Serious Surgery

Sepalcure

Sepalcure

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So . . . my life's taken a nosedive within the past 48 hours. I almost bled to death after engaging in the "do" with my boyfriend. Long story short, I panicked, we tried to find health clinics since I suggested it; then I finally contacted my stepsister about it and we drove to her house. I basically almost slipped into a coma from the sheer blood loss so my bf, who was right by my side called 911.

I went in for surgery . . . so we know what we did wrong. I had sex under my parents' roof. I disrespected them. I feel shameful, guilty, disgusting, angry, distraught. They see my bf as a "bum," a "loser," all this after my step-dad whilst in the hospital waiting for me to get out of surgery took him out for pizza. They threatened to arrest him or bodily throw him out of the house if he came near. According to the physicians however, cause-wise, they have none. One OB-GYN told me it was a 3 cm tear in the cervix while another told me it was in the well . . . area.

But I needed to rant and really this is just a messy situation, no pun intended. I'm just . . . exhausted and emotionally fragile. I'm sorry if this is TMI or tl;dr and if it's too sensitive or like personal then please don't read it. But I had to get this out.
 
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I know this is a very personal question, but was this your first time having sex? Most women have a bleeding problem when they have sex for the first time. I'm guessing it's because a penis is the largest thing that's been introduced inside their vagina, so the (sorry for the graphic way of putting this) skin stretches to lengths it hasn't before. Though I'll admit, I don't think it's a cause for almost bleeding to death, but some probably enough to be scary at least. Not to mention the vaginal fluids mixing with the blood will make it look like a lot more blood is there.

As for your family life, I do recall you making a thread about this before, and how your parents didn't really approve of your boyfriend. Naturally this situation won't win him over with your parents. :( But I think it speaks worlds that your boyfriend called the emergency in to take care of you, which should actually win him some respect from your folks. I hope for his sake and yours, that your parents will see this situation and start to respect him and think a little more highly of him.

Sorry about your bleeding problem, sneaker. I hope you get well soon. :ryan:
 
Oh wow, I'm so sorry this happened to you :sad: I hope you're feeling better now :sad3:

And it's probably not your BF's fault that it happened; it sounds like just a fluke, and I can't understand how your parents could get so upset about it like that 8( It's not like he would've injured you on purpose, and there's no way you guys could've known that would happen.

As far as them being pissed off that you did it under their roof, they need to grow up, srsly. They probably did it themselves when they were your age, and there shouldn't be such a stigmatic connotation with sex anyway. I mean it can lead to problems like unwanted pregnancy, STDs etc if people aren't careful, but too often parents will treat it like the act itself is a horrendous crime, and it's a stupid way for them to behave. It's not like you're killing someone, stealing from someone, or otherwise being a cruel person by doing it, so I don't think you should feel guilty, ashamed, or any other bad feelings about it. Instead of them causing all this drama, they should be much more worried about your health if they actually cared about you :mokken: They shouldn't do things to stress you out even more at a time like this, it's not good for your body when you're trying to heal.
 
Thank you, my parents actually don't respect him at all. Their thinking is that since he "must have" caused this tear in my vagina that he must be some terrible, low-life person and my mother especially was making these heinous assumptions about him. They even targeted his weight since he's not exactly super skinny, he's a little chubby. As for it being my first time? No, actually this was the third time. I never bled so profusely up until the third time although the first time I bled and it stopped within a few days. The second time I bled a bit, stopped, and then my menstrual cycle started.

Really what bothers me the most is that they would pin this on him and even go so far as to threaten to press charges against him. He stayed with me in the hospital and he was one of the first people to check up on me when I woke up from surgery. He came straight to the hospital the morning after to see me. It was just a really tense and emotionally charged time for us. I mean I'm going to love him regardless. Obviously I love my family and there's a huge part of me that recognizes the shame and the audacity of what I did, the harsh and selfish nature of what we both did. But I'm not going to agree with my parents and say that he did what he did based on my race perhaps, because for him it might have felt good to harm me. Never.

EDIT: Again, thank you. I mean as soon as I came home from the hospital they basically tag teamed me and said I wasn't showing any remorse for what I did. I mean I know they love me, that goes without question, and I know why she's disappointed in me and angry. But I'm still in pain and waking up to an empty house and being around this tenseness and having no sympathy thrown my way, on top of my bf being tagged as the sole perpetrator to do this to me . . . I can't feel happy about that.
 
Press charges? For what? You're of age and it was consensual (from what I can gather).

I do like how they blame him as if you had no say in the matter. Like you're incapable of making rational decisions when it comes to your sexual life. It's a very "protect the fairer sex because they can't protect themselves" attitude that belongs back in the '50s.

And forgive another personal question, but that's a lot of abnormal bleeding. Are you on birth control?
 
Terrible Terry Tate said:
Press charges? For what? You're of age and it was consensual (from what I can gather).

I do like how they blame him as if you had no say in the matter. Like you're incapable of making rational decisions when it comes to your sexual life. It's a very "protect the fairer sex because they can't protect themselves" attitude that belongs back in the '50s.

And forgive another personal question, but that's a lot of abnormal bleeding. Are you on birth control?
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Exactly, although on the same vein they're thinking of cutting me off financially completely. Hm. I wasn't on birth control prior to being sexually active, no. What my bf and I were thinking was that my cervix was probably weak and that the laceration might have gotten bigger and more irritated with the continual sexual activity. We really didn't know what to think but all he knew was that I needed medical attention and fast.

He was scared, I was scared, even my stepsister was scared.

Oh press charges because, I don't even know. Great question. They have this assumption, once more that he must've been physically rough with me in order for my vagina to tear. Whether through usage of a penis or a toy or whatever, they feel that he must've wanted to cause me some sort of harm. My mom even said she felt that he could probably come in and kill her or something since they're disallowing him from seeing me at their house. And my dad wanted to call him and talk to him so none of my parental figures, biological and step, like him.

As for my own health? Well I was released under the pretense that I should heal in two weeks and the stitches should be set in. They want me to visit the OB GYN that they set me up with as well within a week so they can follow up with me. The doctors and nurses were all baffled as to the exact cause of the tearing so the visit will no doubt be based around then. Oh and of course, there's the matter of health insurance and hospital bills . . . -___-
 
Oh yeah, you definitely made the right decision there. Blood is bad.

The reason I ask about birth control is because I've known women who have had issues with severe bleeding during their menstrual cycle, due to various factors (cervical polyps are common), and they started on birth control for that reason, regardless of their sexual activity. So if you can get into a doctor's office in the near future, that might be something to look into.
 
Yeah, they were asking about the medical history of my family, particularly the women. There is a history of fibroids on the women's side of my family, starting from my mother's cousin, then my aunt, and finally my mother. So (hopefully not) that's a factor. There was no history of polyps or anything and other than my menstrual cycle skipping a month or so, there was never any abnormal bleeding during my menstrual cycle. But yeah the abnormal bleeding is something to look into for sure.
 
Gotta say never heard of anything like this, though I could understand how it could happen. It could be the size, it could be the way ya'll were "doing" it, or it could have been just the speed etc. I won't talk about personal experience, but I will say.. I'm glad you are alright.

That really sucks about the parents. I know how protective parents get period, but they don't have the right to get mad at your boyfriend, unless something odd or abusive was going on in the sack. In this case, I think it was a freak accident, or at least it sounds like. I would say take it slower next time, if there is.. but I could understand the fear.. etc. I know you aren't stupid so I won't patronize you.

Hope you get to feeling better promptly, excellent member, hate to see you vanish!

- Shu
 
Thanks, apparently this has put enough of a strain on my bf (my parents and everything) that he feels he can't be with me. So they've done a wonderful job of pushing him away from me. Really, makes me feel great.
 
sneakerpimp441 said:
Thanks, apparently this has put enough of a strain on my bf (my parents and everything) that he feels he can't be with me. So they've done a wonderful job of pushing him away from me. Really, makes me feel great.
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Actually no one can blame the guy, after all who wants to be treated like shit and called a good for nothing, belly to the ground piece of crap? I might have exaggerated the insults again, but the way you put it, I think my insults were a lot more sugar-coated than your parents' rant.

Some people really don't like others, and maybe your boyfriend is on their hit-list simply because they say so. The problem with parents these days is that they want the best for their children, at least most of them do, and by doing so they eventually get too involved and end up pushing their children farther and farther away. Funny, the more they try to prevent their children from committing their same mistakes, the more their children end up repeating the whole story....like the worst version of that Groundhog Day film...

Then again, your parents' house, their rules, you follow. Sadly that's how the ball rolls when you are living under the roof that belongs to someone else. I kinda find it pointless to prohibit you from seeing him at your own house since you can just go to his... but then again, some parents don't make much sense, do they?

It's just like you said, if didn't like him before then definitely he won't be on their list for the next "Merry-go-around".

Hope everything gets sorted, be strong and remember this too shall pass. There's no such thing as an "eternal streak bad luck".
 
Dean Winchester said:
Some people really don't like others, and maybe your boyfriend is on their hit-list simply because they say so. The problem with parents these days is that they want the best for their children, at least most of them do, and by doing so they eventually get too involved and end up pushing their children farther and farther away. Funny, the more they try to prevent their children from committing their same mistakes, the more their children end up repeating the whole story....like the worst version of that Groundhog Day film...
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I was also going to add that the problem with parents want best is that they forget to realize that if they want what's best for their children, they'd also consider what their children are feeling, because if they don't, they're thinking of what's best for them, and not what's best for their children. What we've just seen is that her parents have neglected how she feels about this. They are looking at this entire thing from their own selfish lens, and without considering how she feels about this, they're not doing her any good.

Actually, if your parents love you, but can't be bothered to consider your feelings, one wonders if they really love you in the truest sense.
 
I don't know but between having to go through surgery and hearing my mother say, "oh breaking up with you was the best thing he could've done." I'm starting to feel absolutely distraught over everything. To say that there is a lack of care or remorse, that my mom actually laughed at me when I said he didn't do anything to harm me . . . that doesn't cover it. Their judgment resulted in his being unable to handle this and now he's just severing it. I mean for me it feels like all of this, especially the way he handled yesterday was for naught. I feel that poorly misjudging someone solely based on appearance and my being "brainwashed" by them should not dictate whether or not I can or can't see him. It's ludicrous for me to think he harmed me or he was an abuser as they think.
 
Well, what I'm saying is I'm sure your parents believe they care about you; it's just that their idea of caring for you doesn't involve your feelings, which I don't think a lot of people here seem to agree with. If she really didn't care about you, she wouldn't care if your boyfriend caused the damage or not. Personally, I think that good parents would just be supportive of you. They wouldn't blame your boyfriend or shun him for it. I think their dislike of him has simply biased their judgment, and it seems they're using this incident as more ammunition to justify their dislike of him. I agree it's wrong, and judging by your age, I hope you can move out soon and not worry about what your parents think about it.
 
Well I'm glad you are speaking to us about it, I know we are no bodies really and complete strangers, but a community all the same.. (yes even you Hal). I don't know if we can comfort you in anyway, because god knows this shit is hard, but what I know from experience with my parents probably 5 times over, is only you know yourself.

They can be ignorant about the whole thing like my parents would be, or actually give a damn about your feelings and talk you through it. Laughing, that's a bit harsh, considering all you went through.

I can't judge your parents because I assume they are just being over protective, but I can say.. this, if you lay down on this.. it's possible you will be miserable for a LOOOOONG time. For now.. I'd listen to music or whatever you can to drown out your parents, so you can get your thoughts together. Nothing drastic.. etc.
 
To add on to what Shu and Angelus said, the main thing to know is that none of this is your fault. I'm sure you know that, but it never hurts to reiterate it. It's gonna hurt, and it's a frickin terrible situation. But take whatever you can learn from it, and use it to your benefit in the future.
 
Thank you so much, I'm glad that I could get this all out in the open and hear it from a non-biased perspective. Believe me I tried to drown out my parents but it ended up with my mom scrolling through my text messages to see what I told my bf. Not fun. And then reading it a loud to me while she was on the phone talking to a relative of mine. I mean to be fair I did get distracted between him and schoolwork BUT since I started at community college I was doing really well AND still communicating with him. Besides I only attended for a few months but yeah . . . I know it's not my fault. But they're certainly making me seem like I'm 'public enemy #1' and that Shawn (that's his name) and I are going to do something stupid and drastic. If they talk badly about him then I feel that as a young adult I have every right to tell him.
 
der Astronom said:
I was also going to add that the problem with parents want best is that they forget to realize that if they want what's best for their children, they'd also consider what their children are feeling, because if they don't, they're thinking of what's best for them, and not what's best for their children. What we've just seen is that her parents have neglected how she feels about this. They are looking at this entire thing from their own selfish lens, and without considering how she feels about this, they're not doing her any good.

Actually, if your parents love you, but can't be bothered to consider your feelings, one wonders if they really love you in the truest sense.
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But you know how it works, most parents are so involved in this "leading" role that they end up wanting to choose what is best for their children believing them to be too inexperienced to be taken into account. Which is absurd since you need to make mistakes in order to get experience, that's how "trial and error" works. It's like wanting to live in a moral plastic bubble, the less exposed you are the more you'll most likely fail at the first trial. I guess we have a few religions and years of conservatism to blame for most of the failed marriages these days.


All right let's get back on track...
sneakerpimp441

Sorry to burst it up to you, but by now you should know that in this time and world, appearances DO matter A LOT. First impressions are like playing the Russian Roulette; sometimes you are lucky to dodge the bullet but then there's the time when you burst your head like a balloon of chunky soup.

Do what you want, it's your life, not theirs. You are the one who's going live in regret if you keep dancing at the beat of their music. But just remember, if you'll still live in their house, know the rules and learn how to play around it.

There's no rule that can't be bent or played around without actually "breaking it".
 
Well, to be fair, anyone can do stupid and drastic things. Even if you're in a relationship that your parents agree with, you can still do stupid drastic things. In fact, if you're with someone rich and well to do according to your parents, they probably will like him, but because he's rich and well to do, he's also capable of doing a lot more and getting away with it. So they'd be wrong to think you're only going to do stupid and drastic things just because you're with someone they don't like.

Of course, I doubt this revelation will change their minds; I've found that even if you had a good reason for doing something, your parents may not care. I agree it's absurd and it's wrong, but I guess not all parents care about being rational.

And...your mom has access to your text messages? If she does, I think you should probably delete them before she has a chance to look at them, if at all possible.
 
Nope, she already read through them. -___- Took my phone and started scrolling through them and ignored me when I asked for it back until the last possible minute. I mean my bf's now my ex apparently so . . . this whole shit just blows. Honestly.
 
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