I thought I was in love...

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Kim Taehyung

Kim Taehyung

You shine brighter than anyone ✨
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and I'm sure I still am, but I'm just severely questioning it now. And it's all because of my co-worker. I don't know what it is about him, but he's gone and made me re-think my nearly 2 year relationship with my boyfriend. I was sure that I was so in love with him, and I'm decently sure that I still am, but I just don't know what to do. It's like I actually have a crush that's actually making me want to actually risk my relationship. This has been bugging me for nearly two weeks now, and I feel that my relationship is starting to be affected because of it. I didn't get to see Andy (my boyfriend) on Sunday night because I had to work, so he was looking forward to seeing me last night, but my head was so clouded with thoughts of Matt (my co-worker), that it just soured my mood and ruined the night. I just don't know what to do. I feel so helpless. :gonk:
 
I think you'll regret stuffing up your two year relationship if you keep thinking about this guy.

It's only natural to get all giddy because you have a crush and you think that he may in turn have one on you.

That feeling is nice at the start but it's no reason to throw away your relationship for it.

The only reason one would start to feel this way in the first place is because they aren't satisfied in their current relationship. =/

That's just my opinion.

I figure that if you love someone then that's it. No ifs or buts about it.
 
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I don't even know what it is about Matt, but he's got me questioning my entire relationship. And I don't even know if 1. he even sees me like that, and 2. if he's even single, since the conversation never came up. I worked so hard to even get Andy to even like me two years ago (our 2nd anniversary is next Thursday, ironically), and now I feel like I'm just taking him for granted. I feel like he doesn't even deserve me.
 
I'll try to make it short since you have a legit problem here. I know women chemically work a bit different, and for me it is very hard to comprehend my own fiance from time to time... but you need to back up for a second.

A crush.. how does it make you feel? Crushes to me are generally blind obsessions generally over looks for the other person, I mean you could have worked with this person for quite some time, but to be close with them could be totally different in itself.

Unless you are saying your relationship has been going downhill as of recent or just need a break.. that is totally different. Maybe this co-worker was just a friend who you liked to have around on a daily basis, and now that his face isn't around you are starting to miss him.

This is natural, but it would be different if you felt physically attracted to this other person. Try to get some perspective of it all, and make sure you don't go blow this 2 year relationship.

If you want my honest opinion.. it isn't worth it unless your relationship is totally fubar. You could put yourself in a world of hurt later on.

Take care.
 
to be honest, I've known of Matt for years, since he was a Senior in high school when I was a Freshman, but we never talked. I really just got to know him when I started working with him. And now, I think he's awesome. I, at the very least, want to be friends with him. Physically, there isn't that much to go Ga-Ga over. He's got braces, which makes him kind of cute when he smiles. XD But it feels like my emotions are automatically attaching to him, whether I like it or not.

Andy, however, I love physically, mentally, and emotionally. But logically, my brain can't settle the score between the two. :gasp:
 
I aint going to say "you're too young" b.s. but just that you should be happy. The thing most people go for is the instant gratification in others. They see the icing on top and say.. well dang now I want a slice, but then they take that slice and notice that is has a funny taste coming from the middle.

I have been in probably most situations from the opposite sex, and honestly I didn't mind, it is part of who I am today. From being the band aid of a fall out relationship to being a empathizer on the side line of another relationship.

2 years in retrospect is not really that long. Don't look for people to tell you what to do though, because it is honestly predetermined what you want. You apparently still want Matt in your life, but does this mean things will go further and making it harder on your relationship .. I see it as most definitely.

I've done that treck before. I chose one person over another, because I was selfish, but I had no idea what affect it would have on the other person because I was living my life a bit blindly at the time.

I'm not saying you would be selfish to choose matt at this point, but I would suggest you get to know him a bit more before jeopardizing you relationship. To be honest.. a girl's gotta look after her own well being. Do what makes you happy, unless it means sleeping around =) - and this doesn't seem to be the case.
 
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XD No, it does not concern sleeping around.

I feel like I'm certain that I want Matt as a friend, but there's these emotions that are making it into something more than it is, or at least, how I want it to be. I still love Andy and am in love with Andy. I actually wear his class ring around my neck constantly. Except at work, where I'm not allowed. Then it's like my mind knows that its not there and forgets wheat it means. It's just insane what I'm feeling about this. My friend said to just go slow, and probably just be friends with Matt, if I want. I jsut don't know what to do and I'm seeking advice, to be honest.
 
You're friend is wise... slow and steady. I know this is kind of in the dark, but does Andy know who Matt is? Also does Matt know who Andy is?

The reason I ask is does Matt throw you obvious signs that he might just be more than friends.

At this point you can either do two things... You can completely cut off communication with Matt. If this is the case you might be left feeling a little emptier. Or you can try to bolster your relationship with Matt while probably taking your attention off Andy and making him become self aware.

So if they know eachother.. well maybe you'll get to see a fight, otherwise you can walk away from your crush for now and pick it up later if the feelings go sour for Andy.

I suggest the latter.
 
I've been seeing the same person for 5 years now... married for 2 of those years. I know what you're feeling... Bored. You've been in the same relationship, doing the same things, hearing the same voice, feeling the same kiss. The excitement is gone. This is normal. But what is great is that it does come back.

I had this problem right before I got married. I had a little crush on some random guy that I just thought would be so interesting. We were great friends and he liked me a lot. He was always telling me to break it off with my, then, fiance. I'm glad I didn't. It would have been the biggest mistake of my life.

I'm not saying this is the same for you but I really do think that the feelings you are having is due to your relationship just being a bit boring. Try and spice it up a bit. Go do something different with your boyfriend. You have to try and break that hum-drum feeling if you want to get those feelings for the other guy to go away. I really doubt you actually like this Matt guy. You just think you do because he'd be new and interesting.
 
If you don't even have something brewing with this guy and he's making you question the foundations of your relationship, it makes me wonder how sturdy that foundation is.

Just do what feels right to you. Be honest about your feelings, both with yourself and the other people in your life, and do what you think will make you the happiest. However, when I say that, I mean based on what's going on now.

The point of a relationship is to be happy. If you are happy, the relationship is a success. If not, it's a failure. On the daily are you happy? If so, then pursue that happiness. If not, then dating someone else is probably best.

Just don't get stuck in a relationship because it's familiar and easier to deal with than breaking up and being single/forging something new with someone else. If that's not the case though, enjoy what you have.
 
Well, I've always been a hopeless romantic at heart, so my point of view may be distorted a bit to favor that.

Kandy shined on my thoughts, if you're even questioning this to yourself, then maybe you should take a good look at your current situation. When I've had girlfriends in the past, I never looked at another woman and thought about what I could have with her. I'm not sure if it was a mindset I had or if I was just in love at that point in time, but I would look at these women differently when I was uninvolved, but never when I was involved. I unfortunately have experience in being with married women, and I know for a fact that when they do start to question their marriage (I know you're not married, just a point I'm getting at), they do start to look around and pay extra attention to other guys. Hence the reason I say you should assess your current relationship, and not make the mistake of cheating on him.

As for Matt, I think you should at least figure out if he's involved or not. If he is involved, then it's highly doubtful that he'll leave his current relationship to be with you, then your crush will pass. If you do still love and care for Andy, then you can simply forget about the crush and continue your relationship with Andy. If Matt is available, then I think it would be a good idea to get some information out of him. Considering you're finding yourself questioning if he is even involved or not, I'll take that to mean you really don't know him that well. I'm not big on letting a special feeling for someone just pass like water under the bridge, you are having this feeling of missing him for a reason. I don't think you look at him as just a friend because you would have to have been friends with him for a long time to get the feeling of missing him, this sounds more like a love interest to me.

I could make an arguement both ways as to whether you should follow your heart and go with your instincts or to play it conservative and not break your current relationship. Again, being the hopeless romantic I am, I followed my heart a couple of times, and they were with women I should not have gotten involved with, but I did have this feeling for them, so I followed my heart. In the long run, they didn't pan out, and I'm sure you can read the fine print as to why. Playing the conservative role may be the better solution as you've already found comfort Andy and you wouldn't be breaking any hearts. But again, this is all depending on how you really feel about him. Do keep in mind though, if the worst should happen if you made all the wrong choices, you're still young, and you'll move on in life, you'll get over it, and you'll find someone else.

Yeah, I suppose I never really gave you any advice, but rather gave you some examples of how the scenerio's will pan out. For advice, I'll say that you should find out more about Matt. More information hurts nobody and you can better assess the overall thought process instead of going into a situation blind of cold hard facts. I'm not going to preach staying straped to your relationship with Andy like most everyone else has said. If you just don't feel it for him anymore, why put yourself through that if you won't be happy? I say find the facts first, then the decision will become more clear to you.

Best of luck to you! Hope things work out for the best! :ryan:
 
If I were you, I wouldn't listen to what anyone else has to say about what you should do in regards to either Matt or Andy. Ultimately it's you who is going to make the decision and deal with the consequences. Have some time alone and just think about it, do you have real feelings for Matt etc etc. Also you don't have to reach a decision anytime soon. Once you know, rather thank think you know how you feel, then you'll make the right decision, it may go horribly wrong, but it still would have been the right decision.
 
I know that I don't have to listen or go by what anyone says on here, Hal. Mainly the reason why I even did this is so maybe someone can come up with something that I didn't think about or didn't see, one side or the other. I't just good to hear an outsider's perspective of the situation.

Shu, to answer your question, yes, Matt knows who Andy is, and vice versa. They were actually good friends in high school before Matt graduated. That's where it gets really awkward, mainly because they know each other and know of each other.

Synlea said:
I really doubt you actually like this Matt guy. You just think you do because he'd be new and interesting.
Click to expand...

I think you're right. Part of this "crush" stemmed from two dreams where I'm involved with Matt instead of Andy, and I feel those butterflies you get in a new relationship. However, I just had one last night where I was Matt, and Andy was there, like a ghost, and I got the butterflies seeing him instead of being with Matt.

But getting back to the point, maybe that's all it is. Maybe it's all just because I'm looking for something interesting in my relationship. I'mnot sure, though. This whole thing is confusing. :gonk:
 
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I'm so sorry for the double-post, but I'm having issues like this again, and I felt that it wasn't necessary to make a new thread dedicated to the same topic.

I'm having these thoughts and feelings again. this time it's not about Matt, though. Things are cool between us. We're basically like good friends now. But it's towards another friend. I have no idea what this is all about anymore. Why am I having these thoughts and feelings towards other guys? This is seriously tearing me apart right now. I'm seriously crying while typing this, I'm so upset about it. I just don't know what to do anymore.
 
At least you aren't single and feeling this, its what drives people to be crazy. I mean I guess you are in a worse state..

Let me get to the point and quick.. your relationship with your partner right now.. seems gone, your foundation is none existent. I don't mean to be too blunt, but this is a second time in a very short stint.

I think it might be time to be single for a bit. Why does one have to settle down? You don't. If by chance you do, they should be your best of friends and know how to make you smile and love you despite all your flaws. Don't settle for better, trust me.

You are young.. married life is always available later on.. Don't settle, I hate people that do on account of last resorts and they don't even know their loved one. I went through 6 relationships before I found the right one.. I cheated only once, and prior to doing so I was cheated on by them.. so the relationship came to a quick end. This is no justification, but I know in my head I did the right thing.

So please.. don't sit there and have these little convictions. Go out and enjoy yourself. Be honest about it all, you may choose to get back together again in the future. You may see it a mistake in the future, but there is always ways to get what you want if you try hard enough.
 
I concur with Shu here, I think the fire has died out on your current relationship. I know that in the heat of the relationships I've had in the past, the thoughts of being with someone else never crossed my mind. And for it to happen twice in a short period of time is a big red flag in my opinion.

You are young, so it's not like there is no hope if you decide to bail on your current relationship. I won't lie to you, this experience may end up being a very painful one, but there is no sense in trying to make a dying relationship work if your heart is going in other directions. It would be better to step out of your relationship now while you have a grip on how you feel, then to let it go on and creating more confusion, which would lead to irrational thoughts.

I apologize for being brash about this, but this is the feeling I get when I read your posts.
 
Well, for now, to save my boyfriend and I any grief, me and my friend have mutually decided to stop speaking to each other until I feel that I can speak to them again without these thoughts. This gives me some time to weigh my options and decide what's best for me.

I don't want to break up with him, so I'm trying my best to avoid it if at all possible.
 
It hurts, but I think the answer is best found within yourself. After all, it is yourself that knows who you are in love with. Besides, it sounds blunt but, you are not married yet. There isn't any obligations or whatsoever that binds you solely to your boyfriend.

My take is to come clean with your boyfriend, and explain it all. It'll be difficult, no doubt, but he has the right to know it. If he is the love in your heart, he will understand the conflict, and know that he has to make a more impressive stand to reign within your heart. No point lying to the love of your life, whom, if truly your love, would be someone you share all secrets with.

My definition of a love of your life is someone who understands you totally. Someone whom can share all your secrets, and share his/hers with you. Someone whom can follow you through thick and thin. It won't be a bed of roses, but that's life for you.

If he's someone who's going to be there, this is just one of the hurdle to leap over. Thus explaining the reason for my idea.

On the other hand, I would think it's best for you to think over your relationship. Is your thoughts about the co-worker just a passing thought? And all that. In short, re-think your relationship with that co-worker. It might just be recently, you had more interactions with him... And that it's feelings as a great friend...

... At least, that's a amateur's views to this problem. Pretty much 'textbook' answers, if you ask me, someone who have zero experience with love, and all that what not. If any, I think my suggestions are the least credible, but worth considering.

I repeat. THESE ARE THE VIEWS OF AN AMATEUR >> ME.

It's nice to consider, but the choice ultimately falls to you. I wish you all the best.
 
I'm sorry, but I just can't do that. I can't tell him this. When I told him everything about Matt, it did cause him some grief, and it hurt our relationship quite a bit. And that was just with a co-worker who I just got to know. This friend is someone pretty close to me, and yes, Andy does know him as well, so I can't imagine the pain I'd cause him if I revealed this.
 
Something is missing between you and Andy that you're looking to find in someone else (or a possible reationship with someone else). My suggestion is to try to figure out what it is that you feel you aren't getting in your current relationship. I'm not convinced that it isn't slavageable, but it may not be, and you have to be willing to accept that. Otherwise you're just spinning your wheels and this will happen time and time again. Or he'll get fed up and end the relationship.
 
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