Relationship?

[Valkyrur]

I doubt I placed this thread in the wrong area, but feel free to move this if it is.

I need some advice, hopefully, from people who understand the nature of relationships - real, fulfilling ones.


Honestly, even at the age of 18, I've never been in a relationship, so I'm a relationship retard, if anything. People talk about 'love', about 'liking', about 'crushes'. I understand those only by the definition of the word itself. I never actually experienced those words in reality.

But with this girl, it gets a little unusual. I'm confused about what I'm feeling about this girl. Well, for one, she's really likable as a person. She rubs off me as a cheerful person, or maybe it's just her smile. Her smile. Which brings to mind another fact, because the first thing I remember about her is her smile. She's also easy to talk to. Friendly, in general.

Which was why I wanted to group with her in this semester of my curriculum, so I could get to know her more. And that started a series of unusual fantasies I've never actually had. I kinda fantasize about situations with her. Nothing sexual in nature, mostly the mundane, like me having friendly chatter with her. Seeing myself in the 'future' with her. Oh, and by 'future', it's another set of cliche love stories where I grow old with her and stuff. Amusing to hear about, really.

Catharsis indeed. As I write these down, one word comes to mind that summarizes all these. I desire her. And that, I feel, is an issue, because I can't figure out any emotions associated with this desire.

Am I happy with her? Am I desiring her for sexual reasons?



Really. Catharsis. As I write, my mind becomes clearer. I begin to think that perhaps, the best way for me is to... uh... start a relationship? I guess here comes the real question. How do people start a relationship with each other?

Any ideas?

Maybe someone could also comment on my train of thoughts, shown above. I think I might be fearing rejection. I also fear that I might scare her away if I attempt to start a relationship with her. What I know is she's single, that's all. Only one way to find out what she thinks of having a relationship.

 

[Gaige]

Errrrr, I doubt you're desiring her sexually because you're fantasizing everyday occurrences. Things couples and friends enjoy doing together. A different kind of intimacy than the simple physical variety. Frankly, if all you felt for her was sexual desire,, you'd be having mostly or completely sexual fantasies, if you were having any at all.

As for starting a relationship...take her out somewhere? Ask her if she wants to go to the movies, bowling, other things. If you know her interests, great. Stimulate them with your choice of spot. If you don't movies, bowling, trip to the arcade etc etc are always safe, fun options. I wouldn't go right out and say "OHEY I LIEK YOU," when you don't even seem to be 100% sure of your emotions.

The one on one time a date often brings gives you a taste of the intimacy you'd be enjoying as a couple. If you enjoy that; if it feels right, you're probably crushing on her. So take her out, do something fun, then rethink it.

(Also this should probably be in the Temple of the Ancients.)

 

[Bambi]

Id invite her out, and see how she reacts, most people arent that dumb that they wouldnt realise you meant you wanted to go on a date....

Most relationships tend to develop, its not like OH HEY, WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND!? Just go out a few times, and see how it progresses, if youre getting on well then it's likely to just happen on its own.

And you clearly fancy her haha, thats the message Im getting at least

She may only like you as a friend though, but if that's the case, if she's a nice person, she'll let you down gently, and hopefully you can continue to just be friends - everyone gets rejected at some point, you just have to roll with it

 

[Coco]

Bambi actually pretty much covered everything. It's really sweet how you think of her smile and growing old together and such. From that, you do seem like you like her a lot.

She may only like you as a friend though, but if that's the case, if she's a nice person, she'll let you down gently, and hopefully you can continue to just be friends - everyone gets rejected at some point, you just have to roll with it

If it's rejection you're afraid of, maybe try testing the waters by being good friends first. See if it's possible she feels the same about you.

 

[L]

dont get mad when she brushes you off, especially if you're too dumb to listen to yourself when you know she isn't interested

but no one ever made progress by knowing every outcome of every event ever

take a stab in the dark, see how things pan out. it's all that you can do.

Bambi actually pretty much covered everything. It's really sweet how you think of her smile and growing old together and such. From that, you do seem like you like her a lot.

i bet you she would think it's creepy WHY DO YOU WANT TO BANG MY OLD GRANNY BONES, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU

 

[Lirael]

If I were you, I'd spend some more time with her, perhaps go out with her on a few informal 'dates' to get a feeling of how you two would interact and whether or not there's any potential in a relationship. Spending time with her would help you sort out your own feelings. She may also need to sort out her's.

I wouldn't worry about rejection; what's important is making a decision that's right for you! Deal with your own feelings first. And don't worry if you're not 100% certain; it's difficult to feel 100% certain about whether or not you want to be with a person unless you've known them for a long time, and even then the thought of things not working/ruining the friendship can be scary and offputting.

Sometimes, you really do just have to take the plunge and see where things lead. You're not expected to go think 'this will last forever' when you enter into a relationship, so don't over-concern yourself! *hugs* As Bambi has already said, relationships don't have to start at a certain point, either. You can just spend more time with her and see where things lead - if you want to be closer to her, ask to see her more often, do some everyday things together, and perhaps take her out if you feel things are developing. If you and her are suited to one another, a relationship will happen naturally.


P.S. When it comes to your thoughts...well, you may not fantasise about sexual things because you lack confidence in your own feelings. I think some people only feel comfortable thinking about those things when they really do want to be close to someone. I wouldn't think too much about this. Just speak to the girl, get to know her and as your feelings develop, your thoughts and daydreams may too.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

This seems like good advice & may put things into perspective.

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

- Socrates