right?)

I've been trying to think of what I could do with 1HP and I honestly think pepe is about to go out guns blazin

 

[Galadín]

The rat's nose twitched once; twitched twice.

Cotton wool.

The item was so underwhelmingly expected that Batman stared, a bit dumbfounded, at it for a few seconds. What the heck!? -___-

With a "meep!" and a splash, the cheerleader was pulled into the bath beside the Behemoth; the beast now looking more like a sleazy repair man than a vicious monster. There was even drool oozing out of the corner of his mouth as the beast contemplated his lovely prize.

"Oh", thought Batman, the realisation dawning on him. So that was what it was all about? The monster had been bellowing his mating call, not growling in hunger like the hero had initially assumed. The cheerleader didn't seem to mind all that much either. . . .

Blocking the rat's view of the tawdry party in the tub, the Caped Crusader tip toed out, leaving them at it.

Putting away the cotton ball, Batman looked at his companion on his shoulder. "Well Ratsie, where to next?". Ratsie's ears perked up and he stood on his hind legs, nose twitching excitedly, eye fastened on the stairwell.

It was as good a place to continue as any. Without further ado, Batman swooped upstairs with Ratsie clinging onto his shoulder for dear life!

 

[Harlequin]

Stunned by the sight of Barry the Behemoth and the events unfolding before her eyes Sexy comes to the realisation that this isn't a dream at all! Incensed by Barry's manhandling she lets him know about it!

"Not so rough you jackass!" Sexy chastises, before the realisation that Barry is in fact a purple monster and not a charming, handsome stranger dawns on her. In typical fashion she resorts to that tried and true method of threat neutralisation employed by damsels in distress across all works of cartoon fiction and screams the sort of shrill, ear-splitting scream that could perforate the ear drums of someone standing on the other side of the mansion, let alone within the confined walls of the bathroom, hoping her assailant would find the discomfort too much to bear and release her from his grasp...

 

[Paddy McGee]

Gerry, after regaining his senses, decided to venture up the stairs. He comes across the dead tree, sighs sadly, then decides to continue left on the landing.

"DAT DAR A TREE. TREE TREE'S MAYKE A FARRAST, NI-AYEEE."

 

[Dionysos]

I tried desperately to draw Sexy battling Barry (while still being covered), but found it difficult to get a position which didn't look as if they were having intercourse... Which is worrying. I had to be careful, especially since I needed to use Barry's hands as the censoring element this time. A concerning image... Eek. You have no idea how difficult this was! I guess I should not have made Sexy naked last round. I apologise for any offence.



Turn 9:

(As usual do click the images a few times and you'll see what is going on).

Ground Floor:




First Floor:



Basement:



A new area has been discovered!

Narnia (discovered by Hameron):




Particulars:

Louis Walsh thinks outside of the box and hides inside the open treasure chest as the mud continues to fill the room.

Bugs goes downstairs to the ground floor while Lego Batman, Pepe, and Gerry Adams go upstairs to the first floor.

Agi opens a window in the kitchen. Uh-oh! A bat with a face bearing the slight resemblance of Putin flaps in her face!

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 5, which means a hit on Agi.
A second roll of 3 deals the damage value of 3 to Agi.
Agi now has 7 HP.)

Agi is distressed by the sudden appearance of the Putin-Bat.

Hameron dives into the wardrobe, finding himself in a version of Narnia with a Final Fantasy twist.

Sexy struggles with Barry the Behemoth (sitting on his belly - that's where she is) and does an over-the-top scream in his face.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 1, which means a miss on Barry.
Barry still has 8 HP.)

Despite her best efforts, Sexy's screams failed to loosen Barry's grip. In fact he rather enjoyed the music of Sexy's fear.

-

You may now post up your next moves.

 

[greenyxi]

Louis Walsh hears some sloshing, heavy breathing and banging from some floor above and thinks how he's missing out. A tear escapes his eye.

Other than that, he twiddles with his tassels. First clockwise and then anti-clockwise.

He considers the sounds going on around the mansion (even with the falling earth around him) and thinks there may be more people around than before :s. Or maybe just different people. Crazy irish shouting? Who knows. Louis never understood the need to drunkenly shout crap. Nope, not at all.

He continues to twiddle.

He continues to plap.