Does one death make a difference?

[Channizard]

So I was browsing my facebook today and happened upon about 12 different people all saying the same thing... R.I.P Zach.. and some variation thereafter. Zach (who's last name shall remain...nameless) was a young lad in a nearby town who had gone missing. Within one day of his gone missing, flyers were up instantaneously. While seeing one at a Tim Horton's a few days after, my bf commented "He'd been gone 3 days? Fuckers go missing in England for days and come home fine."

But Zach wasn't fine.

3 weeks passed, before he was found. Flyers and rewards did nothing to help the search, which went on at the nearby town river where he was last seen. He was found there, two days ago, already dead.

Now I didn't know him. I didn't join the Facebook groups that countless friends invited me to, because I didn't see the point. And when people were paying their respects with messages on fb, it didn't faze me. What did though, was when I saw a few messages passed between people I was friends with.

One girl, let's call her Nicole commented to another girl, say her name is Ashley (these names are fictional)... Nicole says to Ashley, asking how she is regarding Zach. Ashley replies "I didn't really know him. I met him maybe twice, but I'm really shook up." Nicole comforts Ashley with a warm response, to which Ashley confides that she's really heart broken over this, and can't stand to go on.

It made me think. How can you really be affected by somebody you hardly knew? You met them maybe twice, and you can't go on? I just couldn't fathom this.

Maybe I'm a bitch who doesn't understand, but I've seen death. I've been hurt by death. But an individual who you admitted to not knowing greatly affects your depression? Just makes no sense to me. Perhaps some are more empathic than others, or maybe it's some sort of bonding experience with all the other 'grieving' people who hardly knew him.

And the same sort of thing that goes on throughout the world. A hurricane will hit an island. Thousands die. A terrorist attack goes down in a city. Thousands die. I'm just... not affected by these things because incidents happen like this every day. People die of famine, disease, war, and only a few incidents get reported for charities. What makes them more special over another?

Anybody else feel this way?

 

[M1ghty Mous3]

Thousands of people a die a day, this is true. But what your missing is it's still sad to see another human die by anothers fortune, or natures wrath, ect. The important thing to remember is it might not seem important, but it is. It might not affect your life but it's always nice to know that people will miss someone they never met. Why? Because they missed an oppurtunity to get to know that person better.

I remember when a girl at our school died, alot of people wore Tank Girl bardges to comemerate her. I decided to as well, atleats pay my respects sincei wasn't at the funeral, ect. I got bitched at by one of her best friends for whereing it. All the while i'm thinking "dumbass, atleats you got to fucking know her" I never got that chance. I'd known her for 2 weeks then bam, she's dead.

So i'n a way i can see why you don't feel empathy for these people, and i can also see why you should try. Not saying your not, but still.

 

[Six]

I can't really judge this, it's a matter of feelings, and how people deal with things, which... everyone does differently.

I wouldn't be that greatly affected by it either, saying I couldn't go on anymore, if I only talked/seen the person once or twice. I dunno... I wanna say it doesn't seem logical, but maybe it is, maybe for some reason there was that friendly connection that makes someone care more after the first talk, I mean... It's possible I suppose. *Shrug*

It all sounds gloomy though. =/ I mean being shaking up is once thing. It's just not a great topic... but... falling into depression. No, I don't think so. Not for me anyway.

 

[Sullivan0930]

for me it would morely be not so much that the person died, but more of what death really is and how unpredictable it is. i mean if ive only had a few encounters with you and dont really know you then you just go and die, its whatever. its more of the idea of death being so close to me. i remember a kid died in my school and i didnt know him at all but just the thought of someone dying at a young age of 18 and knowing where i am today is cut off from him and that i should be enjoying what i have, and not taking anything for granted is what gets me.

 

[SaShman]

Personally I think the dead should be respected just out of respect to those who are mourning. But my opinions of them generally don't change. I look at how whatever they've done has affected my life. If I didn't know them very well, I may still think it's sad/shocking etc but generally don't think about it too much.

I've been hurt by death. But an individual who you admitted to not knowing greatly affects your depression?

Meh, maybe it has something to with her realizing life is short or something. I remember I saw a man die after he had been hit by a truck on the road, I never knew him but his death still shook me up.

 

[Rasputin]

Death is quite honestly a frightening thought. I know this sounds rather silly, but the concept of my body dissipating into nothingness for the rest of eternity has honestly kept me up for many unpleasant nights. I think people who act like the thought of death doesn't affect them are either subconsciously deluding themselves that an afterlife exists or are mentally blocking out the horrible finality that death brings.

So yes, one death does make a difference, even only as a reminder that your biological clock is continuing to tick away.

 

[DeadFantasy]

Meh, maybe it has something to with her realizing life is short or something.

Hmm, I agree with that. Life is short and seeing someone pass (well not actually seeing it but you know) kinda opens up your eyes.

Its out of respect like SaShman had said just to be respectful. but Channy, I do see what you mean. I wouldn't be that deeply affected either but, still.

Maybe it's just an excuse? I mean im not saying every person is that way but i'm sure there are those that use that as an excuse to get attention. Sad really.

 

[lreal]

@OP
There's a big difference between reading some text online vs. actually seeing someone die in reality. On the internet, I've pretty much got no sympathy or compassion towards others because everyone is just a line of text to me. There is no face, no name, no history, no interaction. Call me old fashioned, but to give a shit I need to at least hear the voice of the person. Too much anonymity online isn't a strong enough persona for me to care. This seems to be pretty much a similar notion to why you seem not to give a fuck about random deaths you read about.

In other words, don't be too quick to relate your reaction to news to actual sensing the event (like a murder right before your eyes). I doubt you'd react the same way if you saw some random person get beaten to death vs. reading about it in your local paper over a breakfast bagel.

 

[moogling]

To the original question- no. In my opinion it really doesn't.

I can't pretend that I'm crushed over something that happened to a person/some people that I didn't even know. Sure, I'd more than likely feel bad for them, but it's nothing that's going to make me cry my eyes out or go into a state of depression. It's just how it is.

I remember in 8th grade there was this boy who passed away, and all of the girls who made fun of him, every day, were crying in class and acting like they actually cared about him. Now, I'm not just going by opinion, I actually knew these girls well and knew what they had said to him and done to him every single day at school. I couldn't understand why they'd pretend to be shaken up by his death when before, they couldn't care less about him.

Witnessing a death is a completely different story. I can understand why someone would be affected by seeing someone die and having to cope with it.

 

[Rydia]

It really depends.

When I hear that a completely innocent person has been murdered or killed in a terrible accident, especially if it is a child, I do get a little sad. I don't mourn them or anything.

If it is someone who I sort of knew or had some sort of connection with, I do get sad. A few years ago, a girl I went to grade school walked in and found her mom and brother and sister dead. It turns out, the mom shot the two children in the heart and then shot herself. I didn't know her mom or the brother and sister, but I felt very sad for what happened, especially for my former classmate.

There are times, however, when the news dramatizes a missing person case and people get caught up into the story. I think when they hear that the person actually did die, they do mourn because they had hoped for a happy ending.

 

[Channizard]

To everybody who has brought up the point about seeing a death vs hearing about it, I understand what you mean. I have no doubt that I would probably be pretty freaked out/shocked if I had witnessed a death of a person who I didn't know, versus reading about it over my breakfast bagel. To witness this stuff, scares the shit out of a lot of people. No doubt.

But I don't know. Seeing a lot of these people who are talking about this boy and admitting some didn't know him very long, or some only met him once... My bestfriend from school never knew the guy, yet she has made at least 2 fb status updates about his death and relating it as if she knew him on such a deep personal level. It's people like these (and this was a good friend, too) who just seem so fake and like DeadFantasy said, as a weird twisted excuse for some form of attention. It's as if.. they want to be a part of this negativity, like this have some sort of twisted grief to add to it, so you have to feel sorry for them as well.

Maybe I'm just too critical of some people.

 

[Rydia]

Sometimes, it's a little eerie to hear that someone you know, even if you only met them once, has died. It depends on how big of an impression they made on you. It has more of an impact if you recently met them. One day they are there, then suddenly, they are gone forever.

Other people may just be sympathizing with the family, which is what the people on facebook are doing. Think about if someone you really loved died, and then you found out that many other people, many that you don't know, are giving their condolescences. It may be comoforting to the surviving loved ones.

 

[Channizard]

Hrm.. You do make a point on the whole comforting bit, I had completely forgotten about this in my little reign of criticism.. Yeah, I'll give them that. But it's odd. I remember in my senior year, a guy in my grade lost his dad. And this guy was possibly this nicest guy in the world, everybody in the school loved him. He totally didn't deserve it. I liked him as well, and thought him to be so nice and caring to people and it was the shittiest thing to see happen to him. Yet... I just didn't grieve as much as others did in our grade. I didn't know him very well, so I felt almost.. wrong to grieve for him, and for his dad, like I didn't deserve to grieve for him.

 

[Valvalis]

But I don't know. Seeing a lot of these people who are talking about this boy and admitting some didn't know him very long, or some only met him once... My bestfriend from school never knew the guy, yet she has made at least 2 fb status updates about his death and relating it as if she knew him on such a deep personal level. It's people like these (and this was a good friend, too) who just seem so fake and like DeadFantasy said, as a weird twisted excuse for some form of attention. It's as if.. they want to be a part of this negativity, like this have some sort of twisted grief to add to it, so you have to feel sorry for them as well.

I'll agree that there are quite a lot of insincere people who behave this way just to be social and paint themselves in a positive light. However, these types of people are often easily sorted out, because they take the same attitude with pretty much everything in their lives and you can tell just by talking to them for five minutes whether they truly care about the subject matter in question. But if these people who are offering their condolences are not usually prone to insincerity, then they probably really do care at least a little.

As far as the loss of someone you don't know very well or have never met, I see absolutely nothing wrong with feeling upset about it. If you're able to cry and feel sympathy for characters you don't know in a movie, for example, then there's really no reason you shouldn't feel similar things in real life. The only difference between the two is that you haven't been made aware of the RL person's life story like you have in the movie, and this is largely due to the demographic evolution of the earth over time; we don't technically have enough time in our lives to get to know everyone in the world, or even in our own towns, as well as many of us would like, and as well as people earlier on in history used to get to know each other. And it's no fault of ours that "communities" are so large now that you can exist within them completely anonymously, so in turn my feeling is that these conditions that are out of our hands shouldn't numb our capacity for reacting to things emotionally. I know for me, whenever I hear about someone being lost, my thoughts immediately go to the pain their families, friends, and loved ones must be experiencing; I know when I've been in those situations I've always felt better when people have at least acknowledged the things that have happened, no matter how much sympathy they actually express. And really, it is hard to try to take on the task of grieving about every tragedy that happens in the world as much as each situation demands; to think of how many living things (and not just people) die or are harmed during the course of a single day is absolutely staggering; it's difficult to even comprehend without your brain resolving it into a mass apocalypse situation. However, I think to at least feel some kind of remorse at the death of anything is a sign of a healthy conscience, and I don't think people should just try to forget about such things entirely.

 

[Bambi]

I'm much the same, if I didn't know the person, then, yeah I can be saddened by the fact it has happened, or sad for people who actually KNEW said person, but sometimes, as horrible as it sounds, it feels like people are just jumping on the misery bandwagon and are like OMGZ I R SO UPSET *dramatic pose*

Fuck off, you didn't know the dude

I won't join no groups dedicated to someone I didn't know either. There was abit of a buzz on my FB a while back, some young chap had died in an accident, and some of these people DID genuinely know him/their kids did - but I didnt get involved in it at all. One of my friends did die a few months back, and you get the idiots making statuses, people commenting asking how it happened, rumours going round etc. This is what happens when ignorant people jump on said bandwagon Just have some bloody dignity about it. Though, it's facebook, what do we expect

I'l go as far as thinking it's a shame, but that's as far as it goes unless I know the person - or one of my close friends knows the person WELL, and I will be sympathetic etc

 

[van fanel]

one death can mess up 1000 people because the brain is dramatized and doesn't know what to think, so therefore a person's can be affected by one death.