Marriage

Yeah, my parents are divorced now so it kinda takes the fun of it away, and my mum's getting remarried which sucks, especially if you look at people that are lonely.
I hope to find someone that will want to marry me one day xD
I always wanted to be married before I was about thirty.
So, I think marriage is special if you do it for the right reasons.
 
Bet you cant wait Shu!!! Good luck :-)

To me a marriage is meant to be a sacred bond between 2 people who love each other and are willing to stand by each other no matter what. Its sad, but people are not getting married as much anymore and just want to get a house and have kids. Im not saying thats wrong, but doesnt anyone want a day to remember?? Yeah, its expensive, but its having that bond and tie to that individual you want to be with.

I myself will get married. I need a man first lol, but I want a beautiful wedding, so Lord help my dad and step dad XD I want people to know that when they see my wedding ring, they know I have a soulmate who cares, loves, protects and understands me. I thought I had found my soulmate, sadly tis not to be.
 
What do you think of marriage? Do you consider them necessary anymore? What do they mean to you, even if you aren't married? Think about when you were a kid, has your perception changed of them? Do you wish to be married one day?
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1) I think marriage is for those who are ready to make a long-lasting commitment to their partner. I don't really think anything bad or good of it. It is what it is.

2) I don't see them as 'necessary'. I see them as an option for people who want to join the institution for whatever reason.

3) Marriage doesn't really mean anything to me at the moment. I don't want to get married right now or any time soon, so it's not an option for me.

4) Marriage to me, from my childhood perspective, was a broken and pretty horrible thing. My parents divorced when I was 7 and it was nasty. It tore our family apart. My mom remarried and my dad remarried and their marriages now aren't very great, but they're both still together with their significant others. From what I experienced as a child and even in my teen and adulthood, there was a lot of fighting, name calling, bickering and general backstabbing.

5) At this point, I don't think about wanting to be married. I won't say 'no, I never want to get married' because I don't know that, but right now I really don't want to make that kind of a commitment. I can't even commit to having a boyfriend much less a husband. xD
 
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I think marriage is just more of a commitment than living together.
I don't think it has anything to do with the church either. I just think that the real difference is legal, spouses are entitled to their spouse's pension and they can't be forced to testify against each other.
I think it's great for people who believe in it, but I don't.
I think it's lost value because people have been forced into marriage and there's been a lot of 'snobbery' about being married.
 
Shu I agree with everything you said but this:

Marriage should be a lot stronger than it actually is, and to be honest there should be a set amount of years for living together before one should be able to legally be married.
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None of my siblings lived together before marriage and all are still happily married have been so for at least 8 years :) Nor did my parents, and they have been married for almost 40 years and are still each other's best friends. I know many other couples that did not live together before marriage and they are still happy in their marriages many years later. And I also learned in a psychology course about divorce rates being higher in couples that lived together before marriage than those who did not. The explanation was a long the lines about many couples that move in together do so with out real committment to each other. (Meaning, they can leave the relationship at anytime where in a marriage they can't without all the paperwork)

So really, a couple has to do what is right for them before a marriage. Some choose to not move in together before hand due to religious reasons or they are trying to save money so they live with their parents before the marriage.

Anyways, I think that some marriages do not work out is that there are people that only marry "for better". Once something with the spouse goes wrong, the toher wants out. I speak from experience because I know one man left his wife because she developed MS, and another left her husband because he lost his job due to the economy and she married another man who was quite well off.

Well I've been in a relationship for 7 1/2 years today. So if we can put up with each other that long, I'm sure we can put up with each other for another 60 years or however long we live :D
 
be careful of the girl you want to marry,you could expect a divorce in your future,dont use her,and she must not use you.smoking,drugs,tatoos(sometimes),and clothes show what a person is so be careful,just an advice.

but for the thread starter,good luck on the marriage.
 
M.Bison said:
be careful of the girl you want to marry,you could expect a divorce in your future,dont use her,and she must not use you.smoking,drugs,tatoos(sometimes),and clothes show what a person is so be careful,just an advice.

but for the thread starter,good luck on the marriage.
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Wha???? Thats not the best advice. In all honest I bet shes a complete stunner and has the best personality. Otherwise Shu wouldnt even be with her! Ive dated guys with tattoos, piercings and did drugs and some were coolio. It just didnt work out. K, just cause they have a tattoo doesnt make them a bad person, thats a terrible sterotype!!! My best friend is covered in tattoos and piercings and would give you the shirt off ehr freaking back!!! My parents are divorced ... was it because my dad smoked?? No. Was it because my mum likes to wear skirts??? No ... they got divorced cause they were young and wanted different things ...


This has seriously peeved me ...
 
M.Bison said:
be careful of the girl you want to marry,you could expect a divorce in your future,dont use her,and she must not use you.smoking,drugs,tatoos(sometimes),and clothes show what a person is so be careful,just an advice.

but for the thread starter,good luck on the marriage.
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As SS has said, those things really don't make a person all about who they are. They are a part of them, but it doesn't make anyone a bad person because they happen to be into those sort of things.

E.g: My partner Steve. I have been with him for three years and have lived with him for two years and he is the sweetest guy I have ever met. He treats me like a princess etc. He has been smoking for eight years, done nearly every kind of drug you can think of, but is only smoking weed now, and he's got a fair few tattoos. I too have a tattoo.

It may be that some people who are like this are also a rough person, however, these sort of things rarely contribute to a divorce unless one of them suddenly decides that that's what they're into and turn out to be different person from what they were at the start. =/

If people get together when they know that the other person is already into these sort of things, then it's unlikely that they will break up because of it, unless the first person didn't know what they wanted to begin with. But that's their problem, not the person who smokes and has a lot of tattoos. <_<

It'd be like me marrying Steve and then all of a sudden I'm like, 'Hey you have a lot of tattoos and you smoke a lot and you do drugs. Now I really see who you are because of all those things.' 0_o

Sounds a bit ridiculous doesn't it? I already know him and I have no problem with any of those things really. Otherwise I wouldn't have wasted three years with him already if that was how I felt. <_< And it would not be his fault if I felt that way, it would be mine. I would be stupid to ever even consider breaking up with him over those things, considering I already knew he was like that when we first got together.
 
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M.Bison said:
be careful of the girl you want to marry,you could expect a divorce in your future,dont use her,and she must not use you.smoking,drugs,tatoos(sometimes),and clothes show what a person is so be careful,just an advice.

but for the thread starter,good luck on the marriage.
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Umm.... yeah. This isn't a true sterotype. It may be in some cases but you make it sound like everyone that does stuff like this is that way.


As for the marriage part? I think that marriage is a traditional thing and I also think that it's something that is completely necessary for the reasons that have already been listed in this thread.

Honestly the idea of me getting married completely terrifies me, and mainly because of my parents. I really wish they would get divorced. Dad has turned into this big selfish brat. I don't know how my mom can still put up with it. Dad spends money that we don't have and every time mom tries to talk to him about it he starts yelling at her. Then I get caught in the middle of their fights.... yeah that's a lot of fun. He has changed, he was never like this when I was younger. Mom has changed too but not in the same way he has.


I do believe that divorces are abomination, that if the people truly were to get tested or live together for a set amount of years..
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I agree with you, but sometimes staying in a marriage causes more harm than good to those around you. My parents have been together 22 years now, and I can only see things progressively getting worse.


So marriage is important to me, but it's also something that a lot of people don't realize it as - A huge commitment. That's not something that would bother me either, because I do plan on getting married someday, possibly. It's just the fact that I see how much my dad has changed and how he acts towards my mother now compared to how he used to act.... and I don't want that. I know that not everyone is the same, but it's because it has happened, and I've seen how people can change in a family, it makes me all the more cautious.

So I guess you could say I'm kind of torn between the two.
 
It might be very hard to tell but I don't believe Immenseman/m.bison was referring to me in general, I think he was referring to the ladies in general. Although I can totally disagree about this when it comes to marriage. It almost sounds like words from a bitter old man.

But if we are referring to tattoo's I will defend the ladies out there with tattoos with this. L has 19 tattoos, she has never done a drug, she drinks of course but only started drinking because of me (trust me.. i know this because she was a very light weight at first), she smokes, but only started smoking because of me. It doesn't define a person though. If you have lived with a person for near 4 years, you can expect to see most of their flaws.

I agree with you, but sometimes staying in a marriage causes more harm than good to those around you. My parents have been together 22 years now, and I can only see things progressively getting worse.
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Though you have to question then, what was the point of them getting married and with sufficient marriage counseling or ways of taking a vacation with one another do you think they would have been better off? I mean everyone gets sick of each other, that's a given. Some people wish they could rewind their relationship and take out some of the things they did to one another.

And I also learned in a psychology course about divorce rates being higher in couples that lived together before marriage than those who did not. The explanation was a long the lines about many couples that move in together do so with out real committment to each other. (Meaning, they can leave the relationship at anytime where in a marriage they can't without all the paperwork)
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Yea, see I read the same thing. Though when I look at it now, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense now does it? Commitment is there or not despite whether they move in with one another. It's like if someone were to take a long distance leave from the other (say military or study abroad or government related) the people have the right to lose commitment between the other or grow stronger in love with one another. The real test is if the people can get a long with each other while seeing each other every single day. So I strongly disagree with psychiatry here.

Think about it, if you were to become disgusted in any way with your partner/future spouse.. and then you had to see them every day afterward.. it would be like a bitter reminder. Or say they have a trait in which gets on your nerves, well then living with it every day is understanding rather than not. People don't know what they are getting themselves into until they are actually living together is all I'm saying.

It makes a world of difference. This is when people reveal who they truly are. You can't fake yourself every damn day of your life. Sooner or later the leopard will show its spots.

Hince why I think newer couples should live together first.. then marry. That way they know their love is true. I mean some get lucky.. and are very compatible, while most are not.. unfortunately.
 
Well sure, divorce rate is in the 50% range, but that doesn't mean that all marriages are doomed for something worse. I think a big reason divorce is so high is because people aren't getting married for the right reasons. The ONLY reason a couple should get married is out of love. I can't put 100% of the blame on people though, I think they get married thinking they're in love, but they never really knew what love was to begin with. People like to put a value or quantity on love, when it's something a person feels, not something that's measured.

Edit: Removed some text.
 
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Pfft as the original Thread starter, this thread wasn't actually supposed to be about my marriage yo! Ya'll just turned it into one, while I appreciate all the good wishes, this thread should actually be about marriage in general. In no shape or form should this be about someone on FFF getting married. I just wish to hear ya'lls views =).
 
I know some couples that have been married for five for more years will complain that their significant other has "changed" and that is their reason for wanting to get a divorce. Well of course they are going to change! No one remains static for their entire life!

After 7 1/2 years, my partner and I have gone through a lot of changes. We've both matured, we react to things differently (I'm a lot more patient for one), we can take critism from each other and not get piss off, and our interest have changed. It's gotten to the point that I pretty much know how he is going to respond to any opinion questions that I ask XD. And I know what to say if I want to piss him off.

I'd have to say that year 2-3 was the hardest. The person is no longer that amazing perfect person (though we were only 15 when we started dating, so it may have been a shorter period of time if we were older). I started to see some of the more unpleasant behaviors and we had to adjust more to each other. We also no longer treaded lightly around each other and would tell each other if we were pissing the other off XD. (I'm glad I we didn't get married at 18 and 19 because we both were still maturing and trying to figure out what we wanted in life)

I guess bottom line is, marriage is not easy or not some perfect fairy tale ending like it is often portrayed in Disney. You will fight with your SO and they will annoy you at times. But they will also make you very happy and give you a life of fullfillment if you marry the right person.
 
Shu said:
Let me ask you folks... what do you think of marriage? Do you consider them necessary anymore? What do they mean to you, even if you aren't married? Think about when you were a kid, has your perception changed of them? Do you wish to be married one day?

Some folks tend to see it as unnecessary and that it's purely traditional. Some say marriage is a good thing for lowering insurance as well as getting better rates off tax returns (providiing kids). Some see it as a way to finalize the bond between two people. Others feel it only helps if you plan to have a kid because it gives the kid a family perspective...
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I suppose the importance and indeed concept of marriage is largely based on culture and how it's perceived in the community in which you reside.

Marriage is, for me at least, a sacred and religious bond between two people which transcends economic and social dynamics and is deep rooted in a religious moral code. The cultures we all live in have been shaped by religion and more recently science, whether we've worshipped the sun or landed on the moon, why do we feel compelled to marry one another? It's natural to judge the concept of marriage based on those around you, be it the marriages on the TV to those closer to home.

My mother was never married. But I've always felt that was an illegitamacy about my conception.

Without wading into the murky waters of morality, I believe the obligation is based on the moral code you apply to yourself and that without one marriage can only really end in a lack of emotional fulfillment and regret. Put simply, how can you expect a marriage to work if that person's moral code is subject to inconsistencies based on personal benefit and situations? Can you trust that person?

Maybe I'm being a bit too methodical in my thinking, who knows.

Anyway congratulations on the impending marriage, I hope you have a great life together.
 
Rydia said:
I know some couples that have been married for five for more years will complain that their significant other has "changed" and that is their reason for wanting to get a divorce. Well of course they are going to change! No one remains static for their entire life!

After 7 1/2 years, my partner and I have gone through a lot of changes. We've both matured, we react to things differently (I'm a lot more patient for one), we can take critism from each other and not get piss off, and our interest have changed. It's gotten to the point that I pretty much know how he is going to respond to any opinion questions that I ask XD. And I know what to say if I want to piss him off.

I'd have to say that year 2-3 was the hardest. The person is no longer that amazing perfect person (though we were only 15 when we started dating, so it may have been a shorter period of time if we were older). I started to see some of the more unpleasant behaviors and we had to adjust more to each other. We also no longer treaded lightly around each other and would tell each other if we were pissing the other off XD. (I'm glad I we didn't get married at 18 and 19 because we both were still maturing and trying to figure out what we wanted in life)

I guess bottom line is, marriage is not easy or not some perfect fairy tale ending like it is often portrayed in Disney. You will fight with your SO and they will annoy you at times. But they will also make you very happy and give you a life of fullfillment if you marry the right person.
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Agrees with Rydia,I am in almost the same situation(we are together about 5 years now) and I tell you guys that I don't wanna get married,at least not Now.Even tho,my bf keeps bugs me to marry him(I am 19>in summer 20) and I refused him,well mostly saying that we are to young and such thing,but he says that I don't love him and stuff like this.

I also think that marriage isn't so necessary as it used to be,it's just a piece of paper and maybe the religion ceremony..
I wanna stay like this,for a little while.Maybe he isn't the right guy for me..and I don't wanna regret this later.
 
Let me ask you folks... what do you think of marriage? Do you consider them necessary anymore? What do they mean to you, even if you aren't married? Think about when you were a kid, has your perception changed of them? Do you wish to be married one day?
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I think marriage is a good thing that a lot of people have made a horrible mockery of, but others have shown it be a rewarding decision.

I don't consider marriage a necessary thing. I don't need to be married and never did when I was younger. I have my days when I pin to be a "wife" and to have my day and all, but I generally don't feel that I'd be incomplete if I wasn't married. My preception hasn't really changed when I was child, unless it was to make a bit more interested in marriage.

On a side note I've tired of seeing people marrying very young or very quickly. To me this diminishes the sanctity of marriage as it was to be between two people who genuinely love each other, not young kids wanting to make a statement or old folks desperate to nest.

If I'm meant to be married I will; if not, I won't. It's as simple as that.
 
My views on marriage, is that I don't want to get married.
I want to travel the world, on my own, and I don't want a significant other to worry about me, or slow me down. I also want to go into a very dangerous line of work. I just don't want someone around who's gonna worry about my every move.
 
I personaly dont believe in marrage I think its not necissary.
But i suppose for those whom are religious or have a soul desire for such an act its fine ...
Just for myself I find it redundant and it serves no real purpose beyond wasting money on an event
 
Ether said:
I personaly dont believe in marrage I think its not necissary.
But i suppose for those whom are religious or have a soul desire for such an act its fine ...
Just for myself I find it redundant and it serves no real purpose beyond wasting money on an event
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Well, there is family insurance and tax breaks as a result of marriage. I think the idea of marriage becomes less and less significant in time, compared to say 20 years ago. And I do agree that a wedding is very highly priced, which in a lot of regards is unecessary. Even though marriage is expensive, I don't have an issue with it though, or the wedding.
 
My views on marriage are that if you love someone and you want to make the commitment and bond then get married. If you cannot make the commitment, don't. It saves the divorce if you admit you cannot commit. Whether it is a heterosexual marriage or homosexual marriage, you should get married you dedicate yourself.
 
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