Omaigawd! I found this on a blog when I typed in "Jewgold" XD
8.03.2009
It's Hereditary & Vagina McChicken
So last night I was at a bar with some friends telling a ridiculous story about my mother, when I realized that ridiculousness is hereditary. Shit like that which I am about to spill on you, only ever happens to me and my mother. So begins the infamous tale of the Vagina McChicken...
It had been a blustery winter in upstate New York where I was cooped up in my all-boys boarding school on the frozen St. Lawrence river. I was minding my own business in a study hall when my Head of House, Leslie Bass, delivered a printed e-mail from my mother. Innocently I began to read:
Hola, Son!
How are things up there in the FAT (for readers: FAT is an acronym meaning Frozen Ass Tundra, a name my mother gave my school and the general region after having had visited in January where temperatures routinely reach -30F)? Things here are going well. Your sister is adjusting to high school rather nicely. I had a most interesting day at work.
My first patient of the day was a woman in her early 30's who was nearly 8 months into a pregnancy and in my office for her annual exam. As I began the crotch-peeking (Yes, my mom refers to her job as a gynecologist as crotch-peeking, and to herself as a crotch-peeker) I noticed that things were not as they should be. As I went in deeper with the speculum I came across what appeared to be a foreign object up against this woman's cervix. I removed the foreign object with some forceps and laid it on the exam table. Thinking to myself, 'This would appear to be a leg of seasoned chicken,' I also thought I could not possibly be correct in my thinking.
So I left the exam room for a moment and asked one of the other docs, Dr. Patel (not the real name, but made up for privacy) to come and give her opinion as to what I had discovered in this woman's vaginal canal. Dr. Patel and I examined the object very briefly and came to the conclusion that, indeed, this was a leg of seasoned chicken. A leg of seasoned chicken inside of this woman. INSIDE OF HER VAGINAL CANAL!!!
Well I had the MA (medical assistant) remove the chicken and take it to the incinerator because it stunk, shockingly enough. In doing so, she informed every person in the office of my find and we aptly named it, Vagina McChicken. The McDonald-inspired title came from that cow that works at the front desk. Yes, the one I had to special order a stronger chair for because her 300lbs self broke the other one.
Collectively we came up with 3 plausible reasons as to why this woman had chicken in her vaginal canal:
a) She was just into that.
b) She ran out of room in her refrigerator.
c) She was trying to feed her unborn child.
Either way this woman was nutso. Anyway, gotta jet! Hope you had a good day!
Love,
Mum
At about half-way through the second paragraph of my mother's email I stopped mid-step and went catatonic, only to be brought back to reality by one of my dorm fathers who was yelling my name from across the room. He rushed up to me and asked me if everything was okay because apparently I looked like I had just read that someone in my immediate family had dropped dead. I simply stared back at him with a blank expression and handed him the email. The effect was very similar on him.
Oh wait, not entirely. His reaction after coming back to reality was to tell the ENTIRE study hall (that had kids that were like 13 in it) to come to the Wisdom family meeting later that night to hear me read the email.
As aforementioned, this shit only ever happens to me. But next time one of you disgusting fucks (I am talking to one of you in particular who eats McDonalds on the reg) eats McDonalds, think of juicy seasoned Vagina McChicken. And then get wasted.
source: http://milkandsoda.blogspot.com/2009/08/its-hereditary-vagina-mcchicken.html
8.03.2009
It's Hereditary & Vagina McChicken
So last night I was at a bar with some friends telling a ridiculous story about my mother, when I realized that ridiculousness is hereditary. Shit like that which I am about to spill on you, only ever happens to me and my mother. So begins the infamous tale of the Vagina McChicken...
It had been a blustery winter in upstate New York where I was cooped up in my all-boys boarding school on the frozen St. Lawrence river. I was minding my own business in a study hall when my Head of House, Leslie Bass, delivered a printed e-mail from my mother. Innocently I began to read:
Hola, Son!
How are things up there in the FAT (for readers: FAT is an acronym meaning Frozen Ass Tundra, a name my mother gave my school and the general region after having had visited in January where temperatures routinely reach -30F)? Things here are going well. Your sister is adjusting to high school rather nicely. I had a most interesting day at work.
My first patient of the day was a woman in her early 30's who was nearly 8 months into a pregnancy and in my office for her annual exam. As I began the crotch-peeking (Yes, my mom refers to her job as a gynecologist as crotch-peeking, and to herself as a crotch-peeker) I noticed that things were not as they should be. As I went in deeper with the speculum I came across what appeared to be a foreign object up against this woman's cervix. I removed the foreign object with some forceps and laid it on the exam table. Thinking to myself, 'This would appear to be a leg of seasoned chicken,' I also thought I could not possibly be correct in my thinking.
So I left the exam room for a moment and asked one of the other docs, Dr. Patel (not the real name, but made up for privacy) to come and give her opinion as to what I had discovered in this woman's vaginal canal. Dr. Patel and I examined the object very briefly and came to the conclusion that, indeed, this was a leg of seasoned chicken. A leg of seasoned chicken inside of this woman. INSIDE OF HER VAGINAL CANAL!!!
Well I had the MA (medical assistant) remove the chicken and take it to the incinerator because it stunk, shockingly enough. In doing so, she informed every person in the office of my find and we aptly named it, Vagina McChicken. The McDonald-inspired title came from that cow that works at the front desk. Yes, the one I had to special order a stronger chair for because her 300lbs self broke the other one.
Collectively we came up with 3 plausible reasons as to why this woman had chicken in her vaginal canal:
a) She was just into that.
b) She ran out of room in her refrigerator.
c) She was trying to feed her unborn child.
Either way this woman was nutso. Anyway, gotta jet! Hope you had a good day!
Love,
Mum
At about half-way through the second paragraph of my mother's email I stopped mid-step and went catatonic, only to be brought back to reality by one of my dorm fathers who was yelling my name from across the room. He rushed up to me and asked me if everything was okay because apparently I looked like I had just read that someone in my immediate family had dropped dead. I simply stared back at him with a blank expression and handed him the email. The effect was very similar on him.
Oh wait, not entirely. His reaction after coming back to reality was to tell the ENTIRE study hall (that had kids that were like 13 in it) to come to the Wisdom family meeting later that night to hear me read the email.
As aforementioned, this shit only ever happens to me. But next time one of you disgusting fucks (I am talking to one of you in particular who eats McDonalds on the reg) eats McDonalds, think of juicy seasoned Vagina McChicken. And then get wasted.
source: http://milkandsoda.blogspot.com/2009/08/its-hereditary-vagina-mcchicken.html
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