Serious no

L

L

Iller than Radiation
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So there is this girl I've become acquainted with from my workplace that I talk to often and like, and I haven't really asked her out or anything yet, but she's pretty cool.

This is the first time in a long time that I have decided to try to enter a serious relationship.

I plan on asking her out soon, and I have thought about what kind of approach I would take on this event depending on circumstances I thought I might encounter.

After a while of thinking "oh hell yes, this will be awesome" I finally stop to think what if she says "no thanks" or "sorry i already have/am not looking for a boyfriend".

That fear and anxiety of being rejected combined with high hopes can be a difficult barrier to overcome, and I am wondering how other people deal with the aftermath of rejection.

Please note this topic is not about this hot mystery girl and how I will cry like a baby if she rejects me.

I am not looking for advice:monster:
 
So basically a thread about how we've all dealt with rejection?

Sometimes you just gotta take a leap of faith and go with it. Sure, rejection is always around the corner for a multitude of reasons, but you don't wanna stay forever single and a hermit. I spent most of my high school pining after this guy, who was obviously liking me too (or at least friends said it was obvious) but neither one of us said anything about it to each other... me, mostly for fear of rejection because I know the girls he used to "go out" with (and by "go out" I mean say that they're dating, but it lasts 2/3 weeks maybe and nobody even knew it happened) and they were a lot prettier, funner, smarter.. the whole shebang (go figure, shebang is a word).

I took a huge leap of faith and feared rejection like you wouldn't believe when I met my current bf. Being long distance at the time and planning a meet (owait, you know this story :monster: ) we both just stuck our necks out and went for it.. and we hit it off right off the bat. Even though I couldn't get on webcam the night before and he thought I was a trap. :wacky:
 
Not really, I am particularly interested in people's reactions to rejections. i.e, they brush it off, make the other person feel equally as rejected, go back to being a player, etc.

How they've turned around a rejection that would otherwise be very hurtful to them, so to speak.

I am just interested in what other people would do or have done.

also tell gary that derek said hi :wacky:
 
Well I could bursh off rejection better than others as I guess I am one of those confident talking types, you know? However I would also be more talkative to the person I'd be sticking neck out with if that makes sense. I guess it's nice to know your enemy so to speak haha. Before you take them on I mean.

The only downside in your situation (if this were me) is the work environment might be made a little strange afterwards if you let it. I hated everyone at my work and I refused to mingle with them to be honest. I went out sometimes, but everyone knew eachothers business and I didn't like that. A couple were together and everyone knew they had argued or broke up for the day before even they knew it at times. Assholes talking shit left right and centre.

I'd say go for it though if you think it's right. If she had a boyfriend or didn't want one she's flat out say it and just don't let it fuck up the work relationship and everything would be fine. Would be easier, the less you know about her etc. If it works, then, it pays off.

Though how I would deal with rejection? I can only really say I could shrug it off. You can't blame a guy for trying, and really you are in a whole different environment compared to a club or online too so I'd just keep that in mind. I think the good thign would be you can keep yourself busy if you were so crushed by that, assuming you don't work with eachother 24/7, you know?

As for being scared, I would just bite the bullet and do it because really she'll most probably work it out on her own if you have several openings and you are sitting there worried about it. What's the worst that can happen?

Good luck at any rate :pikamon:
 
Gary's not with me atm, he's at home. Dx ;.;

WELL THEN YOU SHOULD BE MOAR CLEAR WITH YOUR POASTS

...I'm not sure how I handle rejection. I haven't had to deal with it too much, I lucked out in that situation.. I imagine I'd be a trainwreck though. :monster:
 
Well I guess I was always a wuss growing up about asking folks for relationships. Matter of fact I only had one "true" date and that was in college. All the others we just hung out, and were like.. "so what are we?" and boom boyfriend/girlfriend.

Rejection for me was a bit harsh, because I had a very low self esteem sometimes. I wouldn't let it show, though I just didn't think I was an attractive dude, nor did I think I had good communication skills because of my anxiety problems. Trust me the last thing I want was a girl thinking I was socially retarded, because that's "their" area, no offense. Meaning if you can't talk to them, it's pretty pointless trying.

Only rejection I had was knowing the girl I did want to ask was already taken. She was a flirt yes, but meh something about her touch was a god damn allure to me. She was quite the looker as well, and trust me I tried to break out of my anxiety but.. it only came around when I truly tried to talk to her. As in Silent Shu. So yea.. Rejection, I just pretty much took it hard at the time. Since I knew it was primarily due to my what I called Disability. Shyness is a effin dissability and if you don't think so, it's because you've never been shy. I countered it with a lot of music though, but after she was taken, I pretty much said eff it all. Meaning I stopped wanting to be in relationships as much and rather just chill. Maybe it was a bit of denile, but who knows.. but that was... uhh almost 10 years ago.
 
i have low self esteem and im a really shy person. But i always delt with rejection with a joke right after. sometimes good and sometimes just makes the situation worse but my brain always just throws a joke out about it as soon as it happens.
 
I've dealt with rejection once or twice. Really, it varies depending on the situation. If someone I don't particularly know were to reject me, I'd be OK. If someone I knew well rejected me, I'd be kinda down. I'd prolly mope for a while :sad3: But in the end, you've got to pick yourself up and get on with life.
 
Well with rejection I tend to take the initial blow well, however its more the knock on effect for me than the initial blow.

Usually I tend to go into my shell and distance myself from friends and even family members after a rejection, a self defence mechanism if you will, luckly this phase doesnt tend to last long as my friends tend to have there ways of snapping me out of it.

I guess it does depend on how heavy the rejection is, if its just a straight up No, I can take it in my stride, if it's quite a repulsed reaction, then obviously knock on effects of bruised pride and self pity follow.
 
I've dealt with rejection two times. Same amount as I've been really in love, so that kinda sucked. I didn't know the first person at all, I added him on msn, don't even know how I got his msn o_O but yeah we talked and then later I heard from my friend who added him too that he blocked me, so I was more angry at him than disappointed, but I could accept it. Didn't bother in trying anymore, I liked him less after that.

The second one was weird to me though, it was a really good friend. And she rejected me because she didn't feel the same and because she was scared if we would have a relationship that our friendship would be ruined afterwards,
I still hoped afterwards that she would change her mind but now I'm glad it happened like this.
So yeah like Mitsuru Kirijo said, it depends on the situation. The blow is harder when you know the person very well.
 
I've dealt with rejection a few times and whether it's because of my raging female estrogen levels or what . . . for some reason I'd always end up buried in comforters and sheets sniffling at every stupid song that came on my iPod. Yeah, I used to be a pitiful lass when it came to dealing with those pansy ass mofos that would be like, "You're a c---t, I don't like you," looking back now, I realize how dumb they were and how much they missed out on. They could keep their stupid valley girl ditzy twats aaaaall to themselves.

Now, I laugh at rejection, brush it off, and keep moving. I mean the last time I was in a relationship, I ended up breaching the nice lil' bubble the young chap and I were in first. He wasn't happy but I had matured by this point and figured, "Let bygones be bygones, if I don't like you in that way then just find someone else that'll make you happy."

Will I cry and huff and puff and use up half of a year's supply of tissues, probably not. Will I sulk a bit? Yeah, I can't guarantee that it wouldn't sting but putting someone down, I learned is actually hard as hell--just like breaking it off with someone. And I mean this, as in, if you're in good standings with the person and you two really click and there isn't anything remotely wrong with them or the fundamentals of the relationship it's just . . . not working. It's hard to kill something off like that or turn someone down that you're close to because you don't want to see them hurt.

But here's the universal point: there are other fish in the sea. If the girl ends up already taken or just isn't interested then do what you gotta do: go out with some friends, knock back a few beers, play some pool, hit up the clubs, or sulk about it at home. Whatever. Just let it get out of your system, let it all out, and then when you're comfy dip your feet in the dating pool. There are always prettier or smarter or more down-to-earth or more ambitious girls than the previous one a guy will hang up on for months and months. Aaaaalways, sometimes you just don't look hard enough to see them.

But yeah, that's my two cents. Tl;dr I know, I know. :grin:
 
after reading some of the posts here i've figured out a small little piece of the social puzzle in my head - people are hesitant to get into relationships with their close friends 'cause of the risks, so they go for strangers instead (though everything has an exception. i shouldn't even have to point that out, but there ya go).

the most clear rejection i've ever had was a girl i liked in 7th grade telling me to 'get the hell away' from her. i don't remember it actually, though all of my friends do. the most painful was when a woman i was friends with stopped communicating with me altogether. that was pretty brutal.
 
I have never been rejected because I've never actually asked anyone out before. :monster:
I've had to reject though, I hate it, it's so awkward. x_x
As weird as it sounds, I've never been legit attracted to anyone I actually know. Maybe like once or something, idk. If I was rejected I probably wouldn't give up.
 
Ah yes. The main thing that keeps most from asking the question "would you like to go out some time?" The element that prevents us from brute forcing the situation. "What if she says no?" Damn, how much more relationship success I could have had in my high school and even college days if this question never popped into my mind.

As for rejection, I've certainly tasted it. I can't say I was fond of it either. Sadly enough, there is no real solution to counteract it. It's as simple as going for it and hoping you don't get shot down, or never going for it at all, which prevents the rejection from ever happening. I chose the latter route probably 90% of the time. :lew: Being a shy person, it was too hard for me to have the courage to be brave enough to chose the former option. But the fear of rejection, having felt it before, always sat in the back of my mind. I would try to read the signs, if possible (which I was never good at). And I think in your case Derek, if you 2 talk as much as you do, she probably digs you. :griin: And if it doesn't work, then you just have to swallow that bitter pill and move forward.

Rejection sucks. :hmph:
 
I can say that as far as rejection is concerned, I probably have been rejected more than most people. As far as I have heard/seen, it's not because of my looks or personality, but more because I am terrible at the start of relationships and conversation starters. I can never think of what to say to start a conversation, so I usually say something stupid and can never keep the conversation going as the response usually ends with a rejection to my attempt. I have been turned down by the fairer sex over 100 times (thanks to my "friend" who decided to keep track of how many girls turned me down in high school, which actually happens to be a record that nobody has beat), and I won't lie, that hurt my self-esteem drastically. I didn't have much to begin with, but that was harsh. I can say that I don't rightly know how I deal with it because I can't think of what I do. I sometimes make jokes, sometimes try to console the other person into not feeling bad for saying no, and sometimes just pretend to not be phased by the rejection. All I know is that with all the hardships, heart-break, and pain that I have dealt with my whole life, I have always held on to hope, determination, and will. I always have the notion that things will get better, they have to, or my life would be completely wasted. I have been told a few things that fit me perfectly, one being a parable. I never give up, I always keep trying, even when things seem completely lost. The parable, however, shows why I am very strange in my hope and determination. Every single person is always walking up a mountain, which represents life, and the peak is the end of life. Along the mountain, there are many rocks and pebbles. Pebbles represent good experiences and rocks represent bad ones. Most people collect pebbles and discard the rocks after examination, but I put all of them in my back-pack and trudge along. Basically, I never give up even though I carry all of my burdens with me. I don't know how I deal with rejection, but it definitely has something to do with the fact that I realize that life moves on and some things just don't work out.
 
blakstang98 said:
And I think in your case Derek, if you 2 talk as much as you do, she probably digs you. :griin: And if it doesn't work, then you just have to swallow that bitter pill and move forward.
Click to expand...

I don't eat rejection. I dry hump it and get a restraining order. :monster:

also, she said yes. :wacky:
 
Fuck it and go for it. Otherwise itll be a "what if." Ive had so many of them in my life and I regret at least not finding out what could have happened. I hope it does go your way. If not, then at least you had a go.
 
I was rejected once when I was young and in primary school, we ended up till the end of the school year a few days after that though. The days inbreeding I pretended it didn't happen which worked okish I guess. Never been rejected since on account of never taking the risk of telling someone I like them, I find if you ignore it for long enough feelings go away so that works out well.
 
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