Serious What do you think about this

mizushinzui

mizushinzui

Auron's Apprentice
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Nov 30, 2009
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Hi guys, I think I should warn you that you have a lot of reading ahead of you.

To start from the beggining, I was gonig out with someone when I met the person I know like, but that relationship ended and within 2 weeks my ex had allready gone of with someone who was a close friend. (And before anyone asks, yes Im still a little bitter)

But in any case, I started getting close to this girl and started to have feelings for her, I once was tipsy at a party with her and told her how I felt and she told me that she didn't want a boyfriend and she liked me as a friend.

After that night we remained friends and one day, (the last day before the easter half term) I was hanging out with her when she handed me a valentines day buiscit in from of everyone from our class including my ex and her new bf (yes we're in the same class at college, harsh huh?) and after that we all whent home and thought nothing of it for days until my ex messeges me on MSN saying that she thinks this girl is using me, because I bought her a drink and something to eat one day. So I just kind of dodged this and got on with the holiday.

Anyway a few days ago I was talking to the girl I like and she mentioned that someone had said to her to stop using me, and I assumed my ex had said it(it wasn't her insidentally :S) but then the girl found out i still liker her and said that she was still messed in the head and that a relationship wouldn't be fair on me. Since then I and then she preceded to tell me that at least 3 other people liked her. I know that one of the other people who like her is in our class. I have since had another person telling me that they think she is using me.

So I have to ask you, do you

a) think she is using me (Although this may be difficult to guess from what you've been told

b) think she is just making excuses with what she said?

I would really appreciate your help, I really like this girl alot and it hurts alot sometimes.
 
I'd go for option B. After all, she told you she didn't want a boyfriend and yet she has/had one. That's just my guess, so don't take my word for it. I don't think she's using you to get food and drinks because, after all, she's your friend. Friends always help each other out.

Until you're sure she's using you, I'm just going with B. If she is just using you, she was never your friend.
 
Imma haveta agree with Leon on this one. I dunno about you but using someone for food just seems a little odd. It could also (since your ex is the one that told you that) that maybe your ex doesn't want you to be with her? Of course I can't say for sure but like I said, using someone for food is a little odd and (I know I don't ) see it often. Though you mentioned above that she found out and (using part) and for her to stop using you. If she never denied it, then maybe she is using you?
 
I'm actually kinda in a similar situation as you right now. My best friend and me recently stopped being friends because she thought i was infatuated with her. Basically, i would always go to lunch with her and shit with her and she assumed i liked her. Anyways i never did and it sucks we aren't friends anymore..

To your story, i don't think she is using you man. You bought her a drink and lunch. not a big deal. It's just a nice thing to do, which will get you closer with this girl. Playing the friends card isnt a good thing but if its the only way to get close to her, just be friends. Later on, if she starts to get really close to you and makes moves, she obviously will want something. Just take it slow. Just don't make the same mistake i did and get too close.
 
Just sounds liek someones trying to cause trouble re. the using you comment, do you feel used? Infact, she's been open and honest with you so it's not like she's leading you on or out. I'd ignore 'a' so you bought her a drink and some scran one time, woohoo. me and my mates do that all the time, what's a few quid between pals?

If you genuinely enjoy each others friendship then there should be no problem, unless I guess it starts to feel awkward for you because you have feelings and you might just wanna back off abit for your own sake rather than the gossips causing trouble
 
At some point, you just have to come to the realization that it's not a good time for this chick and leave it at that. I don't know what more she has to do to tell you she does not want a boyfriend at the moment, but I think she said it pretty well when she said she does not want a boyfriend. It doesn't sound like she's doing anything to lead you on, so it's probably just best that you back off from it for now. The fact that she said she likes you as a friend, at that age, is just that: she doesn't share the same feelings.

You'll probably never get this broad and if you somehow manage to, it won't last for very long. My advice is to move on.
 
Okay guys, thanks for your advice.

I can see from your comments that I didn't exactlly explain it properlly. What I ment was that I had heard from someone who has known her alot longer than I have that apparentlly she likes to lead boys on. Which is why I asked.

In answer to Quina, I feel used now. She started to hang out with the other guy in the class that likes her all of the time now, and I can see what people ment by using now that it's happening to someone else. She keeps pulling faces at me in class and making really loud comments in front of me about her and that guy.

Not sure if I explained that properlly that time but now I can see it I am starting to believe it. It was her ex best friend from highschool, someone I have known and trusted for years telling me that made me think about it.

Thanks for all your advice anyway guys.
 
Eh well, it sounds like you are better off without her then. She seems to just like the attention I guess. If she comes crawling back for whatever reason I wouldn't give her the time of day

Sucks that you liked her, but there are a lot of other nicer girls out there :)
 
I agree with Quina there, don't waste any more time with her. I've been raised that if someone's already taken, don't bother getting in the way.

There are nicer girls out there. Way nicer. I once met someone so nice I always thought I never deserved her. If you ever meet someone that makes you feel that way, by all means don't let her go.
 
Man, your situation is a very common story/ behavior/pattern around your age (I am not that far but I kinda feel old :sad3:). Unfortunately, since the problem has been exposed from one perspective, I can't come to a fair judgment of your case without feeling biased by the way you told us the facts. However, of what I read I can theorize that what's wrong in this situation is the "honesty" factor. That girl you like is simply making up excuses because she doesn't want to lose your friendships fearing that telling you the truth might affect the way you treat her.

Sincerely, the worst mistake you can do when approaching a girl you like is buying her stuff or giving her lots of presents. She is NOT your girlfriend and seriously, no one ever expects a friend to give presents so frequently unless that friend has some sort of personal interests. I know, I've seen it happen many times.

Take your shot, if you miss and she ditches you, then NEXT! Look, there are way nicer girls out there. Probably, she just likes the attention and when a girl is used to attract the attention of men for long, it kinda affects her behavior and way of seeing this. I do not foretell a very functional relationship with her.

If she is taken, have some pride kiddo! No person should become a lap dog to earn a second meal spot.
 
I don't think she is using you, she wants to be friends with you right? and you want to be more than a friend with her, but i can tell you, if anywas you manage to get her as your girlfriend i can tell you that relationships doesn't last longer than friendship.
 
I find myself in agreement with Kelly on this, the girl is clearly stringing you along as a "life-raft" for ego satisfaction.

My main advice above all is talk to her about it, you have been open about your feelings thus far, so why not take that further step and give her an ultimatum? Tell her how her telling you about other boys liking her brings doubts to your mind, tell her that you cannot wait for her forever and let her know that is more than just a potential relationship in jeporady if she carries on behaving in such a manner.

Chances are if she is unaware of her actions, she will appologise and be straight with you, if she is aware and is just manipulating your feelings, expect her to try using a different carrot on a stick (such as using her feelings as a weapon to emotionally blackmail you into continuing on in this situation) or even bare faced lying, but carrying on with what she was doing anyway.

My personal gut instinct on this, and I'm sorry to say it does seem an awful lot like manipulation in which case, if she continues after you have given her an ultimatum, walk away and dont look back. It will be hard for you to do, but believe me you will feel a lot better for doing so and it will allow you to meet someone who IS worth your time and attention.
 
I've got to thank everyone for their advice.

The issue is kind of resolved now. When I say resolved I move on, just forgot about her as best as I could and I feel better now. Thanks to everyone that replied trying to offer your advice. It was very much apprieciated and I'll no where to come if I ever need to talk to people outside my friend circle.
 
No problem, though I was very little help in this. Still, glad I could help. There are plenty of fish in the sea; your bait was just dead all this time, that's all. I'm glad you will trust us should you need any more advice. :)
 
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