Pressure to have sex

Catnip

Catnip

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A lot of kids find it's tough to break away from the crowd, but that's really the only way to remain true to oneself.

As a sexual being, each person has the right to:
  • be respected
  • learn about sexuality
  • wait until ready for sexual involvement
  • choose when sexual activities should be avoided
  • change these decisions
  • say no to any sexual activity
Each person has the responsibility to:
  • respect the rights of other people
  • honor the decisions and choices of others
  • respect the sexual partner
  • consider the feelings of the sexual partner
  • make personal choices and decisions rather than being talked into actions which cause guilty or uneasy feelings
  • take and share the actions necessary for sexual health
  • share the decisions and actions regarding birth control
  • never pressure anyone into any sexual activity
  • never use sexual experiences as a thread, manipulations, or punishment
There are lists and articles out there on how to deal with sexual pressure--most of which are pretty much saying the same thing in different versions--but what is your own, personal insight on this?

What practical suggestions on how to handle sexual pressures and make personally responsible decisions would you provide to someone (male or female) who's 15-19 years old?
 
I think you need to tell yourself, to an extent, that it's your decision, and your body. And it's you that will have to deal with the consequences. Telling yourself that could be enough for you to really not give a damn what anyone else thinks. Just keep telling yourself that it is your decision and your body and try to project some confidence.
 
I will basically mimic what Lightning Farron said. Everyone is going to have a different view of the matter, and many young minds will be influenced by the antics of their friends (as this age is a highly influential one amongst peers).

But the bottom line is this: It's your body, you should decide what you want to do with it. If you don't feel you're ready to have sex, then don't. Do NOT worry about feeling guilty cause your boyfriend said he's got a bad case of blue balls. If you're not ready then you're not ready. You are not obligated to fulfill anyone else's wishes but your own, so do not feel as though that is the case.

Like I mentioned before, this age is highly influenced by their peers. Many kids have sex just because their friends have already done it and they don't want to be the odd man out. But really, at any age, from 15 to 40, if you're not comfortable doing something, then DON'T DO IT. Simple as that.

If you do feel you're ready, make sure you are prepared to take the necessary precautions to prevent any negative consequences. The chances of getting an STI or getting pregnant is way more plausible than one might think. Many teens tend to assume that it will never happen to them, but it's those people who end up with a child or some sort of infection because they weren't practicing safe sex. Heck, in the high school I graduated from there was a daycare class for the girls who went to school and had no one else to watch their children. And there were A LOT of kids there all because of the girls who chose to have sex and ended up with a child at the age of 16. That is not the kind of responsibility a teenager will want to have. The possibility alone should be enough to convince someone to wait a little longer; at least until they feel more comfortable about the potential consequences or at least to perform safe sex by using condoms and/or birth control pills.

Bottom line:
-Be safe
-Be smart
-Don't give into peer pressure
-Make sure you're ready! If you're not, don't try and convince yourself you are
 
Lightning Farron said:
I think you need to tell yourself, to an extent, that it's your decision, and your body. And it's you that will have to deal with the consequences. Telling yourself that could be enough for you to really not give a damn what anyone else thinks. Just keep telling yourself that it is your decision and your body and try to project some confidence.
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This.

At the end of the day you should just have sex when you're ready, I know someone who is going to university this year, coming up 19 and is good looking and hasn't had sex and not one person has ever pushed that "you're a virgin" stigma onto her. To be frank, I don't think people care any more, it's not a big deal.

You should only have sex if you're both ready, there's no point if you're not ready for it or if the other person isn't because it'll just be uncomfortable and, to be fair, shit. You won't enjoy it.
 
Nipper, thats a great List of how things should be done, but as you no doubt know not everybody follows such grounded and morally astute ways of thinking. Do you agree with every part of that list?

Do you hold other to those standards and if they dont agree or act in that way do you think less off them?

Sexual Promiscuity among teens is nothing new and every generation has to ask themselves if they are ready, not realising the consequences and how things may be is not always so obvious to young people, even at 19, when the chance to experience "sex" is available teenagers are torn.

Sometimes.

It takes a certain way of being brought up to be able to distinguish Love from lust in early years leading to adult hood, you some times hear Adults say about teens " they are to young to know what love is".........this s not always the case, there examples of Teenagers remaining together for a long time, not many but some.

There is a stat like 1 in10 births is a result of teen pregnancy, that might alarm some people and others may just accept it, left there own devices 15,16,17 are disposed to sexual activity for the most part, even younger.

18+ can do what they like by law its there choice, still everyone develops at different rates and there is no set way of right wrong, just a line just a point at where responsibility is given, regardless of maturity.

And Maturity is really the crux of the matter IMO, if you want a whole line of how to be or what is acceptable no guide can dictate the kind of person you are, you can only take certain aspects and mould them to your own individual moral compass.

Generalising is not really looked on favourably by many, So sexual activity is up to the individual, and consequences are just apart of life, as a parent you may control your own children but even this has limits, and responsibility must be taken for your actions.

Thats an absolute,but I think its one that applies universally.
 
To be blunt, people are all ready for sexual activity at different ages. That's not to say that just because you can you should. But sometimes you do things that aren't always thought out in the fullest and that are even more harmful to yourself. Drugs would be one example.

There's still pressure to have sex in high schools, but I haven't noticed in college at all. I'm not saying it's disappeared, in fact I'm sure that it's still there, but it's not as upfront as it was in high school.

I think more important than the act of sex, is how you choose to do it:safe. There needs to be more pressure on schools and parents to teach their children how to be safe in the act of sex.

Of course, that's just IMO. XD
 
I agree with what everyone else has said. If you are not ready to have sex, you do not have to do it. It is no one's business whether or not you are doing it. And believe it or not, not everyone is doing "it". There are people out there, both men and women, who are: waiting for the right person, waiting for marriage, disinterested, feel they are not ready, and many other reasons. Doing because everyone else is doing it is not a good idea.

And having sex does not magically make you an adult. I think choosing to hold off sexual activity because you feel that you are not ready is far more mature than a teenager having sex to feel grown up. Looking back at my high school days, and high school kids today, it's kind of scary how casual sex has become among them. But I guess when we are young we often think "pregnancy or STDs won't happen to me!"

Also, sex needs to be taken seriously because it can have some severe consequences. Carelessness can lead to unwanted pregnancies, STDs (some that are still uncurable and some that can lead to death if not treated), broken hearts which can lead to emotional problems.

And like everyone else has said, if you choose to do it, be safe and know your partner.
 
Well in regards to this, im 24 and i lost my virginity just over 3 years ago, i was a "later", and the reason i was wasnt because i couldnt meet anyone or the usual peer pressure influenced remarks. Its because i didnt find anyone i wanted to loose it with, and i wasnt ready, i know im a guy and losing your virginity is lesser than it is for a woman, but personally, unless you wanna do it and its fueled by more than hormones, then dont do it.
 
GrieverZER0 said:
Well in regards to this, im 24 and i lost my virginity just over 3 years ago, i was a "later", and the reason i was wasnt because i couldnt meet anyone or the usual peer pressure influenced remarks. Its because i didnt find anyone i wanted to loose it with, and i wasnt ready, i know im a guy and losing your virginity is lesser than it is for a woman, but personally, unless you wanna do it and its fueled by more than hormones, then dont do it.
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It always seems like it's easier for everyone else but you to meet someone special, especially when you've become jaded towards the opposite sex because of what's happened in the past.

i.e, I've only ever had a fling. Women have always treated me horribly in a relationship, and I strongly resent them for it, despite how much of a hopeless romantic I am.

For me, a relationship just doesn't seem like it's worth all the bullshit anymore. You think you know someone cool, but underneath it all they turn out to be a complete bitch. It's like every time I go out there, I expect the "same shit, different bitch" outcome.

But on topic here:

Peer pressure is like a breeze to me. It comes and goes, but it never phases me. I won't do something if I don't feel like it, I am always in control and make my own decisions. Try to pressure me beyond asking and saying a few things, and you'll find yourself sitting on the wrong side of the fence for a while.

If you're not ready to do something, then you're not ready. If someone tries to force something on you, tell them to fuck off and go die in a fire. :monster:
 
well, my step dad works for child support and he said that if you have a kid when your 15 to 18 all of your possessions will be taken away.
 
van fanel said:
well, my step dad works for child support and he said that if you have a kid when your 15 to 18 all of your possessions will be taken away.
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I'm not sure I get what you mean.

What possessions? I'd never heard this before.
 
Assuming I happened across a teenager in that situation, I'd simply say, "You must do what feels right, of course." Followed immediately by, "Do you know the difference between right and wrong? If not, you're lying."

I still, to this day, feel extreme pressure to have sex. Being a... Soon to be 23 year old virgin is not fun in the slightest. People actually look down on virgins. I know, it's hard to believe, but it's there. At least in St. Louis. That doesn't mean I'm going to drive to north city and get a hooker. And that has nothing to do with waiting for some one to "care about" or "love." It's just that I'd rather wait for some one who I can know for sure won't have any STDs. Blunt? Sure. Doesn't make it any less true for me, or change how I feel about it.

Also, this just popped in my head before hitting the "Submit" button. I'd tell the kid, "Lookit, if you're that influenced by peer pressure, you've bigger problems in your life than sex."
 
The pressure to have sex seems to be increasing, I know when I was in High School it was the 'cool' thing to do, for some unknown reason.

I think people tend to think that if they've had sex, they're instantly mature. It doesn't work like that, maturity isn't anything to do with sexual activity, age or anything like that. It's just you.

I think the best thing to do would be to wait until you're ready, not just your partner, make sure you're both ready. Don't rush into something you may regret. I've heard many a tale that you never forget your first time.

I don't see why it suddenly became such a popularity contest, not many decades ago it wasn't even spoken about in public. Done, of course. Yet look at how things have changed now, younger people tend to be getting into the whole sex = maturity thing.

At the end of the day, it's your body, no one else's. Who cares what they think? Chances are if they're pressuring you into doing ihey've either not done it, have had bad experiences with it or have been pressured theirselves into it.
 
Personally, I don't see why people let anyone pressure them into sex. But I guess I'd have to live through it to figure out how it feels to have your boyfriend/friends telling you you're a tease if you don't have sex or do a certain sexual activity.

I know this might come off naive of me to say, but, I happen to believe that if a person is feeling pressured to do it, that's when they probably shouldn't do it.

I'm a virgin, and will be until I meet someone I love and trust/and or get married. Personally, I feel sex just complicates things and makes a situation really tricky--I'm not one for throwing myself in stupid situations.


My advise for girls being pressured to do sexual activities, tell your partner you want to think about it for a while and tell him if he respects and really cares for you he'll understand why you want to wait.

Honestly, though--the way I see it, if your boyfriend/girlfriend loves you, they shouldn't want to pressure you into anything... that's not respect or love. And if they are pressuring you to do something, they probably lack respect and love for you which means you shouldn't do it.
 
I think a lot of it has to do with the boom, the acceptance in the media that has been pushing kids towards the commonality of sexual expression, flaunting and outright exploiting it within the last 20-25 years. of course I am just ball-parking it and only focusing on one explanation, but it is a hell of a contributing factor aside from the influence stemming from friends. In psychology, we learn that the teen years are a highly influential set and that kids are still impressionable but in different ways. What I mean by this is sure, they may have seen a couple things every now and then when they were little, but their minds were too underdeveloped and underexposed to really know the complex nature of the idea of sexuality. And when I talk about media, I mean everything from movies to magazines, music to television shows.

We rely on media quite a lot for entertainment, especially during their crucial years. During school, kids are listening to music that is filled with sexual innuendos. They hear artists expressing their sexuality in ways that make it seem like something you need to be doing or are just downright candid about how they ***** some ****** in the *** and slam it, jam it, cram it all night long.

They're reading magazines where girls are half or just about damn near entirely naked. They're seeing music videos with the same images. They're reading and browsing through magazines with ads of half naked women and men. They're seeing movies where a PG-13 will allow scenes of sex as long as they keep their clothes on and or watching the stuff that shows just about everything.

Television has become more lenient now a days, which I don't necessarily have a problem with, but they are also illustrating sex and sexual expression at young ages. It is just something that is accepted, something that you do when you're young; a rite of passage.

Many kids today are eager to grow up. I see 11 year old's dressed in skirts from Abercrombie that barely cover their legs, caked on makeup and don't even get me started on where they'll end up when they're about 16. Back in the early 2000's when I was still in high school, just about all of my friends had lost their virginity and one of the youngest to my knowledge was 14. That's still a shock to me. I lost mine when I was 19 as a personal choice. I was in college and with a steady boyfriend at the time, but I never once gave into the pressure before.

In any case, there are a lot of things we can point the finger at, a lot of reasons, but it really just depends on the individual. Not every kid gives into the pressure, but it is there and what they need to know is that you do not have to make it a contest to see who can lose their virginity first.
 
hahaha yeah.

so many kids have already done it
I knew only like 3 people that stayed virgins throughout high school

I have been pressured so many times, so I know what its like, its hard, and its scary, and stressful and teenagers shouldn't have to deal with it.
but I was always able to stand my ground because I had drawn a line there
 
Sky+Earth said:
My advise for girls being pressured to do sexual activities, tell your partner you want to think about it for a while and tell him if he respects and really cares for you he'll understand why you want to wait.
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Hmm... I find it interesting that every one jumps to defend females from any sort of societal and sexual pressures. Throughout my entire life, I've been pressured harder by girls to have sex, as opposed to the males I've known. I've had one girl say she wouldn't date me unless I had sex with at least one person before going on our first date. Heh, yeah right. Another girl I sort of dated ended up "dumping" me because we never had sex.

Males are jerks, at least more than 50% of them, yes... But that doesn't mean males are the only ones pressuring others to have sex.
 
Indeed.

About the having sex=maturity comment... I agree it makes no sense. I know a couple of people who have had sex already (which is bad, seeing as I'm 15 and said people are my age), and I'm a lot more mature then them. Hello, sex is simply a way to create a child (OK, there's a bit more, but I'm making this blunt). It doesn't do anything with your mind except possibly scar you with bad images or bless you with good ones, depending on your choice of partner and if you truly think you are ready (if you think you are ready and go find a hooker, you have a very big problem and should probably go get counseling or therapy as soon as possible).

Oh yeah, you give in to pressure, you have more problems then just mental scarring and bad memories for the rest of your life. It will get far far worse unless you stand up and take charge of your life, and damn all those who attempt to change you to hell. (Teaching you something in school does not count as changing you, so nice try those of you in school, you still have to listen to your teachers).

Kinda short, but hey. Blunt-ness is short.
 
Especially in high school I noticed that there is a lot of pressure to have sex. It's really weird I don't see the point in making fun of a virgin. I'd rather be called a virgin than be called slut, whore, skank or anything along those lines. I mean at least I don't consider the word virgin degrading.

Even now though outside of high school there is still great pressure to have sex. I guess if sex really means nothing to you, I don't see a problem if you want to do it with anyone anytime. To me it's more of something special that I only want that very special someone to experience. Very rarely though do I find a guy that I really like that doesn't want to wait that long for sex, and to me those guys aren't worth it because if they can't respect me to that extent, then why would I want to be with them?

I think it really depends on what sex means to you and if you're really ready or not. Even if you are ready, are you willing to give it up to just anyone, or are you looking for that special someone. But you're always going to be pressured into something, whether it's smoking or drinking or whatever. Most people fight against the pressure of those, sex is no different.
 
I do have a lot of respect for virgins that know they are not ready to have sex, are waiting for the right person, and choose to stick by it no matter how much pressure they are under. I also respect guys who are willing to wait until their girl is ready for sex and does not pressure her.

Also, guys that are not all about their cock or all about sleeping with as many girls as possible are pretty awesome too.

I am also not fond of teen centered movies that make anyone who has not had sex, for whatever reason, a total loser.
 
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