So some of you knew that I'd recently split up with my girlfriend after 18 months of a happy relationship so I'll summarize that before I go into details about what happened today.
Most important to note is that I love my ex, I count her as my first ever proper girlfriend that I genuinely "loved" for the simple fact that, she made me happier than anyone has ever done. More so than that, she's the one I think about every day and the one person who was my best friend at college and the one person I could turn to any time I needed someone, and this was the same from her perspective too. I was always there when she needed me from the time she got in an argument with her mother to when her granddad and baby brother died. I'm not going to into that because as you would suspect, that's heavily personal stuff but you can see where I'm going with that anyway. But, what I am most proud of is that, whilst we had friends who had relationship breakdowns through cheating and the likes, it made me feel happy knowing we weren't like that; we never even had an argument in the whole 18 months we went out.
It wasn't really until June that it started to break down when I found out she was "texting" someone else, I was assured though that it wasn't anything "overly bad" and in all honesty, I believed her and still do, the main gripe I had was the fact she knew I was pissed off and upset about it but when she got out of the car I thought it would be the last I'd see of her for 3 months so yeah, I cried. I'm not bothered about admitting that because she means the world to me, but I found out later that day she'd had a leaving meal and not told me about it but rung the person she was texting and asked him if he was going and the next day she was moving down here [to where I'm at university now] and I confronted her about it and she said she was sorry and that they didn't talk anyway and I believed her [and I do] so I thought to myself that we could have a fresh start and wipe the slate clean to just forgot what had happened and moved on. Relationships aren't always going to be a smooth ride, and I knew that, which is why I gave her the chance.
So a week on and everything was going great, it felt just like it did at the beginning again, and we both thought that. But then she went to Germany for two weeks to see her mother [moved with the army] who had given birth prematurely, and something just... switched off, with her. She came back and all of a sudden texts were few and far between and just straight up ignored, and this hurt you know, because I had no idea why. All of a sudden the coach I was going to get down to see her wasn't happening anymore and things drifted apart at a rapid speed. So one morning I rung her and asked what was up and she said it just didn't feel like the same anymore and that I sounded a bit sarcastic when I said I "Hoped she had fun" at her cousins party, bare in mind, if it did, it wasn't meant to. So a little later she text me saying it wasn't going to work anymore.
So we spent all morning texting each other, and I did at one point send a fucking huge 40-page text message; this is how much I cared about her. And I did say something that hurt, but again, this is heavily personal so I won't go into details, but bare the latter in mind because it's important for what happened today.
So moving on a few weeks, texts became more sparse and life moved on a little...
Fast forward to yesterday. I saw her for a little bit because we needed to talk face-to-face and she came to mine, and we did get to a point where she said she doesn't think it could work after what was said [insert earlier text message] but, I think this is important, she never said it as a certainty, she said it but almost came across as if she felt bad about it but remained adamant it couldn't work and that she could hardly look me in the face because of it [there is an extra point to this which I found out today] and time went on a little and things became a little more relaxed and we were just sat there and she let me play with her feet. This, sounds weird, but I find it important. Would someone who said they could hardly look you in the face anymore and say it could never work really let you play with their feet if they couldn't stand to look at you? Because the way I see it, I don't understand how that works and even at the time I thought, no matter how much she denies it, part of her still cares. So I let her out when her friend came to pick her up to go to hers, and we cuddled and I kissed her on the head and for a brief second our hands brushed together. I don't know how to explain this, but it was more like outstretched arms and fingertips brushing together as if you don't want to let them go. Anyway, this was another sign that I knew she genuinely cared.
Moving on to today. I text her the night before asking her what happened in Germany that made her click and that I think she's saying what she feels like she should say rather than what she wants to, it was ignored since it was quite late and we'd been out. So this morning was a bit awkward.
It wasn't until about lunch I plucked up the courage to ask her if there was anyone else and if there was I would walk out of the building and she never had to talk to me again. And she replied saying there was but... she didn't want us to not talk or see each other, which I found odd considering at one point before I moved down she said she never wanted to see me, so I kept my word and walked out and said if I ever meant anything she'd talk to me outside so she did. This is where the first "serious" discussion started, she told me she did like someone else though they aren't "seeing" each other so I asked her "Does someone you've seen for a couple of weeks mean more to you than someone you spent 18 months with?" and to my surprise, she said no. I mean, I get that what I said was well out of order, and I've admitted this and said I've done everything I could to apologise and no matter what I did it's not as if I could take that back and she recognised that wasn't who I really was considering I'd NEVER said anything to hurt her in 18 months. She admitted that it was selfish that she never came to me about what was up instead of texting someone else and we both realised that we made mistakes, and when we said we'd give it another chance I told her she was being unfair in that we were 300 miles apart and she never give us a fair chance to work things out so we spent another 3 hours or so talking...
Now, as I left I text her [we're seeing each other on Thursday and possibly staying on Saturday] saying "And I do need a straight answer who you care more for xxx" because, personally, I think it's almost a rebound relationship because I can't understand how she could "see" someone else but still feel something for me if that relationship meant anything. And she text back saying "ok ill talk to you on thursday x" not once, did she ever admit that she likes this guy more than me and I really don't know what to do about it because if she's not "seeing" him and they've "done" nothing and she still feels more for me [she won't admit it, but you can tell by the body language she does still care - for someone who said "it couldn't work" she was just shy of bursting into tears].
My day in a nutshell, all of this was talked about with her today.
Most important to note is that I love my ex, I count her as my first ever proper girlfriend that I genuinely "loved" for the simple fact that, she made me happier than anyone has ever done. More so than that, she's the one I think about every day and the one person who was my best friend at college and the one person I could turn to any time I needed someone, and this was the same from her perspective too. I was always there when she needed me from the time she got in an argument with her mother to when her granddad and baby brother died. I'm not going to into that because as you would suspect, that's heavily personal stuff but you can see where I'm going with that anyway. But, what I am most proud of is that, whilst we had friends who had relationship breakdowns through cheating and the likes, it made me feel happy knowing we weren't like that; we never even had an argument in the whole 18 months we went out.
It wasn't really until June that it started to break down when I found out she was "texting" someone else, I was assured though that it wasn't anything "overly bad" and in all honesty, I believed her and still do, the main gripe I had was the fact she knew I was pissed off and upset about it but when she got out of the car I thought it would be the last I'd see of her for 3 months so yeah, I cried. I'm not bothered about admitting that because she means the world to me, but I found out later that day she'd had a leaving meal and not told me about it but rung the person she was texting and asked him if he was going and the next day she was moving down here [to where I'm at university now] and I confronted her about it and she said she was sorry and that they didn't talk anyway and I believed her [and I do] so I thought to myself that we could have a fresh start and wipe the slate clean to just forgot what had happened and moved on. Relationships aren't always going to be a smooth ride, and I knew that, which is why I gave her the chance.
So a week on and everything was going great, it felt just like it did at the beginning again, and we both thought that. But then she went to Germany for two weeks to see her mother [moved with the army] who had given birth prematurely, and something just... switched off, with her. She came back and all of a sudden texts were few and far between and just straight up ignored, and this hurt you know, because I had no idea why. All of a sudden the coach I was going to get down to see her wasn't happening anymore and things drifted apart at a rapid speed. So one morning I rung her and asked what was up and she said it just didn't feel like the same anymore and that I sounded a bit sarcastic when I said I "Hoped she had fun" at her cousins party, bare in mind, if it did, it wasn't meant to. So a little later she text me saying it wasn't going to work anymore.
So we spent all morning texting each other, and I did at one point send a fucking huge 40-page text message; this is how much I cared about her. And I did say something that hurt, but again, this is heavily personal so I won't go into details, but bare the latter in mind because it's important for what happened today.
So moving on a few weeks, texts became more sparse and life moved on a little...
Fast forward to yesterday. I saw her for a little bit because we needed to talk face-to-face and she came to mine, and we did get to a point where she said she doesn't think it could work after what was said [insert earlier text message] but, I think this is important, she never said it as a certainty, she said it but almost came across as if she felt bad about it but remained adamant it couldn't work and that she could hardly look me in the face because of it [there is an extra point to this which I found out today] and time went on a little and things became a little more relaxed and we were just sat there and she let me play with her feet. This, sounds weird, but I find it important. Would someone who said they could hardly look you in the face anymore and say it could never work really let you play with their feet if they couldn't stand to look at you? Because the way I see it, I don't understand how that works and even at the time I thought, no matter how much she denies it, part of her still cares. So I let her out when her friend came to pick her up to go to hers, and we cuddled and I kissed her on the head and for a brief second our hands brushed together. I don't know how to explain this, but it was more like outstretched arms and fingertips brushing together as if you don't want to let them go. Anyway, this was another sign that I knew she genuinely cared.
Moving on to today. I text her the night before asking her what happened in Germany that made her click and that I think she's saying what she feels like she should say rather than what she wants to, it was ignored since it was quite late and we'd been out. So this morning was a bit awkward.
It wasn't until about lunch I plucked up the courage to ask her if there was anyone else and if there was I would walk out of the building and she never had to talk to me again. And she replied saying there was but... she didn't want us to not talk or see each other, which I found odd considering at one point before I moved down she said she never wanted to see me, so I kept my word and walked out and said if I ever meant anything she'd talk to me outside so she did. This is where the first "serious" discussion started, she told me she did like someone else though they aren't "seeing" each other so I asked her "Does someone you've seen for a couple of weeks mean more to you than someone you spent 18 months with?" and to my surprise, she said no. I mean, I get that what I said was well out of order, and I've admitted this and said I've done everything I could to apologise and no matter what I did it's not as if I could take that back and she recognised that wasn't who I really was considering I'd NEVER said anything to hurt her in 18 months. She admitted that it was selfish that she never came to me about what was up instead of texting someone else and we both realised that we made mistakes, and when we said we'd give it another chance I told her she was being unfair in that we were 300 miles apart and she never give us a fair chance to work things out so we spent another 3 hours or so talking...
Now, as I left I text her [we're seeing each other on Thursday and possibly staying on Saturday] saying "And I do need a straight answer who you care more for xxx" because, personally, I think it's almost a rebound relationship because I can't understand how she could "see" someone else but still feel something for me if that relationship meant anything. And she text back saying "ok ill talk to you on thursday x" not once, did she ever admit that she likes this guy more than me and I really don't know what to do about it because if she's not "seeing" him and they've "done" nothing and she still feels more for me [she won't admit it, but you can tell by the body language she does still care - for someone who said "it couldn't work" she was just shy of bursting into tears].
My day in a nutshell, all of this was talked about with her today.
The man makes a very good point, and I hadn't taken that into account. Despite the fact that you laid it all in front for us, I forgot about some of those things, and Harls right about the ultimatum lacking substance, given your contact recently.