Serious I don't think I'm ok

[Smiley]

I try. I really really do try to be a good friend, to build some kind of friendship with people and yet I don't understand why I'm always excluded? When I start a conversation, or show any kind of initiative to be in this group, I get turned away.They hurt me...with words, they don't listen to me, and then accuse me of being too quiet all the time. Even when I come to school in the mornings, I'll say 'hi' and they'll turn around like they didn't see me. To be quite honest I don't know what I've done wrong. I try to be a good person, a positive person, a happy and talkative person who doesnt let anything get to her, but its hard, you know? I'm thinking I might not fit here, but I didn't fit at my old school either...do I not fit anywhere? Is there actually something wrong with me?

I don't want to sound annoying, and I'm sorry if I do, but it is bugging me..

 

[Ivalice]

Sounds like Aspergers Syndrome.

Ivalice As this is a post count section, please expand more on your posts. One liners can be considered spam and may be deleted. Thanks.

 

[Smiley]

I...dont think so...more because i do have empathy for people. The only thing I think I have from the 'symptoms' list is "Failure to develop friendships that are appropriate to the child’s developmental level"...

 

[Ivalice]

I...dont think so...more because i do have empathy for people. The only thing I think I have from the 'symptoms' list is "Failure to develop friendships that are appropriate to the child’s developmental level"...

I have AS and I have empathy for people. That's the only explanation I can think of. You and I are in the same boat. Plus I tend to alienate people who I don't immediately click with for known / unknown reasons.

 

[GalaxyFlare]

First mistake you made was Apologising for maybe possibly sounding annoying

Being nice as default personality type is going to leave you open to being hurt, pick your friends and the situations you want o be apart off. You keep trying to keep on to the good side of these people? its obvious they dont want anything to do with you.

Sounds harsh, but only a fool continuously puts themselves into negative situation. Dont do it to your self , where is your self preservation? being in the popular crowd is not the greatest path to personal growth.

You may get in and find your self all the more hollow for the experience. It sounds like this is a confidence problem and that you are reaching out to those who seem to have it in abundance? this is not the best way to feel good about who you are.

Confidence must come from with in, it cannot be given by another.

Asperges Syndrome my ass

 

[Starships]

I think that you're fine ! Don't worry what those other people think. They are just missing out on something awesome. And I'll be your friend !

 

[blakstang98]

Sounds like Aspergers Syndrome.

Not every life problem is associated with a mental illness/handicap. I'm sorry, but I put this up there with ADD, in that its just a reason to medicate people. But, thats a topic for another day.

I think the important thing to remember is that they're at an age where they think they're on top of the world and that world revolves around them. This self-righteous attitude is just a phase that will pass when they realize that popularity isn't the most important thing in life. I'm not sure if you're getting to that point of going to the next level of schooling (I'm not familiar with how the school levels go in your country), but if you are, then I'd say don't worry about it because you'll make new friends at the next school level.

As for your current friends, I'd be very weary about them. I'm not saying to be enemies with them, but it would probably be a good idea to keep your distance. Being a quiet person doesn't make you a bad person, like they think. Some people find this to be a good quality, as they don't have to worry about you flipping out about something that you shouldn't or getting into trouble when you shouldn't. If your current friends can't accept that, then that's their problem really. You shouldn't have to change who you are for others, just be yourself. You seem like a friendly person, I'm sure you'd have no problem finding other friends, if it comes down to that.

 

[Rapture]

Not every life problem is associated with a mental illness/handicap. I'm sorry, but I put this up there with ADD, in that its just a reason to medicate people.

Well said, Dan. Too often people are looking to invent a problem that might not even exist...or to throw a medication at an existing problem to see if that'll make it go away. I hate watching the evening news at night because at least 65% of the commercials you see are advertisements from drug companies. We are getting to be a self-medicating society.

Anyways...Kat, I don't think anything is "wrong" with you. What you are going through most people go through in high school. People to me during that time in my life were never too reliable as friends...you think they would be to your face and then they'd end up stabbing you behind your back later or....if they were really catty they'd say some of what they say behind your back to your face and save you the time of figuring out if they are talking about you so you can write them off then and there. Peer pressure to "belong" to a group is very strong in High School.

High School is when I found what kind of person I really am...it puts you through many emotional trials...and ended up making me stronger in the end. I found I don't need to rely on people so much who are really two-faced to be my friends. I was never one of those people who never had friends either though...I did have a few true friends and never once did they talk about me...they just went to another school.

The problem today and I'm sure it hasn't changed while you are in school, is that there are always people out there who want to make themselves look better than you by belittling you. ...they will always be there. You just can't let the things they say/do overly effect you. If you block them and start ignoring them they have nothing to say anymore and they will move on. People who do this aren't out to be friends....they are out to find other little people who they can use to make them look/feel better about themselves. A true friend wouldn't do you wrong like these people you are telling us about are.

 

[Dincht]

I don't want to sound annoying, and I'm sorry if I do, but it is bugging me..

This one line says a lot about how hard you try with people and how much crap they've given you!

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, people will treat you like dirt. That has nothing to do with you as a person; never let them make you think otherwise.
The actual fact is that it's people like yourself that people crave when they realise how transparent and fake their 'friends' are.

I had similar situations when I was younger, only a couple of years ago really. I'm a nice guy, a friendly guy. Unfortunately people decided that because I was nice I would take anything they threw at me: jokes, insults, lies or just outright ignoring me. Once people realised I wouldn't stand for that crap, it was too late for them and I had moved on and naturally found other people to get along with. Great people that I'm still friends with to this day.

Never change who you are just because it doesn't always get attention from the people you would like it to.

 

[ANGRYWOLF]

Lots of comments...

Of course some people are antisocial.One of my former doctors said he thought I was.

shrugs.

It seems to me though that you want to be included but that you are being excluded.
I assume the people you are around don't believe you have anything important to add to the conversations or to whatever else is going on.

I do agree with the notion expressed by others that if you appear too nice people will take advantage of you, or try to and will believe you are a weakling who is unimportant in their scheme of things.

Seems to me you need new friends or at least need to meet people who will appreciate you for the person you are.Don't feel you have to change to fit in.If people don't appreciate you as you are then blank them and try to find someone new.

Good luck friend.

 

[SaShman]

Well said, Dan. Too often people are looking to invent a problem that might not even exist...or to throw a medication at an existing problem to see if that'll make it go away. I hate watching the evening news at night because at least 65% of the commercials you see are advertisements from drug companies. We are getting to be a self-medicating society.

If we deny that such conditions exist, where does that get us? Truth be told, if there is an aspect to someone which causes them significant stress or mental harm then it's better to try to define the problem so it can be treated. Granted this could mean that people get diagnosed with things they don't have. As for the medication thing, pharmaceutical companies play a big role in over prescribing drugs but there are plenty of other techniques which don't actually involve drugs.

On to the actual topic at hand, I think diagnosing a person over the internet with Asperger's syndrome (especially when doing so on the basis of a paragraph) is a bit silly.

They hurt me...with words, they don't listen to me, and then accuse me of being too quiet all the time.

I've obviously never met you, so I don't know how you behave in social situations. But if you are too quite, then how are others supposed to know how awesome you are. Also the actual content of what you say will make you seem less quite eg: talking about what happened on the weekend is more interesting than talking about the weather or something.

Even when I come to school in the mornings, I'll say 'hi' and they'll turn around like they didn't see me

Call them out on it. Seriously, simply asking them why will probably catch them of guard.

To be quite honest I don't know what I've done wrong. I try to be a good person, a positive person, a happy and talkative person who doesnt let anything get to her, but its hard, you know? I'm thinking I might not fit here, but I didn't fit at my old school either...do I not fit anywhere? Is there actually something wrong with me?

As other people have mentioned there is a difference between being nice and being passive. You don't have to try to be nice to people who treat you like shit. If someone is acting like a cunt then call them on it; if anything people won't think of you as quite anymore.

 

[Rapture]

If we deny that such conditions exist, where does that get us? Truth be told, if there is an aspect to someone which causes them significant stress or mental harm then it's better to try to define the problem so it can be treated. Granted this could mean that people get diagnosed with things they don't have. As for the medication thing, pharmaceutical companies play a big role in over prescribing drugs but there are plenty of other techniques which don't actually involve drugs.

Dan and I were commenting on the person who said they thought the OP had Aspergers syndrome. I never said she did/did not have it I said I hate when people say someone has something off of the top of their heads because it sounds similar to something they know about. They MIGHT have it...but the diagnosis should be made by someone medically knowledgeable.

...and yes I think there is a lot of mis/overdiagnosis of conditions such as ADHD...among many others today. ...and I believe that all other options should be exhausted in disease treatment before a medication is thrown at it. However the pharmaceutical companies wouldn't be so diligent in their advertising schemes if this this was what was really being done in society...hence my comment about us being a self-medicating society. Because, lets face it...taking a medication like glyburide might be easier for a type 2 diabetic than finding time during the week to involve them in the exercise/weight-loss plan that they really need.

My point is, let it be medically diagnosed by a MD/Psychiatrist/Psychologist before letting someone think that they have a form of mental illness...that way they can get the treatment and medication that they need. I don't appreciate blindly throwing a diagnosis at a patient soley based on someone else's opinion. It should be based on signs, symptoms, the patient's history, and the family history as well. What I did say is that this girl is going through what a lot of people do in high school...which is a time of emotional transition...so her feelings about feeling a bit isolated during this time have been shared by others...i.e. me.

...and really I don't deny such conditions exit...and I never said I did in my post. I have mental illness that runs in my family and I took a mental health class/clinical about a semester ago towards my Associate's Degree in Nursing..working with people who have mental illness in a hospital and studying the various diseases, disease processes, and their comorbidities...so I probably know quite a bit about mental illness..moreso than one would think.

 

[Shu]

Where the heck did the psychological analysis come from? Honestly, it doesn't sound very medical/mental at all. In fact it just seems like you have no core group of people you identify with.

Friends add to confidence, so do relationships. Notice how untouchable you feel when you are in a relationship? Now same goes for friends, if you have people that back what you say, you tend to care less what others have to say that aren't your friends.

The problem you are having though is the inability to meet people who give a damn about meeting you. You can't call that mental, unless of course even when you've met the folks, hung around them enough to call them friends, you still exhibit the same trait, then these people who are early to jump to conclusions, can at least be.. "right".

Ivalice, no offense, but sounds like you are just trying to identify here with ms. Kat. Though assumptions only go so far.

Do yourself a favor Kat, on here (the internet in general) try to meet folks, hell I'll be your friend. Talk through MSN, and see if you exhibit the same "fear". I think honestly you just don't have anyone to talk to you who's down to earth. Sometimes it helps just to practice talking.

Through my teen years, I had a few social detriments as well. As in mentally, I was fine, but for whatever reason I had bad social anxiety, even from as a youngin (started around age 9). I looked up if anything was wrong with me, hell I even saw a counselor on my own time about it. Bottom line though is, I found it I was just reserved, and though people couldn't identify at a non popular, deeper level. As in, I had family problems, and relaying them to someone my age was very fruitless. Hell even today, people aren't all that grown up. Some have gained some sense of self-awareness.. but it's very hard knowing who due to people's goals.

Anyway, I know I didn't help much.. but as I said the internet is a useful tool to get what's on your mind out and to try to develop more social goals.

Later yo!

 

[Squid]

Kids are jerks and find enjoyment out of singling people out, making them feel like shit/lonely/like they don't belong.

Perhaps you're just finding friends in the wrong places? Are you trying to befriend the 'popular' kids? Have you over looked a group of kids because you see them as 'losers' when in fact they'd probably make wonderful friends?

You also sound a bit passive, people probably see you and think "lulz, I can walk all over her and all she will do is say sorry" You don't need to say sorry or say that you are broken or weird. Feel good about yourself, try finding some friends in unlikely people and if all else fails you have your online friends