Serious Women and Men friends (?)

[Darth Nihilus]

Ok, I'll be a bit brute on this.
It's obvious all of us probably had some friends of the opposite sex.
However, as far as I can tell, even if I was seeing them as friends, I would often think of them as potential girlfriends.
So, I don't really think real friendships between girls and boys exist.
My point is that... well all my gfs where friends of mine before we started dating.
What's your opinion..?

 

[Donald Trump]

I'd have to disgaree with you on this. It's possible to be friends with someone without want to fuck them.
It's natural to think about having a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex because you already get on well with them.
I think your theory falls down if we apply the same logic to homosexuals, who can only have friends of the opposite sex, and to bisexuals, who can have no friends.

 

[Shu]

It's all a matter of perspective really. College you will find a lot of friendships, but it generally happens with just groups of friends not a one on one basis. I never did try to get stuck in a situation where I went out to the movies with a girl alone in high school who I did not feel for. I know by far that is the wrong idea.

As you get older you tend find out what true friendship is. There have been girls I have talked to that remain friends even as of today very close (even if regionally they are elsewhere). I can be very open sexually to some of them and they wouldn't even care, because they are the same way.

It's all about maturity level I guess. I mean if you are sitting there falling for every girl/guy you meet who is remotely good looking, then you are destined to be alone.

There is another thing though that really henders this. Sex. I would go into depth about this subject, but honestly I don't know if it would be appropriate. Let's just say.. Sex can sometimes be just a feeling and not a heartfelt one. So.. yea.

 

[Darth Nihilus]

It's all a matter of perspective really. College you will find a lot of friendships, but it generally happens with just groups of friends not a one on one basis. I never did try to get stuck in a situation where I went out to the movies with a girl alone in high school who I did not feel for. I know by far that is the wrong idea.

As you get older you tend find out what true friendship is. There have been girls I have talked to that remain friends even as of today very close (even if regionally they are elsewhere). I can be very open sexually to some of them and they wouldn't even care, because they are the same way.

It's all about maturity level I guess. I mean if you are sitting there falling for every girl/guy you meet who is remotely good looking, then you are destined to be alone.

There is another thing though that really henders this. Sex. I would go into depth about this subject, but honestly I don't know if it would be appropriate. Let's just say.. Sex can sometimes be just a feeling and not a heartfelt one. So.. yea.

I do get your point, and it happened to me to, to see a girl as a friend and want her to be just a friend of mine. And, yes she is gorgeous, lol.
But by the time she and I would be alone in a room and talk about stuff, if one of us would bring up the "sex talk" then we would purposely change the subject cause it was too awkward.
To be honest, if she would lean to kiss me, I wouldn't be so fond of stopping her.
I do have female friends, but I try to avoid one on one situations, just in case.

I'd have to disgaree with you on this. It's possible to be friends with someone without want to fuck them.
It's natural to think about having a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex because you already get on well with them.
I think your theory falls down if we apply the same logic to homosexuals, who can only have friends of the opposite sex, and to bisexuals, who can have no friends.

This question evolved straight people, not homo or bi.
Of course they are an exception.

 

[Bambi]

I've had loads of male friends, ever since I was a kid. I get on with lads better than women sometimes. I've always been abit of a tomboy, so I'd be doing all the lad things with the lads, fighting, climbing trees etc

When the lads go out on a night out, they invite me along, or I'l invite them round for a lads night in, my mate Liam constantlypops round for a brew Danny (from here) calls round and drinks all my tea as well.

I've never considered any of them to be more than friends, and I think it works both ways. It would just be weird. I see some of them like brothers, it'd just be too weird..... xD

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

I think I've only ever been friends with one guy that I ended up going out with. All the other guys I have met and become friends with have just remained that way.

And guess what, I never spoke to that guy again after we broke up. It killed the friendship. =/

It's not that hard to know where you stand with one another if you make sure not to let it get too weird etc.

E.g: Don't accept an invitation from them if the night out only involves you and them. That is when it gets weird.

I would only go out with male friends if a whole bunch of us were getting together. It's just common sense really if you want to remain 'only friends' and not ruin the friendship.

Also if you're in a relationship having guy/girl friends is fine, though for example, if I were to tell Steve that I was going out to the movies with another guy friend then that'd just be a no no. It doesn't work like it would if I were going out with a girl to the movies. XD

By the way, to the first poster, are you still friends with any of those girls you went out with?

 

[WanderingAesthetic]

I think your theory falls down if we apply the same logic to homosexuals, who can only have friends of the opposite sex, and to bisexuals, who can have no friends.

As a bisexual, this really makes me laugh.

But in all seriousness, yes, women and men can definitely be friends, though I will admit it can be really awkward if one party is interested and the other isn't. That tension usually goes away if you're both in another relationship, though.

I'll admit I don't what it's like on the male side. That sounds like I'm saying "if men and women can't be friends, it's men's faults, ye horny bastards" which is not the case, I've seen sexual tension screw up a friendship from the other side. It comes down to maturity, most especially emotional maturity, which I will say, men seem to acquire later. Mostly, it requires the ability not to be desperate for either a relationship or sex.

In my opinion, the best relationships also work as friendships. I don't see that making a relationship romantic or sexual ruins the friendship aspect.
If you're interested in this girl, there's no reason not to ask her out, if you were thinking about it, that is if you can drop it if she says no. Though if you've brought such up and steered away from it, that may not be the best idea. Or you or her or both may just be awkward people. We all are sometimes. I'll let you be the judge.

 

[10th Doctor]

I actuallyprefer male friends. Whenever I think of them as well, something MORE... Well, I always thought 'ew'. Sometimes, I can be attracted to one of my friends, but never really serious. So I can see your point... but... I'm a little iffy. I'm pretty positive that guys and gals can, infact, be friends.

 

[blakstang98]

Personality-wise, I've tended to have guy friends only. I think there is something naturally intimidating about me that tends to scare women away (I'm still trying to figure out why this is). But in my history, I've had very few female friends.

Honestly, I always felt like if I was friends with a girl, that the girl would think I was expecting to be more friends. I've found out in time that men and women can be friends, but it took a lot of tinkering of my own head to realize and understand this. At younger ages it's tough to be just friends with the opposite sex without your hormonal teenager minds taking control and wanting more, but as you get older, you can see people of the opposite sex as a friend and only that.

So I think age is the deciding factor to whether a friendship between and a man and woman can be just that. It also takes 2 mature individuals.

 

[Demonata]

I prefer male friends too. I guess I get along with males more solely because they're not expecting me to do "girlie" things with them. I'm not one to sit and talk about people, girls like to gossip, and I'm not one to reflect on my feeling (god do they like to do that). I tend to stray in to the packs where I can laugh, be annoying, loud, and make fun of people in there with out them getting offended. I find that refuge in guys easy.

I don't know about the "expecting" factor here. All the guy friends I have never expected me to date them. They generally wanted to be my friend, or at least... that's how I feel. I don't go into relationships looking for the sex appeal.

Also, as I was reading something up there, if I was dating someone and I told them I was going out with my friend Ryan to see a movie or just hang out then they would have to deal with that. I guess a relationship is about trust in the end, not the notion that your friend is male so therefore you must be jumping his bones.

 

[Bambi]

Also, as I was reading something up there, if I was dating someone and I told them I was going out with my friend Ryan to see a movie or just hang out then they would have to deal with that. I guess a relationship is about trust in the end, not the notion that your friend is male so therefore you must be jumping his bones.

I agree,I don't see why that would matter, I went to see U2 with my mate Gav who has a girlfriend, and it was only us two who went. Just because it's a guy shouldn't make any odds unless you think they might think there's summat more to it - but if you don't know the person all that well, you wouldn't be off doing summat with them anyway I don't think, Ive known gav since I was 15, and Il be damned if I get a boyfriend and I'm expected not to do stuff with him

I'l go out with anyone male or female though,it just isn't an issue for me, it never has been

Although there are the odd exceptions, liek my mate Jamie, there's just no way Id go for a drink just him on his own, but that's because I know he'd shag anything that moves and he's always trying it on with anything with a set of tits - myself included AND he has a lovely girlfried. Some people you can only see in groups of friends of the opposite sex xD

Sooo, I just think it depends on the people involved I guess

 

[Demonata]

I agree,I don't see why that would matter, I went to see U2 with my mate Gav who has a girlfriend, and it was only us two who went. Just because it's a guy shouldn't make any odds unless you think they might think there's summat more to it - but if you don't know the person all that well, you wouldn't be off doing summat with them anyway I don't think, Ive known gav since I was 15, and Il be damned if I get a boyfriend and I'm expected not to do stuff with him

I'l go out with anyone male or female though,it just isn't an issue for me, it never has been

Although there are the odd exceptions, liek my mate Jamie, there's just no way Id go for a drink just him on his own, but that's because I know he'd shag anything that moves and he's always trying it on with anything with a set of tits - myself included AND he has a lovely girlfried. Some people you can only see in groups of friends of the opposite sex xD

Sooo, I just think it depends on the people involved I guess

Yep yep! I have a friend who's like that. I would never go out with him by himself for the same reason. I guess picking your friends in the end is what it comes down to. I know a lot of guys though that would be utterly pissed if their girlfriend went out with out them and the person they happened to be going out with was a dude. I don't get it particularly.

Some of my guy friends are also stuck in relationships where they can't see ME because I am female. I don't get why some females are like that with their boyfriends. They're not all "dogs" ladies. Some guys have brains and won't do something while with you. I think it's the leash in the end that changes it all up. It makes it hard for people of the opposite sex to become friends because people look in at their relationship and assume that they're doing something.

I can't have a guy friend with out my sisters and my best girlfriend assuming that I'm wanting him in the end. I laugh at the fact that they're assuming that and then they retort with the "aww you're laughing, you must like him" ... please. XD

oh well. XD

 

[L]

To be honest, I only have two friends that I know IRL.

They're both dudes, but I don't think it'd really make a difference if one of them was female.

Of course though, you can still fuck someone and still be friends. Not that it goes that way often, but I know that out of like a million of chicks I know online that definitely look fuckable, I'm pretty sure that there's only two of them that I'd even consider the possibility of sex with if I met them, and thats just because we always talking about all kinds of kinky shit.

Anyways, some of them are pretty hot.

But most of the time if I try to imagine bending them over and doing something epic i saw in a porno once, it usually goes a little something like this

SO to say the least... its kind of a disturbing train of thought... not that theres anything wrong with doing dave, i just dont bend that way brah

 

[Shu]

Well dang I actually have to disagree with Kelly for once =\, and here's my reasoning...

There are people who you can hang out with of the opposite sex, but it is dependent on activities and such. I clarify stuff is in bounds and out of bounds. There are platonic relationships and there are real relationships with people, and the difference is huge.

If say you go grab a cup of coffee.. tis harmless. Then say you go to a late showing of a movie, this is off limits. It is establishing boundaries in relationships, I don't care how well one claims to know someone, but as growing up has taught me... you may be able to trust yourself, but can you trust the other person.

I've had friends in my life who have been friends with me for damn near 9-11 years. I mean girls and guys here.. so let me keep going. When people say.. "impression", like "I was under the impression" they usually mean because of the situation or the setting. There are some people you could hang out with every damn day, but when you establish a location like a late night movie, that to me means something a bit more special especially if its a romantic comedy of some sorts. As Kelly pointed out ... U2 - well that's different on many levels, if your partner is asked or not.. if not that is a bit of a smack in the face, unless you just don't really see the relationship lasting. I assume.. even if a girl says she doesn't get jealous, that down deep if you are talking to a decent looking girl.. and she responds in a flirty way.. well your woman will be mad. It's an effin head game beyond both male and female... You just have to establish boundaries..

Now my guy friends.. well I've had it rough for the past few years, because I know most people had to leave my town I live in because they graduated and got married, so finding fellas to go out with and HAVE SOME SELFCONTROL!!! are hard time find. Some fellas will poke anything that moves, and others are just socially weird in public so I don't bother to ask (sounds bad I know). The bad part is though, when hanging around my girl I've lost a lot of trust in my buds because of their actions towards her. It's all about the other person, like I said I've known people for 9-11 years.. and never had a problem, but just because I have a pretty lady.. they step outside the line of friendship and screw it all over. I sit there and say.. "are you kidding me.. "

So everything is situational, you just have to establish it at the beginning of the relationship - but I think I may have strayed from the OP's topic.

Yes Woman and Men can be friends, but it has to be mature on both sides.. and no frisky business, if you know what I mean.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

^^ I agree with you Shu.

As Kelly pointed out ... U2 - well that's different on many levels, if your partner is asked or not.. if not that is a bit of a smack in the face, unless you just don't really see the relationship lasting. I assume.. even if a girl says she doesn't get jealous, that down deep if you are talking to a decent looking girl.. and she responds in a flirty way.. well your woman will be mad. It's an effin head game beyond both male and female... You just have to establish boundaries..

I mean I would be really offended if Steve came home and told me that he was going out somewhere awesome with another girl. <_<

First of all why didn't he invite me before this girl?

Also even if I pretended that it was okay, obviously it isn't, because what normal girlfriend is okay with their boyfriend hanging out with another girl doing fun things which they should be doing with me?

It obviously tells me two things. He isn't interested in me that much and doesn't really care about my feelings, and he's obviously a lot more interested in the other girl.

Thankfully Steve is on the same train of thought with me on this one. He think it'd be weird if either of us went out with the opposite sex alone. =/

Obviously we trust each other, but we don't trust the other people. =/

 

[M1ghty Mous3]

I think it comes down to more then just a single one thing. Theres maturity (eomtional also) Trust, and many other things i don't feel like typing right now that were said.

I know for me, if i'm dating someone and decide to hangout with a lady im friends with, their going ot have to deal with it. I don't go fucking everything i see and don't intend to either. I have 4 very close friends, 2 of which are ladies. I see one as a sister, and the other as an amazing freind. Yet at the same time, i could see us as more then that, but im content with things as they are. From my perspective, i'm confortable with hanging out with any of my friends one on one. If they are not, they we wont. i see them as friends and nothing more.

Now if one of my friends wanted to do other stuff while we were hanging out and i was taken, then i'd decline, but still try to make them feel like they mean something to me. Just not in a sexual way atleast. I think if your not allowed to hangout with a single friend of the opposit sex whilst dating someone, then you shouldn't be dating them in the first place. Unles there is very specifice and well grounded reason why you shouldn't hangout with said person alone in the first place.

 

[Midnight Memoire]

My best friend is male. I attended High School and College with him. We've not once fooled around nor have I even considered the possibility. Granted, I can't speak for him, but I can say that he's never "made a move" or even suggested anything more than a friendship.

I'm married now and still friends with him. My Hubby isn't bothered by it or at least he's never said that he is...

All and all, I must disagree with the topic creator.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Now if one of my friends wanted to do other stuff while we were hanging out and i was taken, then i'd decline, but still try to make them feel like they mean something to me. Just not in a sexual way atleast.

This is why I would hate it if my partner had any girls who were friends. Because how the hell am I to know what the girls will try when they go out.

And even if he did say no to them, it's just the thought that some hoe was making a move on my man while I wasn't around. =/

And really that's why I try to avoid hanging out with any members of the opposite sex alone. Because even if nothing happens, but it was suggested, well then it's just weird from then on. =/

And I really wouldn't want my partner hanging out with someone who did that right after it happened.

I think if your not allowed to hangout with a single friend of the opposit sex whilst dating someone, then you shouldn't be dating them in the first place. Unles there is very specifice and well grounded reason why you shouldn't hangout with said person alone in the first place.

I also think that this only applies to people who are more open and not as jealous etc.

I'm not the jealous type, but if it came down to Steve hanging out with another girl alone, well then yes I would be a green eyed monster.

It makes you question why the hell they can't hang out with you to start with and obviously they aren't that interested in the girl they're currently with i.e: me.

So yes I agree. You shouldn't be dating someone who isn't allowing you to hang out with a member of the opposite sex if that is what you really want. Either find someone else who really doesn't seem to mind at all, or go out with the person you're spending all your time with currently.

I prefer the more typical relationships personally. Never did fancy sharing any of my boyfriends.

 

[Bambi]

Me and Gav are both massive U2 fans, it made sense that we would go, what if your bf liked some group you didnt, would you really want to endure hours on your feet at something you didnt like just because the only other person available to go was female?

I'd never of asked Danny to go see them or James...or well, any group Ilike tbh with me when I was with him, he would have just said no. So then if he turned around and said, dont think you're going with *such and such a male friend* I'd knock him out. Why should I miss out because of his insecurites?

And ok, I can see the point about going to the movies with one person of the opposite sex but ONLY if you are in a relationship, Il relent there, but some things, I can't see any issue at all. IF tyhe other person DID try anything funny it'd be like ''dude.....no'' and then I just wouldnt go out alone with them anymore

''im meeting Gav for a drink'' or ''Liams popping round for a brew'' not a problem at all

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Well my point really was that if you're in a loving relationship and you really care about each other then obviously you will have to make some sacrifices. =)

Every now and then something will come up and one of us may not want to do something but will still do it to make the other happy, which in turn makes everyone happy etc.

Steve wants to go to Wet N' Wild this weekend, but I really can't be bothered going swimming, but I'm doing it for him because he does things for me sometimes that he really doesn't feel like.

I dunno. I just see it as still getting to be together and enjoying the only time we have together really, which is the weekends, and making the relationship work etc.