Serious Socially Awkward?

[Smiley]

mmkay, this is whats happened in terms of my social life IRL:


So Halfway through year 9, I changed schools. I was at a good school and I was out for one purpose: to display confidence. Going into that new school, my main focus was to hide every little insecurity I had, and every problem I had I just kept it down. I wanted people to know me as the positive one, the optimist, whatever you want to call it. But this is my problem:

Because I've put on this 'happy' character, no one really knows who I am, which has caused me to be quite distant from my friends. There is barely any room for me to keep my problems down anymore, this is constantly on my mind, so...guess where that leads me, no talking. Zip, Zilch. ...so maybe, just maybe I'm a tad socially awkward? Because I'm not as close as I think I am with my friends, there's no one that I can really 'vent' to.

By closeness with my friends, I mean one of my 'best friends', we were heaps good until the end of the year. Her birthday was in January. Guess where I was? Sitting here, because I wasn't invited to her party. everyone BUT me was invited and there were photos and shit all over facebook...that's when I realised maybe I should do something about this...

So what should I do?


inb4ironyofmyusernamebeingsmiley

 

[GalaxyFlare]

You should realise everyone has problems and true friends are there for you good or bad
if your inability to talk about your problems has led to a kind of singularity you do not desire
then something has to give.

Because the aim is causing a problem with the solution, not good.

What do you have to hide? horrible unspeakable crimes? facts about government stuff or just personal problems you face everyday about life or your home life and such? tendency you have? what ever they maybe?

If the things you are hiding are of an extremely personal nature then other "children" are not the ones to be sharing them with are they really? if you can confide the stresses of normal life with your peers then you need to find and outlet so you can.

Because we all have problems at that age and its the way we deal with them then that defines how we act in the future, coz its preventing you from enjoying the better parts of being a teenager in the present:the parties ans shit!

Find an outlet for your burdens and start to act like your self again, before you drown in your self.

 

[blakstang98]

Well, being a positive and optimistic person is a double-edged sword, as you've noticed. On one hand, being positive about everything is never a bad thing. Honestly, I wish I could be more positive myself. But as you see, making that image and hiding the negative can have drawbacks as others may just see you as being out of touch with reality. Again, not necessarily a bad thing. I've always been a big believer in just being yourself, no matter how negative you really are. And if your "friends" don't like it, to hell with them. You may lose a friend or 2 that way, but you shouldn't lose them if they're really your friends. Instead they'll want to help support you.

As for your "best friends" party, I'd hate to say it, but I don't think she's really your friend. I mean, even her so called non-best friends were invited and you weren't. This is a big red flag in my opinion. I mean, if I was the type to throw party's, I'd invite people that I wasn't really good friends with, and of course my best friends. I wouldn't feel very easy around this girl, if I was in your situation. I'd consider talking to her and asking why she didn't invite you.

And also, I don't think the 2 issues are related. Your "friend" not inviting you to a party could have something to do with being positive, but I think they're both different situations. But only you and your "friend" would know that for sure.

 

[Shu]

One of the most positive people I knew offed himself my Sophomore year in highschool. Dude played Football as a starting line backer, he helped on the weekends at charity events for school related benefits, and then was a pretty good lookin fellow.

Thing is whether it was chemical depression or not, he was masking it all. What I encourage you to do is not leave your head alone with itself. My mind is a scary place, even if in real life folks see me as a pretty likable happy fellow. In high school I did the same thing with the insecurities and such, in which caused social anxiety in it's place. As a dude, I didn't have that much insecurities, but what occurred during middle school really distanced me. Stupid friends and their need to use my AOL account to do some stupid stuff. So of course everyone else thought I was involved, and that since they were kicked out of school, and I was still.. sort of left.. heh, put a permanent taint on me all the way up till senior year in high school.

I did fine by it, but damn was I rattled by soxial anxiety, and making me worse with approaching ladies even outside my school, let alone keeping friends not being able to talk as much.

Reason for talking about myself? Well I'm not saying I had it harder, but as a way to relate, try to be yourself the best you can. Do not put on a front all because you think it is the only way to diminish insecurities. No matter what they'll bite you directly in the butt. It helps to smile, but if you are always doing it, who knows if you are truly happy.

The best comedians in the world, are the loneliest saddest people you'll ever "actually" know.

 

[Gaige]

Hmm. Well, I'm kinda the opposite of you personally. I don't like displaying negative emotion, but I am naturally confident and say what I think to an extent.

Yes. I am a false smiler. My sunny, cheery disposition on here is a mask about half of the time, probably more. I have my low moments. Everyone does. But sometimes a false smile just doesn't cut it, and it's wearing you down.

But I think rather than go in full blast and drastically change what took a year to build up, I'd advise that you take small steps at a pace you're comfortable with. Be calm and composed, but also start saying what you think on some matters, even starting with the small stuff like where you go when you hang out, and what to do during the weekend, stuff like that.

It's not that you need to get rid of your confidence to do this. I just think your idea of confidence has been warped into pleasing everybody all of the time. You've experienced a lack of confidence, and now you've seen the consequence of showing too much false confidence and letting that emotion build up inside you until you're uncomfortable.

My advice would to be slowly work your way towards a happy medium between the two. Do a few after school things. Relax, and work at your own pace to find something you can be happy with, while still keeping that confidence. One doesn't necessarily have to go to change the other. You just need to find the right balance.

And without sounding too patronising because I'm still kinda young... you're only fifteen. Right slap bang in the middle of that transition from childhood to adulthood, and your emotions are probably going haywire, so there's nothing wrong with it. Just don't be afraid to let the mask slip from time to time, and the rest will work itself out, slowly but surely.

 

[Squid]

Wow, that 'best-friend' of yours is a bitch!! I would cut off all ties with her and find a new best friend!!

Now what I have noticed is girls love to talk, gossip and discuss EVERYTHING, girls love talking about problems because then they can turn it into their own problem and talk about them self! What I find with 'overly positive people' is they are boring, everything they say is just agreeing with the others, they 'don't have any problems' or they don't show it so whats there to talk about?
No one can relate to an overly positive person because everyone has negativity and negativity brings out discussion.

(not saying that you should be overly negative either...just be yourself!!)

So stop trying to mask everything... you don't have to share everything about your life with everyone, but when you find some friends I think they'd appreciate you opening up to them instead of being someone you're not. If you can share your problems and they share theirs you'll find you'll create close bonds and real best friends!!