Serious Thinking about dying again

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Korytco

White Mage
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Mar 3, 2008
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Thinking about dieing again . The constant burden of new ideas, inventions and theories is just too much for me. I am overwhelmed. I can not stop creating and hypthoziing and discovering . I can not stop anymore. Every second or every other is set out to be significant and scraping the floor of new horizons , as my brain violently soars into the sky for a clearer view. I can not stop the thinking , and the inventing and the creative thought. I CANT STOP IT . Im going mad, I have new graphs I make models of ideas, and I keep trying and trying to expand and expand. Every statement is a new realization or discovery . Or adds to something already being discovered or realized.

I am not a puppet, I am not social, I am a lone wolf who howls but only in silence. I can not stop the metaphors , some do not even work , I can not stop the creative thinking and inventing. My mind is in continuous torture and looking for significant discovery. Every thought is meant to be deep and every second is deeper than it should be.

No one understands me anymore, or comprehends what I am trying to do but it can always be made sense of. I am so lost and it wont stop it keeps getting more and more significant .

DAMN THE IMBALANCE . There is more thought than there is something of thought that is not worth mentioning or revealing. Continuous thought thought thought !

Nothing is anymore something is always something else. Nothing every is anymore ! Always changing always becoming something greater! I cant take it anymore ! I CANT TAKE IT!

Im afraid that all my ideas will be abused or misused I am afraid to live because my concept of "life" "out there" Is continuously changing and draws in those of opposite thought ! Im afraid they will abuse what I have now and I will learn even too much more from that !

Once I am obsorbed into my studies I become addicted by something far more brilliant than all my studies.

Why discover when most people say the world will end soon anyways ?It can not be turned off and it is constant . I have nothing to prove these ideas just come at the click of a finger . I can not help it , its ZOOM IDEA ZOOM IDEA!!! ZOOM ZOOOM ZOOOOM!!!!

I know my intentions for the world are good but at the same time I dont trust the world. They will abuse me and my ideas. I live in constant fear of changing , developing .

I could do so much more though, the power . Well I do not know how much power I have. If you feel me to be insane perhaps the notion of having power that I do not have would be part of that. I speculate that I do have some sort of ...presence of power within if you will.

I cant take it anymore, all my teachers love me, respect me, my family does not though, so there is a nice balance. Everyone tells me I have a great voice, ideas in "life" but I cant take it ! I want to take it, I will take it longer but it is hard . So very hard . I know for a fact I could answer everything I said clearly and logically but that just makes it worse.
 
You sound like you're bipolar. I think it's arrogant to assume that no one understands you. That's usually something I hear fifteen year old emos yelling. It's also arrogant to assume that the world would use/need-- never mind abuse-- your brilliant ideas, whatever they may be.

To be quite honest, I don't understand the point of this post. It sounds more like a strange, made-at-four-in-the-morning livejournal entry. Maybe you should get a job to keep you occupied?
 
Erythritol said:
You sound like you're bipolar. I think it's arrogant to assume that no one understands you. That's usually something I hear fifteen year old emos yelling. It's also arrogant to assume that the world would use/need-- never mind abuse-- your brilliant ideas, whatever they may be.
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i lol'd:neomon:

perhaps you suffer from delusions of grandeur?
as im sure what you have thought of have been thought of before.

and considering one of your other ideas was 'do guns control us?' i am skeptical about the so called genius of your ideas.

If they are so great why dont you get them published?
 
No I do not think I am grand ,I just think I think more than most people about thinking about thinking about things.

Why is everyone always drunk or hung over here? I never claimed to be a genius I just have an over active mind in my opinion.
 
You think too much about others, I don't know why you care what kind of perspective the world has on you and its inhabitance. People can only abuse you if you let them under your skin.

If you have ideas, voice them. But you give people far too much credit. Spend less time worrying about what others think.

But to be honest mate, a lot of this is rambling, but I get your point. Spent a little too much time trying to come off more poetic kind of ruined what you were trying to pass along. Next time just write what you want to say, spend less time trying to force something :P.
 
The problem is that you think too much? Learn not to give a shit about life, and that soon goes. Kill yourself off with a bit of alcohol and you'll be fine. Not everything has to be rationalised.
 
If your worried about thinking too much, turn on the TV, watch Disney channel, and kill 50% of your brain cells.

If that doesn't work, beat your head against a brick wall.

OK, you sound like your making yourself bigger than other people because you think. Wow, I do that too, I must be able to move things with my mind...

OK, if your worried the world will abuse your "great" ideas, don't publish them
 
Guys, cut the crap. Though it's not a rule to be nice, it's not very ethical to let you guys run wild and be as rude as you're being to each other.

Cease this at once.
 
Hmmm. You think deeply and broadly, yes. I think in that way too, I must admit. And I have a rare insight into things as well. So I understand that.

From your debate posts, well they're unique, but appear to be misguided. You also seem a bit grandiose in your ways, true. A defence mechanism, perhaps.

You can't come to grips with the world as you see it, perhaps? Ask yourself what you want, think hard on it, if that's how you work.
 
Major Zero said:
Hmmm. You think deeply and broadly, yes. I think in that way too, I must admit. And I have a rare insight into things as well. So I understand that.

From your debate posts, well they're unique, but appear to be misguided. You also seem a bit grandiose in your ways, true. A defence mechanism, perhaps.

You can't come to grips with the world as you see it, perhaps? Ask yourself what you want, think hard on it, if that's how you work.
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Actually yes, when you put that way, I can tell that you are intelligent and that yes you do realize why I am this way. It is a defense mechanism , yes every insightful. I want more confidence too , so I am trying it , it is physical over mental . Yes, that is how I work, you are right again. Thank You you are wise and I admit that you saw things I did not. Thank you for not being one sided or closed minded. I know I over doing it a tad on myself here but atleast someone realizes that we can all be understood and should be reasoned with.

Thank You. You are wise. I know I am smart I am in college, I have enough input but perhaps I do get too high on myself, face it people alot of people like to talk about their selves. No one issue is separate from all issues in someone's life. Every thing plays together like a full musical . Some times we applaud our efforts in life and go along with the rhythm, sometimes we miss a note, and other times we just want to tune out all the music and catch some silence.

Lately life has been a rock concert for me

I am what you would consider misguided, yes. That is because I do not allow much friendship or guidance in my life.
 
We probably all came off as a little harsh, but it was an arrogant and obnoxious post, and it seems like it rubbed everyone the wrong way. I don't know...the other posts in this forum are about friends dying and significant others breaking people's hearts...in comparison, it seemed a little crybabyish. I don't know. I think tough advice is the best for whiny people.

Okay, so, my advice: look into bipolar disorder. I'm not saying this to be snarky. Delusions of grandeur, rapid/uncontrollable thoughts, and spiking highs and lows in mood are major symptoms. Another idea: get a job to occupy yourself. You seem to have a lot of free time, so do something with it that will distract you. Do something constructive with your thoughts like writing in a diary or something. If your ideas are really that beneficial, try to publish them, or bring them to the attention of people who can help do something with them.
 
Korytco said:
I am what you would consider misguided, yes. That is because I do not allow much friendship or guidance in my life.
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Well that's an easily fixable problem. Make some friends in your classes, and I'm sure your college assigns students advisers, maybe you could talk with yours sometime.

Also...I think you need a dose of reality. It's good you're in college, you need to see how the world really works and just WHY it is that your anarcho-primitivism views are not only silly, but will only give you a hard time in life.

Personally I'd rather be a happy sheep than a man struggling to get by on limited resources.

Erythritol said:
We probably all came off as a little harsh, but it was an arrogant and obnoxious post, and it seems like it rubbed everyone the wrong way. I don't know...the other posts in this forum are about friends dying and significant others breaking people's hearts...in comparison, it seemed a little crybabyish. I don't know. I think tough advice is the best for whiny people.
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That's what I was trying to tell him...only I did it in an assholish way and Derek baleeted my lulzworthy poast. Stupid bastard :mad:
 
Everyone needs some form of guidance, one way or another, if they want to keep on track.
That's what I mean by misguided posts in my view, Carnage.
But fine, if going back to nature/living by yourself really floats your boat, you can do that without forcing others to do so. I actually find it kinda unfair that people can't just live a minimalist/self-sustaining lifestyle as they wish, because of taxes, etc, whilst being against primitivism, however, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.
I'd save it for the ShinRa building, though.
 
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you also have to be realistic, there will always be someone smarter/ better than you, im not saying that to be mean, thats just how the world is.

also it easy to just think, i could do it all day, but you, i and everyone else in the world needs to do something productive, like everyone said, get a job, or a significant other, or a dog or whatever.
When you die, there are only two ways your theories can outlive you,
1) by publishing them
or
2) Your ideas being passed on to other people.

As for your gun theory, it looks as if it doesnt work, yet you havent adjusted your hypothesis, ideas really should be constantly evolving
 
Carnage said:
That's what I was trying to tell him...only I did it in an assholish way and Derek baleeted my lulzworthy poast. Stupid bastard :mad:
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that made me lol :wacky:

We all have our issues, it's how you deal with them that seperates us, I didn't deal well with mine at all at one point, i was a mess, but Im very fortunate that I have some really good friends around me and they helped pick up the peices -_-

Get yourself off to the doctors, they never listen and are generally a waste of space but they will probably give you some happy pills that might help somewhat....
 
If you have ideas that you don't think people will be receptive of, then spend some time proving them.

If you have lots of ideas that you don't know what to do with, write them down and worry about the later.

If you think about lots of things that other people don't think about, that's fine too. I think about math problems all the time, and that never bothered me at all. I would like to say that thinking, even thinking about thinking are one of the highest and greatest human experiences of all--some that even lead to great revelations, like those of mathematics.
 
Huh...I used to think about math problems all the time. Then I stopped doing math in my education and now I just think about fantasy ideas really...though sometimes about a game I'm making...Besides the point really.

Anyway, I tend to think too much about things sometimes. I'm not very social, like right now, everyone on my floor is hanging out whilst I'm sat in my room on the computer :P I'll probably go out and join them at some point though, not entirely void of socialism :P

My advice would be...don't go to the doctor for a start. Happy pill's aren't all they're cracked upto be, and sometimes you'll end up more depressed at the end of it than if you'd not gone on them at all. Secondly, find a project. Could be absolutely anything whatsoever, just make sure its something you find really enjoyable, and can do whenever you feel depressed, or are overthinking about random things.

Personally, I have about 6 of these projects, but it helps pass the time by. You may have to drop some as your life changes, such as getting a job and other similar things, but I'm sure you'll still have fun whilst doing them!

Heck, you're doing one by just posting on here!
 
Eh, I can relate to you in regards to the over active mind scenario. For me, it's extremely fustrating -- I try to think deeply into EVERYTHING, and especially when I can't figure something out, it's exhausting.

You sound like you have a case of insecurity -- you feel you need to think deeply into everything because you want to overcompensate for the insecurity you have in everything, including yourself. You're antisocial and afraid of sharing your ideas because you lack self-confidence. You were probably already aware of this.

I think that drinking/burying yourself in another activity as some others have suggested is just running away from your problem. I think you should try to battle this inferiority complex you appear to have.
 
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It's not bad to think and try to analyze every single aspect of life, from the smallest of organisms to the largest of beings. The thirst for knowledge is unquenchable for a certain few, ignored by a few others and limited to those who appreciate the ability to learn. Learning is a never ending process, it can't be avoided because regardless of the action, we always learn something new from the reactions of that action.

I know what you mean, being the teachers' favorite isn't so nice sometimes, specially when it gets you in trouble with your classmates. My answer: Ignore what others say, though sometimes my strategy fails, I am human, I am not perfect, just like you.

Not wanting to share your visions, your ideas is selfish and most of all, useless. There's no reasonable use in discovering and inventing if it's not going to be shared, even if you are afraid of seeing those ideas misused.

It can't be avoided. Due to the duality of life, everything that exists has an equal probability of being used for both good and bad reasons. Einstein's discoveries were used to great both good things and bad things, for example, his discoveries lead to the creation of the Atomic Bomb. Did that restrained Einstein from sharing his knowledge with the rest of the humankind? No, instead he loved discovering new things and explaining them to those who could barely understand his work.

Humans are born to die, it is finite, sadly, and it is up to us to determine what do we do with the limited amount of time we have. We can not live in fear, or else our fears will consume us. As human beings we are forced by circumstances and nature to live a constant struggle for survival, sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's not that hard, still difficulties can't be avoided, so we are meant to walk this road even if it will always lead to the cease of existence.

If you don't have what it takes to stand up and face the world, then unfortunately you'll probably end up as just another "stepping stone" for someone else's path.

Our limited knowledge does not allow to fully understand everything, and attempting to do so has some consequences that could drive into madness.

Now like an old friend used to say: "Life is not easy. Learn to live, don't complain, and deal with it."
 
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