Serious The Ex Factor

[Channizard]

I understand where everyone's coming from about cheating, but what if it was an honest mistake. Saaaay, here's the most popular scenario from Friends.

You two are arguing, fighting and can't come to an agreement. You decide to just 'take a break'. Not knowing if you're going to get back with your bf/gf, you go on a drinking binge, and end up sleeping with some strange. You're drunk and in an emotional state. Surely, your other would forgive you, yes?

Would you expect to be forgiven so easily? Or would you have to work for it? And if the roles were reversed and you were cheated on, again.. drunk and emotional they were, how would you feel?

Honestly I would feel really betrayed but would understand about the whole... break thing.

 

[Dee]

Depending on how the 'break' was defined, it really is a matter left up to the individuals and what they agree on. Many times, couples do not work these things out and end up having a misunderstanding like Ross and Rachel. Ross thought the break meant they were on hiatus, no longer dating, but apparently Rachel thought differently like she was still hanging onto him but their relationship was different in some ways.

To me, as long as we are considered to be a couple and are dating seriously or married, I would consider kissing, touching, sex to be cheating. As for the drunk thing, well, I hardly find that to be a legitimate excuse. In my defense, I don't drink, so I don't consider it to be one of those things that makes cheating 'ok'. If you chose to drink, you obviously knew what the possible consequences were (alcohol is a depressant and it amplifies emotions). Personally, I would never put myself in this situation. And if I did, I would never expect my significant other to forgive me, depending on how serious our relationship is defined.

Once that moment happens and the 'cheating' has happened, and if we are in a serious, monogamous relationship as defined by the both of us, I would not forgive. However, if 'we were on a break', I think they should be free to do as they please.

 

[Sepalcure]

Well as this is a hypothetical situation . . . I honestly wouldn't be okay with my significant other wooing some other chick, even if we were on a break, it'd take me a long time to sort of nurse that wound. To me, even if we were physically separated, I'd still feel some sort of emotional attachment to that person; and I'd view the break as a window of opportunity to reflect on what either of us did wrong to tarnish our relationship. To me, my supposed significant other frolicking around with some other girl, let alone while he's knocking back a few pints of beer, would be just like tossing a valuable painting away to me.

What would be the point of me giving you time to reflect on something, for both of us to separately patch ourselves up, and then try to give "us" another go; if you were going to just be careless about it? I wouldn't be able to just readily take them back, they'd need to truly convince me that they wouldn't ever do it again, that it was a little mistake. Sure it could be nitpicky or a bit much for some but it's merely how I feel on the issue.

To reverse it, I would want my partner to take me back only if I felt that I could be faithful to him. It would be painful for me to not admit it but to have to see this person grapple with the choices of snatching me back and forgiving me for my wrongs or turning his back on us and shutting that chapter of our lives closed. That would be hard to accept into my life but if it was something I knew I couldn't promise--that loyalty I mean, I'd want him to cut it off for both of our benefits. Otherwise than that I would fight very hard to get back into this person's good graces if I knew where my priorities and loyalties lay.

 

[DeadFantasy]

My ex. Ah good ol' times.

No but really my last ex and I lasted about 4-5 months maybe? Before we broke off. I think right into early November.
He honestly was a great dude but, we just weren't on the same page. I like to kind of take it slow at first then start taking bigger and bigger steps but, he was the opposite. I could tell he wanted to get serious and fast. I mean, nothing wrong with that but, he was just... too fast for me.

For the most part, it was a good relationship I think. He didn't treat me wrongily and I, too to him. We were pretty good friends before hand (nothing wrong with that right?) but, I guess my heart wasn't fully there. Shortly before I was in a relationship with him I had just came out of an serious relationship. I guess he was more of a rebound (I know sounds horrible) I mean, I did like him. He was a good guy and everything but, I hadn't completely gotten over my last relationship before him. I wasn't true to my emotions. I was the one who ended up walking away.

The only issue I think was being at the same level and it was just all over the place. He was up I was down you get the picture. I mean I haven't talked to him since like a few months ago so, I don't really consider us friends any longer. It sucks but at the same time I knew it wasn't right to have him hanging so it was for the best. It was actually pretty easy to break it off. He wasn't over-dramatic about it which was cool =).

Last I spoke to him, he said he was doing great and was back up on his feet. I think he's still single not too sure but, I do hope the best for him.

 

[Shu]

Saaaay, here's the most popular scenario from Friends.

You two are arguing, fighting and can't come to an agreement. You decide to just 'take a break'. Not knowing if you're going to get back with your bf/gf, you go on a drinking binge, and end up sleeping with some strange. You're drunk and in an emotional state. Surely, your other would forgive you, yes?

Would you expect to be forgiven so easily? Or would you have to work for it? And if the roles were reversed and you were cheated on, again.. drunk and emotional they were, how would you feel?

Honestly I would feel really betrayed but would understand about the whole... break thing.

Not so much. Here's the thing, a kiss, maybe. A hug.. a dance.. just hanging out.. alright.. Sex? No.

I mean if it's not serious, then have sex with whoever you like, we all know the feeling. It's one of the greatest things, but seriously, if you are looking for a quick well one nighter, and you have alcohol involved well it's your loss.

I've cheated, I know the pain I put the other person through. It isn't great, knowing I was capable of doing it. Though I can say the best thing I ever did was set her free on the matter. Young naive, yes.. but still gave me no excuse to shatter the poor girls heart at the time. She might have been many things, but she never once slept with anyone. The fact is my heart was never in the relationship, she was a rebound, and I feel terribly bad for her because she was looking at me for all the things I faked being. To exist in society you have to conform sometimes, and honestly, it was a dick move of me, but I came clean and honest, and I know now not to get involved right after a relationship. Only a quick three week thing, but hey, that's what college was about I guess.

From then on, I came to agree, if you feel like you two just aren't in it for the relationship part, then put down some terms. If it's an open relationship, then that's cool. If not, then be willing to be their one and only and that's that. Alcohol is no excuse. Emotional is no excuse, I've been through hell and back, trust me, but there is no reason to put your baggage on a strangers ear, unless of course you are willing to be taken advantage of. Careful in who you trust.. etc. There are trained professionals for this, and parents/friends for that. Alcohol should never be a coping mechanism (i'm one to talk, hypocrite) but seriously, if somethings on your chest about a relationship, family problems, etc, be surprised who will listen without wanting to get their wick wet.

 

[Daenerys]

I understand where everyone's coming from about cheating, but what if it was an honest mistake. Saaaay, here's the most popular scenario from Friends.

You two are arguing, fighting and can't come to an agreement. You decide to just 'take a break'. Not knowing if you're going to get back with your bf/gf, you go on a drinking binge, and end up sleeping with some strange. You're drunk and in an emotional state. Surely, your other would forgive you, yes?

Would you expect to be forgiven so easily? Or would you have to work for it? And if the roles were reversed and you were cheated on, again.. drunk and emotional they were, how would you feel?

Honestly I would feel really betrayed but would understand about the whole... break thing.

Even then, it's just an unforgivable thing. If you were on a "break" and then one of you sleeps with someone else, to me, that would be a sign that you two aren't meant to be. A one night stand with someone else, and then going back to the relationship? ...no. I couldn't do it. If I was the cheater, I'd end the relationship. If I was cheated on, I'd end the relationship.

To me, you only go on a break if you need to sort things out. This does not mean you can go off and screw the first person you find attractive, it doesn't work that way with me.

Of course, the rules are different if you never agreed to be "exclusive" but, personally, I wouldn't be in relationship like that. It's all or nothing. If I was on a break, I wouldn't cheat on my partner, or expect my partner to cheat on me. If one of us did, during the break, things could never go back to how they were, and the relationship would inevitably collapse.

 

[blakstang98]

I understand where everyone's coming from about cheating, but what if it was an honest mistake. Saaaay, here's the most popular scenario from Friends.

You two are arguing, fighting and can't come to an agreement. You decide to just 'take a break'. Not knowing if you're going to get back with your bf/gf, you go on a drinking binge, and end up sleeping with some strange. You're drunk and in an emotional state. Surely, your other would forgive you, yes?

Would you expect to be forgiven so easily? Or would you have to work for it? And if the roles were reversed and you were cheated on, again.. drunk and emotional they were, how would you feel?

Honestly I would feel really betrayed but would understand about the whole... break thing.

WE WERE ON A BREAK! One thing I could never understand about this was the fact that Rachel proposed the break, but Ross was always blamed for it. And I understand that Ross was the one who committed the crime, but it was Rachel who effectively ended it. Sorry, I figured I'd rant about how that went down.

But to use this situation as an example, after a break-up, I tend to wait it out a little while, for the possible reconsiliation. Not to mention, emotionally, you're pretty drained from a break-up and sort of need some time with yourself to gather your thought and prevent yourself from doing something irrational. This sort of thing kind of happened with me and my first girlfriend, where she cheated on me during a sort of "transitional" period. Regardless of technicalities of how that all works, it still hurt. Then I came to realize that if she was willing to cheat on me, then why the hell would I want to be with her? That helped me realize that the end of that relationship was the best thing to happen to me in regards to her.

All of my other relationships were odd in the sense that they were all women that in all liklihood, I shouldn't have been with. Two of them were married and the other was significantly younger than me (as well she lived far from me). I can certainly get past the distance thing, but the maturity level due to age was low. As for the married women, well, what more is there to say? They were married, and I knew better, but didn't stay away from them. I always followed my heart instead of my head when it came to relationships, and those relationships were irrational on many levels. I knew this, but felt like I should follow my feelings and maybe the rest would take care of itself. I've learned my lesson.

But the bottom line is, it's best to leave the past behind and focus on the future. Whether you have a relationship developing or you're single, hanging on to the past won't make things easier when trying to find that special someone. Even if you felt that on some level there is hope, you're better off moving on, as those long lay-off reconsiliations have a very slim chance of working out (but not impossible). Love is much harder to accept when you hang on to someone from the past.

 

[Ipsen]

I ahve these two exes, one that lasted 6 months, another that lasted 4. And it's funny because they weren't really great partners to be with, but they seem to have this habit of getting in the way or annoying me. Like on Facebook they will send me messages asking me why I don't accept them or just "check up on me" and what not. The other day I was recently Readded to MSN and nothing has been said to me since. I don't mind it but it feels like an excuse to get in my face or to see how I am doing without actually coming out and saying it. It's not like I am being harassed, but it's not like you can say it's normal either.