Just an idea - The dating scene

Ivalice

Ivalice

Hastega
Joined
May 10, 2011
Messages
36
Age
35
Location
Edmonton, AB
Gil
0
This might be just because I view the world differently than most people; but I hate the dating scene as I'm sure a lot of people do. But we can never tell who is looking for what. Dating, intimate encounters, marriage. The list goes on.

I've asked "Where can I meet girls?" people say Bars. That doesn't work. How about a book store? Sure, if I knew something about books. But I don't. I'm actually a funny guy. A comedian. I hang around the comedy clubs. No girls there.

But what if you're neither a comedian, or a concierge of books or other things? Maybe you only like cooking. Or you have an obsession and weird talent with knitting? Where do you go to meet people then?

I think it would be neat if there was a place, kind of like a bar. But it handed out wrist bands or different colored items at the door you'd place on yourself to show people what your intentions were. Then you could go up to the same colors and start a conversation. Everyone would be told prior that if the other party wasn't interested they could simply say Thank you for the offer and turn away.
 
I'll do my best to explain what I know about meeting women from personal experience, admittedly it's probably not much(any man who claims to know a lot about women has never met one). Well first of all a woman you meet in a bar/club etc. and get chatting to, is probably not there looking for a date. Meeting someone in a bar is generally just about two people wanting to have sex(or just make out or whatevs, basically something physical). At least that's what it's always been for me, and most of my social group. That's not to say a relationship can't blossom from a meeting in a club, just that it's rare and not what most of people are looking for on a night out.

Dating a girl is different, to date a girl you're going to have to be attracted to their personality as well as their looks. Discovering someone's personality is going to be tricky on a night out, so most likely it'll be a girl you no in a more day to day environment. Do you go to college? Do you have a job? Places like that, find a girl you get on with(who's also attractive I guess), and ask them out to dinner, see where it goes from there.

If the kind of dating scenario you described really appeals to you, then maybe try speed dating. It seems like a similar enough environment to what you described.
 
The danger with that would be that people may not be honest, and could take advantage of people who want something more serious.

I agree with you though, the relationship scene is very difficult, especially if you do not trust dating websites, do not tend to have luck in bars or anything.

I've never had a date, and I've never actively sought one either as I'd rather meet naturally... Doesn't happen very easily / at all, sadly. I've tried getting involved with local societies, but most people involved with these things are older people.

Unfortunately the vast majority of young people either go clubbing and pubbing, or attend some secret events which you need to be in certain circles to know even exist.

As you stated yourself the pub environment is quite awful for meeting people in some cases, but for other people the pub environment is ideal, and some people do meet people there. For people like myself it has always just led to me sitting there, everyone talking around me (and me listening), but the music being as loud as it is, my mind and confidence seizing up as it is, and having no real interest in drunken shouting, I tend not to thrive there.

Now with the wrist band idea, it sounds good, but I don't think it would help everyone. People may lie to get a good thrill out of someone who wants to settle down, as I doubt that everybody would take the wristband thing seriously. In addition to that you'll still only be meeting strangers, and you'll not know anything about them at first. Meeting people for the first time and having the wristband for 'wants to get married one day' would be a bit much, even with the best of intentions. If people share only wanting to get married in common then the danger would be that people may rush into things a bit too hastily without knowing each other too well.
 
I thought comedians would have lots of groupies, I have obviously made the right choice by becoming a historian. Hmmm but if women are impressed by knowledge then perhaps I really have made the right choice, all those things I can tell them about the holocaust and the cold war, I'll try that out on some women on Friday. I'll report back as to whether I've been successful.

As my Irish pal mentioned there's speed dating, and I think there's singles nights, though as my other pal Argor251 says, a lot of things like that are for older people. going to university I meet girls everyday, but that's hardly an opportunity open for everyone. People do meet at bars, a couple of years ago a friend of mine went to a bar/lounge thing with his parents and this girl chatted him up. If you want to meet people who have to go out, you can't be passive like my pal Argor251. That's not to say you should always be actively looking, but you can't just expect something to happen.
 
You have problems meeting girls in Edmonton? Go pretend to be a UofA student, there's quality lady folk there, I know for a fact.
 
Many of my friends have had some success with dating sights like match.com and eharmony.com. Most people they have dated from those websites they have remained friends with if the relationship did not work out. And one of my friends plans to marry the current guy she is with.
 
I'm on Plenty of Fish, but the problem with that website is that it isn't a paid website like Match or Eharmony. And I don't think young people use paid dating sites. A monetary system shows the users level of commitment. Unfourtanately young people don't have the means to be paying for dating websites; or at least I don't.

King of Baron said:
You have problems meeting girls in Edmonton? Go pretend to be a UofA student, there's quality lady folk there, I know for a fact.
Click to expand...

Theyre attractive, but they're very pretentious.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Wait a minute, if you don't mind me asking what age are you? You sound quite young, I'm guessing late teens. If that is the case you really don't need to be that concerned with dating. Whatever happens with the ladies will happen, you shouldn't really be too concerened with actively pursuing a lass(unless there's one you already fancy).
 
Ivalice said:
This might be just because I view the world differently than most people; but I hate the dating scene as I'm sure a lot of people do.
Click to expand...

The dating scene can be really enjoyable, once you're in the swing of it. It's the lead up to dating which is so daunting.

Finding someone you like enough, and that likes you in the same way, is very tricky. I personally find that going to a bar to meet people is a bad idea. People there are often prepared for it and have their heart set on finding a certain type of person.

Going by experience, I've found it's easiest to meet people through other friends. Works for me anyway!
 
Ahh, the dating scene. It's not so bad once you get used to it. You have to be a certain type of person to be successful in the bar scene, and like someone already mentioned, it's usually a physical thing.

Online dating is usually the way to go in some cases. As long as it's not too far, you get to know a person on a more personal, intellectual level and find out if you have enough in common worth meeting up over. And as long as its not too far, it usually works out.

But physical chemistry's a huge one, it sucks getting to know someone inside and out and you meet and you realize there's no butterflies. Or worse still, they use you for sexual gain and you thought you coulda really had something.

That said, college and work is usually the way to go. You get to see them on a daily basis and get to know someone slowly, see how much you have in common and all that.
 
Ivalice said:
This might be just because I view the world differently than most people; but I hate the dating scene as I'm sure a lot of people do. But we can never tell who is looking for what. Dating, intimate encounters, marriage. The list goes on.

I've asked "Where can I meet girls?" people say Bars. That doesn't work. How about a book store? Sure, if I knew something about books. But I don't. I'm actually a funny guy. A comedian. I hang around the comedy clubs. No girls there.

But what if you're neither a comedian, or a concierge of books or other things? Maybe you only like cooking. Or you have an obsession and weird talent with knitting? Where do you go to meet people then?

I think it would be neat if there was a place, kind of like a bar. But it handed out wrist bands or different colored items at the door you'd place on yourself to show people what your intentions were. Then you could go up to the same colors and start a conversation. Everyone would be told prior that if the other party wasn't interested they could simply say Thank you for the offer and turn away.
Click to expand...
you my friend have almost the same story as me , so sorry but i couldnt help u in this as i fail on the dating scene just like you , even if i like someone , its always been a fail when i ask her out.. if any kind soul is out there , i wish she was here now .. (get what i mean by the soul ??) ..
 
Dating is for people who have busy lifestyles. in my opinion. If it does not have to be formal and preplanned, don't make it so. Just meet up somewhere and enjoy yourselves. It should not have to be exclusive until both have gotten more comfortable with each other (which is the sole reason why dates are often odd and/or unfulfilling.
I've always been a romantic to an extent and was never much for the pregames, but it does good to observe your potential partner in a non-exclusive setting.
If I had done that in the past I would have been better off :D
 
Fortunately, I've managed to find someone without having to hit the dating scene. I met my girlfriend randomly at work without effort. We hit it off immediately and have been together since.

But yeah, going out and treating public places like a flea market for perspective mates isn't at all appealing to me.
 
Ivalice said:
I think it would be neat if there was a place, kind of like a bar. But it handed out wrist bands or different colored items at the door you'd place on yourself to show people what your intentions were. Then you could go up to the same colors and start a conversation. Everyone would be told prior that if the other party wasn't interested they could simply say Thank you for the offer and turn away.
Click to expand...

This is an interesting idea. :hmmm: I can't say I'm completely for it though, because the mystery is half the fun in meeting someone new. Some people wouldn't be that upfront about their intentions, at least not until finding out more about the other person - then deciding whether to take them as a friend, or see them as something more. It might just scare people off if there were labels like 'looking for a serious relationship', 'just socializing' or 'looking for a fling'.

But then again, it might be a good idea for others who are having a hard time meeting people. But I think I still prefer meeting someone spontaneously. :hmmm:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top