Quotes Thread

Jack: Where can I get eyes like that?
Riddick: Gotta kill afew people
Jack: Kay, I can do that
Riddick: Then you got to get sent to a slam, where they tell you you'll never see daylight again. You dig up a doctor, and you pay him 20 menthol Kools to do a surgical shine job on your eyeballs.

Pitch Black :monster:
 
Prince Caspian was full of quotes that were humorous :wacky:

Pattertwig the Squirrel: We could gather nuts!
Reepicheep the Mouse: *sarcastically* Yes! And then throw them at the Telmarines! (the enemies)... Shut up.

How I lol'd xD
 
Sex and the City the movie had some great quotes, but the TV series had even better ones.

Samantha: You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too Big.

Samantha: There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you, a lot of them were hung.

Samantha: I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes, when I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.

Samantha: Well, I remember when Danny had more than one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.

Samantha: Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy.

Samantha: What am I supposed to say? "Hi, this is my lesbian lover. And p.s.: I'm done with dick"

Carrie: How does this happen? How do they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?

Charlotte: I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become "revirginized".

Charlotte: My vagina's depressed.

Charlotte: We finally have the penis working. I don't want to scare it.

Samantha: The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened with Nixon; no one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.

Carrie: [about therapists] First they want you to come there two times a week, then three times a week, and eventually you're starting every sentence with 'my therapist says... '
Miranda: My therapist says that's a very common fear.

Charlotte: Oh my God! Vagina weights!
Samantha: Honey, my vagina waits for no man.

Richard: I was just out, eating.
Samantha: Eating? Eating who?!
 
The Tuxedo
Your password is "nice rack" then I'll respond "I forgot my bra"~ Del Blaine/Delilah
 
Casablanca:

Renault: And what in Heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Renault: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
Rick: I was misinformed.


Rick: How can you close me up? On what grounds?
Renault: I'm shocked, shocked to find that there is gambling going on here!
Croupier: Your winnings, sir.
Renault: Oh, thank you very much.
 
Pirates Of The Caribbean, The Dead Man's Chest

Jack: It's a jar of dirt.
Tia Dalma: Yes.
Jack: Is the jar of dirt going to help?
Tia Dalma: If you don't want it, give it back.
Jack: No!
Tia Dalma: Then it helps.

Jack: I want my jar of dirt!

Jack: Where's the thump-thump

William: So I'm supposed to think that what you did there is an act of compassion?!

Elizabeth: *compass points at Jack* Jack, you compass is broken and it certainely doesn't point at what you want the most.

Captain: There's a girl on the ship, go look for her. Oh and she's probably naked!

Jack "You know, I am a captain of a ship. I could perform a merr-iage right here. Right on this ship, right on this deck. Right NOW."

Elizabeth "I'd have you already if it weren't for these bars"
 
Since That 70s Show is my favorite show, here are some of my favorite quotes.

Red: When my time comes, I want to be buried face-down, so that anyone who doesn't like me can kiss my ass.

Red: Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.

Kitty: Um honey, I put some sandwiches in your duffel bag. Now, um, why do you need such a big bag of oregano?
Eric: Donna’s Italian?…

Eric: Guys, we need a plan. I'm not driving up to the house with a car full of naked people. Red hates you guys when you're dressed.
Steven Hyde: We can go to my house.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, your mom's used of having naked guys around.

Michael Kelso: Guess who made out with Pam Macey behind the gym!
Steven Hyde: Anyone with a quarter?

Eric: I love the Bradys... hey, did you ever see the one where Mr. Brady went insane and put bells on all the doors?
[both Eric and Hyde laugh]
Red: Hey, did you ever see the one where Greg was a real wise-ass, so Mr. Brady took him outside and cleaned his clock?
Laurie: Did you ever see the one where I hated living here?
[Laurie storms out]
Hyde: That one's my favorite.

I can list so much more but I will save that for another day.
 
The Karate Kid

Daniel: Why didn't you tell me?
Miyagi: Tell what?
Daniel: That you knew karate.
Miyagi: You not ask.
Daniel: Well, where'd you learn it?
Miyagi: Father.
Daniel: But I thought he was a fisherman.
Miyagi: In Okinawa, all Miyagi know two things: fish and karate.
 
teacher: ' Ted who was Joan of Arc? '

Ted: ' Uhhh noahs wife? '

Bill and teds excellent adventure

i laugh histerically every time i hear this joke so so so so funny
 
Quotes From "Evan Almighty"

Evan: Shaving doesn't work. I shave and then it grows back again!
Jim: Well that's what happens when you shave, but then you shave it again!

*

Evan: OW!! :gasp: My thumb! :gasp: I HAVE A BOO-BOO! Oh F... I can't I have children -__-
 
Since I love Scrubs, here are some quotes I like:

Turk: Sir, I promise you, if you offer her the job again she'll say yes. And I'll do anything, I'll pick up extra shifts, I'll volunteer - I'll volunteer at the clinic; Whatever you want!
Dr. Kelso: Ahh! I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!
Turk: You keep Enid in the attic?

Janitor: Some hooligan keeps disconnecting the alarm. I told Security to look into it. But no, no, they'd rather catch the guy who's stealing organs from the transplant ward.

J.D.: Look, uh... Janitor...
[the Janitor rolls his eyes]
J.D.: ...I'm gonna be straight with you: I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
J.D.: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
J.D.: Oh, I was outside, in the bushes.
[the Janitor takes a second to process this answer]
Janitor: Uhhh...
J.D.: Look, it was just a coincidence, man - I mean, i-i-if you had looked out the window, you'd have seen my penis, you know!
Janitor: What? Why?
J.D.: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours!

Dr. Kelso: Do you want me to order you a clown?
J.D.: A drunk clown hurt me once.

Carla: Come on, Ralphie.
[he notices her engagement ring]
Ralphie: I had that inside of me.
Nurse Roberts: What, now?
Carla: He's just making stuff up. Come on.
Ralphie: I swallowed that ring, and my dad had to wait for me to go Number Two. And the black doctor gave me ten bucks to keep my mouth shut.
[Carla gasps and drags Ralphie down the hall]
Nurse Roberts: [to herself] Mm. Good show today.
 
These are the quotes from the Matrix - Reloaded and Bewitched.

Matrix

Trinity: Touch me and your hand will never touch anything ever again.
_____
*Neo is fighting the agents* Neo: Hm, upgrades.
_____
Morpheus: But think of the alternate. What if I'm right? What if the prophesy is true. What if tomorrow the war ended? Isn't that worth fighting for? Isn't that worth dying for?
_____
Neo: You can't die because I love you too damn much.

Bewitched
Jack: I'm going to be killed by a fictional character!
Uncle Aron: Yeah, you are!
_____
Jack: Where art thou dog? Thy canine lover? Where is your hot breath upon the nape of my neck? We shall form a bond of brotherhood: man and beast. You shall lick my face and I shall lick your snout!
_____
Isabel: Call my agent!
Man: You don't have an agent.
Isabel: Then call my cable-man!
 
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Quotes from Step Brothers:
Dale: Barbara Walters, Oprah, your wife. You gotta fuck one, kill one, and marry one, go!

Brennan: Robert better not get in my face... 'cause I'll drop that motherfucker!

Brennan: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!

Brennan: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

Brennan: [mowing lawn, dressed as Nazi] Hey Derek, sprechen sie dick?

Derek: You better listen or he'll eat your dick.
Randy: Like Kobayashi!
Brennan: You've actually seen him eat a man's penis?
Derek: Yeah, it was on international water so they couldn't prosecute him.
 
The Office quote. :D

Jim: I bought this teapot for Pam, and I know she really wants it. So, can I trade you for it?
Dwight: No trades.
Jim: Come on, it's a shamrock keychain. Good luck.
Dwight: "A real man makes his own luck." Billy Zane. Titanic.
Jim: Look, it has sentimental value, Dwight. Can I buy it from you?
Dwight: No. I want it. I'm going to use it.
Jim: You don't even drink tea.
Dwight: True. But I get sinus infections, and sinus infections can be cured by making your tea from green tea leaf stems ..
JIm: Okay ..
Dwight: .. and pouring it directly into your nose, like so. [demonstrates]
Jim: To think that my gift for Pam will be used for that, it's a little too much to handle.
 
I'm loving Futurama at the moment so....

Bender: "You have to save my friends! And Zoidberg!"

Bender: "To the flying machine!"

Fry: So you have to choose between life without sex and a hideous, gruesome death?
Dr. Zoidberg: Yes.
Fry: Man, tough call.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Sweet zombie Jesus!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Most video tapes were damaged in 2047 during the second coming of Jesus.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [after destroying an alien mothership] Well, we destroyed the... what the hell is that?
Kif Kroker: It appears to be the mothership, sir.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Then what did we just blow up?
Kif Kroker: The Hubble Telescope.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Shut up friends. My internet browser heard us saying the word Fry and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday and ordered me some french fries.

Leela: Professor. Please. Society is never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. Now, let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: No.
 
"Some men just want to watch the world burn." - Alfred, The Dark Knight.

"Do you want to hear the real secret? You are what you eat and you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't you?" - Dr Cox, Scrubs.

"Jordan…the boy already lipsinks into your tampons, must we put a final nail in this tiny gay coffin?” - Dr Cox, Scrubs.

The next one isn't really from a film but it's great. xD It's from Mock the Week's "if this is the answer, what is the question?"

"51,000 tonnes.
When Tony Blair was asked how many Iraqi's he'd killed, what was his callous reply?"

"15 per second.
How much is Simon Cowell being paid to cut the cultural throat of our nation and drink its still-warm blood?"
 
Gotta love Scrubs!

Elliot: Thanks again for helping me look for Carla.
Janitor: No problem. I'll check the dumpster.
Elliot: ...We're not looking for *dead* Carla.
Janitor: Atta girl. You stay optimistic.

Dr. Kelso: [drunk at Turk and Carlas wedding reception] Ahh, Dr. Turkleton!
Chris Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name!
Chris Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr. Kelso: [to Carla] ... and Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Hehehe...
[to bartender]
Dr. Kelso: Give me a scotch.

and one That 70s Show quote that I love.
Red Forman: Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
 
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