Serious Far too forgiving

[Dr. Percival Cox]

This is more of a rant than anything. Yeah, I know. Me bitching? Real surprise. But I am interested in the opinions of anyone else who suffers from this. And for my usual disclaimer: Apologies in case of already existing thread. Knowing me, I'm probably just making this thread after having already making an identical thread months ago.

I'm a door mat. That pretty much sums up my post. I've noticed that despite the melevolent nature of a crime against me, I can never, EVER seem to stay mad at an individual. Sure, I can stay upset at what they did for a long time, but it's like I just can't stay mad at the person who did it. I've had some of my closest friends just totally fuck me over and it takes a week at best for me to just calm down. Most people would probably see this as a good thing. That I have the ability to turn the other cheek. But it actually annoys me. It's pretty ironic that I can be mad at myself for not being able to be mad at other people and actually act more cynical towards myself. And I don't know what it is.

I've done some thinking that it could be that I don't want to turn out like my dad. He can have damn near nothing bad committed against him by another person but stay mad at them for years. And it does kinda bother me that he's like that. Alot of the time, it's a misunderstanding and even though we try to explain that to him, he'll still stay mad.

I guess this post seems a little contradictory. I'm not saying that I want to be able to hate someone for doing something bad to me. It just bothers me that I can be so easily subdued into forgiving them. I guess to sum it up, I wish that I get pissed off enough to confront someone (though I have done it, it takes alot of abuse to get me to that point) but not totally hate them such as my father would. *sigh* I'm a little fucked in the head, aren't I?

 

[GalaxyFlare]

Yeah, but Only a little

Nothing wring with not wanting be angry for a long time, it takes as much energy to forgive as it does to be angry, the just manifest in different ways.

Anger drives us towards action, to change things for better or worse.

Forgiveness means an acceptance of a transgression that you are willing to forget.

And as far as your dad goes, just take it as having learned from his mistakes?
you recognize it as a way you dont want to be, nothing wrong with not emulating the worst aspect about someone.

And you sure as hell dont sound like the typical doormat Boss, so dont beat your self up, go beat someone else up

 

[Valvalis]

I don't think you're messed up in the head, I have this problem too a lot of times. I think my problem is, I tend to get too attached to people, and not want to lose them, so I'm willing to sacrifice some of my self-respect sometimes in order to forgive them. At the end of the day, I have gotten taken advantage of several times throughout my life because of this, but at the same time, the fact that I forgive them exempts me from having to hold a grudge, and because I have OCD, if I ever try to hold a grudge, it makes my head explode and I can't stop worrying about it.

I guess, for your case, it really depends on how comfortable you would be with holding grudges, and how much abuse you're able to stand before you start to feel you've had enough. You should definitely keep in mind your father's behavior, because I don't think that it's healthy to be like that, but also try to find a happy medium where you're not being taken advantage of either I think one good rule is, if there's a genuine misunderstanding, you should forgive them, because people don't always see things in the same way; but if they take advantage of you, or are rude or cruel to you on purpose, you should only forgive them as much as you need to in order to feel satisfied that you've been the bigger person in that situation. Don't let them make you feel guilted into anything, and don't allow anything they say to make you feel like they're right for doing it, because intentional cruelty/abuse is not okay under any circumstances.

 

[Bambi]

I come across as a door mat sometimes, but I jut can't be arsed with holding a grudge, there's no point, Ive done so in the past, and held said grudges for such a long time, it's jut a waste of energy

Unless someone does something really bad, I don't see an issue with forgiving and moving on. Certainly be abit more wary around said individuals for a while but nah, sod holding grudges

 

[Abstract Debauchery]

I wouldn't say that there is anything wrong with you at all. Sure, maybe you need to stick up for yourself a little more, but nothing too worrisome. Hell, once someone gets on my bad side, it can takes ages for them to get off of it. I wouldn't say I'm mad at them, I just have no wish, nor desire to speak to them.

One person on these forums in particular annoys the living shit out of me. I don't hate him for it, but you can bet your ass I'll never have a civil conversation with him either. They just have far too many qualities in a human being that I hate to the point where I won't bother with them. And for every time this certain individual tries to make amends, or try to play "buddy buddy", I do a resounding "NOPE.AVI" and tell him to fuck off.

I'm very rarely "mad" at a person, I am more often than not annoyed with them. I'm impatient with the majority of people. However, I do have friends here, and in real life I make exceptions for, and I can be a fucking mountain of patience with. However, even they have their limit of patience I can give. Definitely back in my high school days I would have a friend that came to me with her problems, and I would help. After about a fucking month of it, and her unwillingness to take any of my advice because she was stubborn or scared, I just stopped fucking trying, ranted a bit, and quit talking to her.

I guess the point that I'm trying to get here is that everyone reacts to people differently. And your way of reacting to what they do, or the lack thereof is okay. Nothing to beat your head over about.

 

[Dee]

I don't think you're fucked in the head. I know many people who let others walk all over them and wish they could be a bit stronger when something pisses them off, when they get hurt and have the balls to tell that person how it effected them. I think it's a matter of who you are, which isn't exactly something you can change overnight.

I'll be honest and admit I was that way. I let my friends walk all over me, I let them get away without knowing my true feelings and it just got to be too much. Eventually, I reached the point where I just wasn't going to take it anymore. I didn't want to let people get away with the shit they were doing without feeling the consequences in some way, and so I just started saying, "that's it, I'm done." Now, that probably wasn't the best thing as I look back, but I'll tell you this much: while there are some situations out of my control that I just have to accept (like within the family), my friends know that if they do something wrong, hurt me in some way or piss me off, they're gonna get the cold shoulder or they're going to get an earful depending on how serious the situation is.

Over time, I have learned not to get so angry at certain things. I know people are just people and they're not perfect, they screw up sometimes; hell, I screw up. I can't say I'm any better in most cases, but when it's a matter of someone knowing me, what I'm like, what bothers me and what sets me off and they do something anyway, I view that as someone saying "fuck you" which isn't a very friendly thing to do. I have no toleration in those situations and I'll make sure they remember that for a very long time. It's just the kind of person I've grown to be.

I can be vengeful and I can be unforgiving and it has pushed people away, which is why I say becoming that way is dangerous. It has the potential to push people so far that they might say 'fuck you' right back and you have to be prepared for that. Not everyone is going to submit, realize they're wrong and apologize. Things aren't always going to go back to normal if you bite at them. They don't like that. Just be prepared to hold your ground and to hold it tight.

 

[Rapture]

I am also more of a doormat type myself. Honestly though, its easier to try your best and get along with people than to go out of your way to be an ass to someone. Its not that I'm always trying to be the better person either (although I do like 98% of the time)...its just a waste of stress on my part to worry about it. Life is full of enough stress as it is and I try to eliminate as much unnecessary stress as I can in mine. Most of the time I just let things go and "walk it off." If its something thats really irritating I usually find a way to approach someone about it though. So no worries, I think you are like a lot of other people