Serious Do you believe in romance?

Nalaar

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Its Full of symbols that require a detailed explanation, one that I don't have. I hate the kind of romance with traditional symbols. It all looks like a set up, traditional romance does. And well thats because it is. And if we are made of flesh and blood, we know whats being set up. Flowers used to mean something to me. Not given, but just existing. Namely lilies. They mean very little now. They just end up being props for the stage. Wine is alcohol...not much needs to be said there. Candles give off contour and shadow. Long walks on the beach...usually end up in the poking of something dead with a stick that looks like the bad end of a hair salon. ( A shout out to the designer of the t-shirt) Dinner? Why when I can cook and teach someone else. I don't believe monetary investment should be placed on the scales across from emotional investment. Its often used as a disassociation tactic to distract one from the desire to truly know another person.

There are people who want to fly a girl to remote, luxurous spots. Why put the effort forth when we can just as easily spend all that time learning we actually will grow to hate eachother one day on your couch? My idea of romance is different.

I like to be an environment where I can gather information on you. Not a quiet spot....unless its a bookstore...then I can see your interests. And their is typically coffee. Some like comedy clubs within the first 3 dates.

Time for another "Good Idea/ Bad Idea".

Good idea: Finding out what each other is coping with.
Bad Idea: Coping via a coping mechanism turned career that one must cope with even further so they can make more money so thery can do more coke...

Hence, Robin Williams coping so hard he is damn near incontinent about it.

No...I like tailgate parties in the middle of BFE where no one can hear you scream..." Turn that shit down!" because you are not saying it. Food and sex? Not necessarily romance...just heightens the senses. And of course helps along synethesiatic discovery. I think its enlightening and maternal to watch you interact with your kids in certain places. It often makes Daddies smile and thats important to me. It also helps with getting to know you because how you respond to me one on one is not always going say something about your actual character, but watching you with others will.
Looking through family photo albums might seem like a jump to meet said family. But it gives a window to learning a persons memories.

Romance to me has no symbols or rituals, but it does have meaning. The symbols can be there, but they are to be placeholders for the actual value of moments and not just, "Ok this is what that one site/mag/guy said would impress her."

What is your take on romance? Or what do you find romantic that others you have found do not?
 
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Wow, are we a little bitter? I read about half of it and I feel like I am reading something from a 60 year old who is cold and alone. I had to stop reading because it hurt to think someone doesn't believe in a little romance here and there.

No offense but I've been with my lady for 3 and some odd years now and every now and again we like to spice it up and go places - and/or cook dinner for eachother and enjoy the night away. I strongly believe there is romance, and yea it may be rare for a guy to say but I love surprising the crap out of my girl. I am one to not really give much as far as gifts, especially when we are mad at eachother. So when I do its really heartfelt in my opinion. I know you are spouting off opinion based stuff but think of what you are saying.

I mean there is a difference between love and lust, but I believe there is romance strongly alive in most people's lives. Every girl I've been with (in the sack) there was some type of romance, it wasn't just getting drunk and hooking up. I hate those type of sexual encounters to say the least. As well they are very dangerous (STDS)

I believe a gift to your love one should not always be romantic though. It would just desensitize the meanings behind them. A new place to get away to though is always romantic. Whether it be going to a cabin in Gatlinburg or going to down to the coast and staying a day on the beach. I feel like I'm living life to the fullest on these little get aways.

I hope for your sake some dude sweeps you off your feet, because I hate to see a girl saying.. romance is dead or never existed in the first place.
 
Romance exists as far as you're letting it exist. If there's love to begin with, there's a solid base for romance. Be it gifts or anything else, if you do it with the intention of making the other person happy, then you're giving romance a shot - you may fail miserably because not everyone's a born romantic, but the intention's all there.

There are always two ways of looking at it: if you cook dinner for the person in question, they may interpret it as either "(s)he wants to get in my pants" or "(s)he was thinking about me and cares", but that thought is independent; if you were trying your best to make him/her happy, then you tried to be romantic.

On the subject of buying things/travelling... why not? Long as it's not a habit, every once in a while it's nice to see the other person take a shot at surprising us. It's not something you do out of materialism, it's a mix of "and now for something completely different" and simply... giving someone you care a gift. Sounds perfectly natural to me.

Honestly, romance as a concept is real as long as the intention is there. Assuming that all relationships are based on lust and money, there would be no happiness in most couples. And objectively, while you may be disenchanted because of a particular experience, there's no denying that happy couples do exist. ;)
 
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Wow, are we a little bitter? I read about half of it and I feel like I am reading something from a 60 year old who is cold and alone. I had to stop reading because it hurt to think someone doesn't believe in a little romance here and there.

Again...if you had kept reading you would find i meant traditional romantic symbolism...not bitter, just wanna cut to the actual chase?

;))
 
I don't look at romance as a symbol, but a feeling (for once Shu, we agree on something :P). Romance isn't something you put into specific actions or words, it's something you feel on the inside. One can never define what true romance is, it's one of the worlds great mysteries.

Surely Nalaar you've read my "The one that got away" thread. The experience I had with that girl was romance. Because of the situation, we had to be very cautious of who saw us together and to continuously look over our shoulders to make sure her marriage would not be exposed. What does this mean? No walks on the beach, no making dinner for each other, acting friendly in the public eye instead of romantic. We couldn't use the so called "symbols" to express our love for one another. It was strictly about the little time we got to spend together, just for the sake of seeing each other.

Romance is basically a connection between 2 people that doesn't derive from material things, just the person themself. It's like in "Me, Myself and Irene" when Charlie says to his wife, "would you stay with me if we're in the Arctic and had to eat whale blubber?" and she said yes. Even though that particular relationship doesn't work out, it drives my point home. If 2 people are romantically interesting in one another, they're willing to do anything just to be in the presence of their love. It's a long winded explaination, but it really is as simple as that, even though it may seem complex at times.
 
Well I guess I was mislead by the "crock of shiznit" and No! that was originally in your thread (before the edit). But then I did add more after that first paragraph. Trust me I wasn't implying anything, but the words were a bit disheartening. Everyone has their take on it I would assume.

We are definitely entitled to our opinions, but to me romance is a part of life. Without it, it would be a bit more boring, don'tcha think?
 
Yeah I understand sort of where you're coming from, Nalaar (I think). Like how the traditional ideas of romance are candlelight dinners, a dozen red roses etc. The cliched things that anybody could do but it may not necessarily mean much to them, they just do it because it's what's expected of you. I agree that romance may mean different things to different people, some couples may deem other things more romantic because they hold a special significance to them.

To me romance in general means an idealist, fanciful view on things, and I guess this applies to romance in love too, two people sharing perfect and idealistic moments with each other. You know, forgetting all your worries and just being in temporary bliss. And people have different ideas of what is 'romantic' to them... Like listening to certain songs and staring into each other's eyes or something. >_> It's not something I can say a lot on since I've never really experienced anything I'd consider to be romantic....
 
Well I guess I was mislead by the "crock of shiznit" and No! that was originally in your thread (before the edit)
Yes I felt it was a bit bitter sounding. My humor can get that way...if not from what I have experienced, then what I have witnessed in other peoples relationships. I was capitalizing basically (like Jane said )on the cliches. I believe there are happy couples. However, it does become tiresome seeing the same symbols. Flowers, Wine, Islands, and jewelry? Ya know, how about something moving like, " This is the tree my grandfather proposed to her under." I would rather be left with that memory in my head when I lay down for sleep after a date than looking at flowers that will sit there a week and almost rot into the realization that same vase is going to hold blooms that symbolize someone else. And that happens with a lot of people. They have flowers sitting all over the house and each bouquet reminds them of Thursday Night, Next Saturday and lets see....last night. But memories like the one I just stated are there long after both flowers and relationships die to remind me there is a kind of emotional connection that can last.

I mean damn...

I believe while God made romance, They do not wish for it to be so petty but remain sacred in the mind as the marriage of Heavenly Mother and Father, and Christ and His Bride. This is something I personally believe in. As far the quote, " and now for something different"...I think finding creative ways to not have to spend any money at all but focus on each other is VERY different. Very uncommon. I am the type of women that is more impressed with a change of heart than a change of apparel or scenery. One can easily cancel out the other.

Blakstang98 said:
What does this mean? No walks on the beach, no making dinner for each other, acting friendly in the public eye instead of romantic. We couldn't use the so called "symbols" to express our love for one another. It was strictly about the little time we got to spend together, just for the sake of seeing each other.

Blakstang...gotta admit, the risk made it very romantic. Its ashame that "risk" can possibly be added to the listing of your personal "symbols". But you obviously comprehend when I say "innovative"...its just the simple fact, whether its circumstance that drives one to creativity to cultivate an enironment where time and learning is most important, or just an aversion to the cliche, everyone wants something real. Everyone requires their selection of symbols to SYMBOLIZE something...you are right.

I don't know its like " Hey lets sit down and I am going to hand you this because the TV said this would make you happy. And so what we are going to do is eat and uh....ok there. Now we are full...so lets talk about TV crap...and college and " Who did you vote for? Why? K nevermind...Do you believe in God? K....How....? Oh well blah blah...Kool. * insert about 20 cases of intellectual snap and one liners* Kiss on cheek...and tootles." First date...

I am more like..." Hey pull over...that lady looks hungry. * Gets burger and fries* Lets sit down for a sec and hear her story of survival and learn we actually do not have it so fuggin bad and can thus relax about our own insecurities while on our date..." Idealistic? Fo sho...But I am after all from the one planet Nasa wont talk about and on top of that my species almost went extinct after the continental shift.
 
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Tbh I think romance is a must and you know husband and wife grow to hate each other when there are no romance in their life, when the guy stops showing attention to his woman, I tbh like to add romance in my life and my girls life, it'll show her that I still love her and that I want her and it can boost a girl's confidence.

So I do believe in romance yea, it kinda make your life a bit better.
 
Blakstang...gotta admit, the risk made it very romantic. Its ashame that "risk" can possibly be added to the listing of your personal "symbols". But you obviously comprehend when I say "innovative"...its just the simple fact, whether its circumstance that drives one to creativity to cultivate an enironment where time and learning is most important, or just an aversion to the cliche, everyone wants something real. Everyone requires their selection of symbols to SYMBOLIZE something...you are right.

I don't know its like " Hey lets sit down and I am going to hand you this because the TV said this would make you happy. And so what we are going to do is eat and uh....ok there. Now we are full...so lets talk about TV crap...and college and " Who did you vote for? Why? K nevermind...Do you believe in God? K....How....? Oh well blah blah...Kool. * insert about 20 cases of intellectual snap and one liners* Kiss on cheek...and tootles." First date...

I am more like..." Hey pull over...that lady looks hungry. * Gets burger and fries* Lets sit down for a sec and hear her story of survival and learn we actually do not have it so fuggin bad and can thus relax about our own insecurities while on our date..." Idealistic? Fo sho...But I am after all from the one planet Nasa wont talk about and on top of that my species almost went extinct after the continental shift.
Well I'm a lot more complex than you give me credit for. Most will have a tough time figuring out my thoughts and actions, including myself. I do what I believe is right, I don't follow idealistic points of view, I do what makes sense to me. Trend is something I make an effort to get away from, so the "norms" for romance is something I don't follow. I tend go against the grain a little when it comes to this sort of thing, maybe that's why I'm single today, maybe that's why I never tied myself up to a relationship that had no hope.

An idealistic view works if everyone is the same, but that's never the case, everyone is unique (yeah, sounds weird, but you understand). It's plain and simple, I ask my girlfriend what makes her happy. If what makes her happy is the ideal point of view, then that's what she'll get. I have to know a girl to get to know what makes her happy. I could never walk into a bar and pick-up a girl for the night because I don't feel comfortable with my lack of knowledge for her. I also know it wouldn't make me happy, gratified maybe, but not happy. My ex spent a lot of conversation trying to figure me out, she was having issues trying to "open the book" as she put it. I don't give off many direct signs, making me difficult to generalize into a certain personality group. Because it's the internet and not interpersonal, nobody here will ever figure me out. People seem to think I bite for some reason (I mean in real life), and people tend to be afraid to ask me questions that I have no problem answering. Her curiousity of me is more of a driving factor than risk. And once again, it wasn't a symbol, it was a feeling, a minor connection she initial felt drove her to find out more.

So I do believe in romance yea, it kinda make your life a bit better.
This says it all! Life is a lot more empty without romance.
 
Love for all people is different. Personally I believe that romance does not exist without love. Without love it's just an attempt to get in your pants. If the guy loves you he's trying to show you a good time and make you happy/give you a nice night, weekend, or whatever it may be.

Like love is different, people are different as well. Make sure you choose the right person to be with. If he's doing "coke" I don't think it's a very good match for you. You're the type of person who needs a partner on an emotional level and I'm sure a guy fucked up on coke isn't gonna provide you with that. Not to mention I recall that guy is married? Right?

You just need to find the right combination of a person that fits your needs who loves you in the way you need. I hope I made that simple enough, I don't see this as very complicated. :gasp:

And why can't he talk to you in a bookstore and get coffee with you? And after a while when you become more intimate get you flowers or something and take you to dinner? It's just a change of pace like Shu said. He doesn't need to constantly do these things, but it's a reminder that you're something special to him.
 
Yes I felt it was a bit bitter sounding. My humor can get that way...if not from what I have experienced, then what I have witnessed in other peoples relationships. I was capitalizing basically (like Jane said )on the cliches. I believe there are happy couples. However, it does become tiresome seeing the same symbols. Flowers, Wine, Islands, and jewelry? Ya know, how about something moving like, " This is the tree my grandfather proposed to her under." I would rather be left with that memory in my head when I lay down for sleep after a date than looking at flowers that will sit there a week and almost rot into the realization that same vase is going to hold blooms that symbolize someone else. And that happens with a lot of people.
So you want to replace cliches with things that are mawkishly sentimental? I'd rather have tired, bored and stale cliches than something so incredibly sentimental.

I don't know if I believe in romance, it's not something that'll ever happen to me, but that's not to say other people won't be swept off their feet by some tall dark stranger. I'll say what and do what I want to get what I want, I'll lie etc.
I expect other people to behave more or less like myself because I'm a cynic. So I don't believe people are romantic.
 
There is so much more depth to the significance of "romance" that you could ever imagine. It is not merely bound to the ideals turned into symbols by the media, or by people who simply want to make things more simple by just creating a routine.

But people are wrong, there is much more to romance than it meets the eye. It is a spark, it is the flame that is capable of melting even the most bitter and the coldest of heart. It is to be mesmerized, even by a simple, warm...splendid, pure, stare...

Not to be deceived by the appearances, by a simple pretty face. Oh no, it is much more than that. It is to be enchanted by the behavior of that person, by what their eyes seem to express. The eyes are the mirror of the soul, and if the eyes are pure, then there is a high chance that the soul is the same.

Romance is to have your senses being shaken by her presence. To feel the king of the world whilst she is not near only to be completely disabled in her presence. Romance is to master one's own shock and to plunge into the unknown, regardless of being loved back or not. Who knows, the world turns far too many times, and today's friends can be tomorrow's lovers, and yesterday's enemies can become the friends of the future. Nothing is written in stone, and many aspects of life can change.

Romance is to have your world completely turned upside down with a mere voice, to be unable to forget her innocent expression no matter how much you try to get her out of your mind. To love and be loved in return, no matter how hard things might get.

Not infatuation, for to have a mere "crush" is to simply crave over something just like a small child yearns for a new toy. Romance lasts longer, and it endures even the barrage of emotions and trials set by life. It lasts even beyond distance, and it grows stronger as you are separated from that person.

If you simply forget that loved one due to distance so easily, then it was not love, it was just an ilusion.

What if these are mere based on human subjectivity? What if these can be defined as mere chemical reactions that occur in our consciousness which guide our reactions and at times, cloud our judgment? What if these emotions are mere ethereal concepts that we came up with to give a deeper definition to life?

Without them, life would be a barren wasteland. A time without time, an existence without difference. A routinary monotony, to be the same as the rest. These are what define us as human beings. Some yearn for perfection, wtithout realizing that the cost of perfection is to relinquish all human emotons in order to be completely unbiased and subjective. Then forgive me, but I would rather remain an imperfect being.

I would prefer myself to be lost a thousand times into such a beautiful stare rather than being a complete heartless being. However, love is also a double edged sword, and with it might come desception and sadness.

Ironic really, how thin is the line which separates love, sadness, and hatred.
 
Well the big deal I was trying to get at is even though you are brainwashed to believe that women/men love certain things due to TV adds or how your parents raised you, I still believe romance has always sort of been there.

I mean romance is not some sporadic thing in my opinion, or if it is then it is a form of desperation. Then again romance should never exactly be planned to the very last drop either. That is the sole reason why I hate Valentines. It is just an over commercialization of Flowers, Chocolates, Expensive Meals, and whatever else is in it. We don't celebrate Valentines primarily, but I do get a small gift of some kind just to let the person I'm with know I care. They took the romanticism out of the Holiday waaaaaay back though, thanks to the over planning. Hince why the numerous amounts of break ups occur around the Holidays and such, because people have high expectations to be swept off their feet.

Without Love to begin with, Romance is categorized as pure lust. I mean you can be with someone for 2 years and still not fully know them, like my ex, so one night of lust (romance) is pure crap if it is with a person you just met and have no idea if they will reciprocate the love.

Romance is something that keeps relationships alive to be honest. It can be the most subtle of things from an event, to setting something small up like sandwiches down near the lake. To me it doesn't have to be astronomically huge, but with most couples these days, people are getting flat out bored with each other or just sick of the same repetitive B.S. (granted girls watch movies like P.S. I love you and get it ingrained in their head that a guy should always be romantic even after death)

What I said about an event, such as going to a baseball game or a night a the movies, or a candle light dinner (with no pets/anything else to distract you two) these sometimes actually are reproduced in order for marriage proposals to occur.

It's called pattern recognition. People think it is more special to simulate previous events in their relationship, because it was they first met/or had an amazing time/or just felt most attached at this time. Sometimes it is even more special than taking a vacation to an exotic spot. Relationships are founded on good memories (well I hope for most), otherwise you two probably don't have good compatibility.

--- and that's my last post to this thread.
 
imo, its not its not something one can believe in or not, like santa or something, but something that you must be. Yes buying a dozen roses or candle lit dinners are cliche.. but there is romance in things other than that, like just staying in and watching a film, hugged up, or yes going away together or going OUT of a meal.. i would say, myself, i am a romantic, but again its not a choice of belief, and dis-belief, its a choice in character and prefenance to what one likes and dislike, example, i would find it "romantic" to go to a resturant where i first took holly (my gf of nerly 3 years) when we first got together, but she wouldnt, she doesnt like eating out... her idea of romantic would be making food at home, and having a picnic of sorts at the beach, when its darker and its just the two of us...
 
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I was talking about the prospective comedian at the comedy club.


You did not read my post. Thats exactly what I want.

Blakstang, I wouldn't give you anymore credit if you paid me. I care too much. I did have a good sized comment for you...but it accidently got deleted. Sorry. I don't believe I have a need to analyze certain personality aspects of you any further, however others you know of, I remain relentless at. And why? Because thats what you need analyzed more than the origins of your emotional incognito routine. Allow me to flip the spectrum.

Blakstang cannot be read. OK....lets move that out of the way....What remains? " You want me to read you."

And in Stang-speak...that denotes I'm "curious".


You just need to find the right combination of a person that fits your needs who loves you in the way you need.

If he's doing "coke" I don't think it's a very good match for you.

I was talking about the prospective comedian at the comedy club.


And why can't he talk to you in a bookstore and get coffee with you?

You did not read my post fully. Thats exactly what I want.

Julius....I agree, and you are quite a fellow scribe. Very comforting. As far as perfection goes, I believe that perfection is relative not to man, but to God, as a desiger created for a purpose.

What if these emotions are mere ethereal concepts that we came up with to give a deeper definition to life?


And what if we didn't? Emotion is not conjured by us alone. Emotional response sequence is soul, by definition. They are involuntary. Lust is mathmatical symetry recognized in a human body. "Romance" is word that arouses bitterness in those who have lost it, euphoria to those who need it, and often indifference to those who have it. I am not bitter towards that which you speak, I am bitter towards the cheapening of it.

Romance is to master one's own shock and to plunge into the unknown, regardless of being loved back or not.

'Tis the woe of the coined "giver". The joy is supposed to lie in the ability to lift a countenance outside of ones own. Not manipulate a train of thoght to ones advantage, but often Romance is seen as either a way to a physical means, or an emotional one. " I elect you to complete me." Seems to be the law of the loveless land, when it should be, " I wish to accent your completion." Balance is not only key, but the door itself.

I'd rather have tired, bored and stale cliches than something so incredibly sentimental.


A positive emotion that triggers a negative memory should not be the catalyst for a fight or flight response, as you cannot predict if you will feel that same despair again. Sentiment is unpredictable, and therefore unfamiliar and unsafe. Cliche's often assist in letting you know ahead of time what to expect or not to expect. Thats why cliche's and symbols of romance are boring to me. They are safe. There is no room for a psychological adventure.

We don't celebrate Valentines primarily, but I do get a small gift of some kind just to let the person I'm with know I care. They took the romanticism out of the Holiday waaaaaay back though, thanks to the over planning.
St. Valentines took the romance out by burning people at the stake.

This thread is like a box of chocolates...
 
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Lets be straight forward on one thing, you believe what you believe and I believe what I believe. I'm not trying to argue or even debate with you, I'm just saying what I believe. Nobody is analyzing anybody here, we're just saying what we believe. I think you're being a little close-minded about what others are saying. If you want to be poetic about it, that's fine, it doesn't mean you can analyze what everyone says and point out the short-comings of what they're saying. We can just agree to disagree.

Anyways, I've said what I needed too, but I say no more with regards to this subject. I don't care if you or anybody gives me credit or not, so long as I credit myself, which I do.
 
I was talking about the prospective comedian at the comedy club.
I didn't know you were exactly/exclusively referring to Robin Williams. It sounded like you were applying it to your life as well.


You did not read my post. Thats exactly what I want.

Maybe you didn't read my post. I was trying to say why can't you do those things you would like AND have him buy you flowers? Because he gets you flowers doesn't necessarily mean it's a thoughtless gift.
 
Lets be straight forward on one thing, you believe what you believe and I believe what I believe. I'm not trying to argue or even debate with you, I'm just saying what I believe. Nobody is analyzing anybody here, we're just saying what we believe. I think you're being a little close-minded about what others are saying. If you want to be poetic about it, that's fine, it doesn't mean you can analyze what everyone says and point out the short-comings of what they're saying. We can just agree to disagree.

Anyways, I've said what I needed too, but I say no more with regards to this subject. I don't care if you or anybody gives me credit or not, so long as I credit myself, which I do.

What you believe is beautiful beyond belief Stang. You know what real romance is.

Wow...I was joking about the credit thing, as I like your complexity almost as much as you do.* for fuck sake, dude..*(wink) And the reason I said I did not feel the need to analyze you any further is because I already know WHY you need to be read. YOU claim people find you stand-offish, but I don't. I find you isolated. However, its not stealthy to invite someone to "open Stang up", with an avalanche of " I need someone to care enough to know the real me outside internet" innuendo and when someone makes an attempt call it grounds for an argument. Whatever you are thinking about comes out of your mouth eventually in way or another, as you are human.
Closeminded? No....again...I believe in a certain kind of romance, not the traditional or symbolic kind...Dude,...someone thought I was dating someone addicted to coke after I capped on comedy clubs

THus:

Good idea: Finding out what each other is coping with.
Bad Idea: Coping via a coping mechanism turned career that one must cope with even further so they can make more money so ther can do more coke...

Talk about not being read....they didn't even read the post. How do you think I feel?

LOL....

I didn't know you were exactly/exclusively referring to Robin Williams. It sounded like you were applying it to your life as well.

I see....alright then. Miscommunication. I was referring to Robin Williams coping, not to be confused with coping via Robin Williams.

Yes we have time for one more question!


Maybe you didn't read my post. I was trying to say why can't you do those things you would like AND have him buy you flowers? Because he gets you flowers doesn't necessarily mean it's a thoughtless gift.

Damn text. I understand that better. And even though I apologize my threads getting deleted prolly. Its great. And even though I say "prolly"...it will go on mod record as "definite"...why because I am a target...*runs*...
 
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I was going to post my own thread on Romance in general, since I hadn't seen one before, but this seems to fit, so time for a thread revival! ^_^

I was going to ask a few questions myself, so I'll post those here to sort of revive the topic, adding a few new points of discussion.


  1. How do you define romance? (Opinions may have changed)
  2. How has your opinion of romance changed over time?
  3. Describe one ideal experience, perhaps an experience you could plan for a loved one in the future and/or would love to have a loved one plan for you.
  4. Tell us about your most romantic experience to date.

I'll post my answers later on! :)
 
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