Serious On Hate

[Dragon Mage]

I was reading a thread started not too long ago where the original poster was bitter about being too forgiving.

This struck quite a chord with me. I'd been the same way, long ago. I kept brushing it off when the folks of a certain online community would -- without fail -- make my life a living hell by accusing me of all sorts of things: homophobia, racism, sexism, stupidity, failure at written communication.... the list goes on and on, and it was a constant flood of abuse from these people. Every time I got on, I dreaded each word I typed, knowing they would inevitably find some fault in it. (They did. Still do.) This continues to this day. The real bitch is, this forum was the only one I knew of that had the resources I needed, so I stuck with it, if only to get what I needed from them.

At the beginning, I brushed it off as that they simply don't know me, I'm a new member to them (though in fact, I've been a member for 2 years) and they'll get this stuff all straightened out when they get to know me a little better.

It never happened. My patience ran dry.

Long story short, I now have list. On this list is a certain set of names. One day, in the far future, I will get my revenge on these people. I will not forgive them. I will not forget what they have done. I will, in every way possible, ruin their lives by whatever means necessary.

This campaign has been going well for the past 8 months.

So for those out there that think they are too forgiving, be glad. I was, but I had that quaint little trait burned out by an all new feature. Thanks to the grand folks at this other community, I have learned how to truly hate. Anyone fool in school can learn about loving, but hate, that's a new game altogether. I'll tell those that don't know, but most of you reading this have probably never felt real hate before.

You may feel rage at a parent for something, or rage at a friend for never paying you back, but that's a far cry from real, absolute hate. Hate doesn't go away. Hate never dims. Hate is a wound that goes so deep, there's no blood left to spill. Hate is an enduring cold that is never quite gone. Rage is very quick and flashy and hot, it burns out before it's even begun. Rage can be subdued.

Now, reading this, some may think that this is a transient thing, that I'm only raging and really pissed off. I thought so too. I thought that this will pass, it isn't really serious. It may be hard to think that I'm doing anything but ranting at this very moment. Heh. That was before I started the list.

So here's a lesson about hate: I've only just started to exact my revenge. It will be decades before I'm through.

 

[Squid]

I've felt hate, infact I hate more things than I love...but lol aren't you taking it a bit over board?? you've got a list of names?? lol.... maybe people say those things about you because you're very extreme...you certainly come accross that way to me...

What kind of revenge are you even talking about?? And shouldn't you just build a bridge and get over it? srsly, you can hate them but why let it take over your life??

 

[Breon]

Hate is a very strong word and I only can say I truly hate 1 person in the world but to hate people over the internet :S that's a bit extreme and to do that surely says they won tbh how can you seriously let them get to you? People get brave on the internet it makes people feel strong when in reality they are very much the opposite.

 

[GalaxyFlare]

F!@#$%^ HELL! D.M no wonder you spend your time looking for Tifa and Cloud pics!

What Little bog Boss was on about was the inability to stay mad longterm.
But you seem to delight in the future ruination of other people, you my dear are the kind of person my organisation needs and wants to be involved with

I dont use the word hate because I feel it is the highest level of disdain one human can have for another, I avoid such random things as "I hate this drink" or "I hate that t-shirt"
there are many levels to hatred and I prefer to be careful with my words.

I would prefer to not hate a person if I came to a disagreement with, I would prefer to just ignore and be ignored by them. Strong sentiment to live up to but its hard sometimes when they are at yuo and the urge smack there heads of the necks is right in your mind..............ahem!

I wish you luck Dragon Mage

 

[Valvalis]

I can understand taking names and wanting to get revenge on people I think for myself, I would be too scared that I would go overboard, and do more to them than they actually deserved in the scheme of things; but then I also have issues with OCD and tend to blow things out of proportion quite often as a result. But if you can teach people a lesson, without doing anything you will ever regret, then I see no problem with people doing it. One other thing is that, I've always felt one should value his or her time enough that people who are idiots or cruel should just be ignored, and you shouldn't waste your own valuable time worrying about them, because that lets them win; however, if they have done something that interferes with your daily life and could potentially ruin something for you later on, then it is hard not to try to deal with it.

 

[Martel]

Hate, to me, is a waste of time. If I feel anything like that towards other people, its contempt: far easier for me to hold myself above them and refuse to acknowledge their existence than to exact a revenge so complicated that their minds wouldn't fully understand just what had been done to them. Or any sort of revenge, for that matter. It requires far too much effort, and are people you hate really worth that sort of effort?

But then, I don't care about others enough to hate them. Nobody has ever had so much of an influence over me that I'd actually care about their existence enough to hate them for it. Sure, I get irritated if people go out of their way to make my life difficult, and I don't forgive them, but in the end I just forget about it, because they just don't matter to me. Things happen. I have other things to be concerned with.

If it makes you feel better to hate someone, by all means. Although to me it'd just be an obsession. It would be acknowledging that someone had had an impact on me, and that would be far worse than anything they had ever done, I think. If that makes any sense.

 

[blakstang98]

I suppose it's in my makeup to be a hateful person. I've been one to hold grudges, and for no real good reason either. I have hated before, but realized later on that there wasn't much good that came from it. I've learned to not let such matters get to me, even if it was an event that broke my heart. As for revenge, there's usually too much backlash that can, and sometimes will come from it. I've been bitten by the revenge bug in my time, and it wasn't pretty for either party in most cases.

I was never a bad guy, but I would let my emotions take control of me from time to time. I've become a nicer guy in time, and as a result have become less hateful. But on the other end of the spectrum, I'm not really a forgiving guy either. I still have that grudge deal about me, I just don't take revenge or let it get to me. I quietly tuck it in the memory bank and remember that persons action. But unlike the past, I don't get to that point easily at all. Someone can piss me off, but I do find it fairly easy to brush it off and treat it as a smaller crime.

Life experience has taught me that living a pissed off life isn't easy. Not to say its easy to treat life like utopia, but living a life of hate just gets ugly after a while. It creates a lot of unneeded stress and gray hair. Going to your happy place and cooling yourself down will go a long way.

 

[Rydrum2112]

The hate you are talking about is true hate- I am not much for that. But you do what you got to do man.

The other type of hate, its connotation if you will- the playful dislike/being a hater I think is hilarious and completely approve of it. On my blog, we came up with the rules of hate.

 

[Dragon Mage]

I've felt hate, infact I hate more things than I love...but lol aren't you taking it a bit over board?? you've got a list of names?? lol.... maybe people say those things about you because you're very extreme...you certainly come accross that way to me...

What kind of revenge are you even talking about?? And shouldn't you just build a bridge and get over it? srsly, you can hate them but why let it take over your life??

You see, I once thought they were doing it just to get a rise out of me as well, but this isn't trolling. Trolling is going onto random threads and posting something inflammatory, just to get someone's dander up. But in this situation, every word I say is 80% of the time going to be nitpicked and taken out of context, to which I innocently begin an intellectual discussion on the nuances of my meaning and so on. But the more I explain, the more I am accused of being homophobic/racist/sexist/ignorant/stupid and so on. At no point do I ever start raging at anyone. I just fight a hopeless battle.

In fact, the one time I did finally lose my patience to yet another insult from one of these people, I sent to her (in a private chat) a message that was to the point and it felt incredibly good to finally say it. And she proceeded to parade this about on the main chat and whipped everyone into a frenzy to rip on me. She has been insulting me ever since I arrived -- I return the favor once and a flame war starts up. Other than this, I have never 'risen' to their taunts -- I was honestly engaged in a discussion and trying to repair their misunderstanding, but now I realize that this was all intentional. Nothing I can ever say will be ever good enough.

I can come to no other conclusion than that this is a campaign against me and my good reputation. With employers increasingly going online to see what potential employees are up to online, I cannot afford such mean slander.

So who is being more extreme here? They, for intentionally ruining my reputation at every opportunity and picking every word I say and twisting it into the most vile meaning they can think of; or I, for wanting to make them pay for it?

The revenge I have in mind is simple: Misery. I don't intend to ever physically harm anyone. That would be extreme. I simply wish for them to sample their own medicine, enough so they understand -- briefly -- what it tastes like.

The list of names, for your peace of mind, is their usernames, nothing more. As for the revenge, it shall be only contained to the forum alone. Think of it as a well constructed drama. My plan is, really, quite humble.

F!@#$%^ HELL! D.M no wonder you spend your time looking for Tifa and Cloud pics!

Alas! My secret is revealed!

*perks up* what is this organization you speak of...?

Or any sort of revenge, for that matter. It requires far too much effort, and are people you hate really worth that sort of effort?

Yes. Very much worth the time and effort.

They've spent so much time making ruining my life and trashing my reputation. Only courteous to return the favor.

But then, I don't care about others enough to hate them. Nobody has ever had so much of an influence over me that I'd actually care about their existence enough to hate them for it. Sure, I get irritated if people go out of their way to make my life difficult, and I don't forgive them, but in the end I just forget about it, because they just don't matter to me. Things happen. I have other things to be concerned with.

Influence over me? I'm afraid you misunderstand. There is no one influencing me to do this. There is no one encouraging me.

And understand this. In this particular forum (NOT FFF), community cooperation is key. We are there to respect each other no matter what they believe or think, and help them improve upon their work.

But if I, one member alone, is constantly ridiculed, flamed, and accused of the worst of things, then how can I possibly be trusted by other members to give a fair and just critique? How can whatever I say be taken with consideration if I'm "That racist bitch" to the whole forum membership?

They may say whatever it about me that they like. Will it piss me off? Sure, who wouldn't be mad? But when it gets to the point that my contribution and ability to function on the forum as a whole is being attacked and systematically ruined, then, quite frankly, I take issue with it. I joined that forum to be a member of a community. Not to be the worthless rag no one pay attention to unless it's to let of steam.

Although to me it'd just be an obsession. It would be acknowledging that someone had had an impact on me, and that would be far worse than anything they had ever done, I think. If that makes any sense.

xD I assure you, this is no obsession. This is not the end all and be all of my life, I promise.

And from what you say here, "acknowledging that someone had had an impact on me" it sounds like you think I'm making my hatred of them clear and open. In fact, I've done nothing of the sort. The farthest I've gone is to put one particular member on ignore. No real biggy, since another member puts my on and off his ignore list frequently.

To all intents and purposes, they are ignorant of my true feelings. I see no need to illuminate them on this -- what would it achieve? Nothing more than ranting about how I am a whiny bitch who can't take any critique, or something along those lines. In the end, it would produce no resolution, only more reason for me to dislike them further.

Another difference between rage and hate: Hate is patient. At least, it is in my personal experience.

I suppose it's in my makeup to be a hateful person. I've been one to hold grudges, and for no real good reason either. I have hated before, but realized later on that there wasn't much good that came from it. I've learned to not let such matters get to me, even if it was an event that broke my heart. As for revenge, there's usually too much backlash that can, and sometimes will come from it. I've been bitten by the revenge bug in my time, and it wasn't pretty for either party in most cases.

xD Of all people, Dan, I certainly wouldn't call you hateful! In fact, what you describe of yourself sounds very much like what I do. This one instance that I described in the OP is more like an anomaly if anything else.

And, believe it or not, I've tried several times to brush this off. And then something happens and it reminds me why I hate most these people in the first place. And considering that the revenge I have in mind is very small-scale -- even then improbable to ever achieve -- the worst I would suffer is a bad reputation and infamy -- but wait... I already have that thanks to them!

Raising hell in forum drama may not seem like revenge at first, but then, revenge is often overblown in Hollywood, isn't it? Very dramatic, even hearing the word summons to mind the thought of wars. No no no. I've no such intentions. The punishment should fit the crime, and I've thought of that at great length. A taste of their own medicine would make them more thoughtful, I think.

 

[Martel]

Yes. Very much worth the time and effort.

They've spent so much time making ruining my life and trashing my reputation. Only courteous to return the favor.

*shrug* To each their own, I suppose.

Influence over me? I'm afraid you misunderstand. There is no one influencing me to do this. There is no one encouraging me.

Actually, I think you misunderstand me, as I was not referring to you directly. If you want me to apply my opinion to you, then what I meant was that the person you hate has influenced you to reach this hatred for them through their actions. Its acknowledging that they've affected you. If they hadn't of influenced you, would you feel this way? I don't think so somehow.

To feel anything for someone is give them a certain degree of influence over you. I just don't see the point in letting anyone have that kind of influence. That is all. It seems, to me, to be a waste of time, but like I said, to each their own.

Encouragement is something else entirely that I didn't mention or deliberately imply in my post.

And understand this. In this particular forum, community cooperation is key. We are here to respect each other no matter what they believe or think, and help them improve upon their work.

But if I, one member alone, is constantly ridiculed, flamed, and accused of the worst of things, then how can I possibly be trusted by other members to give a fair and just critique? How can whatever I say be taken with consideration if I'm "That racist bitch" to the whole forum membership?

Say whatever it is about me that you like. Will it piss me off? Sure, who wouldn't be mad? But when it gets to the point that my contribution and ability to function on the forum as a whole is being attacked and systematically ruined, then, quite frankly, I take issue with it. I joined this forum to be a member of a community. Not to be the worthless rag no one pay attention to unless it's to let of steam.

...why are you biting MY head off about it? I simply stated my opinion on the kind of hate you outlined in your post, not you as a person or your present situation. You're entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to mine. I've never disputed that, nor have I made any attempt to ridicule or discredit you.

If you want me to be entirely frank about it, I could care less. You started a topic on hatred with an example. I replied with my own opinion. That is as far as it goes. If you're reading personal slights or whatever in my reply, then that is your problem and not mine, because I didn't intend that, and I will not be held responsible for you seeing things in my posts that aren't there, then jumping to conclusions and biting my head off without properly clarifying with me what it was that I meant. Either way, I'm not going to argue with you, because a) it'll irritate the moderators, b) we'll go wildly off topic, and c) I honestly can't be bothered.
And no, I'm not trying to be offensive. I'm simply letting you know where I stand on the matter. Now I'm going to stop being off-topic and forget about this.

Just because you are the first person to speak out about this treatment on the forum does not mean you are the only one who has experienced it, either. Just thought I should point that out.

Then be a member of the community. Nobody is stopping you. If anyone says something that offends you, then take it up with the mods, its what they're there for. Get it resolved, if it bothers you that much.

xD I assure you, this is no obsession. This is not the end all and be all of my life, I promise.

*shrug* If you say so, you don't need to promise me anything. Even if I were the one you hated, it wouldn't make any difference to me either way. xD

And from what you say here, "acknowledging that someone had had an impact on me" it sounds like you think I'm making my hatred of them clear and open. In fact, I've done nothing of the sort. The farthest I've gone is to put one particular member on ignore. No real biggy, since another member puts my on and off his ignore list frequently.

To all intents and purposes, they are ignorant of my true feelings. I see no need to illuminate them on this -- what would it achieve? Nothing more than ranting about how I am a whiny bitch who can't take any critique, or something along those lines. In the end, it would produce no resolution, only more reason for me to dislike them further.

Another difference between rage and hate: Hate is patient. At least, it is in my personal experience.

I didn't imply that at all. My point was that their behaviour would have had an influence for that kind of feeling to arise, and that I, personally, do not see the point in allowing people to have such an influence.

Although I believe that, in your case, your bias against may be clouding your perceived possibility of a resolution. It would depend on how you approached the situation, I think. But then, I'm just speculating.

I think we got our wires crossed somewhere along the line...

 

[Dragon Mage]

Actually, I think you misunderstand me, as I was not referring to you directly. If you want me to apply my opinion to you, then what I meant was that the person you hate has influenced you to reach this hatred for them through their actions. Its acknowledging that they've affected you. If they hadn't of influenced you, would you feel this way? I don't think so somehow.

To feel anything for someone is give them a certain degree of influence over you. I just don't see the point in letting anyone have that kind of influence. That is all. It seems, to me, to be a waste of time, but like I said, to each their own.

Encouragement is something else entirely that I didn't mention or deliberately imply in my post.

Ah, then I apologize. I did not realize that you were not addressing me directly. I had naturally assumed you were addressing me in part because of the 'you' in your last paragraph....

As to this person influencing me, I don't quite agree. Influence has a range of implications. Did their actions influence my reactions? Yes of course, it's a matter of cause and effect almost. Had they never acted in such a way, my reaction would be drastically different. So their actions do influence how I react. However, this is no different than how my reaction of smiling back at the cashier was influenced by the fact that he/she smiled at me first.

But have these people influenced who I am, my very core of identity? No, not at all. In this particular case, the only influence they have over me is my personal opinion of them alone. But their power does not extend over me. I believe this is the case with anyone who holds an opinion of someone else, though granted it may vary. If a person you know is very funny and tells lots of jokes, your opinion of them is influenced by that. But that doesn't necessarily make you a funny person as well.

I think I understand you correctly, but the more I think on it, the more positive I am that I don't really understand what you mean by 'influence.' Also, see my second to last post.

As I had misinterpreted the direction of your post, the mention of encouragement was not at all implied, no worries. I had understood you incorrectly about the 'influence' and was using encouragement as a similar example. It was not mentioned nor implied in your post. That was entirely from my misunderstanding.

...why are you biting MY head off about it? I simply stated my opinion on the kind of hate you outlined in your post, not you as a person or your present situation. You're entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to mine. I've never disputed that, nor have I made any attempt to ridicule or discredit you.

What?

Um, I think there's been a misunderstanding here.

I'm not biting anyone's head off. I'm not even mildly upset or stirred up. What I've said in that quote has absolutely nothing to do with these forums. It's an entirely different website. No ranting, either, because all of it is 100% true. I was just clarifying to you, as briefly and simply as possible, why I hold such a grudge against these people. Their sabotage goes beyond simple name-calling and into an outright defamation that compromises my ability to work on the forum. I was simply trying to explain so that you can understand why I feel the way I do about these people.

I'm not biting any heads here! xD This is simply an explanation. I think the confusion is when I said, "We are here to respect each other's work...." I didn't mean this forum, I meant the other forum. It's an art/writing forum, where critique is given so that the work can be improved. I'm sorry if that caused some confusion, I didn't think it would be meant as this forum. xD No, this forum is paradise in comparison.

I've edited my original post so that no more misunderstanding is caused.

If you want me to be entirely frank about it, I could care less. You started a topic on hatred with an example. I replied with my own opinion. That is as far as it goes. If you're reading personal slights or whatever in my reply, then that is your problem and not mine, because I didn't intend that, and I will not be held responsible for you seeing things in my posts that aren't there, then jumping to conclusions and biting my head off without properly clarifying with me what it was that I meant. Either way, I'm not going to argue with you, because a) it'll irritate the moderators, b) we'll go wildly off topic, and c) I honestly can't be bothered.

See above reply. lol, no, I've been reading no personal slights whatsoever from your posts. And again, no, I wasn't biting anyone's head off. I can see why your reaction is so.... vehement, even though misplaced. You believe I was addressing you as the cause of some insult or discredit -- xD I absolutely assure you, I'd never intend such a thing. I've known you for some time, and I know that you are a kind person with great consideration for others. It's comical to think of accusing you of any such thing, for it's obviously not true! xD

Just because you are the first person to speak out about this treatment on the forum does not mean you are the only one who has experienced it, either. Just thought I should point that out.

Then be a member of the community. Nobody is stopping you. If anyone says something that offends you, then take it up with the mods, its what they're there for. Get it resolved, if it bothers you that much.

Again, just so all reading this is 110% certain, I was speaking of an utterly different forum. As I said above, this forum -- FFF -- is paradise in comparison.

And taking it up with the mods is a great idea, (again, speaking of the other forum) but there's one problem.

All of these people?

They are the mods.

Sad, but true. All but 4 people on this forum belong to the group of harassers. That's not including the several small and quiet members we have. This is a very, very, small and as yet largely undeveloped forum, over there. The first members are the staff (because, when it started, that's all there was to promote), and the staff makes up about 85% of the daily active members. Months will go by before a new member joins, and they often don't post much beyond the initial thread and the first thread they put up to receive critique.

Just so you get a sense of how small it is, it's about as far as you could possibly get from FFF. This other forum is to FFF, like black is to white. Literally.

I know quite well that I am the only person to receive such treatment so consistently, for 2 reasons:

1) I'm the youngest of the group, and as such, am an outsider to their tightly-knit buddy group.
2) Being such a small, slow forum, nearly all but the very first threads are still there (there is no archive for we have no need of it, and probably won't for years to come), and nowhere in any of these threads do any other members receive any such treatment.

So, quite a predicament, no?

I didn't imply that at all. My point was that their behaviour would have had an influence for that kind of feeling to arise, and that I, personally, do not see the point in allowing people to have such an influence.

Ah, well, I did say I'm not sure, and was guessing by what you meant precisely. xD I wasn't quite sure if that's what you meant or not, so take that part of my post with a grain of salt.

I understand by what you mean of an 'influence' but I'm hard pressed to say that I agree. To my ears, it almost sounds like they are motivating my feeling of hate toward them, by how you describe it, but I know that can't be true. I'll admit, I'm not sure what you mean exactly. I think of influence as "This book has influenced how I got into the acting business". I'm pretty sure we're thinking two different things here.

Although I believe that, in your case, your bias against may be clouding your perceived possibility of a resolution. It would depend on how you approached the situation, I think. But then, I'm just speculating.

I think we got our wires crossed somewhere along the line...

Well, considering the circumstances, I'm at a loss to finding a clear resolution. I have given up on ever trying to work things out, but then, I never had a great motivation for that course of action anyway. If you see anything I may have missed, please let me know! It would save me a lot of work, that's for sure! xD

Our wires crossed at the second quote you've posted, I'm certain. I hope that confusion has been cleared up entirely.

 

[coffeecup]

Whoa...you have a revenge list of names against people who were mean to you on an internet forum? I don't want to sound like an ass or anything, but don't you think that's a bit extreme? What's preventing you from just ditching these douchebags? In a way, if you're actually going to be pulling their strings, it's a favor to them since it may revert some of them back to ordinary people. The best revenge is just letting douchebags be douchebags for their entire life.

Man you're going to meet a lot of assholes in real life. You've gotta be more resilient, and just shrug off insulting comments. No need to get worked up about it, especially if it's just bashing your anonymous internet identity. It might be a bit different if they started harassing you on facebook, leaving weird voice messages (cough cough...like that one girl who killed herself O.O), but it seems like you have the discretion to just drop 'em and move on. I've never been hurt bad enough that this wasn't sufficient remedy. I mean a girl slapped me at a bar once (that was a big wtf), but I didn't plan to hide behind a car and slap her when she came out after last call. I

Most of the time walking away is the best solution. Naturally there are exceptions, but yours doesn't doesn't really fall in that narrow category. But I guess it's a judgment call, so do what you want with your life. I just think it's a waste of time and energy :/

 

[Squid]

...you could just leave the forum where all these douchebags are... thats pretty easy...

If they have your email/skype/msn...block and delete them... if they have any other personal information maybe it will teach you a lesson for giving that stuff out... but srsly... it is not hard at all to get rid of bad people in your 'internet life'

 

[Dragon Mage]

I don't want to sound like an ass or anything, but don't you think that's a bit extreme? What's preventing you from just ditching these douchebags?

...you could just leave the forum where all these douchebags are... thats pretty easy...

Well, they have what I need. What that is, exactly, is insight. Much as I loathe the majority of them, there are still a few members whose input is invaluable to my improvement. In fact, it was the very input from the past that has allowed me to improve so drastically.

So there is a very good reason why I can't just simply up and leave. But nevertheless, they're making this difficult. Since this is the only forum I've ever seen or heard of (and yes, that includes forums listed in Writer's Digest, which I do subscribe to), that produced high-quality critique when it is actually given, I'm somewhat stuck. These circumstances are difficult.

Man you're going to meet a lot of assholes in real life. You've gotta be more resilient, and just shrug off insulting comments. No need to get worked up about it, especially if it's just bashing your anonymous internet identity.

See, this pandering, condescending tone doesn't put anyone at ease, nor does it make you sound wise. It simply pisses people off.

I'm a writer. I put my work up on forums so absolute strangers can read it and critique it. Don't talk to me about having thick skin! You work on a chapter for months then have ripped to shreds and tell me how you feel afterwards. I can tell you already -- you feel like shit. Being able to accept all that feedback as helpful advice and using it to improve your work is a vital skill to survive in writing. I wouldn't want to pursue a career as a novelist if I wasn't resilient, so this comment about "being more resilient" is somewhat superfluous.

So, considering my own remarkable skills at being able to shrug off silly insults, it should give you an idea of just how mean and nasty these people are. And as I've said before, my only reason for staying is the critique. On this other forum, to get critique, you must give critique. It's a kind of 'paying it forward' system. Their intentional sullying of my reputation, making me the outcast of the forum as it were, degrades the ability of others to take my critique seriously and it also reduces my chances of receiving critique in return. Since this is the ONLY reason I'm there in the first place, and is vital to my improvement, that is the one thing I cannot tolerate.

As I said before, with employers increasingly checking out their potential employees activities online, imagine if they went on and saw that I was called homophobe, racist, sexist, and so on? What are the chances of me getting that job then? Exactly.

And so it is made clear -- this has gone far beyond mere name-calling. This is a coordinated attack on me, an intentional campaign to ruin my ability to do anything worthwhile on this forum, and a conscious attempt to take away my dignity. Just because it's on the internet doesn't make harassment any less serious, especially when one is stuck with it. People have committed suicide because of what friends have posted about them online. It is entirely, deadly, real.

If they have your email/skype/msn...block and delete them... if they have any other personal information maybe it will teach you a lesson for giving that stuff out... but srsly... it is not hard at all to get rid of bad people in your 'internet life'

Ignoring may make me blind to what they say, but it doesn't solve the problem.

 

[Squid]

Imagine if your potential employers went online and found out you were getting revenge on stupid kids on the internet...

 

[coffeecup]

See, this pandering, condescending tone doesn't put anyone at ease, nor does it make you sound wise. It simply pisses people off.

I'm a writer. I put my work up on forums so absolute strangers can read it and critique it. Don't talk to me about having thick skin! You work on a chapter for months then have ripped to shreds and tell me how you feel afterwards. I can tell you already -- you feel like shit. Being able to accept all that feedback as helpful advice and using it to improve your work is a vital skill to survive in writing. I wouldn't want to pursue a career as a novelist if I wasn't resilient, so this comment about "being more resilient" is somewhat superfluous.

It's a bit funny to say you've got thick skin but then turn around and get a little worked up about a few sentences I wrote that wasn't even meant to be offensive. I don't want to sound "condescending," but people that are overly defensive on the internet tend to be prime meat for trolls or internet douchebags that want to get a rise out of you. To be frank, I can see why you might've been targeted as a victim of some internet bashing. If you were this defensive against my comment (which I thought was just casual advice), I can only imagine how hard you got trolled when you fed these guys post after post of...yeah.

Well, I'll bow out because I've already given my suggestion of just walking away. I'm sure there are alternatives such as finding another forum or even creating another account on that same forum. I'd also suggest not to take insults on the internet so personally, because it's just the internet. I understand that people do kill themselves (hs girl facebook fiasco), but that's generally an extension of your actual real life where your anonymity is compromised and you have to face that stuff at school everyday. It doesn't appear to be the same case here.

Well, you're free to live your own life, so good luck with your revenge.

 

[Valvalis]

As I said before, with employers increasingly checking out their potential employees activities online, imagine if they went on and saw that I was called homophobe, racist, sexist, and so on? What are the chances of me getting that job then? Exactly.

And so it is made clear -- this has gone far beyond mere name-calling. This is a coordinated attack on me, an intentional campaign to ruin my ability to do anything worthwhile on this forum, and a conscious attempt to take away my dignity. Just because it's on the internet doesn't make harassment any less serious, especially when one is stuck with it. People have committed suicide because of what friends have posted about them online. It is entirely, deadly, real.

This does sound a lot more serious than just people hanging out on a recreational forum giving each other a hard time. If this is something where it could potentially affect your career, and your career is largely reliant on word-of-mouth (I'm trying to be a writer too, and I'm in the same boat), then you can't really just let them sit there and get away with it. That's not fair to you, and if it's their word against yours and you're only one person, then if the potential employers see people saying those things, they're not likely to give you a fair chance. A lot of the people who badmouth others on forums (and I suppose the internet in general) tend to forget just how many people have access to what they're saying, and how important those people can be sometimes. I'm honestly stunned by some of the things that are said even on this forum, when there are 18,000+ members and many of these threads can be viewed even by non-members. So whether these people are doing it on purpose to hinder your career, or are simply ignorant of that being a consequence for you, either way they could still be doing a considerable amount of damage.

That being said, if there's any way you can clear the air somehow without anyone important catching you doing something devious, then I would say go for it :dave: There's no reason why a handful of jerks who feel empowered by the internet should affect your ability to do the kind of work you want to do. Finding work is hard enough as it is these days, especially when you want to do something creative. You don't need a bad reputation going for you as well.

 

[Dragon Mage]

It's a bit funny to say you've got thick skin but then turn around and get a little worked up about a few sentences I wrote that wasn't even meant to be offensive. I don't want to sound "condescending," but people that are overly defensive on the internet tend to be prime meat for trolls or internet douchebags that want to get a rise out of you. If you were this defensive against my comment (which I thought was just casual advice), I can only imagine how hard you got trolled when you fed these guys post after post of...yeah.

I think you misunderstand. I'm not getting mad. I'm getting very, very tired.

I have heard "have thick skin" so many damn times, it's beginning to truly fray my patience. Also, the comment bears me no actual usefulness. It's just a rather self-righteous way to tell others what they're doing wrong. Not that you were being self-righteous when you said it -- I'm sure you thought it was helpful in some way -- but my many (and utterly uneeded) encounters with this line are almost always followed up by a wisdom-lecture by people who are only a few years older than I. And of course, when they sense even a remote possibility of an insult, they go off the wire. So this phrase of "having thick skin" is really tiring and annoying and it's beginning to really irritate me -- personally -- when I see it bandied about so readily. Thick skin isn't a problem when the harsh feedback actually serves a purpose, like critique. But neither I nor anyone else should have to deal with mindless, constant, savage harassment and just be expected to shrug it off.

And, as I believe I said earlier, when such "post after post" that you refer to actually happened, I was entirely unaware of the nasty intent behind their attack. I was trying to explain, most earnestly, my position, but no matter what I said, it would be immediately taken out of context (you know, people quoting only parts of sentences and exclaiming is was racist or whatever the insult of the week happened to be) and turned against me. The fodder I was providing them was an honest intent to completely clarify my position, but it was always twisted and used to further demean every word I say. So yeah. Did I 'rise' to their posts? Not in the way you think. I stayed civil. They never started out that way.

Well, I'll bow out because I've already given my suggestion of just walking away. I'm sure there are alternatives such as finding another forum or even creating another account on that same forum. I'd also suggest not to take insults on the internet so personally, because it's just the internet. I understand that people do kill themselves (hs girl facebook fiasco), but that's generally an extension of your actual real life where your anonymity is compromised and you have to face that stuff at school everyday. It doesn't appear to be the same case here.

Well, you're free to live your own life, so good luck with your revenge.

I think I've explained why I'm somewhat stuck in this forum? It is the only one that I know of or found. Trust me, if there was a similar forum without these people on it, nothing in Heaven or Hell could stop me from joining it! xD The problem is, there is only one other forum like it, and with that forum, you have to be a published author to join. And since I'm using this critique to get better at writing so I can become published means that I'm stuck.

And I agree with what you say about not taking internet insults personally, but no one should have to deal with this kind of crap. It's beyond absurd. I know that 'revenge' is a strong word to use, but so is 'payback', 'retribution' and others. Seeing as my form of revenge being some orchestrated drama, I don't think I'm taking it that seriously. Do I hate these people? Absolutely! But I don't want to find where they live and burn their house down or something. This isn't just purely hate-motivated revenge, either. When their own tactics are used against them -- not completely, but enough to cause unease -- it is likely they will cease to use such tactics themselves in the future. And then, at that point, we can all get along and speak without worrying about which word will be taken out of context. So it isn't just a revenge thing, though it will be satisfying to see them struggle with their own medicine -- it's also an attempt to change the social mores of the forum to allow for better and greater communication in general.

I've thought this through very carefully, as you can see.

This does sound a lot more serious than just people hanging out on a recreational forum giving each other a hard time. If this is something where it could potentially affect your career, and your career is largely reliant on word-of-mouth (I'm trying to be a writer too, and I'm in the same boat), then you can't really just let them sit there and get away with it. That's not fair to you, and if it's their word against yours and you're only one person, then if the potential employers see people saying those things, they're not likely to give you a fair chance. A lot of the people who badmouth others on forums (and I suppose the internet in general) tend to forget just how many people have access to what they're saying, and how important those people can be sometimes. I'm honestly stunned by some of the things that are said even on this forum, when there are 18,000+ members and many of these threads can be viewed even by non-members. So whether these people are doing it on purpose to hinder your career, or are simply ignorant of that being a consequence for you, either way they could still be doing a considerable amount of damage.

That being said, if there's any way you can clear the air somehow without anyone important catching you doing something devious, then I would say go for it :dave: There's no reason why a handful of jerks who feel empowered by the internet should affect your ability to do the kind of work you want to do. Finding work is hard enough as it is these days, especially when you want to do something creative. You don't need a bad reputation going for you as well.

Thank you! Being a writer yourself, you can fully appreciate what is at jeopardy. Glad to see that someone else also keenly understands.

 

[Squid]

If you're a writer... why don't you join Deviant Art or something? they have a whole section for writers...

 

[coffeecup]

So you got trolled, and you want revenge by trolling the trolls. I don't think you've got enough troll in you to troll trolls, because trolls usually know when they're getting trolled. Now say that three times fast

But really, it's not the end of the world in getting trolled on the internet. Your reaction and conduct is actually going above and beyond what they were likely trying to hit. In essence, your revenge just reasserts their success at trolling you. The best way to beat a troll is to ignore 'em, not rage-revenge in return from getting trolled. That'll just make the troll smile :/