Make me laugh

I've got a new chatup line. It works every time, no matter how gorgeous and out of my league the ladies are I always end up in bed with them.

"Excuse me. Do you think this damp cloth smells like chloroform?"
 
An Eccentric Englishman flew over to canada to meet his mounty friend at a bar, and after a few drinks he started to ask him what it's like to be a mounty.

"Well its pretty good stuff and we get a nice uniform" The mounty replied

After a few more drinks and a few more heroic tales from the Mounty the Eccentric Englishman asked "So could I join the mounties?" to which the Mounty replied "Sure, I'll put in a good word just come round the lodge on friday"

So the two departed ways until friday.

Come Friday the Eccentric Englishman went to the lodge and spoke to the mounties whom set up a test for him, The Eccentric Englishman had to go out into the woods and Kill a bear then sleep with a native girl.

After several hours the Eccentric Englishman came back to the lodge, bleeding from the multiple shread and bite wounds he had incurred.

"Jesus what happened to you?" one of the Mounties asked to which the Eccentric Englishman replied...

" Well that takes care of the bear, now wheres this native I need to shoot?"
 
Jimmeh said:
I've got a new chatup line. It works every time, no matter how gorgeous and out of my league the ladies are I always end up in bed with them.

"Excuse me. Do you think this damp cloth smells like chloroform?"
Click to expand...

LOL (y)
 
Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.
 
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
 
A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
 
I didn't find them that bad till I trapped my wee man in the zip. Mind you I don't have to be going commando to do that these days. I'm so careless with my nob.:sad3:
 
Necron said:
Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.
Click to expand...

Isnt the original joke for that: Why did the sand blush?...because the sea-weed ? :O

What do you call a Politican on the moon? Problem
What do you call 10 Politicans on the moon? Problem
What do you call all the Politicans in the world on the moon? Problem Solved

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How do you stop a Politican from drowning? Take your foot off his head

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What moves faster than the speed of light? A chav after he's knicked your telly
What moves faster than the speed of sound? The copper chasing after him

That'll do for now :wacky:
 
Chocolate fire blanket. :ryan: Better than a fucking useless Strepsil lozenge any day! :rage:
 
Great Irish inventions:

The Waterproof sponge

Fire Proof Coal

The Fridge Radiator

Lead weighted hiking boots

The Robin Reliant :wacky:
 
Oi! You shut up about Ireland, or I'll come up there and hit you with my attractproof magnet! :ness:
 
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