Boys and men

[Will Graham]

So I was discussing this with a few friends a while ago and we came to no real conclusions, so I thought I would broach the topic here.

I guess you could also view this thread the same way for women and girls, but I have no experience in that gender

When does a boy become a man? Is the main question, is it age, maturity, after certain customs are observed i.e. getting married, buying a house etc.

I am twenty years old now, but when I think of myself or my pals I think of us as boys and girls rather than men and women. When I was fifteen I assumed I would consider myself a man at this age, but apart from some more mature views and beliefs I am much the same as back then

I find it difficult to imagine myself as an adult, even though in the eyes of the law I am one. Is this the same for everyone, or is just me?

 

[Shaissa]

I know what you mean Licky, I look at myself and some of my friends, and I still think we are just a bunch of kids (boys and girls) rather than these mature adults we were told we would have to be when we got older.

So when do we actually become men? I think it's up to how you want to view yourself/how others want to view you. If you wanna view yourself as a man at the age of 18 then you can, but I mean seriously, there is no clear cut answer as to when a boy really becomes a man, or when a girl becomes a women.

 

[One-Winged Moogle]

The age of manhood varies so much throughout different cultues that age really isn't dependant here, IMO.

It's really a maturiy and resonsibility level thing, I think. Something that comes through experience. Their are likely ten year old men out there, men in tragic environments that have had to become men for their family. In NA, where parents are usually able to support us fully and take that mantle, the point of manhood increases.

 

[Will Graham]

I am not sure you are getting it username Damon, I do not mean the conscious decision to think of my self as a man. When I am idly ruminating on things I have done, intend to do, or am doing I label myself automatically as a boy rather than as a man

 

[Roland_Deschain]

I think the anwer to this question is different dependent on each person. For example even after I finished my college and started traveling, I still considered myself a boy.

In short I think a boy becomes a man when a boy finally decides to become one. A boy becomes a man when he decides to take on certain responsibility's in life such as home ownership, paying ones own bills, and beginning to adapt a family. However the boy has to take these jobs on as if they were the most important things, as if his life depends on them and they are the most important, not as if he was reluctant or only doing things because he feels he has to. The boy has to really be determined, and want these things.

A boy becomes a man when he is ready and willing to take on lifes harsh and cold sting. When he is ready to forget the not accomplished goals and set himself forward upon the trail of life that everyone must take. When the boy is ready to do those things, and when a boy wants to do those things, he has become a man.

 

[GalaxyFlare]

There are a few official and cultural circumstance where boys become Men.

When you turn 25-ish you consider to be mature in terms of physiology.

Laws can also bestow upon you the right of man hood, but this stems from the belief that Man hood is reached by a certain age. Not so in may cases guys in there 40's show a horrible lack of responsibility and rational thinking.

The terms can have different meaning depending on the various social situations, eg: hanging out at a party, a gaming session, diner with your parents, etc etc. it just depends on your out look for a situation.

Boys are often beating the crap out each other and ruff housing picking on each other its part of the dynamic, but you would not do this in the company of older people(mostly) you would show some respect and behave(mostly). Similar to when you are going out with some one, you want to show them you are mature and they can rely on you.

This is close to when you are considered a man, the term in IMO is more reserved blokes who want to take a path of being responsible like marriage or Job commitment, this is in no way just guys in the 20s/30's its can happen for teen if the right situation applies.

I consider my self to be a man now that I am out in the world living for myself and working, I had no cultural influence to bestow upon me the title I earned by my own personal goals, I just am a "Man"

There are alot of opinions out there regarding this question, the best way to look at it, what do you have to achieve to be the man you want to be? you cant remain a boy for ever, it will happen with or with out you influence.

We have the ability in ourselves to define our selves or be swept along, Make the decision you think will make you a good man or a great man even.

Its a choice, not a predetermined level reached by age or legal dogma.

I like being back, I missed this

 

[Imhotep]

You don't become a man until you take that last rite of manhood and have children.

Having Children requires the most responsibility ever in your entire life, I have watched friends around me change in an instance after they have children, they stop their gallivanting around and stupid behaviour and mature and grow up.
They realise that there is more to life than drinking and fighting and driving fast.

Don't get me wrong every man still has an inner child waiting to be released but it is best done and most cherished sharing it with your own children.

 

[Roland_Deschain]

You don't become a man until you take that last rite of manhood and have children.

Having Children requires the most responsibility ever in your entire life, I have watched friends around me change in an instance after they have children, they stop their gallivanting around and stupid behaviour and mature and grow up.
They realise that there is more to life than drinking and fighting and driving fast.

Don't get me wrong every man still has an inner child waiting to be released but it is best done and most cherished sharing it with your own children.

However you can be a boy and have children. For example I am from a small town and I have seen so many people get knocked up young and then forget about their babies. I have to say I do not classify those boys as men.

I guess I think it stands as I said, you only become a man when you decide to become one. You can spit out kids but it doesnt make you a man by any terms. Now if you decide to take care of those kids at cost to yourself... then you might be talking. However if you just had kids due to a lack of preperation then you are not prepared for anything until you step up and deal with your own mentality

 

[Lirael]

I know what you mean Licky, I look at myself and some of my friends, and I still think we are just a bunch of kids (boys and girls) rather than these mature adults we were told we would have to be when we got older.

So when do we actually become men? I think it's up to how you want to view yourself/how others want to view you. If you wanna view yourself as a man at the age of 18 then you can, but I mean seriously, there is no clear cut answer as to when a boy really becomes a man, or when a girl becomes a women.

Agreed. It's about how you feel.

I think it's about your behaviour and your outlook too. As far as I'm concerned, someone is childish if they're habitually selfish, insensitive, stubborn, and indulgent. An adult is mature enough to realise that people differ, and opinions differ. They embrace the differences and regard each view as important, whether or not they believe in a certain opinion themselves.

Answering this question depends on how you define a 'man' and a 'woman' Is a 'man' macho and strong, or is he a balanced person who treats people with respect and does his best to do right by others? I would opt for the latter. Is a woman independent, assertive and sophisticated, or is she empathetic, able to be independent, and a good balance between sophisticated and playful/relaxed? Again, I'd opt for the latter.

 

[Tom Badguy]

I really think this is in the eye of the beholder. Many people consider their growth or maturity to manhood happens at different times.

For me, I think it hit when I was about 22. Before that, I never really took anything seriously. I didn't care where I lived, I didn't care if I kept my job or not and I just went to parties almost every night. I used to just get drunk and smoke pot all the damn time. But then something clicked when I lost my job. I couldn't pay rent and I had no money to eat. I had to move out and live with random people. There were times I even slept in my friend's car most nights. But after all that, I decided to stop. No more bullshitting around. I found a good place to squat with one of my friends and got a new job. Since then, I live in my own place, have plenty of money to spend and I have plenty to save. I have had the same job for 4 years now, I'm a manager in the company and I just got a NEW place with my girlfriend.

I think you feel a shift that you can not explain when you decide to stop fucking around and just grow up. When you elevate from boy to man, you'll know it when it happens.

 

[Shu]

Eyes of the beholder? No offense but I doubt religion/theology has anything to do with boys and men. I don't believe it has anything to do with a science either, it's more to do with psychology/philosophy.

You said it best though when you said:

No more bullshitting around.

People can be coddled till they are even well out of their parents reach. Though when they finally understand what it means to make money, look after oneself, then even take care of another whether it be your significant other or live with a friend... that's when one becomes an adult I believe.

Trust me, if you have never been on your own before and never been nearly evicted because you lost your job, well I hate to say you haven't learned quite yet. Adult and adolescence is a huge gap because of wisdom. Keeping yourself during the hard times, and learning to be on your own is a huge step in the direction of being mature. The small trivial things will start to piss you off, because of how small they are in comparison to what you've seen. Though I can say.. I've seen 40 year olds that are still a kid because of still hanging on to the trivial things that have been stunting their ability to grow. The ability to not chase tail just because you need to satisfy your need for flesh on a daily basis.

When one accepts the nature that they can not control every little thing that goes on, and that people change, come and go.. that only a few are meant to stay with you for a longer amount of time.. well then I can say that you are an adult. The ability to accept change, the ability to grow with it. Also the ability to choose, and not conform 24/7 and to understand that sacrifices will have to occur to get what you want. To keep humor and not be bitter, due to the drastic changes that occur in society.

The ability to teach what you have learned, and not hold back due to the fear of how the knowledge will be used. To know that every person has their own path, whether they choose to align them self with a religion or to go purely on will.

The above a little advanced for some.. but in the end.. maturity from adolescence to adulthood.. is quite the trip.

 

[Roland_Deschain]

Eyes of the beholder? No offense but I doubt religion/theology has anything to do with boys and men. I don't believe it has anything to do with a science either, it's more to do with psychology/philosophy.

I did not say this line but I would like to say something. I don't know if this saying originates from religion, buts its usage in this day and age is not a strictly religious usage. When I hear it, I consider it to mean that the opinion varies depending on who you are.


Other then that, I agree with what you said because its the same thing I said

 

[Squid]

I don't know much about boys and men etc but I'd have thought that when you become a man is completely up to what kind of person you are or where you're from.

In some countries you become a man when you jump off a wooden tower with a vine tied to your leg. In other countries you become a man when you turn 21.

For me, I think a boy becomes a man when he has made some kind of remarkable achievement in his life. Whether that be settling down with someone, saving money to buy a house, a business achievement or something that takes a relative amount of maturity. But I do think you can be a man and still act boyish.

Anyway hopefully that makes sense. Like I said I know nothing about men and boys lmfao.

 

[Izanagi]

I'm inclined to fall with Draco's view that a boy really becomes a man when he has achieved something noteworthy or has realized his responsibility as a young adult. I would like to really believe someone becomes a man when he's 21 but he still has much to learn about life and to make hard decisions before he is ready to be called a man. When he fully acknowledges that life is full of tough choices and when he knows that he can choose and live with it for the rest of his life, is when he is a real man.

 

[unadulteratedawesome]

There's no clear point at which someone becomes a 'man'. It differs by culture and individual. One person may consider themselves a man, while another will view them as a boy since they don't meet their criteria. Likewise, there's not only one trait to maturity, there's many. And someone may be mature in some aspects and not in others. To view the issue so simply is to do it disservice.

For me, a big sign of maturity is not giving a damn whether or not other people have given you their blessing that you're now an adult.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." - C.S. Lewis

 

[Tom Badguy]

Eyes of the beholder? No offense but I doubt religion/theology has anything to do with boys and men. I don't believe it has anything to do with a science either, it's more to do with psychology/philosophy.

What R_D said. Basically I used the phrase meaning it is different to everyone so what ever the person(or eyes of the beholder) perceived it as, then that is what it is.

Just trying to clear up the confusion.