Serious falling out with family

[Bambi]

Not sure what to call this stupid thread - if anyone can think of a better title, feel free to get it renamed

Now, getting deep! Not often this happens, make a note and stick it in your diaries it's a momentous occasion!

Some of you are aware what has happened over the last couple of weeks, and it's been a massive massive shock, but it's also spurred me into getting back in touch with my dads side of the family, not that I ever fell out with any of them - that was just my dad, but I just ended up just distancing myself from all of them really. This also meant that although I was always close to my gran, all of them tbh until that day, I wasnt really close to her time she died, and its summat Ive always regretted. I fell out with my dad about 10 years ago, and not seen any of them for the last 5 at least.

So after recent events, Ive got in touch with my aunty gail, found half my bloody family on facebook and its just like, so easy to just let gaps grow, I cant beleive how quickly time has passed since falling out with my dad. days do just turn into weeks/months/years so fast and it's pretty scary

Before you know it the people you were closest to are practically strangers, and I want to be close to my family again, I don't want to miss out on knowing them, Ellie has the right to get to know them too...

Anyway, Im not sure where I'm going with this, just wondering if folk have been in a similar situation?

Life's to short to let gaps grow, to hold grudges for the longest times over something that is petty, before you know it, you will be getting a phone call, and you won't ever have that chance to fix things

Funny how it takes summat like a tragedy to bring folk back together =/

 

[Ewan]

My granny and uncle fell out a couple of years back and they've only started speaking again and made up in the last year. I think it was the fear of regret that brought them together because my granny is getting quite old and my uncle would feel bad if she died and they weren't on speaking terms.

I haven't really "fallen out" with my family, but because I've lived abroad I don't really ever talk to them... apart from my grandparents. I went to a wedding recently and it was just so awkward because my family is basically a group of strangers to me. Once I've finished Uni and start my own life, I probably won't ever see them again because I haven't been involved enough to even care about them. It's almost like I don't have uncles, aunts and cousins etc etc. It does sound quite bad... but it's the way it is.

I'll always do my best to keep the ties with my immediate family and you never know, I may try and make bonds with family that's been "lost" to me. It is a give and take situation though...

Dunno if that's on topic or makes sense but that's my take on it.

 

[Gaige]

Personally, I'm very distant from my dad's side of the family because they live quite the distance away from us. Mainly because they really don't give a shit. They never visit, never come over for birthdays or Crimbo or anything really. We always have to make the first move, and you can just feel the awkwardness. I get on with one uncle from that side of the family, but for the most part, it's my mum's side of the family I've always been close to.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Hmm I've never really fallen out with family as such, I've just never kept in contact with them.

Don't really feel the need to.

They're like strangers to me and always have been.

My friends are my family and I'd be more devastated if something happened to them, then if something happened to my family.

Sadly, you can't choose your family. =/

Mine is a little fucked up in a lot of ways from things I've heard, but it wasn't that that kept me from keeping in contact with them.

None of them tried to keep in contact with me and I'm not fussed at all.

I have 4 aunties and 4 uncles on my mums side and 2 uncles and 2 aunties on my dads side. Then theres a million cousins and second cousins etc, but we don't live near each other and such.

Talking to them would be like talking to some random walking down the street. I don't know them and I don't really care to know them.

If we eventually meet one day and we hit it off than that's all well in good, but I won't go out of my way to know them just because we share the same bloodline. Just like my friends. If we become friends then we become friends.

Perhaps if my parents had taken us to see our family when we were younger I'd have a different view on this, but they didn't so that's that. >.<

I don't mean to sound bitter. >.<

 

[Sir Kenneth]

My family is pretty tight. We always get together for birthdays and such and we usually celebrate Christmas with either people from my father or my mother's side of the family. Sure we bicker a lot (well, not me personally, but my parents and aunts and uncles do) but we are still family and deep down we all care for one another

I haven't seen any of them since January 2009 though, so I suppose that has created a bit of a gap, but I try to keep in contact with them on Facebook and I call my parents and my grandfather at least once a week.

 

[blakstang98]

Well, family issues make for life issues, so I thought this thread would be more appropriate in Temple of the Ancients. But I think the title works just fine.

*Thread Moved to The Sleeping Forest, Temple of the Ancients*

I've never had a falling out with my immediate family, and I never will. The outer family, however, is just full of wacko's. I know my mother has had issues with a few of her sisters just because she married a white guy (she's Puerto Rican), and they didn't really approve of this. It was never really a direct concern, but there's certainly no love lost. And my father's siblings are either alcoholics who could never really straighten out their life or they have mental issues (well, just one of his sisters). Needless to say, when Christmas time comes around, only the family of the psycho sister (with the mental issues) ever really gets anything from our family. Even then, the kids are grown up and on their own, so they just get money anyways, and my aunt and uncle get some bottles of wine, or something.

From my experience, cutting out the outer family isn't all that bad, it's cutting out the immediate family that can have harmful effects. I suppose it all depends on how the family is. But all I know is, I'll be keeping my parents and sister very close to me. My grandmother too, she's 87 years old and has more energy than I do.

 

[Lebreau]

Hm... I don't really get along with my mom, but I still have contact with her. I've lost all respect for her due to some decisions she made that I won't touch on here, but I keep in touch because my almost-2-year-old sister lives with her. I don't want to be a stranger to my sister, so I deal with my mother.

I get along fine with my older brother and my father, but they live rather far away so I don't speak to them in person much, and I haven't talked to them on the phone or anything recently either. I didn't meet either of them until I was 13 or so anyways, and I really wish I had sooner. =/ My mom and gran kept me away from my dad, which also kept me away from my brother.

Since I didn't meet my dad, I also didn't get to know my grandmother on his side, and she died shortly after I met my dad. I really wish I could've known her, and it makes me want to see my grandfather on his side as well. I don't have any way of getting in contact with him though, and he doesn't speak to my dad, so I don't know what's going to happen there. =/

That's all I'd really consider immediate family... and those that I don't know or talk to, I think I'm going to really regret not getting to. I could put forth more of an effort, though, as could they.

 

[Bambi]

. I could put forth more of an effort, though, as could they.

that was always my issue. At the end of the day, I fell out with my dad through his own doing, we did makeup along the way, but we only seen each other 4/5 times in the last 10 years, why does it always have to fall on me to make the first move?

I just decided in the end, that I'd have to, and I imagine, it's always gunna fall on me to keep that link

It's not just him I ended up alienated from, but it was all down to that one argument. I imagine we would have drifted anyway, but that just made it all the more set. I refused to speak to him for like 4 years, I know how to hold a grudge when I want to wacky. So I guess initially, it was my own doing (with the rest of the family) and it's down to me to rebuild those ties, with him though, he's supposed to be the parent and he should make the effort as well, if not more so as it was his fault we fell out, and he just never does

I just know if the unthinkable happens, I'l regret it for the rest of my life

 

[Dee]

I guess the only way I can relate is with my dad. My parents divorced when I was 7 and my mom got full custody and dragged us up to another state which basically meant we couldn't see him all the time. From about the age of 11 on, I saw him maybe once a year if I was lucky and sometimes it would go even longer. I hate that because now we're all grown (my brother's and I), we kind of just got used to the fact that we don't live in the same state anymore, we can't see each other each day although we do try to call at least once a week. It doesn't always turn out like that though and I dearly miss him. I wish he would move back up here (he did once, but then his wife's family had some issues and they had to move to Kentucky. Once that was done, they moved back to California to be near her kids).

Another incident that wasn't of my choosing happened through my mother. After some drunken confessions, she had a falling out with her sister and the entire family sort of no longer spoke with them anymore. The kids, our cousins, grew up without us knowing and soon, after 5 or 6 years they were so big and mature. Last father's day was the first time I had seen them in about 5 years. The last time was during Christmas and we didn't even tell my mom we went to see them since they were up in town visiting. We didn't want to hurt her feelings, but she knows now.

Anyway, they're not even our blood relatives. My mother was adopted along with my aunt from a few days old and they've since been our 'family'. It's a long story. I won't get into it. My dad is adopted, too. xD

But yeah, I'm gonna call my dad right now!

 

[Bei Bei]

I've been disowned by both sides of my family. Well, my mom was disowned by her side of the family and I've only ever seen them once. I never really had to interact with them, but I've seen them before. They knew who I was but wouldn't acknowledge me as one of their blood.

My dad's family cast me out of the family inheritance when they found out I was dating a white guy. And then they disowned me when they found out I wasn't a Buddhist. That was I think 4 years ago and I haven't seen or heard from them since. The only person in my family that I still talk to and I still see is my cousin and his wife. My family from my dad's side disowned my cousin because he flew all the way to the US to elope in Vegas to a white girl he met online. So we're kind of the outcasts. Besides him I consider him the only family I have left.

But if my family can't except me for who I am then I'm not bothered. I'm not changing everything I love and believe in for anyone, even if it means not having a family anymore. I am who I am, and even if I pretend not to be just to be excepted by my family, I'd only be lying to myself.

Now Kelly, I'm not sure what went on between you and your dad and his side of the family so I'm not sure how to advise you on the situation. You just have to think what is more important for you. If both of you are willing to try, then I think go for it. If you don't at least try, it will eat away at you and I can tell you want something to happen. Whats the worse than can happen anyway? They don't want to make up and things just keep going back to the way they were? You've already been through that for so long. Plus it's going to stay that way if you don't try.

 

[Shu]

My dad's family cast me out of the family inheritance when they found out I was dating a white guy. And then they disowned me when they found out I wasn't a Buddhist. That was I think 4 years ago and I haven't seen or heard from them since. The only person in my family that I still talk to and I still see is my cousin and his wife. My family from my dad's side disowned my cousin because he flew all the way to the US to elope in Vegas to a white girl he met online. So we're kind of the outcasts. Besides him I consider him the only family I have left.

Wow that was ballsy of you though. I mean I'm not sure how your ethnicity usually clashes and such, but I know for sure I've seen some similar stuff but regarding religious views.

I was close to my family till I was 18. I went to every family event, went to church, went to youth group on the sides, played sports out the butt, hung out with my cousins.. but I had by difference of my opinions always, but faked the walk just to wait till one day I was out of my house.

At the age of 18 I went to college. I studied Psychology at first, but then figured out it was a 7-8 year degree. So instead of switching classes (half way through the semester) I just dropped them since I had passing grades. My view was I was ready to work a little and wanted to attend classes part time. I had a few relationships in the process but aside from telling you my life story from there, let me fast forward a good bit. I've dated a Catholic, who are almost polar opposites in the Christian spectrum from Presbyterians.

Side story:

What really made the pin drop was when I dated someone like myself. See I have never come out and said, boom hey I'm not a Christian, because my dad is one of those people that feels like if I'm not, then he won't see me in Heaven.. etc. etc. So when I met my wife.. Cough ONLINE! I might add (a college chat/coffee room) we were casually talking. We both were in serious relationships at the time, and noticed how both of them were messed up beyond repair. She pointed out the flaws in mine, and I saw the things in her relationship. We broke up with our significant others, and remained to speak casually.

We decided to meet up (only 3 hours apart). We kicked off great, but it was around.. 4 months later we said the distance was a killer.

End Side Story

My wife moved in with me and I decided to get a job again to support my degree and finish college at my own pace. My folks were pretty upset, because she was a non christian like myself, had tatoos, and was an openly honest person. If she doesn't like the things you say, she is respectful and tells you. So my extended family sort of broke off from me because of this. They saw it as a "oh we are to good for you now." Granted the invitations have been out there to come to Christmas get-togethers, but I generally just come in town to meet up with my folks. I don't want to have any tension around holidays, since the rest of them are so... small minded. When the marriage occurred, only a few of them were there.

So Yea, I do have distance between my family, and especially my brother since he went from party boy, to responsible dull father. He I guess doesn't want my wife's opinions clashing with his wife's. Whatever.. it's all trivial, and yet I see the huge gaping gap that it has caused from their ignorance. But do you expect.. it's the south, we are all supposed to be Bible thumping Christians that can do whatever we want, but be forgiven on Sunday. Nah not my cup of tea.

 

[Rydia]

After my grandma died, my immediate family has sort of lost contact with my mom's side of the family. We used to celebrate every holiday together but now we rarely see them. The most we do is around Christmas.

Also my dad's side of the family. They are much older than me so I never even felt close to them. After my Dad's mom dies, I probably will have no contact with them.