Serious Just wondering about side chicks and FWB's ...

[Richard B Riddick]

I am sure some people do have a problem with it regardless of faith or lack thereof. I am questioning your assertion that 'people have said it is oppressive while simultaneously no one has said anything negative about it'

Yes, I'm sure some imaginary people that you have never seen nor met have a problem with it.

Whose believing in things without evidence, now?

If its important enough for some to bring up, this implies it is a problem, doesn't it? It goes without saying that people who voice concerns about such a thing view it to be a problem worth mentioning.

Hence your point is pretty pointless, dude.

 

[Sepalcure]

Its the typical & predictable atheist reaction to see imaginary, non-existent, traditionalist, religious people forsaking those who engage in sex outside of relationships, isn't it?

If that wasn't the case, why would some make a point of mentioning how they're tolerant and don't discriminate nor judge those who practice FWB?

Its like, you're asking me to back up my claim that the sky is blue. Why ask the obvious?

Wait what? Since when did religion have ANYTHING to do with the personal preferences of an FWB?
So myself and everyone else who don't have any sort of problem with premarital sex and casual sex are athiests? Amirite?
Like what does this have to do with long-term FWBs or basically anything I asked in my OP? Please, can you stay on topic and not just turn this into some pseudo-religious rant? You're making apples out of oranges.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

Wait what? Since when did religion have ANYTHING to do with the personal preferences of an FWB?

When you decided to touch yourself at night and tear a hole in the fabric of the space time continuum hence opening a Pandora's box which unleashed pure evil upon the world.

When did you think?

Seriously, though. FWB is similar to the view some have that sex should be as convenient and easy to obtain as food in a mcdonald's drive thru. Its not about traditional values such as loyalty, love, companionship, romance. Its moreso about attempting to achieve instant gratification without traditional courtship and dating.

So, yeh, even if its not specifically stated that FWB is more representative of untraditional values, it is implied.

So myself and everyone else who don't have any sort of problem with premarital sex and casual sex are athiests? Amirite?
Like what does this have to do with long-term FWBs or basically anything I asked in my OP? Please, can you stay on topic and not just turn this into some pseudo-religious rant? You're making apples out of oranges.

Don't put words in my mouth in quoting me out of context. Its lame that anyone would resort to such a thing & you only degrade youself by invoking it.

What does it not have to do with FWB? I didn't deviate far off topic.

But, I do apologize if you found the way I framed my argument distasteful.

 

[Will Graham]

Yes, I'm sure some imaginary people that you have never seen nor met have a problem with it.

Whose believing in things without evidence, now?

If its important enough for some to bring up, this implies it is a problem, doesn't it? It goes without saying that people who voice concerns about such a thing view it to be a problem worth mentioning.

Hence your point is pretty pointless, dude.

Well a lot of my friends have a problem with it, and someone in this thread said they thought it was degrading. Even if no one mentioned having a problem with it, the OP asked what our thoughts and opinions were. I simply stated that in my opinion I had no problems with it, and I do not see why others would.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

Well a lot of my friends have a problem with it, and someone in this thread said they thought it was degrading. Even if no one mentioned having a problem with it, the OP asked what our thoughts and opinions were. I simply stated that in my opinion I had no problems with it, and I do not see why others would.

Not you're contradicting yourself.

1. If you really had friends who were against FWB.
2. You wouldn't ask why I claimed there were people against FWB, earlier.

 

[Sepalcure]

When you decided to touch yourself at night and tear a hole in the fabric of the space time continuum hence opening a Pandora's box which unleashed pure evil upon the world.

When did you think?

Seriously, though. FWB is similar to the view some have that sex should be as convenient and easy to obtain as food in a mcdonald's drive thru. Its not about traditional values such as loyalty, love, companionship, romance. Its moreso about attempting to achieve instant gratification without traditional courtship and dating.

So, yeh, even if its not specifically stated that FWB is more representative of untraditional values, it is implied.



Don't put words in my mouth in quoting me out of context. Its lame that anyone would resort to such a thing & you only degrade youself by invoking it.

What does it not have to do with FWB? I didn't deviate far off topic.

But, I do apologize if you found the way I framed my argument distasteful.

I mean I don't know if I would define an FWB as just that--there could be various reasons as to why someone enters into one. I didn't have a casual f*ck buddy because I thought sex was as easy to get as "food at a McDonald's drive-thru." I honestly engaged in it because I was bored and we weren't essentially close in the sense that I confided in him about everything. He was and still is merely an acquaintance--we just happen to gravitate to the same circle of people. Okaaaay so it could be about the pleasurable aspects of sex and one gratifying the other's needs but that's not what I was asking about in the OP. I didn't really care for a textbook definition of the concept---I asked for opinions and thoughts and if people were just "as confused as I was" about the complexities of juggling an FWB long-term, if it could be done, what did you think about FWBs in general? Etc. No where did I ask for a definition of the term.

How in the actual fuckery though? ...

Okay so by me supposedly misquoting you while I was in actuality making an assumptive statement, I'm debasing and degrading myself? Oh you're so funny. Seriously, though stay on topic, I DON'T want this thread to be closed because of spamming or some ranting gone wrong turned into some nasty debates.

Please read the OP and reply to it, otherwise you don't need to reply. Thanks.

 

[Will Graham]

I didn't ask why you claimed there were no people against it. I asked the following,

How can you say people suggest it is oppressive while simultaneously saying no one has said something negative about it? You acknowledged that some people thought it oppressive while saying that no one had said anything about it

 

[Richard B Riddick]

I asked for opinions and thoughts and if people were just "as confused as I was" about the complexities of juggling an FWB long-term, if it could be done, what did you think about FWBs in general? Etc. No where did I ask for a definition of the term.

How in the actual fuckery though? ...

Okay so by me supposedly misquoting you while I was in actuality making an assumptive statement, I'm debasing and degrading myself? Oh you're so funny. Seriously, though stay on topic, I DON'T want this thread to be closed because of spamming or some ranting gone wrong turned into some nasty debates.

Please read the OP and reply to it, otherwise you don't need to reply. Thanks.

K, I'll answer this post & try to respond to your OP, later.

I didn't ask why you claimed there were no people against it. I asked the following,

How can you say people suggest it is oppressive while simultaneously saying no one has said something negative about it? You acknowledged that some people thought it oppressive while saying that no one had said anything about it

What I specifically said was that I had never seen nor heard anyone say anything negative about it.

How does that confuse you, exactly?

 

[Will Graham]

Apologies Richard! I assumed you read the thread, it was already called tacky and degrading in just this thread.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

Apologies Richard! I assumed you read the thread, it was already called tacky and degrading in just this thread.

I went back and re-read everything & finally noticed Cali said that. lulz

Not that it matters, though. I've seen tons of people criticize and make fun of no sex before marriage types and only 1 person say anything bad about FWB.

Actually, I've seen people rage about someone aspiring to be a housewife and it lasted 10-20+ pages.

There's no way you can compare the amount of hate people have for traditional values with the hate for non-traditional. Based on my experiences, anyways.

I mean I don't know if I would define an FWB as just that--there could be various reasons as to why someone enters into one. I didn't have a casual f*ck buddy because I thought sex was as easy to get as "food at a McDonald's drive-thru." I honestly engaged in it because I was bored and we weren't essentially close in the sense that I confided in him about everything. He was and still is merely an acquaintance--we just happen to gravitate to the same circle of people. Okaaaay so it could be about the pleasurable aspects of sex and one gratifying the other's needs but that's not what I was asking about in the OP. I didn't really care for a textbook definition of the concept---I asked for opinions and thoughts and if people were just "as confused as I was" about the complexities of juggling an FWB long-term, if it could be done, what did you think about FWBs in general? Etc. No where did I ask for a definition of the term.

How in the actual fuckery though? ...

Okay so by me supposedly misquoting you while I was in actuality making an assumptive statement, I'm debasing and degrading myself? Oh you're so funny. Seriously, though stay on topic, I DON'T want this thread to be closed because of spamming or some ranting gone wrong turned into some nasty debates.

Please read the OP and reply to it, otherwise you don't need to reply. Thanks.

Anyways, I think the idea women have about FWB evolving into something more is a fantasy women have. Women like to think men will appreciate the things they do and the sacrifices they make. They like to believe a man will respect them for sex without commitment and for giving it up without strings attached & making things easy. Which may be why they tend to get so furious and rage when they sacrificed so much and no one appreciates it.

I think the only way women can be respected is they have to make men earn it & force men to respect them.

If so, reasons for having friends with benefits may be different between genders.

It may be that the main reason men want friends with benefits is because they want sex without having to necessarily work for it.

And, it may be that the main reason women want friends with benefits is because the flirt with the idea of having something for nothing and would like to believe men can respect and love them for giving it up without asking for commitment or anything in return.

Which isn't to say that its guaranteed to be a failure. I wouldn't be surprised if someone somewhere made it work. But, I would guess they're a minority.

In most cases, I would guess most men don't respect women who give it up easily. If you're a man you're generally looking either for sex or for someone stable and reliable to have as a partner. You're not necessarily looking for both & if you are looking for someone to be a partner in a relationship, you're not looking for someone who gives it up easily because those who give it up easily tend to not be reliable nor stable.

If you're a man looking for sex, then that's all it is, sex.

Maybe in some cases, there will be younger inexperienced guys who fall in love or get emotionally attached.

But, I think most men would just wind up using women who were friends with benefits. It would never really amount to anything because women who are willing to be a friend with benefits don't appear to be reliable or stable in a lot of cases & therefore may be deemed as a poor prospect for someone to invest their time and energy in. -shrug-

Anyways, I'm not sure if that's what you're looking for... If you like I can try again.... I 'spose.

 

[Will Graham]

I went back and re-read everything & finally noticed Cali said that. lulz

Not that it matters, though. I've seen tons of people criticize and make fun of no sex before marriage types and only 1 person say anything bad about FWB.

Actually, I've seen people rage about someone aspiring to be a housewife and it lasted 10-20+ pages.

There's no way you can compare the amount of hate people have for traditional values with the hate for non-traditional. Based on my experiences, anyways.

Well if you had read to even the second post you would have read that Toni felt being an FWB was somewhat degrading. I was simply responding that I had no problems with it, because as you can see that some do. No one suggested they were an oppressed minority at all, you just went off on one for some reason

 

[Richard B Riddick]

Well if you had read to even the second post you would have read that Toni felt being an FWB was somewhat degrading. I was simply responding that I had no problems with it, because as you can see that some do. No one suggested they were an oppressed minority at all, you just went off on one for some reason

No one made overbearing blanket statements suggesting others should think or believe as they do.

What some said could be interpreted to imply they believed friends with benefits were a persecuted minority. You did nothing to dispute the claim they were & you offered nothing of substance on the topic other than to ask dumb questions and avoid being specific about what you're asking.

Anyways, considering you're nitpicking pointless and unimportant things as usual, why don't you stop spamming the thread already?

I think people have a tendency to embellish upon non-traditionalism being persecuted and discriminated against. Big deal. I never claimed it was anything more than an opinion and the fact that you have to dwell on such a minor thing only shows how starved you are for real material and how desperate you are in grasping for straws.

 

[CassinoChips]

I've deleted a handful of spam posts in this thread. Any further ones will receive an infraction, as they were by people who have been around long enough to know better.

Also, let's drop the finger-pointing please. Keep it civil.

 

[Channizard]

I think FWB is determined on a multitude of things; how long it's going to last, how close you are as friends, and how honest and accepting you are of it.

I don't know that many FWB last very long, not that I had heard anyway. I always assumed it was just a sort of, casual thing, you go out whenever you feel, well, bored almost to 'unwind'. From there, how things end it can get messy I guess. If both parties leave unattached, then everyone comes out of it okay, sometimes this happens, sometimes not. But again, I always assumed they only lasted as far as a few casual encounters to left off some steam, I don't know many couple FWB that lasted a year or so.

How close you are as friends can ruin or make it better. If you're too close, you risk losing out on a lot. If you're not close enough, and this is usually the case and is better in circumstances. You don't want to lose someone if things don't work out. But also, in a lot of cases, I've never known FWB to really be friends, just casual acquaintances.

How honest you are and up front about it is the most important part. You both want to come out of it clean, without feelings hurt or dignity lost. If both parties are accepting of the fact that it remains as thusly, then I think it's fine. If one party suddenly finds someone else, but wants to see how things progress with it, BEFORE cutting off their FWB, can be okay too. You know, they got a good thing going on the side, but they want to see if this other thing can be something. At the same time, they should be honest to this third party, but this usually doesn't happen.

Normally FWB doesn't turn out well, but it doesn't have to be bad. A fling started at work for me, we didn't think anything of it, we just took it at face value, we didn't try attaching any feelings or expectations to it.. and now nearly a year later we're still together. Granted, I got really lucky as this normally isn't the case, but being as honest as you can with things and just going easy, can make things better. I think a lot of the time with FWB, like any other dating routine, people attach expectations with it, and when they're not met, they get hurt or disappointed. Just let things fall where they may.

 

[Lirael]

I can't speak from experience since FWB has never appealed to me personally, but I suppose those who do engage in it may prefer it because sleeping with their friend makes them feel safe. They know their friend and they're sleeping with one person consistently, which is safer than sleeping around with several strangers. If we assume that both parties lack the emotional attachment, then both are protected emotionally too. Furthermore, if all goes 'well,' there are no expectations. It's merely about two people fulfilling certain desires without any additional concerns.

If one member of the FWB party becomes interested in another person then I think the shenanigans should stop. No more sleeping together! If a guy approached me, started dating me, then I discovered that he had been sleeping with a friend whilst getting to know me, I'd feel extremely offended! As far as I'm concerned, any guy (or girl) should be able to do without sex for a couple of months as they focus on getting to know someone they're more emotionally interested in. I mean, how hard can it be?! If they can't do that, they're really not worth it. Furthermore...as someone who's not got a raging libido, I'd be concered that I would make this person feel dissatisfied as I would not be hopping into bed on the second, third, fourth date. Though I suppose I wouldn't need to if they're sleeping with someone else. Ugh, imagine that, you DO sleep with someone earlier then find out they've been sleeping with someone else. Just no! FWB must stop!

Assuming the whole FWB has no expectations...surely they could resume their arrangement with their friend if/when things don't work out. Of course, it's a little offensive to make the arrangement to resume activities before pursuing the emotional interest; there are no expectations, so what need is there to discuss it?

I don't really have a problem with the whole FWB thing. It's not my thing, but if others want to engage in it, that's fair enough. Just stop as soon as you decide you're going to chase someone else and pursue an emotional attachment. Respect the people involved.

 

[Will Graham]

Just to clear up what happened.

I posted saying I had no problem with people who had a fuck buddy thing set-up

You posted that I had implied there are people who have problems with fuck buddies, because I had made the distinction of not having a a problem with it.

You then went onto say that no one had a problem with it, so it made no sense for me to explicitly state that I had no problem with it.

I then pointed out that I knew people who had a problem with it, you said I did not. Then I pointed out that two people in this thread alone had said negative things about it.

You then said it didn't matter if they had, more people said bad things about no sex before marriage (this is off-topic, so I think it was deleted)

Finally you accused me of nitpicking unimportant things. Nitpicking it seems, involves actually reading what other members posted and staying on-topic

Now to return to the topic at hand. I do not think I would ever have a fuck buddy, I am so handsome and wonderful they would fall in love with me. That would be awkward

 

[Channizard]

My goodness, however do you manage to fit through doorways with your head so big?


@Lirael I think when one arranges a FWB and abandones it to go pursue something that has potential, but then it doesn't work out, and they try go back to their FWB, THAT would rather be insulting. It would take a very special type of person to accept their agreement, and not read anything further into it when someone comes back around and basically says "You're only good for sex, I'm bored again."

 

[Lirael]

My goodness, however do you manage to fit through doorways with your head so big?
@

Lirael

I think when one arranges a FWB and abandones it to go pursue something that has potential, but then it doesn't work out, and they try go back to their FWB, THAT would rather be insulting. It would take a very special type of person to accept their agreement, and not read anything further into it when someone comes back around and basically says "You're only good for sex, I'm bored again."

I really didn't mean to say anything offensive.

I agree that in most cases that is rather degrading, but when I wrote my first post I was thinking of two friends who trust one another, who are close but who don't want a full fledged relationship. These two people support one another, respect one another, but both agree that they want to avoid the complexities of a relationship. Person A then finds someone they really want to date and so the two friends stop having sex in order to respect the girl/boy person A has their eyes on. Things don't work out, and the two friends MAY decide to resume things. True, it doesn't sound particularly realistic... I was just trying to look at FWB from an angle in which people actually care about one another but, for some reason, don't want a relationship together. :/

Sorry if I sounded big-headed. :/


Edit: My choice of emoticons probably didn't help. Haha. I read my first post again and the emoticons presented the wrong tone entirely.

 

[Channizard]

Aha, no my big headed comment was towards Connor at the end there, not you dear. ^^

But yeah it takes a certain individual who accpets things as they are without any expectations to just... pick up fucking as if nothing happened.

 

[Morrigan]

I didn't read all the posts here,but I did read the 1st post.
And I'm gonna be one of those to openly admit that I don't support that sort of thing.No I would not engage in it myself(nor have I) and I would be pretty judgemental if a friend did it.
Why I don't agree with this?Because I think it degrades friendship.I'm not against sexuality and all that,but what's the point if you can't develop a sort of friendship with another person WITHOUT involving physical action?And it comes down to the argument,that males and females cannot beJUST friends(although I wanna believe they can).
Let alone that I view it as a very irresponsible thing to do.Because you get into own to fulfill YOUR physical desires,that's why you get into one.And if the other person does happen to develop feelings for you I think you'd try to get away from them the sooner you can.Therefore ruining the "friendship" part too(but then I don't think it exists if you don't try to maintain it).
As for developing feelings on your own,in that case all I have to say is that you were asking for it.
I don't mind being called all sorts of adjectives for not being characterized by liberty on this department but I strongly believe that some things should be kept "sacred and pure"(sounds a bit cheesy),meaning not involving sexual action.
I personally wouldn't wanna get involve with people who think so little of sex and have aren't too considerate towards their so called "friends".
I hope I'm not getting out of topic here but I would like to add that the case of people who can not be monogamous and devote themselves to only one person is different and I again wouldn't get involved with someone so unfitting for me.

Something extra I would like to add.Personally I am against this because i feel that sex is getting everywhere.On one side it is good that people are more open about their preferences,or their problems and insecurities and how we receive sex education ton the other hand sex is everywhere,we've become so sex-centric today that there is almost no movie without a sex scene in it,because you know...sex sells.So I think both sex has been degraded and many "products" involving itfor the sake of success.