Serious Parents

[Kandy-Sugar]

Okay, ever since I left home my parents (mainly my mum) are always trying to make important decisions in my life for me.

I have to avoid saying anything that could lead to certain topics such as buying a house. <_<

This is the main one that shits me right off.

EVERY time I have been around for the last two years since moving out my mum always asks when I'm buying a house and always asks if I'm saving money etc.

I'm like, "Look that is none of your business whether we're saving money or not. It's Steve's and my business." <_<

Lately I've been constantly telling her that I DO NOT WANT the stress and bills that come with owning a house.

To be honest, we're still not at the stage in which we want to settle down at all. The only thing that is really settled is that we are a couple and intend to be forever if things go well.

But as for marriage, house, kids, I don't want that right now. Sure if I win the lotto I'll go out and buy one, who wouldn't. But at this stage all I want to do is save money and take a few trips overseas and do things with my life while I'm still young. I couldn't afford that if I was paying off a house. =/ Rates, mortgage, water bill, electricity etc.

All we have to pay right now is cheap rent and electricity and even then it gets a bit tight.

I don't want to waste my years of youth on changing nappies, not working and paying off our mortgage with only Steve's income. =/ I don't want to settle down in that way yet but because my parents had done all that by the age I am now that's how it should be done apparently. <_<

I'd rather wait another good ten years when I'm ready (hopefully) and then do all that stuff, whilst feeling more settled and hopefully happy that I did what I wanted and had my freedom in my younger years. I just want to feel content.

(By the way I don't mean to offend anyone who are currently settled. Obviously you did the right thing by yourselves and that's great. I'm just saying that my life is not ready for that sort of thing right now and that it's the wrong thing for me to do at this stage of my life and that I know I would regret it later. Just thought I'd say that so I don't get my head bitten off in case I worded something wrong above that may come across as offensive. >.<)

Anyway I'm starting to ramble now. But the point is, I hate that my parents try to intervene on where my life is at and how they think I should be doing certain things.

Just because they did things differently they think that I'm doing things completely wrong.

They constantly nag and it's getting to the stage where I don't want to go around because of it. It makes me miserable. My mum always asks me to move back home as well so I can save money. She thinks that because Steve and I aren't married that I can just ditch him like he's nothing. <_< Fucking retarded way of thinking. I LIVE WITH HIM and he is my family! I am not going to ditch him to save a few extra dollars! Her thinking is so out of line sometimes.

Has anyone had the same problems as I have had with my parents?
Or are your parents completely understanding and let you live your life?

 

[DeadFantasy]

I do admit that my dad is a bit controlling and he thinks he knows everything about the economy and he thinks that the worlds gunna come to an end and it gets annoying sometimes >_> So he tries to control me financially.He always talks about how things are going to get worse save money blah blah blah. He's been saying that even BEFORE i moved out and things have yet to get as worse as he claims it will be. When it gets to that I just don't even want to talk to him anymore. He completely tries to step in. It's like "dad I'm not a baby anymore." I can take care of myself. Keke and I are doing just fine finacially.

Though, my dad doesn't really like to talk about me settling down and whatnot which is a good thing. It's usually his gf that talks to me about relationships and whatnot cause she's the girl I guess. I love her to pieces and she does give me good advice sometimes but, same as you KS I just want to let loose and just live life y'know? I mean being single isn't a bad thing in fact i'm doing just fine i'm not ready to settle quite yet either i want to be ready and i'm not. Maybe after school I might consider 'looking' or some shit. I mean it's no rush to me though it'll come when it comes. I spent the past two years(about) just being on my own with keke and we've had a good time! I would still love to travel and do things before I settle down though. I think keke said something about going somewhere this summer so hopefully we'll do something before I go back to school.


I mean overall, it's just my dad he bugs the crap outta me I dont know how his gf can deal with him sometimes Love him but sheesh you said what you had to say so let me be.

 

[The Illusive Man]

It's only natural for parents to worry about there children when they leave home and seem to be getting on your back about everything, afterall its like losing a part of themselves when you do finally move out.

But dont see that nagging as an annoyance, see it as a sign that they care and are merely showing concern for your well being. A parent will only get on your back if they care and its a good sign that they still think of you a lot even when your not around.

So yep, I appreciate that it can be highly annoying and can really get on your nerves, I've cursed so many times under my breath when my Mum is going on at me for something, but I know deep down she does it because she cares and is only looking out for me, but I know what you mean, sometimes even parents have to learn to take a step back and let you get on with your life as they cant keep wrapping you in cotton wool for the rest of your life, no matter how much they would like to.

 

[Black Butler]

if your over 18 and choose to live without your parents,then they dont have a right to control you,if you choose to stay with them,then you have to listen,well if they tell you what to do for unimportant stuff then its pretty sad.Parents must all be respected,they made you and raised you.if their bad with you for no reason then their the bad ones.

 

[Dee]

It's only natural for parents to worry about there children when they leave home and seem to be getting on your back about everything, afterall its like losing a part of themselves when you do finally move out.

But dont see that nagging as an annoyance, see it as a sign that they care and are merely showing concern for your well being. A parent will only get on your back if they care and its a good sign that they still think of you a lot even when your not around.

So yep, I appreciate that it can be highly annoying and can really get on your nerves, I've cursed so many times under my breath when my Mum is going on at me for something, but I know deep down she does it because she cares and is only looking out for me, but I know what you mean, sometimes even parents have to learn to take a step back and let you get on with your life as they cant keep wrapping you in cotton wool for the rest of your life, no matter how much they would like to.

Agreed, wholly. Even now, at the age of 24, my mom is constantly on my ass about things, but I know it's because she cares for me and wants me to succeed and do things right. As annoying as it can get, I am extremely grateful for the fact that my parents want to help me in my growing up and being an adult. You should feel happy that your parents want to help you, no matter how much it feels like they're just trying to get on your case. They're your parents. They love you.

My advice here is to just let them have their say, but tell them you appreciate it. Let them know that you have a plan or are at least working on one, maybe even show them with a list over the next 5-10 years so that they have an idea of what you are thinking. It's not a bad thing to tell them you'd like to do things your own way, and to ask them to respect that. If you feel like all they're doing is trying to control your life, then you are going to treat them with resentment and that is a miscommunication you don't want to harbor.

One other thing I believe is important to realize is that they came from a different generation. Marriage and settling down and owning a home was a very important thing still in their day (depending on how old they are); at least they were probably raised with the ideology from their parents. You have to understand how the manner in which they were raised has left an impression on them that they feel they wish to depart to their children. It's the same with my parents. Whenever I go to my mom's house, my step dad is constantly talking to my older brother about putting money down on a home, finances so on and so forth.

The fact of the matter is, they're your parents and they want to be a part of your life. Don't snap at them because you're irritated with their comments or way of thinking. That won't solve anything. Just take the advice as something precious to keep for the future when you are ready to start thinking about marriage and buying a home.

 

[Valvalis]

I think it really is true that most parents are just trying to look out for their children when they nag, and if the way they organized their lives at your age worked out well for them, they're going to want you to follow in their footsteps to make sure you turn out the same way. The problem is, they don't always understand what you yourself want or what would make you happiest.

My parents have always been pretty understanding, but at the same time I can tell when my decisions frustrate them, because I'm living my live a little differently than they did when they were my age. Other family members get after me too sometimes--whenever I talk to my grandfather the first thing he says is "How's the job search coming?" He's asking because I have a crap job right now without many hours--but this happens to be working in my favor right now because I have a lot of other things to take care of that a serious full-time job would interfere with. I know he's only asking because he cares, but it is really frustrating sometimes, especially when you always hear the old saying that "your elders have more experience than you, listen to them, etc."

The way I see it, if you want to take your parents' advice on something, that's fine, but you certainly shouldn't feel obligated to. Your parents may have had a lifestyle that worked for them growing up, but that doesn't mean that that's the only good one out there. And it doesn't even mean that their own lives worked out 100% perfectly--I used to think when I was a kid that at a certain age, everything just snapped in your head and suddenly you became an all-knowing adult, but now that I'm an "adult" I still feel like a little kid inside--I certainly don't have all the answers, and I have a theory that that may be how it is for everyone, even parents. They may not want to admit it, but they don't know everything, and they're certainly not in control of everything. So they may try to pressure you into things, but you just have to keep in mind that they're not the authority on living a good life. You still have to respect them, of course, but you certainly don't have to agree with them, or do what they think is the right thing. (I'm with you on this one, btw--just seeing some of my family members go through health issues at a fairly early age is a good reminder--do as much fun stuff as you can while you're young )

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Appreciate all your input guys. =) Though I don't really need help in understanding anything as such, as I do understand that most parents are like this and I know that they're only trying to help me. I was just trying to vent a bit. >.< Really I was just wanting to know how your parents were/are towards you about this sort of thing and I probably should have worded it better, though I did post this in the early hours of the morning sorry. >.<

I do take my parents advice and I do tell them that their input is appreciated because I know that they are only worried and only want the best for me. I understand that. It's just the fact that they don't seem to be listening to ME. I am happy that I have such caring parents, I'm not a snotty little kid that doesn't see that, it's just that they really overdo it to the point in which I don't want to see them and I've told them that as well. Yet they still don't listen to me. They're very stubborn. >.<

It doesn't matter how many times I let them know I've taken into account what they've said, they still feel the need to say the same thing again and again and again and going home is like groundhog day every time lately.

Sometimes you have to snap at them or they won't get the hint. =/ I've tried doing things the nice way and let them know what I'm thinking and even when I do snap at them a bit they still continue to do the same thing. My mother is the really over protective type that wraps you up in cotton wool and doesn't let you do anything sort of person. =/

It doesn't matter how many times I mention the generation difference as well, they still have the whole, 'You must buy a home in order to be successful and you should be married by now.' mindset. =/

I've told them that I don't plan to do anything like that until I'm around 30, but they still think I should be settling down now and it's like, 'Gah! Did you not just hear what I said? >.<'

I hate it when they compare me to family or friends who are married. I tell them that I'm not ready for that sort of thing yet and they ask what's wrong with me. <_<

/vent over

I'm going to see them today as well. When I go around with Steve my dad usually takes him outside and talks with him and my mum talks with me and whenever Steve mentions something about what he wants to do with his life, my parents come to me and sort of have a 0_o look on their face as if to say, 'He's stupid for even thinking that way.'

Yeah he's real stupid for trying to live his life freely and experience a few things before he dies. <_<

 

[Dee]

Well, the bottom line is just keep trying until something works. Being nice and telling them you appreciate their advice didn't work. Snapping at them, I'm assuming, probably didn't work. Now it's time to try something different. Ignore it? It's not like they control your money. Unless ignoring it is a difficult thing for you to do. If it really bothers you that much, you'll find a way to work things out.