Serious Call it stage fright. Or .. life fright.

[Dolores Haze]

Call it a conscience, even. Call it the start of some massive anxiety disorder (although I doubt that's what it is).
I wonder if you can have stage fright, can you then have life fright too? Scared of performing your life? Not that life's a big fake play or whatever those Iconator things say..

Iunno.
I should get to the point.

I'm scared.
You're me, okay? That might help you from getting confused.
I'll fix up this post as many times as I need to. I wrote it when I was upset.

There's only so many times you (I) can beg a friend to squeeze ice because that hurts more but doesn't injure them. And then they'll hold it too long and their hand'll go numb and they'll go back to.. ugh. Well, they don't tell you (me) exactly how they do it but you (I) know what they're doing and you've read articles on it enough to know what they are: they're masochists, but that's such a brutal word.
And then suddenly there's two of them, and one's throwing their guts up and - oh! Another, but she's not hurting herself, just sticking two fingers down her throat and giving you (me) all the lovely details which you (I) don't even think are true because she's such an awful, awful attention-seeker.

And you don't know whether to believe one of them or not because they're such an attention seeking skank that you don't know why you're friends with them. Because you're FINE. Stuff's happened to you but you're FINE. You don't hurt yourself - you cry easily but you never want to hurt yourself to 'feel something' because you feel enough.

You wish those problems could go away. And then even if they did, you'd still have school. School with your nice secure friend group who you LOVE - except for the bitch - (but then you look away from her into the eyes of those two and you know they're not happy, the way they tuck their beaten wrists deep into their armpits as they cross their arms tells you so). School with those assessments you put off so often: the ones that remind you of back in fifth grade where you missed out on that private school application and your father tells you to apply yourself more.

But you're trying to 'apply yourself' and trying to be good enough even though he's not with you anymore. So maybe if you got into the private school (like all your primary school friends did) you wouldn't have all these problems from your friends dumped on you.

So when you fail and your teachers give you that Look that says "you could have done better" (and a lot of the time their lips do that too) and you don't need their eyes to look at you because you know. You know you're a smart kid but you're too stressed to study anymore.

Then on the last week right before the end of third term (one term left, then a few years more) you have this assessment. You have to perform! In front of your class (you signed up for Music class, not Brave Face 101), with two of your friends behind you (you finally managed to break your massive friend group into a fairly even number for this assignment). With instruments. And you're singing, with that voice of yours which you're too scared to force out of your damn throat.

And you freak out. You ask all the supportive people what to do: they tell you you'll be fine, everyone else has to do it too. They're yet to say that you'll be fine because you're good. So they expect you to get up there with this fear that you'll shatter your classmate's eardrums. You didn't even choose to be the vocalist - your fellow group members are too chicken to sing, and figure you're confident enough (when was THIS?) to do it instead.

You write a song, you do what you can. You think the song's pretty good, but that one little bitch who thinks she can attack your stance on gay rights (yes, you won't sing the anthem of a country that won't legalize their unity, and yes, you're STRAIGHT) and make you worry over her decides to insult it.
You would love to see her perform it. You'd love to see her twist around on the couch anxiously trying not to cry (it's not that big a thing; not big enough to cry about right?) before posting a tl;dr, tense-confusing rant on a forum full of people she prays support her.

And you know you're a freaking happy person, damnit! It's when you wallow in these things that you spaz over them and your lame whiney 'poetic' side comes out. You're clever (you think), you're funny (you hope) and you've grown up way too fast (okay, this one you're sure of).

My fingers hurt. .__.

Is this the part where my post gets ignored for its tl;dr factor? I hope not D:
And no, I haven't performed it yet. I will next week. I hope.
Teehee, it's not a metaphor. xD It's all real and happening.

 

[Sabriel]

Is this the person who was bugging you in FB in your last TotA thread?

If it is (or not), I really think you should ignore her and just carry on TBH, it's also good to talk to someone (or not) about this.

I know how it feels having stage fright (?) and it's ver uncomfortacle but try to imagine something that makes you feel more easy.

*pats*

 

[blakstang98]

Ok, first off, I'll say that I'm confused by your story. I'm not totally sure if you're upset about performing in a music class, and then making that as a basis to compare it with life? So if what I say makes no sense, then simply disregard it all.

As far as a music class is concerned, it may just be music, but performance is a part of music. For the most part, when performing music in school, it's done with the entire group of musicians, so it's much easier to perform as the focus is not entirely on you. If you are a soloist, then you will be the center of attention, but you will have been well trained for this before hand.

Now, lets talk about the stage of life. I myself have done my life performances quietly with little or no audience. Performing on the life stage is much different in just that sense, there never has to be an audience. One can always go through all the levels of school until they get their diploma/degree, and will be recognized for achieving such. Once in the work stages of life, one can do their job quietly without being recognized for their great work habits, they can quietly get raises and small promotions. Even being promoted within your job can be done without public notice, but that really depends on what the job is.

So all-in-all, performance is a must, but it doesn't have to necessarily be recognized. On a smaller level, it generally requires an audience, but in the big picture it doesn't have to. As I stated, I may be way off in what you're shooting for here, but I took a stab at what I think is the case, hope it helps.

 

[Dolores Haze]

Cute stab; Stang x3

I'm not trained. Never sung in front of people before; and I'm in FRONT of my group. Meaning I'm the focus although they are two others in my group.
I'm not relating it to life in general - or life at all o_o Relating at all xD It's just one of my problems.
No, Sab. This particular asfafdafadfd person is different x]

I knew my post'd be confusing. Mmrph. I tried to fix it up a little.

 

[SaShman]

There's only so many times you can beg a friend to squeeze ice because that hurts more but doesn't injure them. And then they'll hold it too long and their hand'll go numb and they'll go back to.. ugh. Well, they don't tell you exactly how they do it but you know what they're doing.

To be blunt, I didn't quite understand what you were getting at here (no offence).

And then suddenly there's two of them, and one's throwing their guts up and - oh! Another, but she's not hurting herself, just sticking two fingers down her throat and giving you all the lovely details which you don't even think are true because she's such an awful, awful attention-seeker.

And you don't know whether to believe one of them or not because they're such an attention seeking skank that you don't know why you're friends with them. Because you're FINE. Stuff's happened to you but you're FINE. You don't hurt yourself - you cry easily but you never want to hurt yourself to 'feel something' because you feel enough.

I had problems when I was your age with my friends and (this is going to sound really...I don't have a word for it) I just made new friends and I started feeling a whole lot happier after that. Understand that you shouldn't have to put up with this kind of shit. This attention whore really isn't worth your time, don't worry about her and eventually she will start whining to someone else. I know that friends should look out for one another but you clearly dislike them, so fuck it.

You wish those problems could go away. And then even if they did, you'd still have school. School with your nice secure friend group who you LOVE (but then you look into the eyes of those two and you know).

If you really dislike these two particular people you shouldn't have to put up with them. You seem to know who your real friends are. Don't worry about those two.

School with those assessments you put off so often: the ones that remind you of back in fifth grade where you missed out on that private school application and your father tells you to apply yourself more.

But you're trying to 'apply yourself' and trying to be good enough even though he's not with you anymore. So maybe if you got into the private school (like all your primary school friends did) you wouldn't have all these problems from your friends dumped on you.

So when you fail and your teachers give you that Look that says "you could have done better" (and a lot of the time their lips do that too) and you don't need their eyes to look at you because you know. You know you're a smart kid but you're too stressed to study anymore.

Firstly you are 13, believe me, your school work really doesn't matter at this time as long as you do the work and at least pass your classes and you will be fine. For me, high school only really started in year 11. I went from getting top marks in my class in elementary school (not that big of an achievement, but whatever) to getting D's in maths and science in years 8 and 9.

Besides you obviously have the drive to do well if you know that you can do better. It's all a matter of setting your priorities straight.

Then on the last week right before the end of third term (one term left, then a few years more) you have this assessment. You have to perform! In front of your class (you signed up for Music class, not Brave Face 101), with two of your friends behind you (you finally managed to break your massive friend group into a fairly even number for this assignment). With instruments. And you're singing, with that voice of yours which you're too scared to force out of your damn throat.

And you freak out. You ask all the supportive people what to do: they tell you you'll be fine, everyone else has to do it too. They're yet to say that you'll be fine because you're good. So they expect you to get up there with this fear that you'll shatter your classmate's eardrums. You didn't even choose to be the vocalist - your fellow group members are too chicken to sing, and figure you're confident enough (when was THIS?) to do it instead.

There was a point in high school when I had tremendous stage fright. I found that the best way to overcome it was to perform in a manner in which I felt comfortable. For me it was a matter of not taking these kinds of things too seriously, I tried to lighten up the mood etc.. A specific technique that I used was that I would always stand up when I had to present an oral, this made it easier for me to breath (which would keep me calm) and it allowed me to project my voice better.

I know it's probably different for you but, the point is that it really helps ease the nerves when you are performing in a manner which is as comfortable as possible.

You got through this performance in one piece and your classmate's ear drums are fine.

You write a song, you do what you can. You think the song's pretty good, but that one little bitch who thinks she can attack your stance on gay rights (yes, you won't sing the anthem of a country that won't legalize their unity, and yes, you're STRAIGHT) and make you worry over her decides to insult it.
You would love to see her perform it. You'd love to see her twist around on the couch anxiously trying not to cry (it's not that big a thing; not big enough to cry about right?) before posting a tl;dr, tense-confusing rant on a forum full of people she prays support her.

She's just a homophobic bitch, don't worry about her.

The truth is that people will probably forget about this particular incident in no time and anyone with a hint of empathy will realise that she is a bitch.

 

[Donald Trump]

Yup, life sucks and then you die, doesn't really seem fair does it?

First things first, the song you sing isn't important. You won't fail your music class if it's terrible, so there's no academic pressure. Just have a word with your teacher before you sing and tell them that you're nervous, they'll say there's no point being nervous etc etc, nevertheless they'll take that into account.

You think the song's pretty good, but that one little bitch who thinks she can attack your stance on gay rights (yes, you won't sing the anthem of a country that won't legalize their unity, and yes, you're STRAIGHT) and make you worry over her decides to insult it.
You would love to see her perform it. You'd love to see her twist around on the couch anxiously trying not to cry (it's not that big a thing; not big enough to cry about right?) before posting a tl;dr, tense-confusing rant on a forum full of people she prays support her.

She'll attack you and your song no matter what, so there's no point worrying about it. You sing it well she'll still call you a dyke, you sing it badly and she'll call you a talentless dyke. Just ignore her, but don't make a show of ignoring her, just pretend you ca't hear what she says. If you respond in anyway she'll want to hurt you more. I know, I was and some would say am one of those people.

You wish those problems could go away. And then even if they did, you'd still have school. School with your nice secure friend group who you LOVE (but then you look into the eyes of those two and you know). School with those assessments you put off so often: the ones that remind you of back in fifth grade where you missed out on that private school application and your father tells you to apply yourself more.

Parents are great for that, they know how smart you are, amd see any failure to live up to that as a failure. That's because they believe that if they were in your position that they'd study as much as possible, even if when they were students they didn't. It's one of the benefits of being older.

But you're trying to 'apply yourself' and trying to be good enough even though he's not with you anymore. So maybe if you got into the private school (like all your primary school friends did) you wouldn't have all these problems from your friends dumped on you.

So when you fail and your teachers give you that Look that says "you could have done better" (and a lot of the time their lips do that too) and you don't need their eyes to look at you because you know. You know you're a smart kid but you're too stressed to study anymore.

Unless you're taking exams that effect your chances of getting into university there is no difference between an A or a C.

And you know you're a freaking happy person, damnit! It's when you wallow in these things that you spaz over them and your lame whiney 'poetic' side comes out. You're clever (you think), you're funny (you hope) and you've grown up way too fast (okay, this one you're sure of).

Yes poetry is lame, but there are plenty of lame people out there. At the moment an interest in poetry will be a) More ammunition to attack you with and b) further evidence that you are gay.
As you know that you aren't gay, it's a non issue, people are always impressed if you can quote and form of literature, so read poetry is that's what you like.

And you don't know whether to believe one of them or not because they're such an attention seeking skank that you don't know why you're friends with them. Because you're FINE. Stuff's happened to you but you're FINE. You don't hurt yourself - you cry easily but you never want to hurt yourself to 'feel something' because you feel enough.

All people have faults, especially friends. You'd don't have to believe her, but pretend you do, ask her about it, people love being the centre of attention.

It's up to you to find a way to cope with whatever problems you have, as you get older you have far fewer problems. The main thing about life, imo is to have fun. And you shouldn't let problems get in the way of that.

 

[Bambi]

There's only so many times you (I) can beg a friend to squeeze ice because that hurts more but doesn't injure them. And then they'll hold it too long and their hand'll go numb and they'll go back to.. ugh. Well, they don't tell you (me) exactly how they do it but you (I) know what they're doing and you've read articles on it enough to know what they are: they're masochists, but that's such a brutal word.

Friends self harming amirite?

Do you know WHY she's doing this? An elastic bad round the wrist is a good one. It's always there and anything slapping against the wrist liek that hurts like fuck

There's only so much you can do though. It sounds cruel but if she won't help herself, and all you are doing is getting down over it, then the best thing to do might just to be stop trying to help. It may just be the attention, afterall, and there'sbetter ways of getting it and it's doing you no good at theend of the day

If that's not what you mean then,ignore me

 

[Shu]

This sounds like a journal entry to yourself.

Wow, even if you are putting it out there, the way you relate your stuff is beautiful for a younger age. Sounds like there is something a bit deeper there that you can't quite figure out yourself. Something inside you is trying to express itself, yet you have been overburdened by the thought of the outlook of other people (the skank). It doesn't seem you want to sing, but you opted too, and now because of it you have a lot of self doubt.

I have been in your exact shoes. I have been asked to sing without music (A cappella), I have a good voice for it, but I tried not to let anyone see that side of me. In highschool I had HUGE! accounts of social anxiety that riveted me. I could act very well, although I quit once I hit high school, but if I were to put my soul on the line and just sing.. now that's different. I was the main focus of 75 people.. and I choked.. and I choked hard. I knew the song perfectly.. but for some reason the sight of my piers was enough to make me completely forget it for 3 brief minutes.

Good luck to you miss, and I think you will do a good job. Unless this entire spheel was a metaphor, then I hope I have helped.

 

[Dionysos]

Ack. For the singing thing I can understand completely how nervous you must be. I remember when I was probably exactly your age and we were stupidly asked by the teacher to all dance and make fools of ourselves and rehearse a ghost dance to some silly French ghost song. I was so scared of having to do what we'd rehearsed that I actually pulled a sickie on that day, which is something I had never really done, or done since. The world apparantly isn't built for people who won't just go out there and perform with full confidence. It wasn't assessed or anything, but it was a similar situation, though not as bad.

It really sucks that you have been thrust into being the singer. I'm getting the impression you had little say in the matter or because the other people refused to do it and someone had to. If anyone gives you any crap for that you should at least be proud of yourself for being one of the ones that did do that. I can bet you are really nervous right now, and some people are going to tease and make comments. It happens a lot more often with people at school age, especially around your age. They think they are funny and clever but it really just shows their ignorance and stupidity.


Best of luck with the singing when it happens. I'm sure you have a great voice, and hopefully on the day you'll get really possitive feedback from the teachers and your fellow peers. Possitive feedback amongst silly remarks from the odd girl in the corner / girl you sometimes hang out with / etc must stand out stronger than the negative. You might focus on the bad when something bad is said, but just think back to the compliments as they are what is important to you and will help you develop.
If the feedback isn't good, it's not the end of the world. Stage fright and freezing happens, and can lead to embarassing situations and can be quite normal. I'm like this speaking to a lot of people, let alone singing. Try not to think that something bad will happen though, as it will only build up in your head. Though that is easier said than done, I understand.

If it helps, forget the audience are there. You'll probably have to look at them to make it look like you are singing to them... But it might fill you with fear if you make eye contact and / or see people whispering in the corner. You might get paranoid.. So perhaps if you look above the heads, or above the eyes then it still appears that you are looking at them without you focusing on them. Try to lose yourself in your own singing if you can. Deliberatley forgetting you are in the situation you are in might help on the day.



As for self harming friends, it might just be attention-seeking. There seems to be a lot of people that do that that aren't actually depressed, or only are because they choose a style of life that led them down that path, and basically do it to appear cool to their other friends that do the same thing.

Not saying this is how it is with your friends, but regardless if there is nothing you can do to help them out of it, and if it really does just seem like they are doing it to get your attention and treat you like crap all the time, I don't see any benefits of you putting yourself through dealing with them. You probably wouldn't feel like this if you felt that they genuinely needed aid and attention for some deep problems that they have.


I might be wrong about your whole situation as you had a very unique way of putting it across.



Good luck again, and I hope it works out for you.

 

[WanderingAesthetic]

First of all, you express yourself beautifully.

Second, your life will probably not get worse than it is right now. You may face things that are worse, but you'll be better equipped to handle it.

As for stage fright, the only thing I know of that can get a person truly over it is performing in front of people again and again and again. Now, you probably don't have (or want) that opportunity, so the next best thing is practice. Practice lots and lots. Practice alone and if you can, practice in front of a couple of friends, people you know won't laugh at you. If you can do this, you'll know that you can do alright, and that you can do alright in front of people. Being up there with your friends will help too, because you won't be totally alone.

As for everything else, which is honestly the more important stuff...

Don't worry about schoolwork much for now. As some others have said, as long as you don't fail anything, your grades won't matter very much as far as your future goes until a couple of years from now. Plus, I know it's easier for me to worry about that kind of stuff if I have the emotional stuff worked out.

And now some ugly life lessons, ones I didn't learn until I was 20/21 years old: People with attention-seeking, self-destructive behaviors? You can't help them, not really. You can be their friend, and you can encourage them to stop, but in the end they can only help themselves. The old cliche that you can't love anyone else unless you love yourself? It is very, very true. I know you're worried about them, and I know you care, but it's not your responsibility and there is extremely little you can do.

Yes, there is such a thing as life fright, it's called generalized anxiety disorder, but it doesn't sound like you have that, just some legitimate concerns and a little bit of stage fright. I said this will likely be the worst time of your life, and part of the reason is your peers will never be as dumb as they are right now, in all their exciting and varied cornucopia of ways. As such, now is one of the best times in your life to show them what courage and wisdom looks like. You may have the idea that you're being watched and judged all the time, but the truth is, even when you perform your bit, the people watching will be much, much more concerned about themselves and how they'll do. You've already shown that you have some courage and confidence with the national anthem thing (which, btw, I appreciate as being bi, but really, it's not the whole country's fault). You can show a little more.

Most of all: if there is anyone you can talk to who doesn't have their own major issues, or even if they do, talk to them about everything you're worried about. You sound like maybe you're the one people go to? The one who's supposed to have it all together? Strangely enough, people often find it comforting to return the favor, just to know that they're important to you, and to have that comfort that even the together people really aren't all the time. And of course, someone you know will be a lot more comfort than us random folks on the internet.

Best of luck to you. And maybe tell us how things work out?

 

[Talon]

I Can't help but relate, I think we all do to a point. I have to agree with some of the others that it seems like there's an underlying tone to everything your saying. Perhaps some void you feel growing within you, or that's already there. That's totally besides the point though, forgive me. I'd like to throw in real quick, before I say anything... worthless or otherwise. I don't claim to know anything and I definitely don't mean to sound condescending. I may have just started at this site but we're all friends here, brought together by a fascination with the same thing. Anyways,

It seems like you have a whole s load of stuff going on in your life at the moment, but you could also just be be letting it wash over you too easily. Break it down, calm yourself and really think about each individual problem you are facing.

School is school, a desperate attempt for those who came before us to teach us the things THEY believe we should know, based on information that was gathered during there generation... completely outdated. I had to go through the same crap with my public speaking class, and though I'm pretty energetic and outspoken, it's only with the people I know and doing stuff like that in front of people I don't know is like death to me. It will be over before you know it and like the others said, the teacher wont fail you no matter what happens... music is opinionated.

Your friends are a much more serious problem to deal with anyways. Masochism is something that you wont be able to do anything about, and some people deal with it in other ways. I'm a masochist, but I don't really like inflicting pain on myself. I fight in heavy armor in a program called the SCA, it allows me to beat the crap out of others and lets me take a beating as well. It's all besides the point, I'm just saying that masochism is something you just can't fight. Just hope it doesn't get taken too far.

The girl that wants attention is just bullshit and she shouldn't be putting you through crap like that, if she really thought anything of you. If she doesn't let it be tell her to gtfo, someone as obviously intelligent as yourself doesn't deserve that kind of stress and BS.

I don't speak for everyone here but I'd like to think we're all here for pretty much the same thing and we're a community. You and I joined the same site and have some of the same interests. I wish you the best and it sure seems like you have allot of support

Talon