Okay so I had a little internal debate with myself about whether I should even post this since my head's a little murky with emotions floating around. I'm pissed, more than a little dejected, and a bit disappointed at the moment but here goes . . . I mean I need to vent after all:
So we'll start with my boyfriend. For privacy's sake we'll call him . . . Adrian, 'cause that's obviously not his real name. Adrian was a guy I met through my room mate/bestie in college. He got my cell number from my FB profile when we befriended each other on there and we started talking. My roomie assured me that he was a good kid all in all but life wasn't all that fair to him (I have a knack for attracting guys like that) so I figured I'd give him a chance. We text back and forth and then eventually it leads to phone calls which then leads to our first date at the movies. Cute shit.
Now Adrian lives with his widowed mother. His dad passed away when Adrian was only 10 years old, from throat cancer. Up until that point the family which consisted of Adrian, his dad, his mom, and his older sister was pretty well adjusted. Financial shit was stable. Dad dies, obviously the financial shit is all out of whack so their mother is forced to work her ass off just to keep the roof over their heads. Adrian's not completely clean though, he smokes, he drinks, he's trying to quit both of those things. He works, full-time, and he's saving up money for a car. He's smart but he had some issues in schools: got into a lot of fights, got suspended a lot, but he graduated with his diploma and he's good now.
College. They can't afford it. He needs a better paying full time job to be qualified for financial aid. His mom doesn't pull in enough of an income to pay off student loans hence the reason that these two poor bright ass kids can't go through college. Now, bare with me, I love the boy. Which leads me to my point, my mom doesn't want me seeing him at all. She thinks he's no good, that he'll amount to nothing, that if I'm with him then chances are my grades will slip and I'll amount to nothing too. She thinks my judgment's fucked up because of this whole ordeal and that I need to see the bigger picture and that him being so young and having these addictions clearly isn't good. He knows that. He hates it. The kid's had a hard life but he's one of the sweetest guys I know; and frankly looks can be deceiving (he's 5'11" and 235 lb of muscle, he's pretty brawny).
I know my capabilities better than anyone else, my limits, what I can't and can handle, what I won't and will put up with. Yet my mom still decides to set limits for me and overprotect and cocoon me because to her (in my knowledge and defense) I'm still this scrawny ass little 6 year old kid. I still need to be sheltered away from the world. Not once since we hung out did Adrian ever pressure me to smoke or drink, not once did he ever entice me to go back to his house for sex. Matter fact when my parents were late two weeks ago, picking me up from the mall, he stood outside and waited with me in the fucking frigid cold to ensure that I'd get home safely. He could've left my ass if he was a good for nothing kid.
He wants to go to school, he wants to amount to something. He's told me countless times that he wants to do something with his life and that he hates working his life away; he's only 19. I know this boy, a lot more than my mom would think and yet she sees nothing in him: just a fucking delinquent and now not only am I pissed but she's also incurred his wrath at these heinous assumptions and judgments.
And I don't know what to do but I do want to be with him and continue seeing him, despite all of his flaws and letdowns and slip-ups, there's so much good in him and for now, he's one of the best things that's happened to me. But yeah my mom's assumptions and hurtful words and accusations are starting to crack through the foundation of our relationship. He doesn't want to leave me but he's already said that he doesn't want to put up with her and I don't blame him at all, in this case. No one should have to defend them self like that or actively seek approval so much that it enrages them.
So . . . thoughts? Agree? Disagree?
So we'll start with my boyfriend. For privacy's sake we'll call him . . . Adrian, 'cause that's obviously not his real name. Adrian was a guy I met through my room mate/bestie in college. He got my cell number from my FB profile when we befriended each other on there and we started talking. My roomie assured me that he was a good kid all in all but life wasn't all that fair to him (I have a knack for attracting guys like that) so I figured I'd give him a chance. We text back and forth and then eventually it leads to phone calls which then leads to our first date at the movies. Cute shit.
Now Adrian lives with his widowed mother. His dad passed away when Adrian was only 10 years old, from throat cancer. Up until that point the family which consisted of Adrian, his dad, his mom, and his older sister was pretty well adjusted. Financial shit was stable. Dad dies, obviously the financial shit is all out of whack so their mother is forced to work her ass off just to keep the roof over their heads. Adrian's not completely clean though, he smokes, he drinks, he's trying to quit both of those things. He works, full-time, and he's saving up money for a car. He's smart but he had some issues in schools: got into a lot of fights, got suspended a lot, but he graduated with his diploma and he's good now.
College. They can't afford it. He needs a better paying full time job to be qualified for financial aid. His mom doesn't pull in enough of an income to pay off student loans hence the reason that these two poor bright ass kids can't go through college. Now, bare with me, I love the boy. Which leads me to my point, my mom doesn't want me seeing him at all. She thinks he's no good, that he'll amount to nothing, that if I'm with him then chances are my grades will slip and I'll amount to nothing too. She thinks my judgment's fucked up because of this whole ordeal and that I need to see the bigger picture and that him being so young and having these addictions clearly isn't good. He knows that. He hates it. The kid's had a hard life but he's one of the sweetest guys I know; and frankly looks can be deceiving (he's 5'11" and 235 lb of muscle, he's pretty brawny).
I know my capabilities better than anyone else, my limits, what I can't and can handle, what I won't and will put up with. Yet my mom still decides to set limits for me and overprotect and cocoon me because to her (in my knowledge and defense) I'm still this scrawny ass little 6 year old kid. I still need to be sheltered away from the world. Not once since we hung out did Adrian ever pressure me to smoke or drink, not once did he ever entice me to go back to his house for sex. Matter fact when my parents were late two weeks ago, picking me up from the mall, he stood outside and waited with me in the fucking frigid cold to ensure that I'd get home safely. He could've left my ass if he was a good for nothing kid.
He wants to go to school, he wants to amount to something. He's told me countless times that he wants to do something with his life and that he hates working his life away; he's only 19. I know this boy, a lot more than my mom would think and yet she sees nothing in him: just a fucking delinquent and now not only am I pissed but she's also incurred his wrath at these heinous assumptions and judgments.
And I don't know what to do but I do want to be with him and continue seeing him, despite all of his flaws and letdowns and slip-ups, there's so much good in him and for now, he's one of the best things that's happened to me. But yeah my mom's assumptions and hurtful words and accusations are starting to crack through the foundation of our relationship. He doesn't want to leave me but he's already said that he doesn't want to put up with her and I don't blame him at all, in this case. No one should have to defend them self like that or actively seek approval so much that it enrages them.
So . . . thoughts? Agree? Disagree?
I've seen my best friend go through something similar throughout the years, where she got involved with guys who seemed to fit the stereotypical "will never amount to anything" image that parents hate, and those guys ended up unfortunately living up to that image, and she ended up in jail once and lots of other kinds of trouble. However, it's also hard to judge someone's character until you've been with them for years and years, and even then you sometimes can't be 100% sure. I guess it kind of just depends on the person: he sounds like a good guy from what you've said, and I know for a fact there are tons of people in the world who are smart and willing enough to go to college and just can't afford it, for reasons that are no fault of their own. So if your parents are judging him because of that, then that's totally not fair. I mean, if he doesn't seem to hang out with anyone unscrupulous, or have unusual or secretive behavior, then he's probably fine. Also, the fact that he's working is a really good sign. 
post, you have to give the relationship a chance, for your own piece of mind and to gain wisdom in life.
