Serious So the girl I love is bisexual...

Tmoo

Tmoo

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I am in love with a girl. We met two years ago and I've been falling for her since. We have a romantic history together, and while it's technically over we both have lingering feelings. Sounds like a typical romance story so far...

...except that she's bisexual, and in a relationship with another woman. After our break, they met and started a relationship. Before today the thought of questioning her sexual orientation had never crossed my mind, but a passing comment about a new living arrangement made me ask 'with who? :eek:' and she said 'with my girlfriend'. She says she still has feelings for me, and that they have an open relationship.

My issue with all of this is not with her bisexuality. The problem i'm facing is that if I do get together with her, I'll either have to face competition from her girlfriend in winning her heart, or stay content with being a satellite. I know what my answer should be, and that is to walk away.

It should be that... Damn it all to hell.
 
Sometimes, being single is a good thing.

There would be so much problems to deal with if you get yourself into a relationship you aren't fully committed to. So, yes, the best thing to do is walk away... Though, the choice is ultimately yours, and you know that.
 
If you can live with yourself by dating her while she's with someone else, go for it. If you have no regret for it and want her enough, then do it man, given she says they have an 'open' relationship. However that could just be a ploy so that she can have her cake and eat it too.
 
Channy said:
However that could just be a ploy so that she can have her cake and eat it too.
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That's what i suspect. I've already decided to walk. But it's painful, and I guess in my weakness I went and posted about it, heh.
 
The thing is, are you into open relationships?

If she really is in an open relationship now, then if she does break up with this girl and end up with you, are you really going to be happy having her get around with any guy or girl she feels like?

She doesn't sound very committed and even though she says she has feelings for you, what's to say she won't turn around and do the same thing to someone else when she's with you?

In my opinion I'd back off.

I wouldn't go near anyone who was okay with an open relationship. It's either you're with me or you're not.
 
Totally agree with Kandy on this as well. If she thinks it's okay to do it openly with one person, there's a huge chance she'll do it openly with you as well. Unless you tried to establish this was a closed off relationship between you two, she may end up feeling trapped in the end, and just ditch...

But I'm still on my theory of my first post, and if you gut agrees, you gotta stick with your gut.
 
Do you want a commited relationship with her? If so I wouldn't advise getting into a relationship with her. I don't think she is going to want to have a serious relationship with you. And I don't think you'd want to be competing with someone else for her. I'd wait to see how things with her girlfriend play out and give it some time. If she becomes single, then talk to her about a serious relationship.
 
This sucks for you. You've fallen for this girl, but she already is taken, but again, it's an open relationship. The thing you have to ask yourself is do you just want some good old fashion sex, or do you want something more then that. If you just want her body, then by all means go for the open relationship, but if you feel that you and this girl can do a lot better as a couple, then fight for her, do something that sets you apart from this girl she's dating, cause believe me when i say this, if you wait too long, you'll lose your chance to be with her because her friend would have already done that one thing you could of done to get her. So basically you got to act now before it's too late.

I'm not saying open relationships are good, but at least it gives you a fighting chance to win her heart, and if you love her like you say you do, then you'll do anything humanly possible to win her over; mind over matter young jedi.
 
I've never been in this situation myself, but I'll do my best to shine a light on it.

I think with most people (not everybody), being in an open relationship is uncomfortable. It's hard to have your heart go out to one person, and not have that returned in it's fullest or even at all. I'm guessing you're young, and as a result, will see and experience many things in life. Meaning that it's probably too early to commit yourself to 1 person. So you could walk away or you could just look at it as a fun opportunity to sew some wild oats. I mean, it's not often a man has a chance at a potential threesome, so this could end up being a grand opportunity, but only if you don't plan on staying with this girl for the long run.

Personally, if I had a girlfriend and she randomly told me she was bisexual and having a relationship with another woman, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either. But then again, I'm not a fan of open relationships and I always look a girlfriend as the only option while I'm with her. Call me old fashioned, but I'm a big fan of monogomy. :lew: And if you're in agreement with me on that, then walking would be your best option I believe.
 
thank you for the replies. i talked to her about it and she sees her lover as her soul mate. that pretty much destroyed any lingering rays of hope, but it allowed me to move on so i thank her for that.

and if you love her like you say you do, then you'll do anything humanly possible to win her over; mind over matter young jedi
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If I loved her to the point of death, that I could not live without her or some such, then I would. But, me being who I am, and taking into account my own philosophies about life and love, it wouldn't be worth it (and in that light, perhaps I didn't love her as much as I initially thought). nevertheless I thank ye master Yoda for the words of wisdom.:starwars:

as of now we are 'Just Friends'. I doubt I'll be able to hold up that friendship, and maybe that makes me a bad person.
 
Wow some people only see the glass as half full...........

Ive had 2 soul mates in my life, they come and go, but they do linger to the point of hurting. Apparentley she did not feel the same way as you, and it just goes to show that commitment is not always 50/50 in relationships.

Do ou feel as though you were played for the fool or do you have fond memories of her.................Things never go back to the same as they were before........but that does not mean they cant be good again!

Dont hang onto a faint hope reach for a new light and see what the world holds.

On the Quiet here....if you played your cards right you could have a 3some in the future?
 
Interesting answer...

Ive had 2 soul mates in my life, they come and go, but they do linger to the point of hurting. Apparentley she did not feel the same way as you, and it just goes to show that commitment is not always 50/50 in relationships.
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While I do think she was looking to have her cake and eat it too, I can say with reasonable confidence that both of us have feelings for each other.

Do ou feel as though you were played for the fool or do you have fond memories of her.................Things never go back to the same as they were before........but that does not mean they cant be good again!
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I might feel played if I had gone along with her and become her satellite, but I didn't. I'm not dismissing her as a love interest for the future, but I won't count on it, that would just be false hope :[

On the Quiet here....if you played your cards right you could have a 3some in the future?
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3somes are a distant fantasy. Her lover could be lesbian, or have a mistrust of men. Or it might be that her lover isn't attractive to me or me to her. Even if it did hit off, would either of them be comfortable in that setting? Would I be comfortable in that setting? 3somes tend to become competitions for attention, and I don't find that the least bit sexy. I do admit though, the fantasy is endearing.
 
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Tmoo said:
3somes are a distant fantasy. Her lover could be lesbian, or have a mistrust of men. Or it might be that her lover isn't attractive to me or me to her. Even if it did hit off, would either of them be comfortable in that setting? Would I be comfortable in that setting? 3somes tend to become competitions for attention, and I don't find that the least bit sexy. I do admit though, the fantasy is endearing.
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That do seem to be the sort of thing that's better in thought than practice. Although, I wouldn't knock it completely myself. After all, you could always close your eyes and imagine whoever you wanted it to be;) But then you never knew, it could be one of those moments where it all gets turned around on you, if you get what I mean.;)

Talking dirty in vague terms is so much fun!
 
Best to stay away then?

3some thing was a joke.....My recommendation: learn from it establish how you want to be treated in the future and how you will treat someone in the future.
 
GalaxyFlare said:
Best to stay away then?

3some thing was a joke.....My recommendation: learn from it establish how you want to be treated in the future and how you will treat someone in the future.
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There isn't really a lesson to be learned from my situation...we're both still attracted to each other, but she has someone else and despite being in an open relationship, I don't want to be part of it. We were already separated beforehand, so it isn't like I was being cheated on. I posted this thread mostly out of feelings of despair (at the time). But yes, I will stay away from this can of worms.

ayumihamasaki said:
But then you never knew, it could be one of those moments where it all gets turned around on you, if you get what I mean.
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Yar. It would really suck to be left out. That scenario just gets icky.
 
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