Serious Fake friends?

[MagicMasher]

WARNING: Very long post. But it is necessary to understand the situation.

I'm at a bit of a crossroads in my social life right now, so to speak.

When I lived in Houston, before moving away to go to another college, I had five really good friends. Two came with me to my current college, one stayed in Houston, and the other two went to Austin. Honestly, I considered these guys my best friends. Three of them my REALLY CLOSE best friends. I always told them my problems, and we always hung out.

After I got into a relationship with my very first boyfriend, whom Heather (one of those friends) introduced me to and pretty much forced us into a serious relationship which neither of us were ready for right off the bat (because she "wanted me to be like her and her boyfriend"; oh, also, her boyfriend is one of my really good friends), I went into a depression because it didn't end well. And Heather and Meridith, the third really close friend, pretty much bitched and moaned about me to Jonny, her bf/second close friend, how I'm stupid, and horrible, and how bad of a friend I am now that I've "changed". But to my face, they were completely chipper and acted like nothing was wrong.

Anywho, after moving up here to college, Heather started living with me and Jonny, whom was my roommate. She became an utter bitch to me. This is also the aftermath of me living with her for two months over the summer, and finding out from Jonny that her family said I was weird, troublesome, they wished they never let me live there, creepy, dirty looking, and horrible. On top of Heather saying my Dad was a bad parent and doesn't care for me properly, and he needs to learn how to be a better Dad, me and Heather's friendship pretty much became shot.

So I tried Meridith. She wouldn't respond to my calls or texts. She would never want to hang out when I visited Houston, or always had an excuse. However, come to find out she always made time for Heather and Jonny, always texted them back, and even invited them to her birthday parties and other things that were going on while they were down in Houston. Most of the time, I was also in Houston at the time. The only time she hung out with me since my move was when I was with Heather and Jonny and she was practically forced to, and she was a complete bitch. They would tell Jonny that I said I was too busy or couldn't come when he asked where I was, in response to them hanging out.

Payal and Kat just plain ignore me, now that Heather and Meridith have talked me down so much to them, and deleted me off Facebook.

Point is, recently I've come to find out that Meridith and Heather have been talking more shit, especially to Jonny, who tells me everything. They've said:

1) I pollinate my friends. I use them as a base, and then try to fit in elsewhere and if that doesn't work, I come crawling back to them. And it is "pathetic" how I "try to make friends who obviously hate me."

2) Everyone in Houston hated me, thought I was ugly and had no talent for theatre, and that I was weird, and were glad that Meridith and Heather were being my friend so that I kept away from them. Funny, considering I've gone to lunch with everyone from Houston that has come through Dallas to see me, and have denied that very statement.

3) That I'm a down right bitch who doesn't deserve them as friends, let alone to call them their best friend, but out of the kindness of their heart and wanting to try and mold me into someone who society can like they have stayed my friend, but they can't stand it any longer.

Meridith has recently got a boyfriend who shares these sentiments from how much they bitch about me, even though he has never met me.



SO, FFForums, I honestly want your opinion, if you have gotten through this wall of text. I really need it, as I've hit another depression spot due to this, and I honestly don't know what I should do.

 

[seddy-0]

plain and simple, those people are not true friends.. they seem to be people who feed off gossip and starting trash. they set up situations so they can play "jersey shore". its either that or jelousy that you are doing better than them emotionally. i have had friends who are like this at all.

1) I pollinate my friends. I use them as a base, and then try to fit in elsewhere and if that doesn't work, I come crawling back to them. And it is "pathetic" how I "try to make friends who obviously hate me."

trying to fit in elsewhere? thats just you making new friends.. its called being social.. not trying to fit in. you are in college not high school. in high school your cliques are set.. in college, you have a world of opportunity to spread your wings. yes you will have your base group just like everyone else, but you gotta expnd your horizons.. if they are complaining about that.. means they are the ones standing in the back of a room and not getting out there and making new friends.

2) Everyone in Houston hated me, thought I was ugly and had no talent for theatre, and that I was weird, and were glad that Meridith and Heather were being my friend so that I kept away from them.

that right there screams jealousy. when they bring up something you were involved in saying you had no talent.. means you were better than them at it. got more attention because of it and thus.. they are gonna "player hate" that one there.. just smile and say "let the hate roll in" its stuff like that, in which should inspire you to keep going.

3) That I'm a down right bitch who doesn't deserve them as friends, let alone to call them their best friend, but out of the kindness of their heart and wanting to try and mold me into someone who society can like they have stayed my friend, but they can't stand it any longer.

then why the hell are they even being cool with you.. if they are talking like this behind your back.. then they need to walk away.. people like them are just petty in my opinion. pending how much longer you need to deal with them.. either call them out on it, or move out into your own spot..
those people are never gonna truly be happy unless they have some one or something to complain and talk trash about. you in my opinion need to remove yourself from the negativity and surround yourself with more positive people.

 

[Starships]

You were depressed and they said terrible things about you behind your back during your worst moments and the moment when you needed their support and caring ?

These guys are NOT true friends. Yes, they are extremely fake. And all the horrible things that they are saying about you ! Now wonder your not feeling too good ! They're terrible !!

You are so much better off without them IMO. Friends are supposed to say good things about you and don't make you feel sad or say terrible things about you. I think it's better to find some new friends that make you smile and feel happy; unlike these guys.

If I met these looses in person I would Lightning smack them for being such jerks and making somebody feel so damn miserable. Damn man.

 

[Gaige]

I'll start by saying that change is necessary here. How exactly you bring about this change is up to you, and in what manner it comes out is equally at your discretion. But it needs to happen. I can tell just by reading this that you're seriously affected by this, and riding the tide isn't going to see you through this part. I'm sure you know that already on some level, so I don't need to go into detail on this.

Depression has a cause. In some cases it's purely hormonal in nature but in most cases, it has a cause. In this case, the cause is friends clearly betraying you and leaving you in the dirt. Just as many cases of depression have a cause, keeping the cause around will cause relapse or stop recovery. The cause either needs to be removed, escaped from, or dealt with logically.

Removing and escaping from them would involve moving out and cutting them off. There's obviously a problem here in that they're your close friends or were your close friends, and you won't want to leave this. But I'm not sure talking with them will do anything in this case. They've made no effort to talk to you. Instead they're going behind your back and bitching consistently. Talking could fix the problem, or it could make it worse. You would know which, since you are or were closer to them and know them better.

In my opinion, while these girls may have been your friends once, they aren't anymore. Real friends support you through your depression. They help you. They're there for you. And if they can't do that, they at least won't bitch about you having changed as if your depression is a phase you can easily control.

This might be a hard choice and a hard process, but you need to find new friends. Start over with a different group who won't undermine and freeze you off when you're depressed. Cutting someone off when they're hurting from circumstances beyond their control is petty, weak, and immoral. It's going to hurt, and the means will be difficult, but the results will place you in a new state of mind.

Don't forget the happy times or the bad. They make us who we are. But know when to fold them. We all have the right to be safe, happy, and secure, and you're no exception to that. Don't take their words and actions to heart. Nobody deserves that from their friends. Wipe the slate clean and make real friends, or try to talk it out and, failing that, then move on. This isn't going to get easier if you sit with it, so do something about it. It seems pretty clear to me that these girls aren't your friends, but in the end, it's out of my hands, and in yours. Good luck regardless, and remember that you have the right to be happy too.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

Speaking from experience.

1. They're not tolerant or mature people. Most people in this world are neither though they pretend. Most can't deal with someone having a different opinion or view from them & will react negatively with hostility if they think they can get away with it.

2. They don't want to admit they're prejudiced against you for childish and immature reasons that are not your fault. They'll never come out and state the real reason they dislike you.

3. Hence, they strain themselves in fabricating fake and phony reasons to try to justify their dislike of you to others.

4. People are dumb and will believe anything someone tells them. It should be obvious that everything they're saying about you is the standard bs people say to justify their prejudice or dislike of someone. But, people are naive and gullible and don't question what others tell them.

Actually, some on this forum have tried to do this to me.

The only thing that makes me angry or upset is everytime I think there's no way anyone could be dumb, naive or gullible enough to believe ridiculous things people say about others... They always prove me wrong.

In some cases, I did respond violently to those who tried to marginalize me this way.

Its like... they are trying to injure your credibility and reputation.

So, why not injure them in other ways? It does seem justified, sometimes.

Everytime it has happened, they always try to pretend they're the victim even if they started it. They walk around & pretend their badasses and like the world is going to bow down before them & think they can do and say whatever they want about people. Then they're offended by the prospect that the things they do and say might have consequences. That's how ignorant and immature the types of people who do these things are. Its like you're dealing with... barely sentient life forms.

As much as people might seem to be well adjusted, confident and mature I would say 80% of the time its an illusion. They're not tolerant or mature, they're more like big kids in the body of an adult.

Maybe, it makes it easier to co-exist with people if you keep this in mind.

 

[Sepalcure]

I'm going to respond to this because I feel for you and I've been in your situation. Now, judging by what you've mentioned about both Heather and Meridith, it seems like they just genuinely dislike you. The remarks they made just read like something intentionally cruel and hurtful. So, in knowing that they're saying these mean and spiteful things behind your back: would you feel comfortable confronting them about it one-on-one? Or would you feel more comfortable just silently slipping under the radar and not contacting them ever again?

I say this because I had a very similar experience with one of my ex friends. Sweet and to the point version is ... I was close to this girl: went over to her house, showed her my fav pizza joint in my old neighborhood, introduced her to my then boyfriend, confided in her about deep ish that went down with aforementioned boyfriend, and then came to find out that she was talking nasty, mean little things behind my back to one of our mutual friends. So I confronted her, of course she denied it because why be honest when your "loyalty" is on the line? My good, good mutual friend was brutally honest and since I knew her far longer I took her word and dropped this now ex friend. Bottom line? My love, no one's going to be your friend and then talk nasty shit about how you "smell bad" or "dress like shit" or "have a bad father for a parent" and I'm paraphrasing what I read. No one and I mean NO ONE would have the audacity to say that and still be in MY good book. Good bye, you're not worth my time and you obviously never valued and treated our friendship like the priceless commodity that I deemed it to be.

You want people who will uplift your soul and make you feel good 24/7. You want friends that will be virtuous and allow you to literally cry on their shoulders at whatever fucking time of the day it is after a bad breakup. You want friends that will tell you the god honest truth about the low lives you have dated, will date, and hopefully will never date again after the fact. You want friends that will be there for you no matter what it is you're going through and will always show respect to you and your family. And they will never say you smell dirty, or dress like shit, or look like shit, or have parents who don't treat you well. You know why? Because they respect you and judging by your post, you strike me as a sweet and honest guy and you deserve better than these two girls you told us about.

I would drop them and without a further notice surround myself with positiveness. Yes, most people are bad apples and not everyone in the world will be honest and be kind 100% of the time but bottom line is, is that you deserve a good group of honest friends who will love you and accept you for you. Remember that respect is a two-way street and if you KNOW that these girls aren't treating you right and it's staring you right in the face--whether to confront them or not--then you have your answer. Whether you decide to let them have it and tell them that you won't tolerate their ignoring you, bad-mouthing you and your father (unfuckingacceptable, God that just right pisses me off), and deliberately hanging out with everyone else BUT you or whether you just drop them--that's up to you.

Best of luck sweety. And I hope that this all smooths over for you.

 

[|X wing| 死の]

.... Hmmph

... A friend is someone you can trust, someone you can talk to and feel comfortable with.. Some who doesnt talk a whole bunch of sh** behind your back.. Your "friends" arnt even close to being friends.. I find this stupid, they deleted you on face book. They dont want to be with you, so dont go back. You should choose your friends better, keep them at a minium.Dont trust them intirely, This always happens so keep some damn space. Let them go, push them away too.. You have more friends than id ever have, i only have 2.. He says she says needs to stop its crap.. Its not going to help you in any way so isolate your self from them.. This gets on my nerves, DONT GET INTO A DEPRESSION OVER SOMEONE.. Dont let people put you down, They arnt family so get them out of your head. Your so much better than them to drag yourself around over dead weight. Their far past fake. Its normal to change, its how that gets the bite

Things you should do
1. Isolate your self from them ( If you go back to them, youll end up in the same damn spot)

2. Delete thier numbers ( Helps you to stay away from them)

3. Find better friends ( Dont take sh** over again from these people)

4. Relax (Get your mind off of them, throw them out and go have fun by your self or with one of your "friends" not the dumb people though)

5. If they try to talk to you, do what you like but try not to give in.. if you do then thats you, but i dont think they will

6. Keep your head up high ( You know what it is)

This is what i think, you dont have to listen to me obviously.. I think this is better than getting depressed over people that arnt worth your time.

 

[Sepalcure]

That won't resolve anything, much of the time.

Its like punching them in the face. You could do it, but they would still be the same immature, weak minded and ignorant people they were before you punched them. So, doing it wouldn't necessarily make a difference. The only reason to do it is to attempt to attain a feeling of satisfaction.

Those who are concerned with honesty and integrity don't spread rumors about people and fabricate lies about them.

Trying to reason is pretty much a waste of time--most of the time. There are exceptions.



Not necessarily.

In a lot of cases, the people who will try hardest to make you feel good are the ones who want something from you.

Its not about whether someone makes you feel good about yourself. Sometimes, you need to hear things that you don't want to hear its healthy and a part of growing up and becoming an adult. Its not necessarily all rainbows and leprechaun shit.

Its about surrounding yourself with people who want to be around you for the right reasons & getting rid of the fake people.

How people make you feel has nothing to do with it.



Those types of people are the ones who will let you walk all over them & take advantage of them. That's not what you're looking for in a friend.

What you really want is to be independent enough to not need a shoulder to cry on and handle your own business.

Using people isn't the way to go.

Why are you responding to my post? I was merely giving this guy some advice for the love that's all and holy---

I think you're taking what I say out of context completely and making it out that he shouldn't have any self assertions about himself before having friends who can and should support him. It's not a necessity but they should care for his well-being even if he doesn't need it. I don't know about you but I have friends that actually take the time to check up on me and have consoled me without question--friends I've known and loved for years. They're more like my sisters.

1) I said he had a choice on the matter whether he felt it necessary to confront them or not.
I didn't put a metaphorical gun to the OP's head and force him to do it. If he deems it necessary to drop them without a second thought (which I later advised as something I would do) then that would be his choice.

2. Oi ... Richard, you're killing me ... you almost sound like a misanthrope. It's a bit sad ...
Honesty is the best policy right? What I was merely stating was that one should surround themselves with people who have redeeming and positive qualities. I don't think I'd want friends who would be talking shit behind my back and not supporting me at all. Likewise, I'd want them to call me down on my shit if I was acting out of turn. BUT there's a line, they MUST be respectful if they do dish out criticism. You can disagree with a friend's choice of clothing or their choice in men without coming off as a condescending, self-center bitch. It's called civility and a majority of my friends practice it. So while my own friendships aren't always sunshine and rainbows, we do both mutually understand to state honest truths without stepping over lines and stamping on each other's toes, so to speak. Condescension in honesty is far more damaging than civility in honesty.

3) Jesus on a fucking pogo stick I wasn't saying for him to use people. Do you just LIKE to target people or something?

All I said here was that he should select people who will console him in his time of need. If you had a choice between being independent and sulking over a horrid girlfriend, would you rather do it alone without your friends giving two shits about you? Or would you rather be throwing back pints of beer at a pub and telling them how shit she was? Even if I were a guy, I'd still want to surround myself with my mates because it's natural to want to be consoled when you're at your worst. It's only using people when you expect some form of validation without knowing or accepting your own worth as a person. If you confidently are assured that you can handle yourself and are independent than why would it matter if you needed to cry on someone's shoulder every once in a while? It doesn't make you a weakling to admit that you need consolation sometimes, crap man.

Anyway bottom line to the OP, consider getting better friends who will care for you and tell you like it is in a manner that's not condescending and don't beat yourself up over it. The girls you mentioned were not worth your time and are incredibly fake and pitiful.

 

[Squid]

I don't think you know what a friend is, Riddick haha.
Ofc you should be able to stand on your two feet and take care of yourself but everyone needs at least one great friend who is there for you when you really need them. Someone who will listen to you when you are sad, and who will make you feel better and then in turn you will do the same back. You're not using eachother it's a friendship, what is the point otherwise? Why aren't we all loners if friends are useless.

MM obviously needs to find new friends, these ones are utter cunts and I am sure he knows this already. Sever ties with them, don't listen to their shit and if you hear something they've said don't let it get to you. You're better than them because you're not the one playing petty highschool games and making people feel shit about themselves for no reason.

You can find friends elsewhere easy. Pick up a hobby or go out to a pub to meet people It's hard at first but you'll get there!

 

[Sepalcure]

I deleted my post. Feel free to delete yours if you like.

It annoys me when I see people repeat things I suspect might be bad advice.

Like women who say women should have a real boyfriend and a backup boyfriend. If someone said that in front of me I would be tempted to tell them their advice is dumb because I've seen people try it and might say it doesn't work.

It has absolutely nothing to do with liking or disliking people.

.

Quite honestly I don't care if you deleted your post and as for myself, I'm not deleting mine because I think that what I gave to the OP hit all of what he stated in his original post without deviating from the original topic. I wasn't being condescending and all I told him was that he should find some new friends who will not simply tolerate him but respect him for the fine individual that he is. And actually his post has everything to do with liking or disliking people. You like a friend and you dislike an enemy. Right or wrong? Plain and to the point. Obviously there's more complexities to friendships than just liking someone just because ... but you get the point. Having a real boyfriend and a backup boyfriend is something I 1) don't agree with and think is daft actually and 2) has nothing to do with the OP's consternation over his two cunts aka "friends" who say mean things to him behind his back. Try again. Anyway, he has a choice on the matter of whether he chooses to confront them or not. I decided to be ambivalent by giving him room to reflect and decide on whether he should approach them or not because whether or not I would do it doesn't matter, it's HIS choice. It's his situation and I respect that he presented it to us to give our two cents. Bottom line is that most people would want friends who would console them, enjoy being in their company, apologize for their wrongs, and who would be honest to them and not have the audacity to backstab them. No true friend would backstab someone to get ahead and if they do then they were never your friend to begin with.

Anyway, I've made my points. That's all.

 

[Ilyena]

Please get back to the original topic. Any further off-topic posts will be deleted.

 

[MagicMasher]

Thank you, guys. Really. I do appreciate this. I know they are utter cunts, but it is a hard thing when two people you find to be your best friend end up pulling this shit on you. I've tried talking to one of them before, but it was with Heather, and our friendship is already out the window due to how her family treated me, and how I (unfortunately) backlashed against that. Trying to talk to Meridith is like trying to get in touch with Santa Claus.

Point is, every time I've tried talking with them before, it always comes back and bites me in the ass. I would find out they would bitch about everything I said behind my back, kick me down into the dirt. And I guess it was just to make themselves feel better.

At this point, it would probably be best just to drop them completely. All through high school I dealt with shit like this between people who I DIDN'T consider friends. I thought, hey, college will be more mature, but it ended up not being that way in this case. If I didn't want to deal with it in high school, why deal with it now? I've known I should do this for a long while. Especially after what they said about my family - that is just unforgivable. I really just wanted to get an outside perspective from SOMEONE who wasn't close to the situation. For that, I thank you guys.

Update, though. Talked to Meridith actually. She seemed okay, said she missed me, etc. Bunch of bollocks. Come to find out she texted Heather and they had another bitchspree about me, with some rather vulgar exchanges, one of which was "I thought he lost my number. I wish he had" from Meridith. Heather told Jonny about it, and Jonny told me. He showed me Heather's texts. So, yeah. I'm done. haha.

 

[Yaoi Master Gavin]

Unfortunately, people are fickle, women moreso, and children even moreso; I was reminded of this today actually - multiple times. I'm not going to state the obvious about how these people aren't your real friends because of behind-the-door bitchfests, despite knowing exactly what it's like. What really matters is getting past all of that. They've proven themselves time and again that they aren't worth your time - leave them and find new friends. And though I feel like a hypocrite saying this since I'm not there myself (but dammit, I'm trying my best), you need to stop living in the past of your friendships and and move on. They've burned the bridge and nothing is going to rebuild it so take the ashes and use it to fertilize a new friendship (wow, I REALLY hate that metaphor). That's all there really is...

It's kinda strange really... After the Jace incident (one of my finer moments of trolling), I never would've thought that my adopted brother would be where he is or that his boyfriend would be here either but... in the end, I know that I've got at least two real friends who I know are never gonna give me up, never gonna let me down, never gonna run around and desert me.

Rambling muse + rickroll = someone laughed, I hope. It just means you'll find real friends in the most unlikely of circumstances.

 

[L]

Well, that's the world you know.

The slimes think they're human and the humans think they're slimes. And then there are the few who have crawled through miles of shit and end up clean on the other side.

To be honest, I think your "friends" sound like sociopaths. They use you and put you down, they enjoy it - it's what gives them solace.

But merely being a sociopath does not make someone a bad person. Many resources suggest that these people are like machines, loyalty means nothing to them and they are incapable of feeling guilt or remorse. They are emotionally inhibited, have difficulty with empathizing with others and have a strong disregard for the emotions or feelings of others and the law.

I had friends like that once.

One of them, I stuck a magnet on his hard drive and kicked his ass.

The guy made jokes about me that I expressed I didn't like a lot, but I didn't really have any friends so I would hang out with them anyway. He would always make a hobby out of picking at me or doing something ridiculous like shooting people with his pellet rifle while they were playing games. When I finally got tired of his shit I burned all bridges and told him his dad was a faggot (which for some reason, always made him mad) and photoshopped a bunch of cocks onto a picture of his face.

No one fucks Derek. No one. Fucking with Derek is like trying to stab a suicide bomber to death.

But I think that you should just find new friends. And if the old ones try to build bridges again, you should tell them they're assholes for believing such a pile of horse shit.

But honestly, after further review - unless you're absolutely positive, maybe Jonny is doing some shit-stirring himself? I know sometimes your friends tell you things, but I find it hard to believe it's necessary to tell you so much.