Fan Fiction [Discussion/Information] Fabulous NORA Crystarium: Final Fantasy XIII

[Martel]

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with great pleasure and no small amount of trepidation that I present to you:

Fabulous NORA Crystarium

What is Fabulous NORA Crystarium, I hear you ask? This is my own personal take on everyone's favourite controversial series, Fabula Nova Crystallis. See the title resemblance? These are script-based parodies, filled with witty one-liners, stuff you would NEVER hear the characters saying (alas) and references that will make you both giggle and groan. Despite my notoreity for despising Final Fantasy XIII and XIII-2, these are NOT hate fests.These scripts are designed to give everyone, whether they played the game and loved or hated it, or haven't even played it at all, a bit of a laugh. Obviously playing the game helps, so you can visualise my crappy descriptions and spot some of the references I've made.

Think of this like an Abridged Series, only in script format. So, not abridged, and nowhere near as exciting, but hopefully just as amusing at times. Because this is in script format, it'll be a list of dialogue between characters and descriptions of the scene/observations in square brackets. This will be best either read by itself, or read in conjunction with a Let's Play without the commentary and the sound turned down. I, personally, use HHGaming when writing the things.

I'll re-iterate for those that missed it the first time:

THIS IS NOT A HATE FEST

This is a parody that may appear to be hating on particular aspects (for example, you'll see the words "running along a route and random battling" and "time paradox" a lot before this is through, as well as some commentary on this) but I am only making observations. If you don't like it, then don't read it. I'm just poking fun, I am NOT hating. If you like the series and don't like the way I am portraying certain aspects or characters, then just neg rep me or something and move on. Do NOT flame me in here. Its all in fun. FUN. Know what that word means? This is based entirely on my own personal opinion of the characters in FFXIII, and I am not asking anyone to agree or disagree with this.

Seriously, if anyone bitches at me in here because of what I say (for example, I'll be referring to Hope as "Irritating Male Bystander" until someone says his name) I will NOT be a happy bunny.

This will take me some time to write: I'm watching gameplay videos and adapting the dialogue as I go, since I couldn't find a script online, and this way I'll be able to make much more pointed observations. I hope. Plus I am now writing two scripts simultaneously and, whilst I only have my dissertation to worry about as well for the moment and will do most of my writing in the afternoon (or evening, if it comes to it) once I get a job I am going to slow considerably. I will try not to let this all die (again) but these things happen.

Chapters are split up in segments of gameplay. I stop when I feel that it is a good place to stop.

Final Fantasy XIII

Chapter Index

Chapter 1: "The next station is..."
Chapter 2: Need Original, Relevant Acronym
Chapter 3: Professional Soldier Institutional Center Of Morons
Chapter 4: Should have asked for directions...
Chapter 5: A Fal'Cie, a flashback, and a frozen lake
Chapter 6: The Sanctum Strikes Back
Chapter 7:
Chapter 8: I Hope he gets struck by Lightning
Chapter 9: IN PROGRESS

Final Fantasy XIII-2

Chapter Index

Chapter 1: The Mystery of the History
Chapter 2: Adventure Time!


Next Chapter(s) - Chapter 9 [FFXIII], Chapter 2 [FFXIII-2]
Estimated date(s) of completion - 10/06/2012, 06/06/2012

 

[Amizon]

Sorry, Martel! A million apologies. I didn't see this. xD

...

Oh my! I had Eddie Murphy so doing "Black Man" in my head. All of it was fantastic! I'm SO looking forward to the next chapter with NORA!

 

[Linnaete]

Professional Soldier Institution Centre Of Morons.

Is it weird that I was actually voice acting each of the characters out loud as I was reading along?

I really think you can develop this into a big internet name if you tried. Looking forward to the next outing Martel, keep at it. I'd love to see what you can do with satirical pokes at JRPG genre clichés and some more real life references such as Croydon. xDD

 

[Eight]

Hahaha, as if the title didn't make me laugh enough, I read the rest xD

Loved how you parodied to token black guy clichés, and the little things you played on were perfect, like the little guy puns. And Lightning's butchness? I hope this'll be recurring with the Sazh puns too. Keep it up!

 

[Martel]

Oh my! I had Eddie Murphy so doing "Black Man" in my head. All of it was fantastic! I'm SO looking forward to the next chapter with NORA!

Sazhie Murphy?

Is it weird that I was actually voice acting each of the characters out loud as I was reading along?

You're going to have fun with the next chapter.

I really think you can develop this into a big internet name if you tried. Looking forward to the next outing Martel, keep at it. I'd love to see what you can do with satirical pokes at JRPG genre clichés and some more real life references such as Croydon. xDD

I'd love to be that infamous. xD
You spotted my Croydon reference! I was hoping someone would get that~

Hahaha, as if the title didn't make me laugh enough, I read the rest xD

Loved how you parodied to token black guy clichés, and the little things you played on were perfect, like the little guy puns. And Lightning's butchness? I hope this'll be recurring with the Sazh puns too. Keep it up!

It took me quite a while to come up with that title

I'll be drawing on recurring themes and catchphrases through the entire thing, yes

And thank you all for the feedback!

Also, Chapter 2 is now up! Chapter 3 kinda wrote itself, although its a bit of a mess, given all the perspective switching...not to mention I decided to improvise a little with some soldiers, because having them all just randomly killed off is boring.

Hopefully I'll get the next chapter finished by the end of the week...

Also, if there are any spelling errors, point them out to me. I'm writing this in Notepad (in other words, no spellchecker) so its possible a couple could crop up...or already have. Nobody is perfect, after all~

 

[L]

make sazh a token funny black guy

make lightning get on sazh's shoulders and have sazh ask lightning why she keeps poking him in the head even though shes obviously not, then make tifa come in and reveal to everyone that lightning is cloud and then have a steamy sex scene ensue

 

[Amizon]

I loved the second chapter, you overkilled Snow and his hero persona! NORA were also brilliant. I had a feeling I was going to love this one in particular.

 

[Martel]

Chapter Four is now up!
Chapter Three has been up for a while...assuming anyone reads it anymore

I'm about halfway through chapter five, and my exams. So the next chapter might be a while coming...or it might even be over the weekend. It depends on what else crops up. But once I finish my exams, I'll be writing this much faster.

I'll update the intro post when I can be bothered. xD

Chapter Five shall feature a tea party with the Mechanical fal'Cie Ultros. You have been warned.

 

[Linnaete]

You absolutely deserve brownie points for the "Oh my God! A giant rock!" reference as well as the Catherine reference and the rest. Definitely your best chapter yet especially with the references, the exaggeration of Snow being a hero, the dialogue between Hope and Vanille - oh, and Sazh combing his hair using crystal Serah as the mirror.

Someone must make a fanart of that now.

 

[Rey]

I read chapter four and the others. I just never commented on them till now I guess. Oh Martel you really do a great job on making this really hilarious. I really laughed at the joke characters and all. I am pretty sure you would be able to do this with any other game as well. Though I can understand why XIII is your first choice and all. Ill read the chapters as they come. I just thought I would stop by this section and read. Snow the hero xDDDD. It is really laugh worthy. Also it must be so easy for you to write this since you despise the game. XDDD

 

[Soulcorruptor]

This is getting good, though in the small way I dread how much I will laugh when snow and them fight Shiva. I can see the argument and accusations of cheating now.

 

[Martel]

Thank you for the comments and feedback!
It makes me feel better knowing that people are actually reading and enjoying this stuff. xD

You absolutely deserve brownie points for the "Oh my God! A giant rock!" reference as well as the Catherine reference and the rest. Definitely your best chapter yet especially with the references, the exaggeration of Snow being a hero, the dialogue between Hope and Vanille - oh, and Sazh combing his hair using crystal Serah as the mirror.

Someone must make a fanart of that now.

It had be done...I mean, she just pulls that weapon out of NOWHERE. xD
You're the artist, not me. You draw it!
...please?


Also, I'm going to petition for some people who make AMVs to do something for me...you'll see why when the next chapter comes up

I read chapter four and the others. I just never commented on them till now I guess. Oh Martel you really do a great job on making this really hilarious. I really laughed at the joke characters and all. I am pretty sure you would be able to do this with any other game as well. Though I can understand why XIII is your first choice and all. Ill read the chapters as they come. I just thought I would stop by this section and read. Snow the hero xDDDD. It is really laugh worthy. Also it must be so easy for you to write this since you despise the game. XDDD

They're all joke characters, Miyuski
Well, I had plans to do it for FFXII as well at some point, and I was debating doing it with Star Ocean: The Last Hope the other day as well...but eh, we'll see it. It depends on if I can actually get this one finished. xD
I actually picked FFXIII for my first one because people showed an interest in it, and its a highly controversial game. I figured whether you loved it or hated it, you could get a kick out of seeing a parody of it...although I'll admit my narrations are probably a tad biased due to my opinion of it~

This is getting good, though in the small way I dread how much I will laugh when snow and them fight Shiva. I can see the argument and accusations of cheating now.

Twincest, and card games on motorcycles. You know it's coming

Also, Chapter Five may or may not be up later on today...I don't want to spoil anything, but...eh, I'm a little hit-or-miss with this chapter. All my best ideas are for the later points in the game that I can actually remember, so I'm kinda winging it at the moment...although this thing really does write itself at points. xD

...but I DID just finish writing the scene where Sazh and Vanille get confronted by Jihl and all her soldiers, and I had a wonderful idea for Cid Raines that people are going to hate me for

 

[Martel]

Double poast

Chapter Five is now up! Its horrendously long and boring with few laughs in it, but now that they've split up (well, in part) things should get better...sometime next week, depending on revision, my exams, my health and the Ar Pees I'm in. xD

...and yes, there will be more singing. Lots more singing

 

[Rey]

Just got done reading chapter V. I laughed a lot in this part. . The whole toy story reference.. Strangers from the outside ohhhh... hahhahaha . It was not boring Martel. Ill have you know I was laughing a lot by the time it got to Serah and Snow's romance. "Guess I will not take my clothes off and kiss you then" . Global Competence soldier exams... that had me laughing for maybe a minute as well. You are doing a good job so far Martel. It is really hilarious.

 

[Martel]

Chapter 6 is finally done!
...bet you all thought I'd forgotten about it, hmm?

This is my official "too many Star Wars references" chapter, hence the unoriginal title "The Sanctum Strikes Back". It seems to get worse with every chapter, when I'm promising it'll get better

Enjoy anyway, hopefully you'll get a couple of laughs out of it. I had fun writing the soldier scenes, as I always do...characters with no personality whatsoever are easier to work with than the characters that are supposed to have a personality sometimes. xD

Also, don't you dare tell me that Rygdea (whose name I actually had to look up...) doesn't look like David Bowie

 

[Rey]

Oh my god. I was close to dying of laughter here. This chapter was so hilarious. I know I laughed quite a lot here. The whole mommy mommy thing XDDD. David Bowie made me lol as well. Aya Brea, Mechanical lesbians.. the idiotic soldiers XD. The star wars references as well. Keep it up Martel. I really do laugh at these.

 

[Martel]

Chapter 7 is FINALLY up
God, that one dragged on...and on...and on. Vile Peaks indeed. Since I'm devoting more time to my writing now that I've retired from RPing, it shouldn't take me damn near a month to get the next chapter up. Hopefully this is worth the wait. xD

 

[Martel]

Nearly one year later...

OK, so the combination of shoutbox conversation, the thought of soft porno Caius Ballad (thank you Ballade, that now haunts my dreams) and a desire to do some more recreational writing have led me to start writing Fabulous NORA Crystarium: Final Fantasy XIII-2, which may also be discussed or informed in this thread; seems a bit silly to start another thread for it, after all. Let's keep all my work up together~

I shall also be continuing with the original alongside it, althoguh progress may be a bit slower...I shall try and have a chapter a week up for both, although I have a dissertation to write and RPs to participate in...and I can't spend ALL my time writing, so. I'll try and keep it consistent and not let it die off for a year, but bear with me if I hit snags, please~

That said, I hope you enjoy my take on the battle between Lightning and Caius. Comments are welcome

I guarantee you're going to be sick of the words "time paradox" by the end of it, if you aren't already. I may also write some original scenes, since these paradoxes let me make numerous references and make absolutely no sense whatsoever; I can just write it off. Anyone ever want to see Serah and Noel in a mansion filled with Cieth zombies? Or maybe Serah should become a magical girl. Maybe I'll ever bring back Barthandelus as a party member. Stay tuned~

 

[Martel]

Triple post, because I can

The long-awaited Chapter 8 of FFXIII is now FINALLY up! As far as chapters go, it definitely isn't my best - in fact, I'd say it's my worst - but as things begin to get more "exciting" my writing shall improve...I hope. Chapter 9 will have Vanille in it, and Vanille sings and breaks the fourth wall, so it should be better...or worse. Either or. xD

Chapter 2 of XIII-2 will be done, hopefully, by the 5th of June. I'd like to get a new chapter up every 7 days for both of them (so, chapter 9 of XIII will be out on the 10th at the latest if all goes well) so there shouldn't be a horrendous wait time. I also need to make sure I don't re-use my jokes, and keep back everything political for the XII script I'd like to write afterwards...xD

 

[.Mosh]

Well martel you have really done well, I love the way you have wrote the tale as well as made some cliche comic moments which have moulded well with the overall story of XIII. XIII-2 made me crease during the whole Chaos Bahamut scene in which they discuss the buttons, that I thought was clever writing and I like how you've brought their idea of time streams to be the explanation of it.

I can't wait to see the rest of this as your writing is truly spectacular....I am expecting a hardbook for this