Are you socially awkward?

[Catnip]

I know I am, but I haven't always been this way.
Over the internet, I'm fine. I know what to say, I know how to type it out, everything is just fine. In my writing I'm concise. But in my personal interactions, sometimes I have so much (or not even that much) I want to say and I fear the sentiment or the whole of the words will get lost in translation, or muddled with many other thoughts that one word trips over the other. I can't control it.

When I was little (1st grade little) I was a very shy child. All it took for that to go away was for me to be comfortable with someone. But every time I spoke, people would judge my opinion or just completely bash what I said for no good reason. I wasn't a rude child, I was actually a very happy child out to make friends or be accepted. Because of being put down for anything I say, I am now socially awkward. I think it's due to the fear of rejection. And because I'm socially awkward, I'm anti-social. Not shy, no. But I refuse to have long conversations with people unless I'm close to them. Actually, I don't talk much with my closest friend either. I hate it, but I don't blame myself for it.


Is anyone else like this? Do you know someone like this? What's your story on it?

 

[Irihi]

I'm very socially awkward, I'm a very opinionated person so I speak my opinion about everything, voice it and make it known. Though when I do it I'm not rude or sarcastic about it or anything, or at least I try not to be. But growing up, I too, was ridiculed because of my opinions or anything I said really. It wasn't up to standards with the other children, so that caused me to build a wall around myself.

And now I have a problem where I hate being in a large crowd of people, if someone is whispering around me and laughing I fear like they are talking about me and judging me and seeing or hearing it too much actually makes me get sick. Over the internet I can talk and be myself, but when it comes to face to face conversations i'm very withdrawn and only talk comfortably with my closest friends.

I've made progress though and have opened up a little more, but I still feel like most people talk about me behind my back and judge me for who I am and how I voice things.

 

[Catnip]

I'm very socially awkward, I'm a very opinionated person so I speak my opinion about everything, voice it and make it known. Though when I do it I'm not rude or sarcastic about it or anything, or at least I try not to be. But growing up, I too, was ridiculed because of my opinions or anything I said really. It wasn't up to standards with the other children, so that caused me to build a wall around myself.

And now I have a problem where I hate being in a large crowd of people, if someone is whispering around me and laughing I fear like they are talking about me and judging me and seeing or hearing it too much actually makes me get sick. Over the internet I can talk and be myself, but when it comes to face to face conversations i'm very withdrawn and only talk comfortably with my closest friends.

I've made progress though and have opened up a little more, but I still feel like most people talk about me behind my back and judge me for who I am and how I voice things.

That's another thing. People judging in general. It doesn't even have to be over what I've said. It could be because of the colour of my shirt for example. I'd want to hide and just.. go home, basically.

Also, do you find that the tone of your voice is also a little weird at times? I'm not only scared of what I say, but how I say it as well.

 

[Bambi]

I can talk to people just fine as long as they can talk back...if it's just yes no answers, Il give up.. I feel awkward sometimes, but I can usually shake myself out of it. Im not fond of being in larger groups of unknowns, but depending on the situation, I'l come round fairly quick, and there's usually at least ONE person I will take a liking to and strike up a decent conversation

Its just the initial OMG NEW PEOPLE, and Im borederline hyperventilating

I was never shy as a child, Id talk to anyone that so much as moved, I think I got abit more reserved as I got older, I think moving school afew times affected that, and taht would be hy I have a slight panic everytime Im expected to meet new people, but it passes really fast. There's nothing more awkward than people who don't talk though, I wrack my brains trying to think of something to talk about, I cant be doing with sitting in silence

Some people I jsut hit it off straight away though, I love when that happens. Got a house party next weekend, I only know the one person there, but im all for meeting new people.

 

[Caedus]

I'd actually like Zen to comment on my post, but it's unlikely. Maybe even Mytime or Kazmatic, but nah. So anyway, apparently I take EVERYTHING too seriously, I'm too tense, I appear to be unsure of myself, my jokes sometimes make me laugh, I tend to stumble over the words I try to form my key points, but sometimes I say some pretty epically-timed comments, though when I laugh, I overdo it with the laughing, most definitely. Perhaps when I think about things, I overdo my thinking as well, so I find other things to laugh about, or some such. Most of the time, eye-contact prevents me from being assertive, and that's an understatement, tbqh.

 

[Bambi]

Oh taht's one thing Im not good with, eye contact, it makes me feel awkward ,it's not that Im not listening to people, I'd just rather...look elsewhere...taht's probably about as awkward as it gets for me

 

[Shu]

Well all depends. Most of my days I fake my persona so not really. It is easy to play the act then to actually show your real self to people. Smile, talk like you know what you are talking about, and so forth.

I am pretty laid back. I talk only when I need to but I know when to fill the silence. The only times I am pretty socially awkward is when I know a girl likes me. She throws signs out there, but I just don't know how to reciprocate mostly, because I'm usually in a relationship.

College it happened more often times than not for me, and no I'm not tooting my own horn, it gets me in bad situations. I got in a situation like this when I was taking a speech course this year. We would get in our group meetings and such in the later hours, and instead of talking about the normal subject matter, a girl would would be aggressive towards me. Always starring in my eyes (which I don't let anyone do for too long), and putting her hands on my arms/hands when she got excited. Always walking up to me and sitting down next to me.. I just had to passively let her know I wasn't interested.. I must have looked like a total poof denying her approaches, but what can I say I'm no cheater. It made things very awkward for me though. Hince the reasons it is hard for me to go to bars anymore, too many situations... occur which could result bad.

 

[Dionysos]

I'm a very nervous and shy person in real life. I used to be a happy little kid that would always make friends when he went into playgrounds and stuff but then people started to mock me for my voice (I've been told it isn't really that bad, but still being mocked for it affected me a lot), so I sort of went inside and put up the barriers a lot.

It's SO hard to break down those barriers... Over time I actually forgot how to react to people and how to start or continue a conversation. I'm no longer shy as much, as I've gone past caring if people see me about outside the house, which is a good step, but I've just forgotten how to act as a human, which really sucks. When I talk I usually mumble, and most of the time what I want to talk about vanishes before I get to say it. In fact I used to even skip words in sentences to avoid words I couldn't say very well.. Which made me sound retarded. I'm actually going for therapy to try and help me knock the barriers down so I can talk to people like I should be able to and have a more active social life, as at 20 years old it is getting rather ridiculous that I still have this problem .

Over the internet I can talk and be myself, but when it comes to face to face conversations i'm very withdrawn and only talk comfortably with my closest friends.

Same here. I can talk and be myself online. I have a group of about 5 close friends in real life that I can talk to and be myself with, but most other people it takes ages for my mind (I stress it must be my mind that stops me from talking, not myself, coz I really want to know how to and it is painful) to accept that the person is ok and allow myself to talk to them, even if really I know myself that the person is ok and I like them after 5 mins... I still find it hard to talk to them a lot of the time.

I'm getting better and such, but its annoying when you so badly want to speak to them but just can't and it escapes you. New situations knock me down like crazy.

There's nothing more awkward than people who don't talk though, I wrack my brains trying to think of something to talk about, I cant be doing with sitting in silence

That's true, but trust me when I say it is 10 times more awkward for the person sat next to you struggling to think of something to say knowing that everyone around him/her will give up and leave him/her.

But that's the way it happens.

Most of the time, eye-contact prevents me from being assertive, and that's an understatement, tbqh.

I'm terrible with eye contact too. I always tend to move my eyes around and only occassionally look into the eyes... But occasionally I have found myself looking into someones eyes if the person makes me feel relaxed and stuff, but never for longer than about 5 seconds really.


So yeah, I'm socially awkward... But really trying to get myself out of it and learn how to react and communicate better. I'll probably always be a little bit shy and quiet, but I just want to get myself to a stage where I can be myself outside of the house, and that people can talk to me and within 5 minutes see that I am alright, as opposed to thinking I must be either thick or rude when I fail to give a good response to a reasonably normal question.

 

[Irihi]

That's another thing. People judging in general. It doesn't even have to be over what I've said. It could be because of the colour of my shirt for example. I'd want to hide and just.. go home, basically.

Also, do you find that the tone of your voice is also a little weird at times? I'm not only scared of what I say, but how I say it as well.

Actually yeah I do, sometimes I mean to say it one way but it sounds like i'm being sarcastic or rude or disbelieving or something which really gets to me a lot. I've gotten better with it though but sometimes I worry still cause I do have slip ups everynow and then.

There was actually a point in my life, I think when I was sixteen, where I shut myself off completely from everyone and didn't bother to try and have friends because I was so scared of being judged about everything and having them think I was being sarcastic or rude with them when I wasn't really meaning to. I mean I made a comment on a girl's hair back in the sixth grade, and it was a nice comment, and she just started getting rude with me.

 

[Catnip]

Oh taht's one thing Im not good with, eye contact, it makes me feel awkward ,it's not that Im not listening to people, I'd just rather...look elsewhere...taht's probably about as awkward as it gets for me

I'm like that too. I'm always nodding so the other person knows I'm listening. The only time I have no trouble speaking, getting my point across, making eye contact (and so on), is when I'm angry.

My dad noticed I don't look people in the eye either. I told him, "It's because it's hard to listen to them when I'm looking them straight in the eye". I didn't tell him it's hard to listen because I'm focused more on how awkward I feel.

I'm actually going for therapy to try and help me knock the barriers down so I can talk to people like I should be able to and have a more active social life, as at 20 years old it is getting rather ridiculous that I still have this problem .

Is it possible for it to be 'cured' if I were to go to therapy? I'm so tired of this. I actually could have quoted everything you've said because I agree with it and I can relate to it completely. It's certainly hard to love myself if I absolutely hate this part of me.

 

[Mitsuki]

I'm like that too. I'm always nodding so the other person knows I'm listening. The only time I have no trouble speaking, getting my point across, making eye contact (and so on), is when I'm angry.

My dad noticed I don't look people in the eye either. I told him, "It's because it's hard to listen to them when I'm looking them straight in the eye". I didn't tell him it's hard to listen because I'm focused more on how awkward I feel.

Funny you mentioned the whole eye-contact thing. I'm actually the same way...and my dad (and a few others) noticed it too. He actually told one of his friend to look at me straight in the eye at one point when I was a teenager. He said "she doesn't like it". Oh well gee, I guess that makes it a good excuse for him to tell people to look at me in the eye just because.

Now I'm a little more okay with it, although from time to time my gaze would shift from left to right as I talk and I'll use my hands in motion to kinda distract them, I guess...although I do it all unconsciously. There's just something uncomfortable about looking people straight in the eye when you don't really know them, but I'm totally okay with people I know.

As for speaking in general, I've gotten better I think. I used to be really shy...as in grew up with no friends shy kinda thing, but now I don't even think about it all that much. I have my close friends now and I'll say whatever's on my mind, even if there's people in the room that I don't really know.

I suppose I could also be seen as a bit anti-social to some people...like my sister-in-law would always ask me from time to time if I'd like to go out with her and her friends one night. In fact this week she wants me to go to her friend's house and watch girl movies or something, and I'm like, "Um...yeah...I don't think so...?" Not to be anti-social or anything or be rude about it, but I don't know those people. I've never even met them. Those are her friends - not mine. Just because she's my sister-in-law doesn't mean we should suddenly hang out in the same group and be all buddies with each other. It just doesn't work that way. Questions like, "Whose house will I be staying at? What about my daughter, who will watch her?" pops up in my mind and I just really can't see myself enjoying at a stranger's house filled with people I don't know. I'm not a party person and I prefer to keep it that way. I appreciate her efforts though, but I'm starting to feel kinda bummed out turning her down everytime she asks. >.>

Anyway, I don't mean to be anti-social but I am aware that some people view me as that way. It's fine, no biggie though. But really, once I get to know someone and really spend time having great conversations with them, I act differently. I'm just not a fan of forcing myself to get to know someone for the sake of not being anti-social in people's eyes.

 

[Dionysos]

Is it possible for it to be 'cured' if I were to go to therapy? I'm so tired of this. I actually could have quoted everything you've said because I agree with it and I can relate to it completely. It's certainly hard to love myself if I absolutely hate this part of me.

I've not been to the proper sessions yet or anything. I was wondering about whether I should or not, but I'm just going to go anyway because if I'm in the same possition that I'm in now in another 5 years time then I'm going to be hating myself for not getting it sorted and essentially wasting my youth.

I'm guessing they'll look at what might have caused it all, and work on trying to unlock parts within you that aren't registering like others do. They'll probably develop confidence and help you through skills to get to how you want to be.

Ideally I'd prefer people to probe about in my brain and fix whatever isn't responding within there, but that isn't going to happen. I have no idea how this is going to go and it took a lot out of me to actually go there. I was scared as hell coz I don't really like talking about myself and answering weird questions, especially in front of strangers who would be analysing me, lol. But sometimes you have to make the step if it is something that isn't trivial anymore, but has been going on for so long that you feel it is stopping you function. I'll report back once I've been to the proper sessions and say how they went. No idea at the moment. It took them bleeding ages to get back to me... I've been waiting for bout 4-5 months, which is shocking as people go to these things as a desperate final plea for help.

 

[Flagg]

Like any other animal, people can smell fear from other people and the only way to overcome a fear of being in social groups is to interact in social groups.

For those of you that are socially awkward, out of interest do people say to you "You don't smile a lot/enough"?

Smiling at people is great and people tend to smile back. Staring is not great, but just walk past someone in the street and give them a little smile. I mean, what is the worst that is going to happen? A stranger wont smile back. Their loss.

If people think they are shy they should take up a group hobby of some sort. Online communities do not count. I mean join a sports team, take up a martial art, go to Yoga classes..anything if it means meeting new people because you are all there because you have a similiar interest so straight away you have something in common.

I used to be terribly bashful when I was younger. When I went to University last year I went on my own. No one I knew from home would be there, I had no idea what my dorm room mates would be like, or what people in my classes were. But I was so full of energy. It was like a great adventure and I couldn't wait to meet new people. I went travelling on my own a few years back and it was the greatest experience of my life. You meet loads of people while on the road and I think it went a huge ways to making me a much more sociable person.

If people are socially awkward, aware of it and unhappy with it then only they can change that. Talking to members of the opposite sex is probably the most challenging thing for most people and what is the worst thing that is going to happen if someone wont talk back to you? Don't dwell, move onto someone else.

I used to be a very negative person, very pessimistic. And then I realised that being pessimistic is bullshit. You go through life with this "I told you so attitude" and turn into a grumpy person. Pessimistic people dwell on things. News flash, the world will continue rotating and life around you will continue to evolve while a person can choose to dwell. My glass is half full these days, if something bad happens to me...then aw well. Change is good. Growth is good. Shrug your shoulders and move on. Life is only as bad as you make it to be.

 

[Catnip]

I've not been to the proper sessions yet or anything. I was wondering about whether I should or not, but I'm just going to go anyway because if I'm in the same possition that I'm in now in another 5 years time then I'm going to be hating myself for not getting it sorted and essentially wasting my youth.

I'm guessing they'll look at what might have caused it all, and work on trying to unlock parts within you that aren't registering like others do. They'll probably develop confidence and help you through skills to get to how you want to be.

Ideally I'd prefer people to probe about in my brain and fix whatever isn't responding within there, but that isn't going to happen. I have no idea how this is going to go and it took a lot out of me to actually go there. I was scared as hell coz I don't really like talking about myself and answering weird questions, especially in front of strangers who would be analysing me, lol. But sometimes you have to make the step if it is something that isn't trivial anymore, but has been going on for so long that you feel it is stopping you function. I'll report back once I've been to the proper sessions and say how they went. No idea at the moment. It took them bleeding ages to get back to me... I've been waiting for bout 4-5 months, which is shocking as people go to these things as a desperate final plea for help.

Reporting back would be very, very helpful, I think. I think this is a great way for me to find out as well. I mean, if I went to find out for myself only to see how unhelpful it was (if it did end up that way), I would be terrified. It would be like; I just talked to someone about things I would not normally talk to anyone about and it was all for nothing? Honestly, I've never cared if listening was these people's jobs. I still feel like they'll judge me. But I suppose if they were to say, "I'm not here to judge" would be good. It is after all one of my favorite things to hear.

Like any other animal, people can smell fear from other people and the only way to overcome a fear of being in social groups is to interact in social groups.

For those of you that are socially awkward, out of interest do people say to you "You don't smile a lot/enough"?

Smiling at people is great and people tend to smile back. Staring is not great, but just walk past someone in the street and give them a little smile. I mean, what is the worst that is going to happen? A stranger wont smile back. Their loss.

If people think they are shy they should take up a group hobby of some sort. Online communities do not count. I mean join a sports team, take up a martial art, go to Yoga classes..anything if it means meeting new people because you are all there because you have a similiar interest so straight away you have something in common.

I used to be terribly bashful when I was younger. When I went to University last year I went on my own. No one I knew from home would be there, I had no idea what my dorm room mates would be like, or what people in my classes were. But I was so full of energy. It was like a great adventure and I couldn't wait to meet new people. I went travelling on my own a few years back and it was the greatest experience of my life. You meet loads of people while on the road and I think it went a huge ways to making me a much more sociable person.

If people are socially awkward, aware of it and unhappy with it then only they can change that. Talking to members of the opposite sex is probably the most challenging thing for most people and what is the worst thing that is going to happen if someone wont talk back to you? Don't dwell, move onto someone else.

I used to be a very negative person, very pessimistic. And then I realised that being pessimistic is bullshit. You go through life with this "I told you so attitude" and turn into a grumpy person. Pessimistic people dwell on things. News flash, the world will continue rotating and life around you will continue to evolve while a person can choose to dwell. My glass is half full these days, if something bad happens to me...then aw well. Change is good. Growth is good. Shrug your shoulders and move on. Life is only as bad as you make it to be.

Smiling? I wish that was something I didn't know how to do. Smiling has always been a good way for me to seem friendly so people wouldn't think bad things about me. Of course, people being people, will make fun of anything and everything about a person. I am now self-conscious of my smile, and every time I laugh I cover my mouth.

Smiling did not help.

Also, you make it sound so, so easy to just get out there and socialize. But how hard it is to break the wall I've built for myself over the years is inexplicable. I mean, it's damn difficult. (QQ!)

 

[blakstang98]

Well, I'll try to sum it up and make sense of it all. I'm a shy person, but with people I don't know. Once I can get to know someone a little better, I can be less shy and talk to the person with a little more frequency. As with the case naturally, the more I have in common with the person, the more comfortable I feel with them and the more I'll talk. If we have a lot in common, I'll talk your ear off.

When I do get talking, I'm not very awkward. When I do get people talking, they seem to want to talk to me forever (I have no idea why really). I consider myself a good conversationalist, and I think I tend to keep the conversations going longer than they were initially intended for. I suppose I should stop conversations before they go on for too long.

Eye contact is a weird subject for me. I tend to actually have more eye contact with people I don't know and initially start talking to more than people I've known for a long time, like close friends and my parents. I think I try to show others that I have no fear of talking to them, but making eye contact is something I do to show them I'm listening too (wandering eyes make a person seem uninterested). Making eye contact with total strangers is something I don't feel comfortable with however, I'll look away quickly if they see me.

I'll also say that I never, ever judge people. I can have a pleasent conversation with a person of any walk of life. At times, people may give me a heads up that someone might be strange in some way, but I approach them the same way I approach a conversation with any other person. I guess as a result, I've gotten along with and made friends with many different types of people. And these people pretty much would never be friends with each other, if that makes any sense.

 

[Catnip]

Oh, and also, having a talk about me with, say, my parents.. I hide my face under my pillow. Sometimes I hide all of me under a blanket, just so I can talk to them. How pathetic is that?

My principal last year (fucking douche) convinced my parents I was on drugs. Smoking weed laced with Meth (which was by the way complete bullshit). My parents wanted to sit down and have a talk with me. I buried my face in the palm of my hands until it was over.
MY PARENTS.
People I've lived with my whole life yet I still can't talk to them like a normal human being.

 

[Big Casino]

I read in your profile that your a model. How do you manage to cope with a job like that when your so shy and withdrawn? Surely thats a job that requires a fair bit of confidence in ones self, doesnt seem like the kind of job someone who has trouble even talking to their parents would want to do. Sounds like your tougher than you think.
Sorry i dont mean to sound rude, im just curious.

 

[Catnip]

I read in your profile that your a model. How do you manage to cope with a job like that when your so shy and withdrawn? Surely thats a job that requires a fair bit of confidence in ones self, doesnt seem like the kind of job someone who has trouble even talking to their parents would want to do. Sounds like your tougher than you think.
Sorry i dont mean to sound rude, im just curious.

That's something else I wanted to bring up. I don't talk much to these people. I say what I need, ask what I want, and it's done. I get criticized for being so "shy". I'm not shy, I just don't know how to speak to someone else properly. But I don't need to speak while walking the runway or during a photo shoot. Soon, this all won't matter because I'm almost done with this modeling thing. It's stupid. (Yay for photography!) But we'll keep on topic.

 

[Six]

I don't think that I am, no.

I have no problem being dumped into a group of people, I usually get along, if not, I'm still able to stand my ground.

However, I'd call myself an introvert. I wouldn't say I have many close friends, 'cause I don't care to trust anyone that easily. If I can trust you, I will notice this myself, I don't need any, "I'll prove it to you", talks.

Alot of people go out, disco clubs, parties, and that's something I don't do. I'm more pulled back, and just don't care about that. It doesn't interest me at all. I'm more busy with my own little stuff. But that doesn't mean I'll act completely messed up if they're telling me about how their night out was. I'm good doing my own things.

I still tend to be a more shy than risky person, like I was back in school. I was just myself I think. Quiet, the "be carefull", one out of groups. Kinda sad really.

I'm really hyper to most people, but it really depends on my mood, I can be really serious, or just have a time period where I think alot. =/

To answer the Are you socially awkward? question; No. I don't think that I am.

 

[Irihi]

Oh, and also, having a talk about me with, say, my parents.. I hide my face under my pillow. Sometimes I hide all of me under a blanket, just so I can talk to them. How pathetic is that?

My principal last year (fucking douche) convinced my parents I was on drugs. Smoking weed laced with Meth (which was by the way complete bullshit). My parents wanted to sit down and have a talk with me. I buried my face in the palm of my hands until it was over.
MY PARENTS.
People I've lived with my whole life yet I still can't talk to them like a normal human being.

I've done that several times, it's become a bit easier to talk to my mom. I wouldn't only not make eye contact with them or hide my face but if I was really, really nervous, to the point of feeling trapped, I'd laugh. I don't know why but I would, as for my dad though I still have a hard time talking to him about anything, since my parents split i'm with my mom all the time.

But when talking to people in general I try to make eye contact as best I can, it's not easy though especially when I get super nervous I'll bite my nails or like I stated above, laugh and not mean to. I had a friend ask me once if I was on drugs, that was a conversation that was by far the most awkwar one i'd had with a friend.

However, I'd call myself an introvert. I wouldn't say I have many close friends, 'cause I don't care to trust anyone that easily. If I can trust you, I will notice this myself, I don't need any, "I'll prove it to you", talks.

Same here, I don't have a lot of close friends, I have one best friend and then a few 'friends' but none that I can really call close by any means. But when it does come to those that I consider 'close' I don't have any problems trusting them or talking to them, only when it comes to a sore subject for me do I have a bit of a trust issue, even with people of my own family.