Mutual Attraction When Out and About

[~Griever~]

Is there anything more more disheartening than feeling a vibe/attraction with someone when out in public and either not being able to or not having the balls to approach/dish out some cheesy chat up line. This seems to happen to me quite often as I can only really initiate conversation in a limited number of environments ¬_¬ Pubs, House Parties, College.

I make this thread because I had one of those repeated eye contact/smiling sheepishly moments today on the train and I didn't close the deal! I'm pretty sure this girl was waiting for the 'man' to make the move and unfortunately for her and me I was too much of a p**sy!

I'm guessing a lot of you guys have similar stories? Or perhaps you can slap me down even further with a tale of triumph? Any extremely awkward situations precipitated by strong social anxiety?

Do tell.

 

[Twilight Sky]

When it comes to stuff like that, I don't assume there's some kind of connection. It just nice that it happens and brightens up my day. I don't go to bars, or parties, and obviously out of school XD. So the only times I get to see women is when I'm at work, or the rare times I go to the mall.

 

[Shinra Executive]

~Ah yes, I've seen Ms. Perfect out there before looking back at me- that liminal bridge that nobody but you and her see as you're browsing the aisles or waiting in a line. But then, one of you disappear and the magic goes with it, and everything becomes business as usual once more.
You never find out her name or otherwise who she is, and you never see her again. You spend about ten minutes thereafter wondering what could have been, and then she gets erased from your memory bank as your life comes back in full force~

 

[The Master]

It's a lot harder when you are a shy gay person, IMO. You don't even know if they are gay or not half the time and you feel like a fool when you find out they aren't

I was FOR SURE this one dude was gay so I started talking to him and dropping hints, then he starts talking about girls and I start to feel foolish and give up

There's plenty of people out there though! You shouldn't let one girl ruin your day! I know I'VE let those things ruin my day, but you realize there are other fish! Or maybe you can even try again! There's ALWAYS hope

 

[~Griever~]

When it comes to stuff like that, I don't assume there's some kind of connection. It just nice that it happens and brightens up my day. I don't go to bars, or parties, and obviously out of school XD. So the only times I get to see women is when I'm at work, or the rare times I go to the mall.

Seeing someone you like when you're working is pretty much mission impossible. Maybe you should make bold assumptions more often? I mean obviously if I catch someones eye a few times I don't assume they are infatuated instantaneously, but when a pretty girl repeatedly glances at you and smiles are exchanged you can be reasonably sure there's a 'spark' or whatever.

Ah yes, I've seen Ms. Perfect out there before looking back at me- that liminal bridge that nobody but you and her see as you're browsing the aisles or waiting in a line. But then, one of you disappear and the magic goes with it, and everything becomes business as usual once more.
You never find out her name or otherwise who she is, and you never see her again. You spend about ten minutes thereafter wondering what could have been, and then she gets erased from your memory bank as your life comes back in full force~

That's quite accurate actually. Damn now I'm depressed. In all seriousness I've had a few tragic experiences like that, but I've had other times where I've just abandoned self awareness and approached a stranger. Sometimes it goes well and sometimes...urgh.

It's a lot harder when you are a shy gay person, IMO. You don't even know if they are gay or not half the time and you feel like a fool when you find out they aren't

I was FOR SURE this one dude was gay so I started talking to him and dropping hints, then he starts talking about girls and I start to feel foolish and give up

There's plenty of people out there though! You shouldn't let one girl ruin your day!

I know I'VE let those things ruin my day, but you realize there are other fish! Or maybe you can even try again! There's ALWAYS hope

I experienced the opposite of this in a way. After coming out a cinema one night a guy came up and put his arms around my neck when I was with my girlfriend at the time. In retrospect it's hilarious because my girlfriend got really irritated and the guy just kept saying "oh, you're definitely gay." I have no idea why he thought so, but there it is. Now that I think about it I may have experienced mild sexual harassment...

But yeah I can imagine that being a problem in everyday life considering people don't walk around proclaiming their sexuality and the majority of people probably assume members of the same sex are straight. Then again I think that's slowly dying out. Sexuality is becoming less and less exclusive it seems.



​

 

[Tyler Breeze]

Of course! I've been like this my whole life. I'm trying to change it, but it's pretty hard. A few years ago, there was this girl I really liked. We saw each other everyday, we had the same classes, we were basically best friends.

She kept doing things like dropping her books in front of me everyday, but me being an idiot, never helped her pick them up. She was always very cool with me, but towards the end of the year, she started getting more friendly.

I was never able to come out and say I had a crush on her. So one day at the last day of school before year end, and before we moved to a new state, I hear something.

I'm going downstairs about to leave to the school for the final time and her best friend comes up to me and says that the girl I had a crush on, had a crush on me. The girl I liked was nowhere to be found.

It was heartbreaking knowing we could have been together if I had just told her how I felt. That was a missed chance I'll never get back. I haven't seen her since. Ehh, who knows, maybe we'll find each other again.

 

[Exoskeleton]

It's a lot harder when you are a shy gay person, IMO. You don't even know if they are gay or not half the time and you feel like a fool when you find out they aren't

Well I'm not entirely sure about that. I mean a lot of gay guys tend to drop hints, but I guess it depends on your "gaydar" or whatever that is. Mine tends to be really good in pointing out lesbians and closeted guys(but mostly lesbians). xD

I've had this happen tons of times. Sometimes I just leave it at stares and smiles and my day is brightened and I can go along my duties happily. The times I do approach guys/girls I usually have a conversation or something and that's about it.

I had a similar situation with a very cute dude on the train once. My only strategy was sharing a laugh with him at the awkward things being said by little kids on the train but that didn't advance far since I was too shy and jealous of his particularly handsome appearance. A second time though I was leaving the train station and this dude decided to make conversation, only to end up trying to have sex and be a creeper. I'm usually the type to carry on friendly conversations with people I like and expect nothing of it but after that dude I haven't really talked to strangers much. o.o

When it's a cute girl I usually feel more comfortable with striking up a casual convo by complimenting something about her. I find it easier to talk to girls. But I rarely expect public encounters with strangers to go anywhere past a conversation...Unless they're century old millionaires looking for someone to give them a little lovin in exchange for their billions

 

[~Griever~]

Of course! I've been like this my whole life. I'm trying to change it, but it's pretty hard. A few years ago, there was this girl I really liked. We saw each other everyday, we had the same classes, we were basically best friends.

She kept doing things like dropping her books in front of me everyday, but me being an idiot, never helped her pick them up. She was always very cool with me, but towards the end of the year, she started getting more friendly.

I was never able to come out and say I had a crush on her. So one day at the last day of school before year end, and before we moved to a new state, I hear something.

I'm going downstairs about to leave to the school for the final time and her best friend comes up to me and says that the girl I had a crush on, had a crush on me. The girl I liked was nowhere to be found.

It was heartbreaking knowing we could have been together if I had just told her how I felt. That was a missed chance I'll never get back. I haven't seen her since. Ehh, who knows, maybe we'll find each other again.

And now I feel sad. Tragic story man. I feel the only appropriate response is there's plenty more fish in the sea

Well I'm not entirely sure about that. I mean a lot of gay guys tend to drop hints, but I guess it depends on your "gaydar" or whatever that is. Mine tends to be really good in pointing out lesbians and closeted guys(but mostly lesbians). xD

I've had this happen tons of times. Sometimes I just leave it at stares and smiles and my day is brightened and I can go along my duties happily. The times I do approach guys/girls I usually have a conversation or something and that's about it.

I had a similar situation with a very cute dude on the train once. My only strategy was sharing a laugh with him at the awkward things being said by little kids on the train but that didn't advance far since I was too shy and jealous of his particularly handsome appearance. A second time though I was leaving the train station and this dude decided to make conversation, only to end up trying to have sex and be a creeper. I'm usually the type to carry on friendly conversations with people I like and expect nothing of it but after that dude I haven't really talked to strangers much. o.o

When it's a cute girl I usually feel more comfortable with striking up a casual convo by complimenting something about her. I find it easier to talk to girls. But I rarely expect public encounters with strangers to go anywhere past a conversation...Unless they're century old millionaires looking for someone to give them a little lovin in exchange for their billions

Haha, I guess I'm the complete opposite. If I go ahead and stick my neck out by initiating a conversation with a strange girl you can be damn sure I want to take it further than parting after a brief exchange of words. Rejection is societies natural selection. It refines us men into hunting machines who always have 'an ulterior motive.' That doesn't mean we're evil of course. Just...eager and a little insecure perhaps?

Don't get me wrong I don't flagrantly go up to girls hoping I'll get sex, but if I do risk rejection and approach a strange girl I'll definitely be trying to arrange a meeting up at some point in the future e.g. date. I wish it was easy as just being honest and saying "I find you attractive and judging by our ten second conversation, you have a delightful personality too " Social norms make us liars!

 

[Rapture]

Whenever I've liked a guy in my life, I've almost ALWAYS gone out and tried to make the first move after I thought that they liked/might have been interested in me. I went out with a handful of the guys but ultimately none of it was ever lasting.

While I didn't particularly like sticking my neck out all of the time, I'm glad I did. I would've rather done it and known the outcome than regretting what never could have happened down the road.

After having a life of having nothing but problems with people who either can't communicate their feelings properly to me, people who just want to use me for one thing or another, and for those who don't know what they want in general...I'm not like that anymore. I'm a lot more closed off and I feel like in today's society, it's protecting me from a lot of the evil that is out there in the world today.

It is nice feeling an initial connection to someone, but you can't rely on that feeling in the long term. There has to be more there. If you can act on it, good for you...you either haven't been hurt enough to be weary of people who are selfishly just out to hurt other people...or you are one of those lucky people out there who have a suit of armor over their heart and can deal with emotional hurt and pain over and over again Dating can be shite

I'm not one and I'm not considering it, but I can understand why women would want to become lesbians. The population of decent males out there is dwindling, at best.

 

[Dionysos]

With feelings of immense emotion, such as we may define as love, I never get this with people I do not know.

I've sometimes been blown away a bit by a person, but then forget about it a couple of days afterwards. I've only ever doted on a person (in my head, not publicwise) for a long period with someone that I know. Knowing for me might not mean the same for the socially prolific, however.

Yet mutual? I doubt it. I'm not brilliant at reading signals there at all. The fact that after my months of pondering in torturous agony over the whole thing, the person almost always gets a boyfriend or / and goes away in general is evidence that pretty much feeds my doubt with a Confirmation Cookie. I still have a long way to go as a human being before I reach the heights required by one, it seems.

I've never approached anyone with 'a move' in my life. As human-monkeys we'd like to laugh at such a thing as claiming a person has 'no balls', but I genuinely never feel as if I have a right to make a move. There are hundreds or thousands or millions or billions of men out there who would likely make a person happy, and may even have a very impressive Relationship Resume of experience in such matters. That said, that is the completely wrong way to look at it also, and is essentially giving up. I do, however, always need to find evidence before I even consider my feelings to ever bear fruit, as I do not want to make the whole situation awkward. However, as said, the evidence I do pick up leads me to deduce that it is a pointless and embarrassing endeavour that would only condemn me to increased heartache.

Oh well.

 

[~Griever~]

Whenever I've liked a guy in my life, I've almost ALWAYS gone out and tried to make the first move after I thought that they liked/might have been interested in me. I went out with a handful of the guys but ultimately none of it was ever lasting.

While I didn't particularly like sticking my neck out all of the time, I'm glad I did. I would've rather done it and known the outcome than regretting what never could have happened down the road.

After having a life of having nothing but problems with people who either can't communicate their feelings properly to me, people who just want to use me for one thing or another, and for those who don't know what they want in general...I'm not like that anymore. I'm a lot more closed off and I feel like in today's society, it's protecting me from a lot of the evil that is out there in the world today.

It is nice feeling an initial connection to someone, but you can't rely on that feeling in the long term. There has to be more there. If you can act on it, good for you...you either haven't been hurt enough to be weary of people who are selfishly just out to hurt other people...or you are one of those lucky people out there who have a suit of armor over their heart and can deal with emotional hurt and pain over and over again Dating can be shite

I'm not one and I'm not considering it, but I can understand why women would want to become lesbians. The population of decent males out there is dwindling, at best.

Not many girls I know would be brave enough to initiate conversation in the first place so I guess you're in the minority that most guys wish were the majority.

Though I understand what you mean about an initial connection being no indicator for a long lasting relationship. For me personally I'm not looking for a long lasting relationship at the moment so I don't have that worry hanging over me. Then again I've always felt that you shouldn't get into a relationship with the intention of it being a long term thing. It should be spontaneous you know? That's just me though.

Hmm. A dwindling population of decent males? You may be right. Of course that all depends on your perspective. I've found myself saying the same thing about the female of the species a few times, usually after a dilemma or difficult situation. Those types of feelings usually arise out of resentment so I try to be rational and think about how there are a few billion women on planet Earth.

With feelings of immense emotion, such as we may define as love, I never get this with people I do not know.

I've sometimes been blown away a bit by a person, but then forget about it a couple of days afterwards. I've only ever doted on a person (in my head, not publicwise) for a long period with someone that I know. Knowing for me might not mean the same for the socially prolific, however.

Yet mutual? I doubt it. I'm not brilliant at reading signals there at all. The fact that after my months of pondering in torturous agony over the whole thing, the person almost always gets a boyfriend or / and goes away in general is evidence that pretty much feeds my doubt with a Confirmation Cookie. I still have a long way to go as a human being before I reach the heights required by one, it seems.

I've never approached anyone with 'a move' in my life. As human-monkeys we'd like to laugh at such a thing as claiming a person has 'no balls', but I genuinely never feel as if I have a right to make a move. There are hundreds or thousands or millions or billions of men out there who would likely make a person happy, and may even have a very impressive Relationship Resume of experience in such matters. That said, that is the completely wrong way to look at it also, and is essentially giving up. I do, however, always need to find evidence before I even consider my feelings to ever bear fruit, as I do not want to make the whole situation awkward. However, as said, the evidence I do pick up leads me to deduce that it is a pointless and embarrassing endeavour that would only condemn me to increased heartache.

Oh well.

I don't fall in 'love' with strangers either. I was referring more to just an initial attraction and maybe those crazy thoughts we sometimes get like "ohh, they're so amazing, even though I don't even know them."

I get what you're saying about not having the right to approach or feeling inadequate etc. Though confidence itself seems to be an attractive quality in a lot of individuals so sometimes (especially for me) it's prudent to just ignore the warning signals in your head and do something outrageous. Most of the time I'm similar to how you described, in that I will over analyse after the fact. Then I sometimes have times were I go "Live for the moment" or "Carpe Diem" and all those cheesy cliches. It's amazing how far just letting go of expectation and the fear of rejection will get you.