Serious Friends

Squid

Squid

Suck my dick.
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I am having friend issues.
I have noticed my friendships leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I have the 'best friend' who can't seem to keep secrets I tell her
I have the loud flirty friend who does things to spite me
and I have the emo friend, who thinks every man and his dog are out to ruin her life and leave her out of things.

I watch TV or hear of other people friendships where it's all about laughing, having fun and going on adventures you'll all remember later, then I think about my friend group... its all about bitching (which I am guilty of) back stabbing, and generally just making eachothers life miserable.

is everyones friend group like this? How do you and your friends interact?

and how do I prevent my nasty friendship cycle of bitchiness when I have already told them how I feel about it? :(

:rage:
 
To be frank life as seen on TV is not how it actually works. It's what we all want our friendships to be like but not how they actually are. In life you may just have to put up with people's quirks. I can't trust my own closest friends as it is, but that's my quirk. My friends and I still are close and we hang out but I wouldn't call the things we do issues. At the end of the day it's all about having someone to go through life with through ups and downs, not just laughing and having fun 100% of the time.

Edit:

If you're having friend issues or "bitchiness" ditch them and find people who you can stand to be around. There are few decent people who respect others, you just need to look elsewhere. Go talk to someone who seems quiet or smart. TRUST ME!- I always make great friends this way because the quiet people are always the biggest talkers and the ones who value a friendship. If they turn out to be serial killerish then you may be the one person they won't go after :elmo: it's a win-win. XD
 
yeah thats all and well and i know TV isn't real life but
my friends don't even go through the ups and downs with me :S actually they're there for the 'ups' and never for the 'downs'
 
Well I can be your friend for the downs. Feel free to message me with any problem :) Forumers can be friends too XD Regardless of how far we all are there are ways to stick together. There's always someone to talk to about your problems. Friends have their lives too though, they might be having downs when you're not there! D: But anyways yea...
 
Squid we maybe in different states but we can be friends if you want:lew:

Just stay away from cookie collection.

well what are the ages of your friends?my friends range in age 10 younger and 20 years older so it varies for me, I speak to my friends about there lives and how they are doing in relationships and stuff, and we are there for each other also l work a lot of my friends
so we rely on each other to a large degree.

Some thing you may want to learn to do Toni are not to volunteer any information to the gossip friend that will come back and bite you in the ass, also you need to accept that people are different and that friendship is about accepting people for who they are
good or bad and determining if they are going to detrimental to you life?

I have a lot of Female friends and they tell me lotsa stuff that they cant or dont feel comfortable telling there friends, things they dont even tell there partners, and I dont spread it around, you need people who will put your interest ahead some of the time.

You can have 1 cookie:amg:
 
o0PinkSquid0o said:
is everyones friend group like this? How do you and your friends interact?
Click to expand...
I have very loose relationships with my friends. I'm there if they ever want to talk about anything, but I'm quite happy to be left alone. I don't discuss anything that is bothering me with them or anything like that, because I don't like the added questions that come with doing so, and I really do not like being judged. To me, friends are people who I can just have a laugh with or talk to about things we both like. Although really, they're no closer to me than anyone else is.

o0PinkSquid0o said:
and how do I prevent my nasty friendship cycle of bitchiness when I have already told them how I feel about it? :(
Click to expand...
My answer to this would be to cut them loose. If you've explained it and they're still ignoring you...just break away from them. I mean, do you really need that kind of hassle in your life? I always thought that friends were meant to be considerate towards one another, and what you're describing definetely doesn't sound like that.
 
About five years ago, all of my friends all turned into gigantic flakes. They were unreliable, couldn't shut their traps if I told them something vital, and certainly weren't there for the bad times, just the good. So, I bailed on that gang of friends, and spent considerably more time on the internet (on a forum, not this one) until I found some people that were actually worth talking to. As luck would have it, one of my best friends and my wife were both people I met on that board, and though my two best friends are over a thousand miles away, meeting some genuinely great people was well worth the wait.

My local friends are people I spend a lot of time with, and even with them, we're there for each others' ups and downs. I don't trust them with vital information, but I have people I stay in touch with on the internets for that. Things aren't all sunshine and roses, we piss each other off now and again, as any people that interact on a regular basis are bound to do, but all in all, we have a lot of good times and the troubles are minor, short, and easily forgotten.

If things with your friends are bad, they make you miserable, and you can't trust them or rely on them, then I'm not sure they are even really your friends. You can't do any worse hanging out with people on the internet until you find some real friends (offline or online). If you someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me a PM. I've been in the same situation you are from the sounds of it, and I'm always happy to listen.
 
Sounds like normal life to me.

Generally when talking of a friendship, you'll usually put in just as much or more into it than what you get out of it. The friendships which are beneficial, are rare, I find. There are good friendships but most are more of the neutral sort than ones you can look on and feel good about.
 
o0PinkSquid0o said:
I am having friend issues.
I have noticed my friendships leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I have the 'best friend' who can't seem to keep secrets I tell her
I have the loud flirty friend who does things to spite me
and I have the emo friend, who thinks every man and his dog are out to ruin her life and leave her out of things.

I watch TV or hear of other people friendships where it's all about laughing, having fun and going on adventures you'll all remember later, then I think about my friend group... its all about bitching (which I am guilty of) back stabbing, and generally just making eachothers life miserable.

is everyones friend group like this? How do you and your friends interact?

and how do I prevent my nasty friendship cycle of bitchiness when I have already told them how I feel about it? :(

:rage:
Click to expand...

First of all, these 'friends' don't really sound like friends at all, they all sound like they are out for themselves, now I can say drop them but from personal experience I know it ain't that easy, have you been friends with them for a while now? Because the longer you've known them for, the harder it is to cut ties.
In any case if you can't cut ties:
  1. The friend that can't keep your secrets, try and find someone you can trust to fill that role for you, secrets are secrets for a reason, if you don't want anyone knowing about them tell someone who you absolutely know won't spill it, these kind of things are difficult to control anyway so just be extra careful who you tell them to.
  2. This one doesn't really sound like a friend at all, to spite you? Really? You need to sit her down and ask her if she's your friend at all.
  3. This one just sounds like she needs a bit more input from you guys, you never know, she may be feeling the same as you about this whole situation. Maybe you could help each other out with your problems you know?
I don't really know you that well personally, but this is what I find from certain friends I've been around in the past few years, and from just being myself. You have friends on here, as this place has a load of awesome people who will offer an ear or a shoulder to cry on you know? So you'll be fine no matter what you choose to do.

I don't really have many true friends to speak of anymore, I have a best friend, she lives about 200 miles away though so I barely see her, but I think that's what makes our friendship, when we see each other we have an amazing time together, I've known her since I was 9 so she's someone I don't wanna lose.
Then I have this other friend that I always fall out with, mainly because I disagree with everything she does, but I still care about her, and she's also best friends with my best friend, we were like a trio really, and I've also known her for ages, so I feel sad that we don't really speak much anymore :sad3:
And then there are my workmates, I only consider a small few actual friends, because I trust them and I know I can have a good old whinge with them about work, and I can socialise with them outside of work too.

Sorry if this a bit TLDR, but this subject is pretty big for me, and I can relate to it as well.

Squiddy I hope you get your situation sorted, feel free to PM me if you need anything! :)
 
Yeah, as others have already stated, you can't compare your friendships to those you see on TV. I mean, everything on television is very exaggerated to make for more entertainment. Real life tends to have more drama than you see on TV, and not to mention they patch up damaged friendships much easier, where we have to work much harder.

I went through most of my life not having many friends, so I suppose I really couldn't help out with how to handle your friends. I'd be willing to say that most of us have had friends like you've described, and one way or another worked it out. In some cases we probably lost friends that were like that as well. Especially at your age, I really had very few friends, so even the age group I'm not totally familiar with as far as how to handle the drama that comes with it.

Someone brought up a good point in befriending internet people. It can be very relieving to vent to someone who will never see you in person. It's almost like talking to a therapist, except it will be a little less personal, and most likely less confidential. But there is still the risk of having too much of your life exposed on the internet, which can be a real drag.

We all learn from our experiences in life, which includes how to handle friends. Like the ones who gossip, simply don't tell them secrets. You can be friends with these people, but they'll never be your real friends if they're only looking to benefit from you and not help you in your darkest times. You don't have to break the friendship, but you'll know when it's their dark time, and know not to support them. You'll always have the mental note which friends are true and which are just looking for a free ride.
 
I do think that you need to kind of look on your friends as fellow human beings to an extent. Like anyone, they have their good points, but they're flawed. One might be bitchy.. One might be slightly spiteful. One might be a little emo and paranoid.

But I still think you should remember that you need to make an effort too. See where your friends are coming from. Remember why you became friends with them in the first place, and consider carefully whether you want to throw that away.

To reiterate what others have said, these TV relationships are over-dramatised and there to make you go "Oh look. They're so close. That's sweet."

Friends go through highs and lows. I know I have, with my friends both on and offline, and we're stronger for it when we come out the other side. I'm not the kind of person who confides in friends when I have a problem, but I think you'll live to regret it if you just cast them away and try to make new friends. I would, anyway.

Friendships are far from perfect. Your friends have problems of their own; just like you do, and you're all shouting out your problems until it's one big, uncoordinated mess, by the sounds of it. I think you all need to sit down, talk it out, and remember what brought the four of you so close together in the first place. That's all.
 
None of my friendships, good or bad, have been like the ones on television. Like everyone else just said, life doesn't work that way.

Friends are people. They're going to have bad points and good points. And they may have really bad points, and really good points, or only one or the other. My friends and I fight constantly, don't talk to each other, yell at each other, cuss at each other, disown each other, but underneath it all we love each other. We always come back to each other. When we're really in need, we're there for each other.

That said, sometimes people do grow apart, and maybe that's what's happening to you in a way. Maybe you're friends have changed a bit, and maybe you should find new ones. But don't go out into expecting perfection because you'll just spend your life disappointed.

I can be your Internet friend as well, since my social life has it's ups and downs. :D xD
 
Hey everyone, thanks for the advice!

A lot of you seem to be misunderstanding my TV reference haha, I know TV is not real and its not all peachy-keen in real life, I only brought it up because friendship should at least have SOME good times right? It was really just an example.
Plus my sister has this best friend who she's never had a massive fight with, they get along so great and have like inside jokes etc and I kinda wish I had something like that?

I have decided to ditch the spiteful friend and talk to the other two. I don't think the other two do the things they do to hurt me, I think they're just that way because its who they are. But I really don't need someone spiteful in my life who does things to upset me... then lies about it when I confront her.

I really love that everyone on this site is so willing to help other people when they're feeling down, thank you everyone for offering to be my friend :D I hope we all become close and good friends.

But although I have internet friends, I am the kind of person who needs people around me, I do have my Boyfriend and sister but I think I need more than that. So I will work things out with my other two friends and build new relationships on this site :D

<33 Thanks for all your advice!!

And I am sorry to hear that some of you have had the same experiences as me or even worse ones with friends, I too am happy to be your friend and discuss things with you if you like :D
 
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