Serious Depression anyone?

[M1ghty Mous3]

So simply put, does anyone one here aside from me suffer from depression?

If so, how bad is it? Do you take medication for it? If not whats method do you use that helps deal with it?

I'd say i have mild-heavy depression. There are points where its just like *Fuck my life, this blows* then there's the times when it's like *Rat poison will kill me right? It really varies depending on what's happened recently and also how well I'm doing in school.

I used to take medicine for it, but it didn't prove helpful. So i self medicate. Weather it be, lighting a blunt, writing 3 poems in one day, or just letting it pass. Only when i get suicidal do i call people and let them know what's goin on. Also the fact that i can't kill myself, mainly because when i think of everyone it would hurt by doing so...it ruins me. So i just don't.

Anyone else willing to stand up to the podium?

 

[Lord Raptor]

I do in away, but mine deals with school and just myself how i let myself down everyday, I deal with it different ways,kinda. I Beat the shit out of something sometimes till my knuckles bleed, i take it out on my family, and i will find myself just secluding my self from everything and everyone.
I get like that when I just think to much and it gets quiet and when i just hate what i did or didn't do
When it from other people around me i get pictures and thoughts of killing them....yeah

 

[M1ghty Mous3]

I do in away, but mine deals with school and just myself how i let myself down everyday, I deal with it different ways,kinda. I Beat the shit out of something sometimes till my knuckles bleed, i take it out on my family, and i will find myself just secluding my self from everything and everyone.
I get like that when I just think to much and it gets quiet and when i just hate what i did or didn't do
When it from other people around me i get pictures and thoughts of killing them....yeah

I do the same thing.

well luckily I am not suicidal bro. Just let out your anger on hot woman (in bed), and you will never have to be depressed again

It's not quite as easy as one would think. I'm not hunchback on Notre dom. But I'm not Brad Pitt either.

 

[saajuk]

8th through the 11th grade i was really depressed ( nothing near suicidal though)almost all the time, that phase has passed for good now though, it just doesnt help me or anyone when im in that state. I played alot of video games ( WoW mostly) during that time, helped me a ton.

 

[blakstang98]

During senior year in high school, I felt this way. I felt like, who would miss me if I was gone, maybe it's a good idea. I was doing really poorly in English, which would hold me back if I failed it, I was working a good amount of hours, I got rejected from the college I wanted to go to, so I felt like I was heading for a dead end and suicide was my way out. Come the end of the year, I had barely passed English, so I managed to graduate, but I still didn't have a plan for college. I did however have a girlfriend at the end of the year. This relationship was ill-fated and only lasted 6 months, but I learned a lot from it. It was ill-fated, but it gave me new hope for life, as I felt how nice it was to be partnered with someone else, then I felt like, I can find someone better.

And now, 8 years later, I don't want to commit suicide and I'm happy with how my life turned out. I went to a community college for 1 year, applied and got accepted the college I wanted to go to in the first place. Then I graduated with a degree in engineering and now I'm in my engineering career and doing pretty good for myself. Unfortunately I don't have a relationship, but everything else in life fell into place nicely.

Don't take your life and you'll see things start to pan out later on, I promise!

 

[Shu]

Well those who joke the most, generally have depression issues (like most stand up comedies). When I was 18 something hit me cold in my steps that really jolted me from my life, and made me not care about anything. I don't care to recall any of this, so I won't, but I know the feelings I went through were totally and utterly screwed up within me.

At that age, I broke out of my shell a good bit because I hated being stuck in my ways. Having social anxiety so long without seeking help, I put myself into a cubby space (not literally) and instead that year focused on others. I brought to life a lot the issues within me, but my only problem is I would always be pretty open and talkative to those I knew, but deep inside something just wasn't right. I dealt with the depression on my own. Never let anyone see it, but I went through large bouts of insomnia, losing 40 lbs that year, and I couldn't explain it to myself. I was happy one moment about something and then unexplainably down the next. It was borderline bipolar to be honest, but I came to realize I was chemically depressed. I never got help for it and never let my ex-girlfriend see it. (she knew me to always be humerus and happy for her, so I dealt with it) I could attribute it to a lot of things, but those I'll keep to myself. When I went to college that first year though, I should have never gone. It was like faith that I ended up with my alcoholic buddies. We drank and went sporting events, missed classes, and screwed with girls on the side. My depression I guess got deeper. I started thinking these awful thoughts, and every time I dreamed, they were definitely those I did not want. I never let anyone see it, but my soul was on empty.

I made a drastic decision and wanted it to end. I dropped all my courses and moved to Murfreesboro, TN - where I enrolled to classes and took on a night shift job. I started dramatically listening to music again. This time I plugged myself in fully and started writing to no end. I soon realised how therapeutic it was for me. My depression slowly faded without me knowing it. I came home and hugged my family, I called up my friends and said thanks (which they probably thought I was crazy for saying out of the blue, since they had no clue), and in the next two weeks I was ready to date again. I started seeing people who they were, and getting to actually know people, not just having friends I got in trouble with every weekend, and these people are still in my life today. I love my life these days.

All I can say is to those that are depressed, I would never with it on my worst enemy. All I can say is deal with it A.S.A.P. and don't let it waste you. You might even need help, I just do things different ways. Crazy thing is I don't believe anyone ever realised it due to my personality being so upbeat all the time. So if you ever need.. well words of advise, I got a few here and there.. =).

From O.A.R. - About An Hour ago (live at madison square)

"Been chasing footsteps for years, been running around in circles for years, chasing my tail, looking for answers to questions I have never heard. Its a wide open world, but trying to find it. Its a wide open sky but its light and blinding. And It's raining down on me, slowing me down but I keep on going. I know I recognize this man walking in front of me, when he turned around and locked eyes with me, and it scared me to see myself in 20 years. Lost, ashamed, Locked up, loaded down and short a try. So I took a different road, no more running around in circles, no more chasing my tail, I'm just going forward with my eyes closed. Maybe later on I'll see ya'll after the show.. about an hour ago"

 

[Prince Oberyn Martel]

I am a recovering depressant. I'm more or less OK now but I still have incredible mood swings from time to time and drop into a depressive state of mind. I refused to take medication for it though as I believe I don't need it (and I've been right) and that I've seen other people get worse because they become dependant on the medication and changes them.

Reasons for the depression are many, ranging from bullying at school, home-life, relationship (friends and women), and other health problems. When I was at school it was so bad that I had genuine suicidal moments. I did about 5 attempts at my life all of which failed (I have a place in this world, don't know what the fuck it is but someone/something doesn't want me dead yet. That or I just suck) but something hit me pretty hard putting things into perspective. I realised it wasn't the way to go and it was very selfish of me even if I was going through hell. Like I said though, it's mostly ok now apart from the odd occasion and even then I expect to get better now that I've finally managed to get away from alot of what was causing me problems in the first place.

How did I deal with my depression for the most part? Alcohol, weed and playing games. Not something I recommend doing in excess as obviously alot worse can come out of it, I just happen to have met some fucking awesome people who helped along the way, even if they don't know it.

 

[Saga]

From the age of 13-17 I suffered from depression enough that I was refered to a specialist. It was specific things that triggered it and I don't really want to go into details as I'm trying my damnest to get over it and get on with my life. My psychotherapist (makes me sound like i'mma kill choo all) was a great help. Listened when I just needed to let it all out. Which, when I start getting depressed, is what I need the most.

What pissed me off during that time was people pitying me. They thought they were being consoling but one can only take so much "It's going to be alright"... because when you're depressed, you can't see that it is. Yes, there's a light out there, but you're so deep in your own shadow that you can't (and sometimes refuse) to see it and therefore every time I heard that, I snapped.

From 18-20, my depression wasn't even noticeable by most. I became what I am now. I laugh, I smile, even when deep down I really don't sincerely feel it. This isn't to say I was never happy... I just went through phase of feeling fine to being so down that I contemplated killing myself (emoemoemo). I was never a cutter... I found otherways to free the pain.

21 - now. I'm happier most of the time but there are times when I have breakdowns. I still see my therapist now and again, usually when I feel that there's a breakdown coming on. >.>

I deal with it by getting creative these days. I write, usually, (not poems) and will open photoshop just to let it all out. Sometimes a good talk with a friend helps as well..
That's just my personal experiences though. Depression affects everyone differently.

 

[Fusilli]

I'm not clinically depressed.. I just feel depressed from time to time but I figure that's just normal for everyone? How can you even tell though.. where's the line between BEING depressed and sometimes feeling depressed? Because even if I do feel really morbid, it's easy enough just to forget about it when I'm at school or with friends or whatever, but then when I get home I feel bad again.
I usually just put it down to hormones, considering I don't really have any right to be depressed. I just feel really bummed about certain aspects of my life sometimes, and then I feel guilty about that because I'm a lot better off than so many people, but then I just can't help feeling down anyway. I know it sounds really pathetic and 'poor little me', which is why I just keep it to myself all the time. I've only really mentioned it to one person but that was a waste of time. And I don't want to seem like I'm whiny and just wanting attention, especially since it's not even a big deal. I cry a lot though, only when I'm alone mind you, and sometimes it's not even about anything in particular at first but then I start to think about things and cry even more, and I just get so low and feel so lonely and depressed and start to think 'What's the point?' about living and think.. well, morbid things. >_>

It's probably nothing though, the kind of stuff everybody feels. And I get over it so quickly too, all it takes usually is to talk to somebody about something irrelevant and I go from feeling like I'm falling down a bottomless pit of doom to being all happy again. So it's not like it's serious or anything. <_<

 

[Seed]

I'm not depressed all the time...but there are times when I get into really dark places in my head. Especially since my friend committed suicide a couple years ago. When it gets to be too much I just have a friend over or something like that.
It's just comforting to have someone else around you. Even if they are just in the same room and you're not even talking. Just watching tv or something.
Or I just try to stay busy and not think too hard. Just take a break from things, you know?

 

[Valkyrur]

I suppose I'm luckier, or more optimistic. I do have moments of depression, but they are not that strong enough to force me into the idea of suicide. Though, those moments do come to me every once in a while, when the going gets tough.

Then again, I told myself. 'I'm not going to die here. I've things that I want to do.' Then I begin to list down the stuff I want to do in future. Then, 'I've been through so much to live to this age, what's the point of living if i end it like this!?'

Once i say that last line, I tend to get overly fired up, and those thoughts of depression clears up.

 

[Seed]

I've never seriously considered killing myself.
It's popped into my head before but I won't ever think of that as an option.
It's not fair to anyone in my life, and I don't want to be remembered as a coward that
took the easy way out. I want to be known as someone that was tough, and fought
back, even when things looked bad. My mom has heart problems, and my sister has had 7 eye surgeries. I pissed blood a few months ago. Turns out it was because I had been hit in the side multiple times. I had several things bad happen all at once. My dad had to have shoulder surgery...I had to have my wisdom teeth pulled.
I have to have my gynecomastia surgically fixed....
My aunt has under 1 year to live, and her 3 kids may be coming to live in my house...
I'm still here, and I'm not backing down.
I probably sound like a douche...I just started typing and didn't stop. Rofl.

 

[.Tifa]

Yeah. Been coping with Manic depression for about five years now.
Which would relate in mood swings going up and then crashing down really badly. To the state of own self punishment (ie cutting self, injuring self ) and trying to take own self's life away.

It's not so bad as it was last year and two years ago. But still have the casual down moments and over-high moments. It's been five years of total mental hell and wishing a few days ago that it never happened, and just wish could turn back in time when was 15 before everything went down the craphole.

Sometimes think/ believe that the Manic depression has gone away.
But then other crash will happen when least predicted.

Sometimes think that there is no way to escape Manic depression and it's going to stay there, forever. There is no escape.

I have a major fear of Friendships and relationships. Because those are the two things that have triggered/ caused the pain.

Being scared of Friendships, a common and a daily thing. Is sometimes more scary than the disease itself.

 

[Tipsynaruto]

Im considerably a rather happy and bubbly person until i hit year 12. Reading this thread, i am clearly a whole lot better off than many of you guys, but still, i get depressed now and then, especially exam blocks and assignment periods. I always bash my head against something and get easily irritated and moody at those times. The head thing actually helps cleary my head somewhat, like a slap to the face.

 

[Vladislak]

It all depends on the scenario for me. There have been times when I've been really depressed, but there have been just as many times that I've been filled with joy.

Some people think I'm depressed because I don't talk much and I tend to like to be alone, but I don't talk much because I don't feel the need to provide input into other peoples affairs, and I like to be alone because it's easier to get my thoughts out and get work done without distractions.

Currently, I guess I'm pretty happy. My life is going well and I have very little complaints.
But don't expect me to be doing cartwheels either.

 

[maea]

I am depressed.. been taking antidepressiva for maybe a year and a half.
always suffered from angst, and nevrotic perfectionism(?)..
im constantly depressed, i see my therapist once- twice a week.
i dropped out of school, am mostly at home..
i wouldnt say im suicidal, but ive taken som overdoses.. i also selfharm..
which is very hard to get out of, you cant just stop.
lately ive been starting to freak out about my weight, like more than ever.
iduno, i probably shouldnt say more..

 

[Rorolina Frixell]

Well, as most people who i've opened up to, I am, on the whole, a very depressed person.

Since 9 I haven't been able to make friends

I've had virtually no childhood since then, thanks to moving around so much

I forcefully matured myself from an early age, making myself hard to approach ever since

I'm VERY critical of myself and often put myself down when it's not my fault

I have very low self worth, esteem etc

I am highly mistrusting of anyone female thanks to a lot of things in the past where my good nature and hitting-girls-is-wrong upbringing got taken advantage of

I've not genuinely smiled since I was 9, as a result of having nothing to be happy about

I haven't got many memories to recall that have been happy

I have major trust issues with people, and take it quite badly over any little thing where my trust is broken

I'll leave it there before I start sounding like a drama queen

 

[John Marston]

I can't say i'm not depressed anymore, i still kinda am. I honestly don't know how it started, the only thing i can think of is that my mother kept me inside as i was growing up and i still hate her to this day for it. Were it not for that i'd be more social...and well more of everything.

I don't really have friends (save a few i won't name, the others well i hope we become friends they seem like really good people) but i've fallen for false kindness before and what have you so the minute i sense somethings off about a person i stop talking to them.


I used to be (well i thought i was anyway) close to 2 cousins out of my whole family but they turned out to be the same like all the others i met throughout my life. Users, manipulators, you name it i'm sure everyone has had their fair share but i feel as though i've been through more of them. Reason being that i'm too nice, i'm sure others will agree with me there.


The people i speak to anyway (on here and msn) I'm still trying to get out of it, though i honestly think i won't. I'll always be in the pursuit of obtaining what feels like its unatainable and that thing is happiness.

 

[Amizon]

Before I moved to university, I used to argue A LOT with my mum and it got me very depressed because I knew why she did it. The idiot of a fiance (well, he's technically her partner, considering they've been engaged ... what? About five years now?) winds her up constantly and she feels quite drained all the time. I feel bad for her whenever she argues with someone because she's got an extra valve in her heart and she should've had an operation years ago to remove it. In other words, she can't get really stressed or else she may become ill. >_>

I used to argue with HIM more, too. I've been depressed on and off in my teenage years. I was bullied practically for as long as I could remember. Didn't have many good memories of secondary school, only my last year when I was a prefect.

My college years were really hard, seeing as how I was constantly pestered and everyone tried to control everything I did. Even my mum used to treat me like a kid when I turned 17. It took her until I was 19 to stop her from doing it anymore. It must've been the fact that I actually ARGUED back and stunned her. I'm really lucky because I can always talk to my dad. He and I are closer than ever because he's like my lifeline and he's constantly telling me to stick up for myself and cheers me up whenever I need it.

So it's the idiot of a partner being the reason why I moved out of home and into the halls of residence at uni. I feel very free for the first time in my life, don't have any stress and my health has been excellent. I used to have quite a few breaking points in the past, but they seem to be behind me now at last.

And because of all that, it's why I usually put up a strong front and conceal my vulnerabilities. Overall, it's made me a much stronger person than I was years ago.

 

[Priestess-Mars]

Honestly...for me it's just started. The fake optimism I express...my close friends can see right through it. 2009 has just been hell and it's been horrible. My grandma died, I used to live in Toronto, but my dad moved me to a city called Calgary in Canada where it smells like cow shit, and barely anything to do. I got taken away from my friends...my boyfriend thought it was a good idea to like two girls at the same time and made my life hell for months. My parents haven't really care much for me...they don't even want me to go back. I think everyone in my family has what they want except for me. They're moving forward, but I feel like I'm moving back and I'm just stuck. I try so hard, yet they don't see it. They tell me "that's it? It's not good enough." I'm only 16, I know I may not have as bad problems as others, but even so I'm a person whose coping with nothing. It's hard to find someone who can understand me like my friends did. I've been here for four months and I'm not used to anything. I feel like crying everyday of my life and I don't know how to stop.

I guess you could say I have depression because I turned into some unstable emotional person...